OK, Donald, enough with the subjective tasks. We’re five episodes into The Apprentice 4, and only one task (the first, which involved creating a new class for Bally Total Fitness) has granted victory to the team with the most dollars in the end. All of the others (the Lamborghini ad, the techno expo for retirees, the Dairy Queen Blizzard mascot, and the Zathura parade float) have required the opinions of a handful of people to determine the winning team. In past seasons of The Apprentice, there have been more objective tasks requiring the teams to turn a profit, making for more suspenseful episodes. Clever editing can make it seem as though one group is outselling the other by a lot, when the end results might be very close and surprising (remember the women’s $10 defeat on the infomercial task in season two?).
Subjective tasks are trickier in a lot of ways, because the players have to work hard to understand who they’re producing for. They might think they get it, as Jennifer W. did when putting out terrible cake for the seniors a few weeks back, but they can end up being very wrong. In sales jobs, the teams at least have the benefit of changing their strategy mid-task if they see that they aren’t making much money. My other issue with opinion-based tasks is that, at least this season, one team always clearly sucks way harder than the other, so the final pronouncement of the winner is rather anticlimactic.
This week’s episode is a case in point. Even with the bickering amongst some of the men on Team Excel, it was obvious that they were going to pull out a win from the start. The guys worked fairly well together, followed the instructions of the task, and, despite Brian’s verbosity (a.k.a. an injection of “Markus fluid” as Josh graphically described it), delivered a parade float that literally screamed the name Zathura loudly enough to keep director Jon Favreau and his cohorts happy. It was nice to see Brian finally show his stuff a bit more and he did a good job, particularly in his idea to put the name all over the float and add the audio track so that people would hear “Zathura” as well.
Although I wanted to see Capital Edge succeed, simply because they’ve been down for so long now, I knew that it wasn’t going to happen, even with the addition of Mr. Secret Sauce himself, Randal (moniker also courtesy of Josh). With Jennifer as their leader, the team was doomed to fail. Jen strikes me as a nice person, but, as Kristi pointed out, a lot of her enthusiasm and energy come off as phony. The Stepford wife hair and Crest White Strip smile don’t help much, either, but I hate to judge her too much because of her appearance. Jen’s real problem seems to be her Legally Blonde “everybody loves me” attitude toward management. She needs to realize that likeability isn’t enough to win over the Donald, a point that Carolyn made in the boardroom. However, I found myself agreeing with Jen to some extent that, even though The Apprentice is supposed to be a job interview and not a popularity contest, an agreeable person stands a better chance of getting hired than a pouty pessimist.
Which is what Kristi came off as in this episode more than she had in the past. I couldn’t help but laugh when, after Jen confronted her about being bossy, petty, and negative, Kristi wanted to discuss a small complaint she had. As the sage Marshawn (whom I predict will make it to the final four) stated in the boardroom, “Negativity is kryptonite.” The players are under a tremendous time crunch during these tasks and can’t afford to waste a moment pissing and moaning. Of course, Jen really screwed Capital Edge’s schedule by leaving with three other team members to make a last-minute purchase of red carpet, which was then laid before the float to create a movie premier atmosphere. As if. Did Favreau and the Sony execs even notice it?
Although Kristi was fired, I have to concur with Carolyn that she was not the reason Capital Edge lost. It was Jen, who ditched Alla, Felisha, and Kristi as they put the finishing touches on their float. Then again, the concept of their float was lame from the starting, so being around to brush sawdust off it probably wouldn’t have made a difference, anyway. What would have made a difference would have been a better presentation. Jen butchered the pronunciation of Zathura, calling it “Zenthura,” and talked to the executives like a camp counselor leading a papier mache project. Honestly, watching her trip through the description of the float reminded me of Angie’s ham-fisted presentation last season on the task of designing clothes for American Eagle Outfitters. She was given the boot for her supreme suckage and I think Jen should have gotten the same.
Then again, if Jen had been fired this week, the nation might not get to see the romance that appears to be blossoming between her and James. After losing, Jen sat in the kitchen and cried on James’ shoulder. The way he was looking at her told me that he wants her bad, but we’ll have to see. After four seasons, the kinkiest anyone has gotten on this show has been Amy when she kissed Nick on the cheek. I’m waiting for some real action. Patiently waiting.
I’m also eager to see who wins the stare-off over at Team Excel: Markus or Josh. I would be disappointed to see either go, as they’re both interesting to watch. Markus has the underdog factor, something I’m always a sucker for. And Josh is endlessly hilarious with his one-liners. He has become the show’s narrator in a lot of ways and is obviously a hard worker. His main problem is his obsession with Markus. Now, it’s entirely possible that Josh said four things about Markus during interviews in this task and the editors decided to include all of them because they were funny (my favorite was Josh’s imploration, “Who is he? Prima donna?” with a cut to Markus brushing a highlighted lock off his face). But seriously, Josh needs to stop worrying so much about this self-described “Teflon player” and concentrate on getting his own business done. If Markus is truly the disaster Trump predicted him to be in Episode 2, then his true colors should show sooner rather than later. Josh needs to cool it, particularly when Markus is having a confrontation with someone else. It was a mistake for him to butt in when Brian was talking to Markus.
I’m looking forward to next week’s show in which Carolyn takes the helm. She’s gotten harsher as the seasons have progressed and I find myself agreeing with her more often than El Trumpo on many matters. George Ross is welcome to come back, however, as he’s much more compelling than Bill Rancic, his sub for this week. I never did dig on old Bill too much, mainly because I think he’s way too normal and boring. Bring on the Teflon and kryptonite, baby!
