Forget what you’ve heard. No, it’s time to just remember what you’re hearing here. Thousands upon thousands of bands are unsigned and just waiting for you to discover and love them. Or, perhaps, hate and heckle them. It doesn’t matter which you decide to do. The point is showing up, showing love, showing some sort of emotion other than complete apathy. Because while you may really love U2 and feel the need to plunk down $300 for tickets to see them live, you never know what you may be missing in your own backyard for $5. Maybe it’s the next U2. Maybe it’s the next Us3. Whatever. It’s something, it’s anything.
Okay, that’s certainly a flowery introduction that really just boils down to the fact that I’m a bit backed up with Your Band Here reviews. Not familiar? Forget already? Never paid attention? It’s simple. You, or someone you love, has a band. I, or a reasonable waking facsimile of myself, listens to said band, then voices an opinion and provides free press whether it be good or bad. How can you not love free shit?
So, as always, more contributions and suggestions can be sent to moi and I’ll get on it like hotcakes. Or, you can just add me as a friend on MySpace, as I will review every band that adds me there. Unless you’re on a major label, anyway. I have to clarify this because I don’t add major-label acts myself but a few have added me. Ooooh, I am so 31337. And showing off.
Let’s just get down to bizznezz.
Your Band Here
My Girl Sleeps (also on MySpace):
Here’s a fun little band of Brits making Super Emo. Right down to the stereotypically super-nasally-high-pitched singer, they’ve got emo NAILED. I don’t mean to sound like I’m being snarky or not giving them a fair shot; the musicianship might not be off the charts but it’s certainly interesting and catchy as hell.
Highlight: Their newest song on their MySpace page, “Rescue Poetry,” is the best they have posted. Which is a good thing, because everyone wants to see a band get better as they continue. “Geraldine” is pretty good too.
Lowlight: I couldn’t tell these people from a box full of emo bands. Three chords, whining, pop-punk: great, you’ve got the formula, but now what makes you different from anyone else out there? You can have all the hooks in the world, but if they sound like everyone else’s hooks, it’s sort of a lost cause.
Des Ark (also on MySpace):
Hello, DIFFERENT! In this age of cookie-cutter stuff, this is fun. Indie rock with swagger, a touch of prog, and obnoxious as hell. It’s like they don’t take themselves seriously, but they clearly do at some point or they wouldn’t be putting together this odd syncopation and other strange delights. How does it come off? Surprisingly listenable, despite the very DIY sound.
Highlight: “No More Fighting Cats OK” is just cool as hell. And the riff after the break in “Send Jolley to Raleigh” made me completely giddy.
Lowlight: Oh so garage. I’m sure it enhances their sound, but it’s kind of scary to think that one sounds their best when the music is a mess. This isn’t 1992 anymore. Clean it up, and I don’t have much to complain about from there.
Solace:
Oh, how pleasant! Really, that’s the best way to described this British band’s straight-ahead alternative rock. It’s not emo but it’s not pop, either. They describe themselves as being able to fit in with a Counting Crows/Dave Matthews type sound; they’re not as quirky as either of those two bands and somewhat happier-sounding, but I can see how one would shove them into that category. Like Ben Folds Lite.
Highlight: I don’t know that they have a highlight. Everything is so mellow that none of it really sticks out. Maybe the highlight is that they’re mellow. As I said before, it’s pleasant music. It’s just quite all-over easy on the ears.
Lowlight: This sound has kind of passed in popularity, to be honest. Had they been making this music when Gin Blossoms had their hits, labels would be all over them like white on rice. It’s not bad but it does sound dated.
OBCT (also on MySpace):
Oh, go to their website, you HAVE TO. It’s the silliest damn thing ever and I love it. Anyway, the MUSIC! It’s chaos on a turntable. It’s dirty and obnoxious electronic rock. I’ve had the pleasure of seeing them live and such and so I may be a bit tainted compared to the rest of the bands I’m covering in this column, but the key here is FUN. For as vicious as some of the sounds may get, it’s all balanced with an air of lightheartedness. What am I talking about? Listen to “Jason’s Burner.” Then read the lyrics. Yeah.
Highlight: I don’t know that I can find a particular highlight. They don’t sound like anyone or anything else, so every song is a bit of an adventure. They’re so dern neat in general. And cat-friendly.
Lowlight: It’s about as far from mainstream as you can get without cutting out hooks entirely. I think their biggest problem would be finding an audience that GETS IT.
Divinity Destroyed (also on MySpace):
New Jersey has always been a place to find some decent hard rock/metal. And these guys? They’re pretty decent. They have sort of a weird mesh of death metal and melodic elements of power metal, with a touch of prog here and there. Sorry, didn’t mean to metal-geek-up this review. Anyway, yeah. I’m not sure how else to define them except to say they do know how to play their instruments. It’s the songwriting I’m more concerned about, as well as their all-over-the-place style.
Highlight: “Forsaken” is probably the strongest song they’ve got. All of their songs have some great ideas, actually; their vocals are excellent (both death and clean), their bass player sounds utterly amazing.
Lowlight: GET RID OF YOUR DRUMMER. HE SUCKS SO BAD IT IS HURTING ME DOWN TO MY SOUL. Oh that felt good, I’ve been waiting this whole time to say that. Other than that? The songwriting, as I mentioned earlier, is a bit spotty and songs get somewhat overburdened by too many ideas. Wasting good riffs by burying too many of them in one track, which then makes the whole damned thing forgettable.
Ennui (also on MySpace):
I love their little tag on their MySpace page — “neopostapocalyptic-psychocousticore at its finest.” Reminds me of talking to genre geeks. Anyway, the first thing that jumps out at me? What a wonderful voice fronting this little acoustic oddity band, well, when you can hear it through the homegrown production. Very folky but with a touch of humor and far more fun than most folk groups would allow themselves to have; it’s the grunge factor that makes them more tolerable to the casual listener and less scholarly, I would say.
Highlight: I kind of liked “I Am Sancho,” and “Until I Know” has its moments, but really, nothing tripped my trigger all that much. The voice, that I like. I’m thinking this is definitely a live band.
Lowlight: If you’re going to do acoustic, you have to do it with style. And there’s not a lot here that is above and beyond what is being done on electric instruments elsewhere or on acoustic guitars a thousand times over. They just don’t grab the ear.
The Timeline Post (also on MySpace):
After listening to Ennui, the lushness of The Timeline Post’s sound hit me like a truck. Indie rock indeed, not afraid of the keyboard, very nice. They’re sort of a downer, but you’ll never hear me complaining about that. Not every song is a winner, and not every song is unique, but I’ll be damned if it doesn’t all sound really good. Lesson to all other bands out there: fill out your sound with synth and you’ll sound a million times better.
Highlight: “Coma Love” is beautiful. Go go gadget Texas, you’re kicking some fine rockers down there. “Song of the Merchants” ain’t nothin’ to sneeze at, either.
Lowlight: I don’t know. Too much Coldplay? I’m actually shocked that they’re not even signed to some teeny tiny label somewhere. So take that as you will, find your own damned lowlight.
Smothering Angels (also on MySpace):
Check it out, a band from MY TOWN! I babysat one of the guitarists, hah. And like many Iowa homegrowns, they’re all about the metal. This variety is particularly chaotic but definitely modern US style metal with hardcore/death vocals. They try to be complex and sometimes it works quite well. Other times it just sounds like a cacophonous mess.
Highlight: I wouldn’t say any one song in particular stands out, but there are parts of various songs that show a lot of promise. The verses in “Catharsis,” for example, are rather high-caliber. I like the opening to “Lucid Dream,” too.
Lowlight: They get lost in a sludgy mud of metal cliche at times. And like mentioned before, some of their attempts to sound complex just sound like they don’t know what the hell they’re doing (see the verses of “Lucid Dream”). It’s all a matter of these guys stepping back and taking out the shit that doesn’t work, and maybe they can grow into something of quality.
The Amino Acids (also on MySpace):
Okay. First of all, guys, your MySpace formatting is NUTS. Second of all, SURF PUNK?? Oh this is so unique, my brain is ready to explode. No real vocals, but the occasional sample. This might be the most fun thing I’ve heard in a long time. Sort of a one-trick pony though. Why in the world they sort of remind me of Primus is beyond my comprehension since they’re totally different; maybe it’s the same sort of fun spirit. Yeah. FUN.
Highlight: It’s not one particular song that sticks out, since they’re about a minute long and pretty much one riff alternated with another to break up the monotony.
Lowlight: The gimmick will run thin, boys. It’s going to take a lot to keep this fresh and interesting if you’re planning to be around for a while.
Mega$onic (also on MySpace):
I HAVE BEEN TRANSPORTED BACK TO THE SUNSET STRIP CIRCA 1986. Oh my god, the first thing I thought was Faster Pussycat. What’s so funny is that these guys look nowhere near glam. But I’ll be damned if they aren’t totally taking that LA glam sound and running with it. They toss in a bit of punk flavor here and there, they get a little obnoxious for no good reason, ahhh… it’s clear these Peoria, IL guys are solely in this for fun factor. And yeah, the fun is in super abundance.
Highlight: “Glitter Rose” actually takes that glammy sound and makes it sound viable in today’s market. It’s crazy. Maybe it’s just all the fun they sound like they’re having, it makes me want to share it with others.
Lowlight: I really can’t give these guys too much of a lowlight because they don’t seem to be taking themselves super-seriously anyway. Although glam is making a bit of a comeback…
My Opinion Matters
Speaking of “unsigned…”
TARJA TURUNEN HAS BEEN KICKED OUT OF NIGHTWISH.
AHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA
TAKE THAT, DROOLING NIGHTWISH FANBOYS.
Read more here — it’s quite the awesome, awesome, AWESOME saga.
The reason, in a nutshell: her husband has Yoko Ono syndrome and made Tarja into a diva thinking she IS Nightwish, completely disregarding any of the band’s needs/desires/business in favor of promoting herself. The band totally called her out on being a self-centered glory hog. It makes me so happy I could squirt in my jeans.
Now now, Tarja, what does an opera singer with a metal gimmick do when she no longer has the metal gimmick? Don’t even think about trying to be Liv Kristine, either, or I’ll personally hunt you down and kick you in the nipples.
Nightwish? I’m currently band-free. Hahahahhah.
The Rad Ones
Aaron Cameron sent most of us staff into fits of giggles with the ending of his column this past week. Just so you know, there’s been a D’Errico sighting, although I’m somewhat suspicious as to whether it was actually him because there was no thumbs-up smiley or brewdoggs.
Among other things, I reviewed this lovely New Order DVD. I normally wouldn’t plug myself, but damn… oh, just go read the review, then go shopping.
Mathan lists a bunch of hip hop stuff which I don’t know anything about so I don’t know if he even has good taste. But you can read it and tell me. Or tell him. We like feedback.
If you haven’t been reading the novel (yes, novel) that KDP has been presenting chapter by chapter, week after week… you’re missing out. Seriously. Here’s the latest installment. If you need to play catch-up, here’s the archive.
Jeffrey Fernandez had a column over in Culture, but as of 6 pm on Sunday, he still hasn’t posted the Saturday Swindle Sheet. Ever think about changing the name of your column, Jeff?
Liquidcross‘ anger always makes me smile, but even moreso when you invoke the unholy name of Spielberg.
And I am actually happy that Kubryk says the Collectors Edition of one of my favorite movies isn’t worth buying. Hooray for not having to replace DVDs! And if you don’t already own it, now you can buy the original version cheaply while others scramble for the SE! I love how the world works.
Murtz Jaffer interviews Murtz Jaffer’s pal here at Murtz Jaffer’s Inside Pulse, by Murtz Jaffer, brought to you by Murtz Jaffer.
And over in Moodspins, Michael Lawrence explores social taboos about what jokes people find funny versus what subjects are off limits. My two cents: everything is funny. EVERYTHING. The end.
Outro
There sure are a lot of links in this column. Hopefully you made it this far and weren’t entirely distracted by all the a href.
Now then. I want to tell karaoke stories. I want to fill a column full of karaoke stories. Email me with your karaoke stories! Tell your friends to do the same, I don’t care if they’re regular readers or not. It will be like one big karaoke party, but without the tone-deaf drunken idiots.
Anyway. Going on seven years ago, I wrote a textfile about my first karaoke experience. Since then, I’ve been an addict. The funny part about it? I have deathly paralyzing stage fright. Yet, still I do it. It might take a couple of drinks and I might shake more than Michael J. Fox on a vibrating bed, but hey, at least I do it.
Here are a few tidbits from my years of drunken singing assery:
Location: Some shitkicker bar in Hazel Green, WI
Attendees: My mom, my grandmother, and Sarah (my best friend).
What went down: My grandmother was buying me drinks. Lots of them. So was my mom. The entire goal was to get me drunk enough to sing. They’d all heard rumors that I sang karaoke before. They wanted to hear it for themselves. It was difficult to find something since the selection at the bar was 95% country, but I pulled out the ol’ “Black Velvet” as a sure standby. My mom started CRYING. Good lord. It was all so surreal. People, do not drink and sing with your mom and your grandmother. Especially when your grandmother is getting tipsy and sitting on some guy’s lap.
Location: A&B Tap, Dubuque
Attendees: A bunch of people from my straight-laced insurance job
What went down: A girl who was a friend of a co-worker asked me if I’d sing a song with her. I said, sure, why not? We chose Divinyls’ “I Touch Myself.” And yeah, we played it up, half grinding on each other and the whole nine yards. Some chick I didn’t even know. In front of coworkers. I’ve always got that thinking cap on when I go out drinking, no?
Location: Shannon’s Sports Bar and Grill, Dubuque
Attendees: myself and Sarah
What went down: There was a group of middle-aged guys at the bar who worked in management positions at one of the large manufacturing companies in town, and we were fresh meat. Sarah didn’t pay for a single drink all night as she schmoozed the hell out of the lecherous bastards. I got a couple for free too, but I wasn’t so damned shameless in whoring for beer. I have no clue what I sang that night, but I do remember a hammered Sarah getting up to the mic with a couple of the other guys and belting out a horrible mess of “Kokomo.” Hooray, she didn’t end up going home with any of them. Whew.
Location: The Rainbow Tap, Dubuque
Attendees: my friend Wendi
What went down: The Rainbow is the seediest damned place in town, found at the only hotel that rents by the hour as well as by the month. But they have karaoke every night with a selection that can only be described as ludicrous. There was a DJ from a local radio station kicking back and getting trashed. Do you have any idea how creepy DJ voices are when you’re not hearing them on the radio? Anyway, I found some of the most obscure shit ever and got up to sing Icehouse’s “Electric Blue.” Wendi did some country song about doing shots of tequila. People seemed to be enjoying it, but the crowd definitely looked like regulars who would be enjoying anything after the amount of alcohol they had consumed by this point. It was dank and creepy. I will never go back there again.
Location: My housewarming party
Attendees: Lots of friends
What went down: Well, I remember doing “The Humpty Dance.” But more importantly, Brian was there, and he was hell-bent on singing some AC/DC. Now, understand that Brian is this tall, lanky guy, straight-laced as hell aside from the fact that he raises snakes, with somewhat of a striking baritone. Okay. AC/DC it is… yeah. We threw on “Back In Black.” And Brian? Oh, yeah, that voice is a lost cause, so instead we got the crazy baritone version of AC/DC. Did I mention Brian is completely and utterly tone-deaf to boot? My friend Tanya and I were laughing so incredibly hard, and Brian was having a blast.
Because that’s what it’s all about. It’s not about who sang the best, it’s not about who picked what songs. It’s about having fun. My stage fright can’t seem to figure that out, but beyond that, hell… this could have been a TTTT column.
But I’ve had enough of those in the last few weeks. Hope you enjoyed.
I like to singy singy singy like a bird on a wingy wingy wingy,
–gloomchen
