Monday Morning Pancakes
Somebody Kick Me In the Nuts, Because I Really Don’t Think It’s Possible I’m Alive
(4-2) CHIEFS 30, (2-4) DOLPHINS 20
Whatsamatta You?
The Dolphins defense was brutal, giving up 462 yards of total offense. Miami QB Gus Frerotte played like somebody forgot to tell him the game was rescheduled, completing only 11 of 29 passes and posting a miserable 37.3 passer rating.
How About?
Ronnie Brown has pulled ahead of Cadillac Williams in the race for Rookie Running Back from Auburn of the Year. Brown broke a 65 yard TD run in this game. Priest Holmes and Larry Johnson combined for 183 yards on 41 carries and 3 TDs.
I’m a Genius (From Friday’s Column)
“The Dolphins showed some alarming inability to stop the run last week against Tampa, and that’s not a good thing heading into a game against the Chiefs. The Chiefs will use their tandem of Priest Holmes and Larry Johnson to control the clock, and the game.”
A Good Friday for Priest
(2-4) VIKINGS 23, (1-5) PACKERS 20
Whatsamatta You?
The Packers took a 17-0 lead into the locker room against a Vikings team that apparently thought Halloween had come early, being that they played the first half dressed as zombies. The Packer defense then collapsed, and allowed the Vikings to put points on the board on every single second half possession.
How About?
Vikings kicker Paul Edinger nailing a 56 yard field goal as time expired to win the game? Cooooooold Bloooooooodeeeeedd!!!!! Packer receiver Donald Driver had a big game, catching 8 passes for 114 yards and a TD.
I’m a Moron (From Friday’s Column)
“The Packers are hot, the Vikings are in a bigger mess than any team in recent memory has ever been, so I’ll take the Pack.”
* Late note- Packers RB Ahman Green is out for the year with a thigh injury suffered on Sunday.
(7-0) COLTS 38, (0-6) TEXANS 20
Whatsamatta You?
The Texans called 14 passing plays on the day. 6 were completed, 2 were incomplete, 1 was intercepted, and 5 resulted in sacks. They don’t need to draft Matt Leinart though, they’re doing great with David Carr, really, Sean Salisbury told me so.
How About?
Edgerrin James followed up his 143 yard, 3 TD effort last week with a 139 yard, 2 TD game this week. He’s the new Peyton Manning, except he’s a running back.
I’m a Genius (From Friday’s Column)
“The Texans suck really, really bad though, and the Colts are going to win by a lot. Most likely they will follow the same script they have all year, pussyfoot around and struggle for a half (the game was tied 14-14 at halftime), then pull away in the 3rd and 4th quarters.”
(3-3) LIONS 13, (2-4) BROWNS 10
Whatsamatta You?
Trent Dilfer threw for 79 yards and 3 interceptions. The calls for rookie QB Charlie Frye are going to get louder in Cleveland.
How About?
Jeff Garcia got the start over Joey Harrington, and led the Lions to victory on a broken leg that’s not fully healed yet. Most impressively, he ran on that broken leg for the Lions’ only touchdown. Garcia started last season as the Browns’ quarterback, and it did not go well. The win in his return to Cleveland had to feel good.
I’m a Moron (From Friday’s Column)
“In the last 3 seasons the Lions are 3-15 on the road, and 1-12 on grass. In that same time, the Browns are 5-5 against the NFC, and 6-21 against their AFC brethren. Cleveland has already knocked off two NFC North teams this year, the Bears and Packers, and this Sunday they will add Detroit to the list.”
How You Like Me Now Cleveland?
(4-2) STEELERS 27, (5-2) BENGALS 13
Whatsamatta You?
Pittsburgh’s running game is among the best in the league, but the Bengals gave up 219 yards rushing in this game, and you will lose 11 out of 10 times doing that.
How About?
Steelers RB Willie Parker resurfaced in a big way, carrying 18 times for 131 yards and a TD. Rookie TE Heath Miller has been the Steelers’ leading receiver 2 weeks in a row.
I’m a Genius (From Friday’s Column)
“The Bengals thrive on creating turnovers, but Ben Roethlisberger is a smart quarterback who has not thrown an interception all year. The Bengals lone loss this year is to the Jaguars, another team that relies on a strong rushing game and a strong defense. I think the Steelers match up in the same way, and will win this game.”
(3-4) RAMS 28, (2-5) SAINTS 17
Whattsamatta You?
The Saints were penalized for 102 yards in this game. They find a way to beat themselves every week, and this week was no exception. Are they still America’s Team? Are we still doing that? “Be A Saint”? Is this thing on?
How About?
The Rams brought home a win without their starting QB Marc Bulger, and their 2 starting wideouts, Torry Holt and Isaac Bruce.
I’m a Genius (From Friday’s Column)
“The Rams haven’t shown they can win with Martin at QB, but the Saints keep finding new ways to lose every week. The Rams are 15-3 at home since 03, and they’ll find a way to make it 16-3.”
(4-2) REDSKINS 52, (1-5) 49ERS 17
Whattsamatta You?
If you watch the highlight shows, you probably saw the clip this week where Redskins running back Clinton Portis was giving an interview wearing some kind of Afrikka Bambatta type getup, a crazy white wig and dermatologist goggles or something like that. Despite the fact that his first name is Clinton, and he so obviously looked like George Clinton, the media preferred to run with him looking like Doc Brown from the Back to the Future movies. Geez fellas Clinton Portis, George Clinton, it’s right there. George Bush doesn’t care about black people, does he?
How About?
3 TD’s for Portis, after not getting in the end zone all year before this week. Playing against the Niners can have that effect on people.
I’m a Genius (From Friday’s Column)
“The Niners just aren’t capable of beating anybody on the road right now. Going back to 03, they are 2-16 away from the Stick. Throw in the fact that the Redskins are a much better team than the Niners, and this game is going to be a blowout win for the Skins.”
Ooompa…Doompa….
(4-2) EAGLES 20, (3-4) CHARGERS 17
Whattsamatta You?
LaDanian Tomlinson had the worst game of his career. He carried 17 times for 7 yards. That’s not very easy to do when you are trying to run forward.
How About?
The way the Eagles won this game? Reserve defensive back Matt Ware scooped up a blocked field goal that would have put the Chargers up by 6 with 2 minutes to play, and took it 65 yards the other way for the game winning touchdown. The Eagles’ defense gave a virtuoso performance, holding the Chargers, who had the league’s 4th ranked rushing attack headed in, to only 21 rushing yards.
I’m a Genius (From Friday’s Column)
“The Eagles just don’t believe in running the ball, and it’s gotten them mixed results this year. Lucky for them, they are facing a team that ranks 27th in the league in pass defense. The Eagles will come out on top.”
(5-2) SEAHAWKS 13, (4-3) COWBOYS 10
Whattsamatta You?
The Cowboys had the 5th ranked passing offense in the league coming in, but they couldn’t get it going in this game. Drew Bledsoe threw for 136 yards and was picked off twice. One of them came with less than a minute remaining in the 4th quarter, and set up Seattle’s game winning field goal. The Cowboys also gave up 5 sacks.
How About?
Seahawk kicker Josh Brown nailing two 50+ yard field goals, one of which won the game as time expired? Brown’s strong leg negated a good performance by Dallas’ rookie RB Marion Barber, who filled in for Julius Jones and carried 22 times for 95 yards.
I’m a Genius (From Friday’s Column)
“The Seahawks are 16-3 at home in the last 3 seasons, and they’re not going to let the Cowboys win in their house two years in a row.”
(3-3) BEARS 10, (2-4) RAVENS 6
Whattsamatta You?
Brian Billick stubbornly refuses to switch running backs, despite the wide disparity in the yards per carry averages of Jamal Lewis and Chester Taylor. In this game, Lewis averaged a little over 2 yards on 15 carries. Taylor carried only twice, once for 14 yards, and once for 7 yards.
How About?
Bears RB Thomas Jones ran for 139 yards. He ranks 5th in the NFL with with 641 rushing yards.
I’m a Moron (From Friday’s Column)
“I wouldn’t want to put my eggs in the basket of a rookie quarterback playing against the Ravens 3rd ranked pass defense, and that’s exactly what the Bears are doing in this one. I just don’t see the Bears being able to generate enough offense to win this game.”
Jones Carries the Bears to a Win
(2-4) CARDINALS 20, (2-5) TITANS 10
Whattsamatta You?
The Titans outgained the Cardinals 194-60 in the first half, but went into the locker room tied at 10. For the game, they outgained Arizona 348-173, and still lost by 10 points.
How About?
Cards CB David Macklin completely changing the momentum of the game with a 60 yard interception return for a TD to tie the game at 10?
I’m a Genius (From Friday’s Column)
The Cardinals will keep throwing the ball, and the Titans are going to have to stop them. That’s not something they have shown they can do, and the Cardinals are going to win this game. (Actually, I’m still a moron here. The Titans did shut down the Cardinals’ passing game, but Arizona still won.)
(2-4) RAIDERS 38, (3-4) BILLS 17
Whattsamatta You?
The Raiders were 31st in the league in rushing offense coming in. The Bills had the cure for that. Lamont Jordan ran for 122 yards and 3 TDs, and Zack Crockett chipped in with 33 yards and a TD.
How About?
Raiders WR Doug Gabriel catching 5 passes for 101 yards?
I’m a Genius (From Friday’s Column)
“The Bills run defense has been horrid this year, giving up 5.3 yards a carry. Given that fact, it may actually be a good thing that Moss will miss this game (he didn’t, he played and scored a touchdown), because it will force the Raiders into running the ball more against a team that can’t stop the run. The Bills also struggle on grass, winning only 3 of 11 games playing on God’s Astroturf in the last 3 seasons. Based on that, I’ll give the Raiders a slight edge.”
(4-2) GIANTS 24, (5-2) BRONCOS 23
Whattsamatta You?
The Broncos frittered away what was a 23-10 lead with 5 minutes remaining in the game.
How About?
Eli Manning throwing the game winning TD pass to Amani Toomer with only 5 seconds remaining in the game? Eli’s got a great chance to be the best quarterback to play in the media hypermart of New York since Joe Willie Namath. That means he’s a good bet to be the biggest NFL star in history, then drunkenly ask some future-world Suzy Kolber to kiss him on the sidelines during a holographic broadcast in the year 2037.
I’m a Moron (From Friday’s Column)
“The Giants have won only 2 of 9 games against the AFC in the last 3 years, and they aren’t going to get their 3rd win this week.”
It’s Not a Toomah
ARE YOU READY FOR SOME FOOOOBALLL??? MONDAY NIGHT
(2-4) NY JETS AT (4-2) ATLANTA FALCONS
9 PM Eastern, ABC, Falcons favored by 7 ½
The Storyline
For the second week in a row, we have what looks to be a Monday Night Mismatch. The Falcons are legitimate Super Bowl contenders, and take the prime time stage at home for the second time this year. The Jets are on their 3rd QB of the season, and at this point seem like a team that’s just trying to make it through the year with their dignity intact.
Key Questions
Should I watch this game?
If you like handoffs and poor tackling, this is the game for you. This game pits the 27th ranked Jets run defense against the 28th ranked Falcons run defense. Both teams have offenses that are predicated on the run, so expect a game that looks something like what you may have seen at the last high school game you went to.
What’s the latest crucial injury for the Jets?
The Gotham Green will be without center Kevin Mawae. Mawae is a six-time Pro Bowler, who is going to be out for the season with a torn triceps. Pete Kendall slides over from guard to play center, a position he hasn’t played since 2003. For more information on how losing a Pro Bowl center can impact your team, watch the Minnesota Vikings play sometime.
How is the injury report going to impact the Falcons?
The Falcons like to keep Warrick Dunn fresh by giving TJ Duckett a good amount of carries. Duckett may not be available for this game, which means that Michael Vick may have to throw the ball more than the Falcons would like. Dunn usually maxes out at about 20 carries, but the Falcons usually run the ball 30 to 35 times a game, more than any other team in the league. It’ll be interesting to see how they fill that gap if Duckett can’t go.
HERE’S YOUR FORECAST
Here’s something I bet you didn’t know, the Jets are 10-1 against the NFC over the last 3 seasons. That’s versus 8-19 against the AFC. That’s cancelled out by the fact they are 6-13 on the road during that time. Regardless of any records or trends, the Jets just aren’t going to be able to stop the Falcons from running all over them tonight. They’ll stay in the game, because the Falcons have their own problems stopping the run, and Curtis Martin can carry a heavier load than Warrick Dunn can, but Martin and the rest of the Jets’ offense is going to have a hard time getting on the field. The Falcons will win in a taffy pull. If you’ve got something else to watch tonight, watch it. “Medium” is a pretty good show, why don’t you give that a try?
FALCONS 20, JETS 10
Time and Punishment- Looking Ahead
Jets Win-
The Jets take an unlikely road win into their bye week. They’ll face the Chargers in Week 9 in a battle of 3-4 teams fighting to keep their playoff hopes alive.
Jets Lose-
The Jets are 2-5. Playoff hopes Time of Death, Week Seven.
Falcons Win-
Tonight’s game is business the Falcons should be able to take care of. They’ll be 5-2 heading into their bye week, with a trip to Miami to face the struggling Dolphins on deck.
Falcons Lose-
A loss tonight would be a shock, and would put the Falcons 2 games behind the Bucs in the NFC South.
Dunn Will Be a Busy Man Tonight
IF THE PLAYOFFS STARTED TODAY
If the playoffs started today, here’s what you would see:
NFC
1. Tampa Bay- NFC South Champs
2. Seattle- NFC West Champs
3. Washington- NFC East Champs
4. Chicago- NFC North Champs
5. NY Giants- Wildcard
6. Atlanta- Wildcard
Playoff Matchups
Atlanta at Washington
NY Giants at Chicago
Tampa Bay, Seattle- Bye
AFC
1. Indianapolis- AFC South Champs
2. Denver- AFC West Champs
3. Cincinnati- AFC North Champs
4. New England- AFC East Champs
5. Jacksonville- Wildcard
6. Kansas City- Wildcard
Playoff Matchups
Kansas City at Cincinnati
Jacksonville at New England
Denver, Indianapolis- Bye
Speaking of bye, that’s what I’m going to say for now. Have a great week and we’ll see you back on Friday to take a look at Week 8.
