Stuff I Think and Shouldn't Say: A Story, Yah?

I’m back and better than last….time?

Sssshhh, aww, readers. Listen, I know I took a few weeks off, but don’t worry. You’re still the only readers for me. There isn’t any readers competing for my love. You have my heart

Thanks to everyone for the birthday wishes and presents.

Frankly, I was shocked that I got anything. The original joke was that I would post the list that I was putting together for my mother. I just kept adding stuff, but when the figures and books started showing up, well, I was a little bit freaked out…but touched.

So, as a present to all of you guys, here is something that I, Shawn M. Smith, can give to you:

Kevin Federline’s Single!

I trolled my way through the internet to bring this “festival of the suck-tacular.” Mr. Britney Spears went out there and recorded a single all by himself, and it blows/

Please, enjoy…

Kfed’s “Y’all Ain’t Ready”

K-Fed is bringing it 2008 style.

What a tool.

Bird Flu Watch

So, knowing that NYC could vaccinate 6 million people in four weeks is refreshing, right? I just had an idea.

As Salty walked out the door to work, I thought to myself, “Hey, why don’t they vaccinate the EMS, hospital staff, Doctors and nurses? Wouldn’t that help too?”

Genius, I swear. I am quite disappointed that no one else seems to have thought of it.

Please, NYC, vaccinate Salty, ’cause he sleeps too much, and I think he is prone to illness.

Hevia should have his shots too.

another one bites the dust

After my birthday, I just realized I needed time to clear my head. The events surrounding my injury at work brain-f*cked me.

Want an update?

There isn’t a tear in my rotator cuff…so that’s good. Now, it’s off to physical therapy to see if I can get this shoulder whipped into shape.

I had to hire an attorney though. Yeah, they went and messed up pretty badly. Rest assured, there will be no more shenanigans on their part.

Speaking of Shenanigans

Emails have been pouring in:

Ssquared? where have you been? it looks as though
it’s been a month since we’ve heard the ramblings of
your mind. i decided to be your number one fan again
for two reasons. 1 – i miss the couch and the 11:30
weeknights of going to a bar 8 blocks away. and 2 –
because i heard the song Real American or whatever
it’s damn name is. you know the old hulk hogan theme
song? seriously, i know almost no one who remembers
shitty songs like that and would appreciate a good
laugh that they can bring. give me some rambling and
i will continue to be your number one fan.

beAr. aka the guy that used to sleep on the couch
and have to hear everyone else have sex in the place.

Ha. Yeah, I took some time off. Good to hear from you guy!

(P.S. Oh, and I don’t HAVE sex. Tracy and I press our palms together like in Barbarella)

Heyyy shawnnnnn wats happenin buddy..This you’re boy Albie crackkk aka Al boogie akaa albie’s dat nigga aka alberto from the OG lol..I had you in mind the other day, you know since you haven’t been to work in a month!!! and remembered that site you told me about….the shyt kicks
assssssssssssss…Lol I was reading some of ur articles and the shyts funny as hell..goodluck with that surgery..and p.s. I think you should
as for a raise lol

AlBiECRaCK®05

When the grammar is that bad, you know it’s GOTTA be real. Thanks ‘Berto. Ironically, I will working tomorrow…as a host.

Ugh.

SITASS NEWS: Anything else would be…Credible!

Widro WILL Be Pissed!

When Howard Stern escapes FM radio on December 16th for the uncensored world of Sirius Satellite Radio, New York loses more than its most famous shock jock — it also loses K-Rock, the last major station to regularly play new rock music. On January 3rd, former Van Halen singer David Lee Roth will take over Stern’s WXRK-FM morning show, and the station will switch to talk radio, leaving classic Q104.3 as New York’s last remaining commercial rock station.

K-Rock is just the latest casualty for rock radio. Listenership declined sixteen percent from 1998 to 2004, according to Arbitron, despite a slight resurgence for the first half of 2005. Major rock stations in Washington, D.C., Miami and Houston have folded in the past year and a half. In February, Philadelphia’s twelve-year-old modern-rock fixture Y100 switched to hip-hop, and in June, New York’s thirty-three-year-old oldies station WCBS-FM fired its veteran DJs and transformed into the new format, Jack, which plays a jukebox-style mix of pop and rock hits from the last three decades. “It’s like a slap in the face,” says Doug Podell, operations manager for Detroit rock station WRIF-FM. “Those stations were just so big, with so much rock history — and it was wiped out in a matter of moments.”

Changing demographics, most notably a surging Latino population in New York, Chicago and other major cities, are in large part responsible for reshaping the radio landscape away from rock. In New York, three of the top four stations are R&B and hip-hop, and WCAA’s reggaeton format is rising steadily. “We’re in a cultural shift,” says Michael Papale, manager and head of radio for the Firm, the management company that represents Korn, Audioslave, Weezer and others. “Of course it’s a concern. You have to find other ways to get exposure.”

Infinity Broadcasting, the nation’s second-largest radio company after Clear Channel Communications, still has twenty-four rock stations, including Los Angeles’ alternative fixture KROQ, San Francisco’s KITS and Boston’s WBCN; K-Rock will continue to play music on weekends. “Rumors of rock’s death are greatly exaggerated,” says Rob Barnett, Infinity’s president of programming.

Infinity made its K-Rock changes to herald the hiring of Roth and Loveline host Adam Carolla as Stern’s replacements. Roth will be heard on seven stations, mostly on the East Coast; Carolla will air on six West Coast stations; and magician-comedian Penn Jillette will do a one-hour talk show on eight stations, in New York, Chicago and elsewhere. Barnett says Infinity considered “dozens and dozens” of replacements for Stern — who regularly draws 6 million listeners each week on twenty-seven U.S. stations — including Daily Show host Jon Stewart, and Matt Stone and Trey Parker of South Park, but the biggest names declined. Roth, who has been volunteering as an emergency medical technician in New York since last November, “auditioned” for the job with a three-hour on-the-air stint one night this year in Los Angeles.

Roth declined interview requests, but Carolla calls the former Van Halen frontman “sort of nutty, narcissistic, but interesting and potentially funny.” And unlike his bosses at Infinity, the acerbic Carolla believes K-Rock’s switch from rock to talk is part of a larger trend that’s likely to continue. “I don’t know what year folks are living in,” he says. “If you want to hear music, get an iPod. If you want to hear talk, get a radio. That’s my feeling.”

(credit: RollingStone.com)

So, that’s it. No more rock music in NYC. Smooth thinking guys. Great idea.

Leto, Lohan and Lennon…Oh Why?

Lindsay Lohan and Jared Leto, the freshest couple du jour, will have to take time off from their very important burgeoning music careers to make the upcoming independent film, Chapter 27, about the 1980 assassination of John Lennon. Variety.com reports that Leto, the 30 Seconds to Mars frontman, will play Lennon’s murderer, Mark David Chapman, while Lohan will play a rabid Lennon fan who befriends Chapman.

Lennon was killed outside his New York City apartment almost 25 years ago. Sonic Youth recently commemorated the anniversary of Lennon’s death with two concerts in Paris.

(credit: Spin.com)

Du jour?

Is that French for “Fucking Why?” Lindsay Lohan is a skank. Why would Jordan Catalano leave an Olsen twin for her? Oh well.


Bayside Drummer Killed in Tour Bus Crash

En route to Salt Lake City for a performance in Victory Records’ Never Sleep Again Tour, Bayside’s van hit a patch of ice outside Cheyenne, Wyoming, and drummer John Holohan was killed.

According to the band’s official website, Bayside bassist Nick Ghanbarian was also seriously injured, as were members of the crew. Singer Anthony Raneri and guitarist Jack O’Shea have been released from the hospital already. Tonight’s show in Salt Lake has been cancelled, and there is no word yet about the rest of the ” tour, which includes Victory labelmates Silverstein, Hawthorne Heights, and Aiden.

(credit: Spin.com)

Beasties Cull Fan Footage For Documentary

ThinkFilm has nabbed worldwide rights to “Awesome: I Fuckin’ Shot That,” a kaleidoscopic Beastie Boys concert documentary shot mainly by 50 fans on hand-held Hi8 cameras at New York’s Madison Square Garden, according to president and CEO Jeff Sackman.

The film was directed by Beasties rapper Adam “MCA” Yauch, using his favorite alter-ego, Nathaniel Hornblower. “Frantic” is the word Yauch used to describe the footage, which he assembled from material recorded Oct. 9, 2004, by fans, six Beasties friends using DV cameras and two high-quality tour video cameras offering bird’s-eye and long-distance views.Yauch and Jon Doran produced the project via their Oscilloscope Films for about $1 million, which is likely to rise as music rights are cleared. The film has been submitted to Sundance in hopes that it can raise its profile on the festival circuit before a spring release.

“Pre-production was like three days,” said Yauch, who was inspired by logging on to message boards where his young fans posted. “Some kid put up video from his phone at eight frames a second,” he said, and that inspired his low-res video/high-quality audio vision. None of the 50 cameras was lost to fans, Yauch said, “but granted, we took their driver’s licenses.”As previously reported, the Beastie Boys compilation Solid Gold Hits will be released Nov. 8 via Capitol.

Asked to comment on speculation that the album’s release could signal that the Beasties are breaking up, Yauch simply replied, “That’s not true.”

(credit: Billboard.com)

The QUICKY-FAST News!


brought to you by Strattera

My Chemical Romance, Death Cab for Cutie and Motion City Soundtrack were among the list of winners at the mtvU Woodie Awards, the award show where college students vote for their favorites, on Wednesday at New York’s Roseland Ballroom. MCR took home Woodie of the Year, Minnesota pop-punkers Motion City won the Woodie for best emerging artist and Death Cab took home best live-action video. The show premieres on mtvU November 10th.

“Hey Mom, I won a Woodie.”

Prouder words were never spoken, I am sure.

Madonna will perform material off her new album, Confessions on a Dancefloor, on television for the first time on Thursday, at the MTV Europe Music Awards in Lisbon, Portugal. Whomever cares can promptly click the ‘x’ in the upper right hand corner…please.

Studio A: The BOB DYLAN Reader, a collection of writing about the singer-songwriter’s five-decade career, is due on November 21st. It will make my Amazon Wish-List, fo’ sho’.

Vanessa Carlton will run the 26.2 mile ING New York City Marathon as part of New York radio station Z100’s team on November 6th. The singer will donate the pledge money she receives to Musicians on Call, a non-profit organization that brings live and recorded music to patients’ bedsides. Fans can sponsor Carlton at Musicians On Call. She will finish the marathon in a time of 7 hours and 23 minutes. At the finish, Vanessa will be quoted as saying, “I would have finished in world record time, but I can’t seem to get this Former Rock Star of a decent band off of my back.” Contrary to popular belief, she isn’t referring to Stephen Jenkins of Third Eye Blind. She was talking about Weird Al Yankovic. They met at a Polka Convention.

That’s hot…and asinine.

Talib Kweli will release his new album, Right About Now …, featuring his Black Star mate Mos Def and South African MC Jean Grae, on November 22nd. Mike Eagle probably already has this album. There’s nothing funny about that.

Shout! Factory has set a January 24 release date for a double-DVD set culling interviews and performances from “The Tomorrow Show With Tom Snyder.” The package is highlighted by Snyder’s 1980 interview with the Sex Pistols’ John Lydon, which culminated into an unabashed argument between the two men, plus a 1977 “round table” discussion about punk with Joan Jett, Paul Weller and concert promoter Bill Graham, among others.

Also featured are 1981 live performances from such luminaries as Elvis Costello and the Attractions (“New Lace Sleeves,” “Watch Your Step”), Iggy Pop (“Dog Food,” “Five Foot One,” “TV Eye”), the Plasmatics (“Head Banger,” “Master Plan”), the Jam (“Pretty Green,” “Funeral Pyre”) and the Ramones (“We Want the Airwaves,” “I Wanna Be Sedated” and “The KKK Took My Baby Away”).

Tom Snyder? Wasn’t he one of the “Dukes of Hazzard?”

Morrissey is mixing his next studio album in Rome with producer Tony Visconti, according to a post from the artist on the fan site True to You. Dubbed Ringleader of the Tormentors, the set is expected for release in mid-March via Attack, with a single to precede it during the second week February. Seeing that only I care about this, I stuck it in here. Did you make it this far? Dope.
(credit: Rolling Stone.com)

Ssquared’s Weekly Weirdness

I am a big fan of Gorilla Mask. It’s a fantastic site, and I tend to surf onto the site a whole bunch. So, what did I find today when I headed there?

Well, let’s just say that if you don’t watch Jimmy Kimmel’s show on ABC, you might have missed out on this awesomeness!

Bobby Brown and Mike Tyson DO the Monster Mash!

Just ’cause I care.

Until next week, keep it real!

Ssquared