“Your patience is very distracting,” declares Lorelai to Luke at the beginning of a brand spankin’ new Gilmore Girls. The newbie couple is picking out colors for the house, and Lorelai is obsessed with the color swatch. Meanwhile, in Rory Land, the walls (and Emily) are closing in. Don’t want to say I told you so, but…
Luke is asked by two adorable, seemingly harmless little girls to sponsor their soccer team. At first he declines, throwing out Luke-isms left and right, prompting Lorelai to respond: “You should really have your own children’s show, as an alternative to the nice ones”. Luke caves.
At the Gilmores Senior house, Rory can’t even make eye contact with Emily. Richard’s out of town, it’s just the girls, and Rory is reaching the end of her rope. How do you like your grandmother now?
“Harder than cantaloupe,” is how Babette describes choosing colors for the house, as Lorelai tries to pass the buck. But Luke gets her off the hook: this is Lorelai’s decision to make, whether she likes it or not. Luke’s busy picking out uniforms for his soccer dynasty, and they’re not going to look like “little bag ladies”. Lorelai can already see a major motion picture in the works, with Luke played by either Tobey Maguire, Viggo Morgenstern or Donald Sutherland. And Paul Anka’s pawing at Rory’s door…
The next scene begins with the familiar strains of “Tom Dooley” – a classic late-fifties folk ditty made popular by the Kingston Trio. I mention this because the Trio happens to be my dad’s all-time favorite band. Anyway, Logan and his odious friends are busy being themselves: loud, obnoxious and not the least bit humorous. Yelling and throwing things at the poor girl up there singing. I think I’ve decided that I hate Fin the most, but it’s a tough call. And I can’t remember what Logan is going to Nebraska for, but making fun of the Midwest is getting old.
Rory returns home after her fun-filled evening to find Jess in the driveway. She’s happy to see him, but noticeably flustered as well. Jess seems to have mellowed a bit, and he’s written a short novel – which obviously impresses Rory to no end. Yet it also puts her even more on the defensive. What does she have to tell him, that she’s a big hit with the Daughters of the American Revolution? As Jess leaves, he confesses “I couldn’t have done it (the book) without you”. And they plan on getting together the following evening to catch up.
Back in Stars Hollow, Luke & Lorelai attend the girls’ next soccer game, and are appalled with the violence. Bend it Like Beckham this isn’t. At the post-game dinner, Luke makes the grave error of questioning the girls “competitive nature”:
the girls: Do you expect us to play like this is a tea party? We play just like the boys do…
Luke: Yeah, but boys are boys and girls are girls
the girls: I can’t believe what I’m hearing
Logan, meet Jess – my ex-boyfriend. This is bound to get ugly fast. Logan returns from Nebraska sooner than planned, and invites himself along to dinner with Rory and Jess. Rory tries to soften the mood by joking about grown-up talk, but to no avail. While I’m glad to see the real Logan finally starting to rear his ugly head, Rory is a little naÃƒÂ¯ve to think this would work out. First of all, I’d be willing to bet that Jess wouldn’t have been a complete gentleman if the situation was reversed. Secondly, how would Rory have behaved if Logan brought along an ex in his Porsche? “What the hell is going on?!?” Jess questions Rory outside the bar. She doesn’t have an answer. Logan & Rory proceed to get in a big fight. Logan blasts Rory for trying to place blame on him for her aimless ways. The way he lives is his choice to make: “Come June, my life is over!” Needless to say, they don’t spend the night together.
Where’s Rory? Emily finds an empty bed the next morning. Turns out she crashed at Lane’s. Nice to see she knows who her real best friend is again.
Paul Anka’s sick, and Lorelai’s in a bad way herself. She rambles on to Luke (in Rory’s room with Paul Anka): “How could I have let this happen? How did I not see it coming? I’m a bad mother”. All double talk for Rory.
Speaking of Rory, she gets into her second shouting match in less than 24 hours with Emily:
Emily: I don’t like this tone of yours
Rory: You’re forcing the tone
Emily: You are becoming more like your mother with every passing day
Rory: And you’re becoming more like my mother’s mother with every passing day
Just goes to show: don’t mix grandmothers with mothers…