Stuff I Think and Shouldn't Say: In a World Full of Chaos…


This is funny. No, not better than last week’s Kevin Federline nonsense, but it’s still funny. Seriously, just watch this video. It will make you smile, and then I can commence pissing you off by making fun of an artist that you, for some reason, have developed an affinity for:

I Will Survive.

I find stupid stuff so that you don’t have to!

Kfed’s “Y’all Ain’t Ready”

This link will remain until I get ONE(!) email telling me how great it is.

Then I will send that person a mix CD of the Vanilla Ice and MC Hammer tunes that I am sure they will love programmed with subliminal instructions on how to drown oneself in a toilet.

I would be doing the world a favor!


Please. PLEASE tell me that the song I heard was a joke. PLEASE for the love of all things righteous in this world tell me that I, in my current state of deep-immersion of study, missed the joke because if that thing’s real, there is no God.

Keep up the good work
Patrick R

Good work? Wow, thanks.

Nope, that track is real. That means, by your estimation, God has taken a “sick day.”

The check’s in the mail, thank you very much!

My mother likes Ashlee Simpson. She thinks she is talented, and she bought into all that “acid reflux” bullshit when she decided to suck on SNL. She actually found the jig endearing.

Weekly, I take numerous potshots at Ashlee, as she is a twat. A full-fledged twat with no talent to speak of, a hook nose, flabby skin, and a sister that yodels her songs…but you wouldn’t know that unless you’ve seen her live.

(Please…don’t ask about that last one. It’s a sore subject!)

Anyhow, it turns out that this white trash piece of garbage got hammered and stumbled into a McDonalds looking to audition for the role of this guy.

What happened next was caught on film by a “fan.” Thank the Lord above that everyone seems to carry digital cameras these days, as I would still be left to speculate reasons as to why Ashlee Simpson is a twat.

Here’s the magic link.

Ashlee Simpson is a White-Trashy, Hook Nosed Slob

Any chick who tries to get a dude to “kiss her feet” to take a photo with her is a manipulative bitch. She sucks, and I hope that continued bad press will plague her sucky career.

Fuck you, Ashlee Simpson. Go to Alaska, get drunk, and fall into a snow bank, never to be found until the following Spring.

Good riddance.

SITASS NEWS: Apparently, the world is coming to an end. Want proof?

Nikki Sixx Says Cheese

Motley Crue bassist Nikki Sixx is finally going to Bangkok. “I tried to go in ’87, and our management wouldn’t let me,” he says. “They said, ‘Bottom line, Nikki — you’ll die. We know you.'”

But instead of traveling to Thailand to slam dope, Sixx will now be shooting photos for National Geographic. Sixx’s Nikon D2X is permanently slung around his neck, and a bunch of his pics — from landscapes to self-portraits — are popping up on He’s also building an enormous photo studio and video-editing facility at his home in L.A. One of Sixx’s first tasks will be to transfer footage from the good ol’ days.

“Tommy [Lee] has these old Betamax cameras,” says Sixx. “I found, like, thirty tapes! One was called ‘Mick Pissing on an Old Lady’s Leg in Italy’ and another ‘Robbing Grave in England.'”
Lee suffered second-degree burns after a staging snafu on October 12th, but Sixx reports he’ll be fine: “Vince tore up his calf, Mick has the degenerative bone disease and then Tommy.
Everyone’s taking bets on when I go down.”


I had originally picked October 12, 2006 (my 28th birthday), however, I am close to changing my bet.
Yes, Nikki Sixx will be dead next week. That means Abe Vigoda wins another one, right?

National Geographic what are you thinking? Are you going to tell me that Don Dokken wasn’t available?


What about Blackie Lawless? Listen, next time you need some over-the-hill rockers, call Gloomchen or D’Errico. I am sure they might have some ideas for you.

Johnny (Rotten) Loves Justin!

It’s never a dull moment with former Sex Pistols frontman Johnny Rotten, but this might be the most shocking revelation to come from Rotten yet:

He wants Justin Timberlake to play him in an upcoming biopic. U.K. website reports, “I want Jason [sic] Timberlake to do it,” the erstwhile Pistol said. “I know it sounds odd and the market he comes from is screaming teen girls, but he’s just the kind of bloke who would really, really make an effort. He’d be a workhorse about it.” Rotten, born John Lydon, claims that his people are in talks with Timberlake to take the title role in the movie based on Johnny’s autobiography, Rotten: No Irish, No Blacks, No Dogs. JT already played rock royalty on screen, honoring Elton John’s casting call to play the flamoboyant pianist in a 2001 video.

If the Timberlake plan falls through, Rotten is thinking of Robert Carlyle (Trainspotting, The Full Monty) or Johnny Depp for the role. It all sounds nice, but that actor will probably have to work with Rotten, and history has proven that to be quite a difficult task.



Wasn’t this one of the baddest MFers of all time? This DEFINITELY has nothing to do with anarchy…at all.


That sound was me lighting my Sex Pistols collection on fire. Here’s to hoping that J.C. Chasez isn’t offered a role in the Ramones bio-pic.

Pearl Jam Feeling ‘Aggressive’ On New Album

As it prepares for its maiden tour of South America, which begins Nov. 22 in Santiago, Chile, Pearl Jam continues to work on its new studio album, which is due next spring via J Records.

“It’s been a difficult record and it’s like sometimes the harder something is, then the more valuable it becomes,” frontman Eddie Vedder said earlier this week during a Brazilian radio interview. “It’s easily the best stuff we’ve done but also some of the hardest stuff. It’s very aggressive, because again, it’s kind of a product of what it’s like to be an American these days. It’s pretty aggressive, especially when you turn it loud.

“The band has been working on and off throughout the year on the as-yet-untitled set, but Vedder admitted, “It’s not quite done. I’m hoping to finish the last of the songs while I’m down [in South America]. I’m bringing my tape machines and all that down. If I can come back and finish the last few songs in January, then it will be out in April or something.

“For now, Pearl Jam is not planning to unveil any new songs in a live setting. “We want them to be heard for the first time when the record comes out,” Vedder said.But he added he had been mulling an album title that was a play on Soundgarden’s Superunknown: “I was thinking of the word ‘un-owned’ — not owned by anybody,” he said. “The sky is un-owned. The moon is un-owned. We’re un-owned. We want to remain un-owned. The title was Superun-owned.

Continuing a new initiative launched during Pearl Jam’s recent fall North American tour, the South American shows will be available for paid download from the band’s Web site within hours of their completion.


That Eddie. He slays me.

Seriously, Superun-Owned?



brought to you by Strattera

L.L. Cool J will release his twelfth album, My Favorite Flavor, featuring Mary J. Blige, Ginuwine, Juelz Santana, and R&B newcomers Lyfe and Teairra Mari, in February. 12 albums?!? Last thing I knew, he was chasing suspects in this flick. Guess he is still recording. My bad.

Les Claypool will release his first-ever solo-career retrospective DVD, 5 Gallons of Diesel, featuring performances with Trey Anastasio, Warren Haynes, and Buckethead, on November 15th. After all is done and said, along comes Mr. Oysterhead. Yup, that was some poignant shit, Les. Please, team up with Trey again, as the world needs far more nonsensical lyrics and trite bullshit. Yummy.

Icelandic rockers Sigur Ros will kick off their North American trek on February 6th in Portland, Maine, and will wrap up on February 27th in Dallas. Sigur Ros is back in the U.S. for the first time since 2002 and I can’t go…that sucks my ass. That’s all.

Chicago punk rockers Alkaline Trio will release a deluxe edition of Crimson, which was originally released last spring. The new CD features a bonus disc with ten demo versions and four acoustic renditions of Crimson tracks. Hmmm, didn’t take THEM very long to sell out, did it indie/emo/goth/Hot Topic fans? Now, go get me the Smiths in an X-Large. Yeah, the green one.

Songwriter/producer and former Velvet Underground member John Cale will perform at St. Ann’s Warehouse in Brooklyn, New York, before heading north for a string of dates in Canada. Halfway to Saskatchewan, Cale will wish they had just toured Brooklyn instead, making stops at Alligator Lounge and BarCade.

The White Stripes will release the Walking With a Ghost EP, featuring a cover of Tegan and Sara’s “Walking With a Ghost” and previously unreleased live versions of “Screwdriver,” “The Denial Twist” and “As Ugly As I Seem,” on December 6th. The “Ghost” single will be available at the Apple iTunes Music Store on November 14th. Normally, a cover version of a song would bring an interesting/refreshing take to the table, but seeing that Jack White has been “phoning it in from home” lately, I think Tegan and Sara should have kept this song for the inevitable techno/Celine Dion cover.

Former Shonen Knife drummer Mana “China” Nishiura, who played with the Japanese punk-pop band from 2001 to 2004, was killed in a car accident on a New Jersey highway on November 4th while touring with the band DMBQ. Shonen Knife released their latest album Genki Shock, featuring Nishiura, in Japan last June and an U.S. version may be released this fall. We here at would like to offer this message of support to fans of Shonen Knife:

My heart is breaking
Since I ate strawberry cream puff
There is something missing in my life
Since I ate strawberry cream puff

You’ll be just fine…America!

(credit: Rolling

Ssquared’s Weekly Weirdness

Oh, boy. It seems that due to some jerk-off from last week’s UF Football game tossing up the shocker, and it’s subsequent arrival on the front page of Yahoo, everyone is “up in arms over my favorite hand gesture.

Well, here’s what happens America, when you let really, really un-cool people in on the secret:
Roeper’s Take on the Shocker!

I’ve been using it so long that I don’t really care what Ebert’s Movie Buddy thinks. So, in honor of this dark day, get your co-workers to toss up a shocker…do it for all the oppressed men and women, locked in their shitty offices, wearing suits and ties and secretly, they want to just get a few laughs from this silly hand sign.

Do it ’cause YOU care!

Until next week, keep it real!


Join our newsletter

never miss the latest news, reviews, live event coverage, audio podcasts, exclusive interviews and commentary for Movies, TV, Music, Sports, Comics, Video Games!