The Mattitude Era Takes Over Byte This!

The Byte This Report original airdate: 11/9/05

Hello Inside Pulse fanboys and girls I’m Matt Gardner – and the new era of Mattitude has arrived for Byte This! I’m also planning on penning a bi-weekly column on the sport of kings right here every other Friday. I’m a 25 year old hardcore fan, been watching the sport since around 1986 and I’d like to thank all of you for taking time out of your day to read my opinions on not only the WWE, TNA and wrestling in general but this phenomenon known as Byte This. I was actually on the show last year with The Fink and answered his question correctly and ended up winning a copy of Mick Foley’s “Tietam Brown.” So, with no further ado…

Todd Pettengill Grisham welcomes all 6 of us to the show and puts over the new studio. Then flashes us a quick shot of Ashley’s poster which can be found in the new issue of Flex mag – and you just know that all 155 pounds of my ass is going out to buy it. Ashley will be on live tonight with her boyfriend, some dude named Matt Hardy…never heard of ’em.

The Grish puts over that the legendary Bret Hart will be live next week on Byte This, which for me as a long time fan, is pretty f*cking sweet. It’s feels like only yesterday Bret was spitting in the face of Vinnie Mac and good lord has it been a roller coaster ride that’s finally led us to next weeks eppy. Should be very interesting. I’d love to see The Hitman return at the Survivor Series and kick Bischoff’s ass or something and become the new Commishner.

Batista suffered another injury this past Tuesday at the Smackdown taping. STRIP HIM OF THE TILE AND GIVE IT TO FUNAKI I SAY! Well, according to The Grish, Dave’s doctor the famous Dr. Andrews(who may indeed live in Port Charles…) told him he can either rehad or go in for back surgery. This could mean the World Champion would be out for up to three months. Seriously though, now’s the time for them to hotshot the strap to Randy Orton who can at least feud with Edge or Matt Hardy or both with the title on the line as we head down that Road to Wrestlemania.

The Power 25 is talked about briefly. I think I’m like number 26 or something…

The Toddster talks about Ashley undressing him at Raw. I’ve been visually undressing Ashley since her first appearance at the beginning of the summer.

The Grish promos HEaT which is still on WWE.com every week. Matt Striker will take on Tajiri, Eugene will be in action and Mable will team up with Ron Jeremy to take on a couple of glorified jobbers. I’d skip the whole thing if I were you…

Todd then does a Velocity preview. Simon Dean and Hardcore Holly will put on a mat classic, I’m a mark for Kid Kash so his match with Scotty 2 Much Jobbie should be worth the 5 minutes stolen out of my life. The Velocity main event this week is pretty sweet actually, Paul London and Spanky vs. Regal and Birchall.

A quick rundown of some of the events that went down at RAW this past week when Easy E sent Edge over to network TV as punishment for not caring about RAW. Todd asked if we noticed Snitsky waving goodbye to Edge and Lita.

The Grish then goes into full sell mode for the Jake Roberts DVD. I totally want to buy it and shall do so very soon. Jake was my favorite heel when I was a kid. That whole thing where he had Damian bite Savage and then crash his wedding to Elizabeth was good shit for a 10 year old! The Todd Say he already saw the DVD and liked it, and say’s its “eye popping” in sort of way your eyes pop when you listen to an addict endlessly rattle on about nothing in particular. Pettengills other devil spawn Michael Cole and the Tazmaniac started talking shit in the background and from what I understand continue to bury themselves in my eyes. I want Samoa Joe to show up on Smackdown and f*ck Tazz up. That would be good TV.

Clip-age of Jake’s interview with JR from around 96 druing his feud with Jerry Lawler. Jake talks about his drug addiction and love for Barney the Purple Dinosaur. Apparently the team at Byte This has been trying to get ahold of Jake, but unfortunately he’s on his latest heroin binge and could not be reached for comment.

The show goes to break, and Ashley joins us when we return. I’m going to have a cigarette.

The Undertaker and his imminant return in a video package.

Survivor Series is 3 weeks away. NWA TNA GENISIS IS TOMORROW and I’m hella looking forward to the debut of CHRISTIAN CAGE! Captain Charisma himself should come out and straight up call out Jeff Jarrett and take the title in one fell swoop.

Back to the show and Ashley “Fuck me Boots” Massaro is in the studio with The Todd.

Grish asks her opinion of the new set and she likes it. I bet she secretly want to f*ck Grisham, but she never does say it. I can just see it in her eyes. Todd once again puts over her appearance on the cover of Flex. Todd starts with a real hardball, by asking her what it was like doing the photoshoot. Ashley admits they didn’t bring her enough cocaine, but otherwise it was good.

A caller asks her about Mickie James if she’s getting tired of her obsessing over Trish. Fuck Buddy and head MF’er says Mickie is really talented and a good wrestler. She thinks the `Trish thing’ is a little too much. Personally, I’m enjoying the storyline so far and eventually a mini feud between Ash and Mickie would be pretty sweet depending on who turns on Trish first.

Ashley says she and Trish have both been helping
Mickie out. Actually, by that she means in getting dressed. Damn those Divas are HOT!

The Grish puts over Ashley’s Halloween costume, when she dressed like the Dark Angel. You too can go to wweauction.com and bid on the costume. I’m thinking the winner of that auction will end up being Scott D’Amore. He’d look great! Ashley really liked her costumer, because it whored her up that much more. They continue to babble about the costume, because honestly there’s not much else to talk to her about. It’s either the costume or her boob job. Todd thinks the winner of the auction will end up building a shrine to her and masturbating to it on an hourly basis. Ya, it’s totally going to be Scott.

The Grish finally transitions to the question everyone was to hear. He asks her `Who she is dating?’ I’m guessing most of the ring crew, but actually it’s none other than Matt Hardy. todd asks her how it all happened and she says she and matt were travel buddies for a while when he was still on RAW and they hit it off. According to her he’s a great guy and they’ve got good chemistry.

Todd asks if it’s weird to be dating someone she works with. She thinks it’s worth it, but would eventually like to move up the card to a main eventer like John Cena or maybe Kurt Angle now that he’s single. Anyway, now that Ashley and Matt are on seperate brands they don’t see each other as much. Thus giving Matt more time to bang nameless ring rats. The two do try to work around it and so far they’ve been working things out. Mark my words, Copeland f*cked her long before Matt came back into the fold.

A caller says he’s a big fan of Ashley and her incredible cleavage. Caller wants to know what she plans on accomplishing in the WWE and what big match she’d like to be in? Ashley hopes to keep training hard and develop her skillz and sometime down the road win the Women’s title.

Grisham talks about how most of the Diva contestants from this past summer don’t even want to wrestle, but Ashley has said from the very beginning that she wants to get physical. Todd asks why that is? Ash says she just loves it. Todd says he’s too big of a pussy to get in the ring and take bumps and Ashley jokes that he should try it.

A caller would like to know if wants to get in the ring with Victoria so she can shut her up? Ashley said she’d be more than happy to fall prey once again to the Widow’s Peak because The Vic is more dominant and would kill her one on one.

Todd starts to think this is the “View” or something and asks her if she has nickname for Matt. How about dumbass. Apparently she calls him V1 like everyone else. Todd says if they get married she could be V2. Not funny. Eventually, there will be a Spicy V8 too, I guess.

Another caller wants to know what it was like to work Taboo Tuesday and work the Battle Royal? She thought it was cool and liked kicking Candice Michelle’s ass. Victoria then beat Ashley, which she thinks sucked. Another break…

The Wrestlemania Anthology DVD ad is run. I want it for Christmas, but my family is far too misinformed to ever buy it for me. I’ll end up with the Carlito wig or something.

WWE 24/7…order and never leave home again.

Back to the show and Matt Hardy is drooling over a picture of Ashley. Toddster says Ashley let the cat out of the bag and Matt says it’s true. He has indeed moved on from Amy and says just look at Ashley – he’d have to be gay or his brother not to want to tap that ass. He adds that she’s also a grade A person and just wonderful inside and out. He’s totally brown nosing the broad.

Todd asks if he’s scared that since they’re both on seperate brands – like he and Lita were before the break-up – if it would happen again. Matt says he not scuured and that you just have to live life. If Edge wants his sloppy seconds again, then so be it. If he laid back and thought about all the bad things that has happened to him, he wouldn’t be here today. So thats his motto “Matt Hardy will not die.” Matt puts over exactly what DDP taught him, that you have to have a positive outlook on life, and Ashley is a positive. Positively a hot piece of arse.

The Grish wants to know if it bother Matt that people want to know about his private life. It’s not like he’s in the National Enquirer or anything. I mean Matt isn’t quite Brad Pitt caliber, but whatever. V1 believes people want to know about him because he’s a WWE Superstar. Fans don’t just want to know about what you do in the ring, but what you eat, and how large your bowel movements are. Matt says he has always tried to have an honest relationship with his lady friends as well as the fans.

Todd finally asks Ashley a good question, what it’s like being in the locker room with Lita? Ash says everyone is really a pro at the arenas, but back at the hotel they cat fight all the time over Matt’s bod. Actually, it hasn’t been an issue. Hardy says even now when he wrestles Edge, it’s very professional.

The Grish says whenever Matt and Edge work together they have great matches, such as the wild affair at Homecoming. V1 says that match meant to him that he couldn’t travel with Ashely anymore, which was Cool and Matt spits in the fact of the uncool just like Carlito. Matt does think it was an awesome match from an entertainment aspect, but it ended his career on RAW for the time being. But over on Smackdown he gets a fresh start. He says he started his singles career on Smackdown with the Version 1 character. Sadly, he actually believes now is his time to shine. Only time will tell Matt, only time will tell.

Matt believes after losing the ladder match he was glad to be going to the so called B show. When one door closes, another opens and Smackdown is his chance to re-prove himself as a singles competitor. He asks, why train your hardest, beat your body up, shoot the roids, if you don’t want reach the pinnacle in this business? To Matt, that is being the World Champion. He admits he is a smaller guy, so he knows the odds are against him. But thats not going to stop him, because of course HE WILL NOT DIE! And can I just say, that Matt Hardy isn’t all that small. If they put the main straps on Benoit and Guerrero there should be no reason why Matt can use his size as an excuse for not main eventing. How about your lack of promo skills or dorky look dude!

A caller says the Hardy Boyz were one of the most innovative tag teams in the last couple of decades. Caller wants to know who Matt would like to team with in the future and what his dream match would be? He says Rey Rey would be ideal for a partner because he makes Matt look like a giant in comparison. Matt thinks Rey is a great performer, and in a class of his own. Ya, it’s called third grade. As far a dream match, he’d love to work with Shawn Michaels. Shawn was a big inspiration for him because of his size. The Grish asks if he’s wrestled Michaels before, and Matt says no, but they did team together on RAW a couple of months back. Hardy says the best overall performer in the the business is still the Heartbreak Kid. Todd then asks Ashley about her dream match, and she says it would against Trish and they all agree she’d make a great champion.

A caller wants to know if the Hardys will ever reunite? Matt says “this is the WWE and never say never!” Matt adds that he can definately bet money that at some point before his career ends or before Jeff dies of a drug overdose, they will team up again. He’d like it to happen for the WWE.

Pettengill Spawn mentions how Hardy is currently teaming with Mysterio the Midget, but in the past they had quite the feud. Mr. Kayfab says when you wrestle someone lots of times, you build respect for them. The first time he worked a significant program with Rey was over the Cruiserweight Title. Todd thinks that maybe he and Midget can win the tag titles. Matt says no one can replace his brother Jeff and the memories they share of screwing hundreds of rabid ring rats across this great land of ours.

Another caller wants to know what Matt plans on getting done while on Smackdown? Matt would like to win the tag strap with Rey Rey, maybe a run with the US title since he’s never done that and his ultimate goal is to win the World title.

Todd then asks Matt what his relationship is now with Edge? Apparently Matt doesn’t speak to him. They communicate telepathicly. As a performer, he thinks Edge is good. As a human being, he thinks Adam is a piece of shit. A nugget, like Owen one might say. They do have to communicate in the ring, but they are both professionals and set aside their personal differences for their mutual love of the business. Like myself, this Matt believes wrestling is what he was born to do. He lost it for a while, and everything happens for a reason. Now he’s back in almost the same mid-card spot he strived to be in his whole career. He says if he hadn’t come back, then he wouldn’t have met Ashley. Matt says he would walk through 50 miles of hell if that meant getting to his goal.

Hardy says he would have like to have met up again with Edge at Taboo Tuesday. That did not happen and Matt hinks Edge didn’t want it go down either. That’s just the way it goes and you have to deal with it.

You know this f*cking show is way to long, I want some free stuff or something, man. These guys are just circle jerking each other!

Another caller is apparently someone Matt knows. He wants to know Matt’s thought on Christian leaving the WWE? Matt said Jay is a great person, because at least he didn’t f*ck his girlfriend. That he knows of…anyway, he believes in life you have to do what makes you happy. He would love for Christian to return to the WWE, and to wrestler or tag with him. Matt says Christian was torn, for the last couple of weeks. Leaving the WWE was hard for him because this is his home.
Christian loved the WWE, but it was getting to a point where it was getting too hard. V1 says The Ash is starting to understand how hard it is. She’s never home, and traveling all the time. Matt says they are getting ready to go to Europe for 2 weeks. It was a tough choice for Christian to make, but it was a choice he needed to make. Matt wishes him the best, whatever he ends up doing. GENESIS LIVE ON PPV – CHRISTIAN WILL BE BACK!

Matt and Ashley finally leave the show.

Ad break for the Divas book. Uh, no.

Commercial for the Jake Roberts DVD. Um, yes!

Back to the show and someone in the chat area asks The Grish if he’d get in the ring with Ashley. And we all know the answer to that one!

Another caller wants to know what Todd thought of Joey Styles on RAW? He thinks he did a good job, he says he has a fan base of ECW fans that are cheering him on. He doesn’t know if Joey will be there long term or short term.

The Grisham reminded everyone that BRET THE HITMAN HART would be live and in the studio next week and will talk about anything and everything. From the Montreal Screwjob to his greying hair and receding hairline. Again, it really should be interesting to see Bret once and be sure to BUY THE DVD!!

The show ends with a few clip of Bret from the DVD.

Thanks for reading guys and be sure to catch TNA IMPACT Saturday at 11 on SPIKE TV, the TNA PPV GENISIS this Sunday with the DEBUT of CHRISTIAN and of course RAW should be awesome come MONDAY!

Have a great weekend and you can all BYTE me!