D2 Review: Nip/ Tuck

What do you get when you mix 2 hot surgeons and a former porn star turned sweetheart with great guest stars? The hottest hour on cable television is what you get. I live in Miami and if I could find any doctor who was even remotely as good looking as Christian, I’d be sure to be sitting across the consulting table hearing the famous: “Tell me what you don’t like about yourself”. “I don’t know, why don’t YOU tell me what I need to change so that you’ll want to marry me instead of Kimber!!!” I’m still looking for him. But the restraining orders are keeping me from many a medical convention.

And I’m still not used to the commonplace swearing on cable tv. I think that somewhere on Capitol Hill there was a very convincing and responsible parent who insisted that all children are tucked tightly in their beds by the bewitching hour of 10pm. And certainly they will not have access to a remote control.

Now Nip/ Tuck has to balance the good looks of the cast with crazy plots and surgery scenes. I have to watch the show with at least one person so they can tell me when the surgery scenes are over. I can’t miss a single second of Christian! Plus, it’s usually a good time to refill the wine glass.

This show is so controversial. Last season’s twists and turns had Matt’s new “girlfriend” a man turned woman who was played by Famke Janssen! Say what? To this season’s obese woman who hadn’t gotten off the couch in 5 years. Hell, I go crazy if I’m cooped up on a 2 hour flight! And how can you have a show about plastic surgery without Joan Rivers? I see Cher making a guest appearance in a future episode. Now this past week’s episode, we have altering faces of a woman and her child and releasing them into the wild in the witness protection program and Christian wanting to alter the face of a downs syndrome kid who wants to look like his family.

Now that Sean has left the practice he once shared with Christian, he has signed on to work for the government. Which I think was my favorite part of this episode. Taking the character, Nikki from a dark haired, large nosed woman to…. ladies and gentlemen, we will now remove the face bandages to reveal (drumroll & cymbal)…. Anne Heche! Sean has made you to look just like Anne Heche! Ga’head… dye your hair blonde. And what was that horrible accent she was going for? Jersey meets Elmer Fudd? Hey, Sean, can you make me look like Angelina Jolie?

With Sean gone, this leaves a great opportunity for the new partner in the practice, Quentin, to move in on Sean’s ex-wife Julia. By the way, can we all agree that Quentin is “The Carver”? Slashing faces all across Miami. That would’ve been a great Halloween costume this year! But it’s so obvious that he’s the Carver there is sure to be a twist. However, Julia’s a smart woman and resists his advances and continues with her flourishing post surgery spa.

Christian and Quentin argue about the ethics of surgically altering a kid with downs syndrome so he can look like the rest of his family. Since when does Christian have ethics? Since his real mommy came into his life and he wants to be Norman Rockwell? Please … anything but that. Hell, I’ll take Norman Fell (Mr. Roper on Three’s Company), but come on, Christian, get back to your slimy ways! Don’t you know the rules? Girls like bad boys. I guess since he’s got Kimber, the gorgeous former porn star, he’s set. And she’s clearly cast in the show for the male audience.

Nip/Tuck is an out of control soap opera. And I don’t even like soap operas! The one thing I don’t get about the show is Matt, Sean & Julia’s son. Methinks they cast someone who looked like Michael Jackson so that it could leave room for a future story line that they needed to surgically alter his face so much that he wouldn’t look like his real dad (Christian) nor his dad that raised him (Sean). This kid’s just scary to look at… almost as bad as the surgery scenes. Anyone need another glass of Merlot?