InsidePulse’s TNA iMPACT! Report

Welcome everyone to InsidePulse’s Live Coverage of TNA Impact! I am your Host Jeremy Lambert once again channel flipping between wrestling and hockey. TNA is coming off a huge Genesis PPV where we saw Samoa Joe destroy Christopher Daniels, a wild 6 Man Brawl, and the debut of Christian Cage. How can TNA follow it up? Stay tuned to find out. New stuff is in italics.

We open with a highlight package of TNA Genesis followed by the Impact opening video.

Samoa Joe vs. Jerrelle “Already In The Ring” Clark: You should know the drill by now. Clark gets some offense, Joe diminates for the most part, Joe wins with the Muscle Buster and Clutch.
Winner- Samoa Joe

After the match, AJ appears on screen and says that Joe broke the code. Are they plugging ESPN’s Code Breakers or something? AJ is flippin pissed. AJ vs Joe at Turning Point and TNA has convinced me to drop 30 bucks. That didn’t take long.


West and Tenay run down Turning Point real quick. Jarrett comes out and wants to know who he faces at Turning Point. Didn’t Monty Brown win the #1 contendership match? Why the hell is all this debate?

America’s Most Wanted vs. Apolo & Siaki: Let me make this clear, I don’t like Siaki or Apolo and I don’t know why TNA has kept them around. Siaki is a Rock wanna be and Apolo is a space taker upper. I’m glad they will lose this match. AMW attacks before the bell. Make quick work of em boys. AMW gets double teamed seperately.

Commercials, good, less time I have to watch those 2

Promo for AJ Styles and Turning Point in one little package, nice.

Back to the match, AMW double teams Apolo. Big boto by Apolo on Harris. Each team makes the tag and Siaki hits everything that moves. Apolo clotheslines Storm. Storm gets knocked to the outside. Superkick on Harris. Apolo dives on to Storm but gets hit with a bottle, good. Death Sentance on Siaki and match over. Good, fire those 2.
Winners- America’s Most Wanted

Storm pushes Harris and says, CHRIS, GET THE TABLES! No not really, but AMW does grab a table and set it up in the corner. They spray paint 3D on the table. They go for the Death Sentance on Siaki through the table but Team 3D makes the save, damn.

Brother White on the mic. He says AMW doesnt know how to use a table. He has good news and bad news. The bad news is it’s AMW vs Team 3D in a table match at Turning Point. The good news is, he just saved a bunch of money on his car issurance by switching to gieko. No, I made that last part up. Team 3D chuck the table at AMW.

Backstage, Jarrett is outside Zybsko’s office. Gail Kim calls Zybsko on his cell phone. He’s right outside the damn office. That’s like my friend text messaging me when we sit next to each other in class….wait, that happens all the time.


A recap of the 3LK/James saga.

Shane Douglas is backstage with 3LK. Next week, BG has an announcement on the future of 3LK. And now they argue. What the f*ck, I thought everyone was getting along. I don’t know where TNA is going with this. If this doesn’t end with BG and Kip turning on Konnan and Killings, I for one will be extremely pissed off.

Abyss vs Rhino: AByss hammers on Rhino to start and Tenay takes a shot at WWE saying they didnt use the barbed wire in the match at No Way Out. Rhino fights back. Clothesline by Rhino. AByss goes to the floor and Rhino slingshots himself onto Abyss.

Commercials, that new 50 Cent game looks cool.

Promo for TNA DVDs

Back to the action we see Abyss fight out of a body scissors. Back elbow by Rhino and then he clotheslines Abyss outside. Mitchell tires to come in but trips. Rhino goes for the Gore but Abyss cuts him off and pulls him between the posts. Back in the ring, Abyss chokes Rhino with his boot. Abyss hammers on Rhino but Rhino starts to fight back. That is stopped by Abyss. Head twist by Abyss. Rhino fights out of it. Shoulderblock by Rhino. Corner shoulder ram by Rhino. He tries it again but Abyss catches him with the boot. Spine buster by Rhino. Rhino goes under the ring and pulls out a table. I guess that’s tonights theme. Rhino sets the table up in the corner. Abyss hard whips Rhino into a non table corner. Belly to belly suplex by Rhino. Rhino goes for the Gore though the table on Abyss but Abyss moves and Rhino catches table. Abyss goes for the Shock Treatment but TNA didn’t pay some bills and the lights go out. When the come on, Sabu is on the outside with the barbed wire chair. Abyss shits himself and when he turns around, Rhino Gores him for the win.
Winner- Rhino

Jarrett is in Zybskos office. At Turning Point, Jarrett faces
RHINO!!!! in the Rubber Match. Jarrett bitches about it and wants to face Raven or Monty Brown because they deserve a shot. Wow, Jarrett makes some damn good sense there.


We come back and here comes Christian Fucking Cage. All he has to say is “That’s How I Roll” and I’ll consider this show a sucess. Christian sums up what he said at Genesis. He came to TNA to get the damn respect that he deserves. He came to TNA to win the NWA World Title and if any has a problem with it, he doesnt care. Why? BECAUSE THAT’S HOW HE ROLLS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Monty Brown comes out and says that Christian is no longer up north rollin’. Christian Cage…WELCOME TO THE SERENGETI! Monty Brown throws up some big words. He says Christian has proved nothing. Monty Brown is dressed up nicely while Christian is casually dressed. Monty Brown has rolled over everyone he has faced. Monty Brown lays down for no man. He will take Christian Cage and make him feel the….CHRISTIAN CUTS HIM OFF!!!!! Christian is the f*cking man.

Christian: You love to pounce on men

The crowd starts a Monty’s Gay chant. Gotta love the TNA crowd. He says Monty should be afraid of losing his spot. Christian says unless he plans on nuttin up, he should find somebody else to POOOOOUUUUUUUUNCE ::cough cough cough:: PERIOD!!!! Did I mention Christian Cage is the f*cking man. Monty attacks Christian and it all leads to Christian getting the POOOOUUUUUUNCE PERIOD!

End Show


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