I honestly don’t know what to write this week. I could talk about the new drug policy. I could talk about Eugene. But I’m still kind of numb from last week, so this will be short.
Since we’re talking about the human being, I’ll use his real name. When I saw the post on WWE.com I was immediately thinking that he OD’d and I was right! At the very least the man is going to get help and probably get over whatever demons he is facing. My worry is that Johnny Ace just won’t have any tolerance for people missing shows for such things as rehab and will fire him.
If this is real, and that is a BIG if, it could very well change the business for the better. We won’t see huge men with muscles that we didn’t know existed running around and hopefully, we won’t see them die. Now I’m not attributing Eddie’s death to steroids. I’ll chalk that up to years of abuse, regardless of whether or not he got clean. That fact just makes his death ironic. If WWE does this right, we’ll see high spots toned down, more mat based action, smaller guys getting a fare shake and probably better quality. That is something I would tune into. The only worry I have is that WWE will look the other way depending on people’s spot, which could lead to the deaths of some guys. Speaking of…
With the quote from Keller that some people were on death watch for a WWE superstar, many people went apeshit throwing out names. One name that came around more and more and more was Kurt Angle, because the quote said that whoever died would make Eddie’s death seem small in the media due to his credentials. “Former Olympic Gold Medalist Found Dead” is much bigger than “WWE Superstar Triple H Found Dead”. We’ve seen Kurt evolve in the ring and seemingly evolve from man to beast recently. Look at his left arm. Look at his neck. Look at his head. Look at the way he carries himself. Then go back to Rock’s DVD and look at Kurt when he jokes with Rock in the shower. He’s on the gas, in a divorce, fighting through pain and trying to cement a legacy that he already has. If WWE’s new policy does anything, it better save this man from himself.
This is a recent post I got on my bulletin at MySpace. Apparently this guy got this email from his ex-girlfriend. He decided to send his reply, with her letter, to everyone in his address book. Classic stuff, first is her letter:
Subject: Best Bulletin Ever – You will def. repost
Body: The 1st part is a girl’s apology email for cheating.
2nd is his hilarious reply which was forwarded to his entire address book and is now circulating everywhere
It would be difficult for me to be any more miserable right now, I feel like the worst person ever. First, let me start by saying that I am truly truly sorry, and I hate myself for hurting you. Of all the people in the whole entire world, you were honestly the last person that I would ever want to wrong in any way. There is no excuse at all or anything that happened, so I won’t even try other than to say all of us had WAY too much to drink, and I did a stupid thing. I can handle you being pissed at me, I absolutely deserve it, I can even handle the ugly words that were exchanged between us, what I can’t handle is thinking that you see me as a different person. It is weird, I feel like I just went through a horrible break up or something. The world looked funny yesterday, I couldn’t crack a smile if you paid me, there are songs I can’t listen to, and I just feel beyond crushed. I don’t know if you meant everything you said to me, and I am hoping that you didn’t. I know that I was wrong on many levels, but I am also hoping that this is something that we can deal with. I know it sounds totally crazy and stupid, but you have come to play such a significant role in my life, I can’t imagine my days without you. It is totally strange and weird to say that, and you could say that my behavior didn’t reflect that, and you would be correct. I hate feeling like you hate me, and I hate feeling like all of your friends think I am a terrible person, because I am not. I know there is nothing I can say or do to take back what happened, but I just want you to know that fighting with you was just about the worst thing I could have ever imagined. It was right up there with one of the ugliest nights of my life, and I would give anything in the world to rewind and fix it. I am not sure if you will respond to this, part of me thinks that you won’t. If not today, then maybe some other time. Also, thanks for getting my stuff together, although I think my sunglasses are still at your house, if you could keep your eyes peeled for them that would be great. I can’t even focus or work today, I can’t eat, I seriously feel like it was an ugly break up, and I am hoping against hopes that it was not that and you are not done with me. Please don’t cut me off, I really don’t think I can handle that.
I am so sorry.
Thank you for your concern. I’ll be sure to file it away under “L” for “Long-winded diatribes from drunken whores I couldn’t care less about”.
You did a stupid thing huh? No…doing long division and forgetting to carry the one is “a stupid thing”; Mixing in a red sock with a load of whites is “a stupid thing”; Blowing some guy in a bathroom for 45minutes while I sit at the bar wondering if you’re taking so long because you ate too much bran that morning isn’t as much a “Stupid thing” as it is grounds for permanent removal from my social calendar.
To be honest, I’m not sure if it was more amusing that you went and degraded yourself in a public toilet not once but twice in a 2 hour span, or that you seemed to think that by saying “Well, I didn’t F**k him” somehow gave you a clean slate. So forgive me if I couldn’t care less if the world “looked funny” to you yesterday. Since your world revolves around blow dryers, golden retrievers, Prada Bags and Jelly Beans, I’m sure it must have been most unsettling to actually have to consider someone else’s feelings for 24 hours straight. The good news for you is that my friends don’t think you’re a terrible person, they just think you’re the average run of the mill cum-guzzling blond who commands about as much respect as your average child porn collector. I could be wrong but, it’s pretty hard to respect some B&T chick who comes out to spend the night at my place even though she’s seeing someone else in New jersey and winds up tongue-bathing the taint of anyone who decides 30 minutes of droning commentary on Colin Farrell’s new haircut is worth putting up with for a hand job in the men’s room. The good thing about being a guy is that when I eventually bump into the young lad who finger-blasted you on top of a towel dispenser last Saturday, we’ll have a shot and laugh our heads off about the time it happened.
By the way, for the amount of time you claim to spend in spin class you really must be doing something wrong to sport the thunder thighs you do. Watching you parade around my bedroom in a thong was a little like watching sea lions mate. Thought you might like to know.
PS. I forwarded about 100 people on this email.
Talk to you never,
AWESOME! Happy Thanksgiving and I’ll see you next week. Adios!