One week away from Survivor Series…
Lets see how they can tie everything together…
And whether we even get a single match..
Here on the report that is like Cranberry In A Can!
T H E
M O N D A Y
N I G H T
R A B B L E
Hey all! Welcome to this week’s Monday Night Rabble – taped from Europe – and without our favorite pill popping retard, Eugene! Now before I introduce the few members of the Rabble who showed up let me introduce you all to a very special feature for the first time on Inside Pulse. CLICK HERE for the first ever Live RabbleCast, starring myself and Erik Hernandez discussing last week’s Raw and the lead up to Survivor Series.
Sweet huh? Okay, now the Rabble —
Hernandez – King Vicodin
Jenna – Queen Percoset
Dani – The Dutchess of Lithium
And Your Maestro of Valium, Me!
We get a flash from two weeks ago where Edge faced Batista in a streetfight. Teddy in the Masterlock. The Raw Team taking out Batista, and we are here with horrible sound quality in Europe.
The crowd is filled tonight and Shawn is coming down in full suit, with Big Show, Kane, Masters, and Carlito in tow.
“Shawn looks like a plantation owner…” – Hernandez
Followed of course by Eric Bischoff.
“I’m voting for Smackdown, and I don’t even know who is on their team.” – Dani
Bischoff addresses the fact that the Smackdown team is going to be here on Raw. Bischoff tells us that we shouldn’t believe everything we read on the internet.
“Even the Flying Spaghetti Monster?” – Me
Eric continues on about HIS soldiers… HIS power… HIS strength until Big Show grabs the mic.
“..we’re NOT the NWO.” – Hernandez
Big Show didn’t chokeslam Batista because of Bischoff, but because he WANTED to. He wanted to prove he was superior.
“Four on One doesn’t prove you are superior!” – Dani
“Yes it does.. ask Rodney King.” – Me
Now wait.. here come the Smackdown boys! Orton, JBL, Lashley, Rey, and Batista.
“OH MY GOD! DAVE IN A COAT AND SCARF?!!!!!” – Dani
“…she’s done…” – Me
The Smackdown boys call out Team Raw and off they head to the parking lot. Bischoff begs them to come back to stop this from going on, but they just ignore him to fade out to….
We come back and the Smackdown folk are still awaiting the Raw jamboree… and in the back they are heading out. We get a long pause while Carlito announces ‘It’s a Trap’. I miss Hassan…. they all go head to head annnd…
“They gonna start snapping?” – Dani
The fist fight begins! JBL with Shawn. Kane gets thrown into a car by Batista. Masters grabs Rey in the full nelson and we hear a crash! Oh! It’s Big Show and Kane standing over Batista who is lying on the hood of the car.
“It’s all fun and games til someone gets tossed into a windshield.” – Hernandez
Coming down to the ring now is the man with the IC title, it’s Ric Flair! And his opponent… …Trevor Murdoch?
“How do you get a match versus Flair?!” – Hernandez
“Could it be that Murdoch is a dirty American, so he gets European Heel Heat?” – Me
“Wow… no heat whatsoever.. they do enjoy the wooing though.” – Dani
MURDOCH vs. FLAIR
Umm… sure.. The Match
Collar Elbow to lock up, Flair tosses Murdoch into the ropes, and then Flair hits the back body drop. Murdoch pushes Flair into the corner, but that doesn’t last as Flair brings Murdoch to another corner. He thumbs Murdoch in the eye to drop him…. Murdoch gets up… Flair leaps…. CAUGHT IN THE BELLY!
Murdoch brings Flair up and slams him down.
“Hey, he is wearing tape on his wrists” – Hernandez
“So?” – Me
“Nothin.. just saying, I didn’t realize because he’s so pale.” – Hernandez
Murdoch locks Flair in a sitting stretch… and then follows up with another bodyslam. Murdoch climbs up to the top, drops his knee pad – leaps and MISSES the knee drop. OUCH!
“Hundreds of southerners are saying ‘GETTERDONE'” – Hernandez
Now Flair is back on top – boring exchange – roll-up and the win.
WINNER: RIC FLAIR
And as Flair is celebrating in the ring, Trips interupts him on the Titantron. Come Sunday he will finish what he started…
“That pie in the backroom?” – Hernandez
“No, pleasuring Stephanie with a jackhammer..” – Me
“The Genetic Hammer?” – Hernandez
“EWWW!” – Me
So this Sunday, Trips is going to beat Ric Flair… WOOOooooo.. errrrr… yah…
We come back and we’re in a match… umm….. Tajiri with Conway… Tarantula…
JBL ATTACKS EM BOTH!? Wow, great editing kids.
“You wanna fight–” – JBL
“FOR YOUR RIGHT!!!!” – Me
Batista is heading to the hospital, and he’s calling Raw out.
“GOOSESTEP!!! DO IT!” – Hernandez
JBL calls out Chris Masters to be defeated by the wrestling god. Bischoff gets to the top of the ring. The crowd chants ‘asshole’ for Bischoff.
“Is that Ahhhsshole?” – Me
“No, it’s Arsehole.” – Hernandez
So Bischoff gives JBL a match to ‘knock some sense’ into him. It’s not going to be Chris Masters.
“It’s going to be Doink” – Hernandez
It’s going to be Shawn Michaels…. HBK vs. JBL.. Neat.
“That’s way too many initials.” – Jenna
Bischoff then tells JBL to enjoy himself outside. Get a pizza.. some fish and chips..
“Is that an advertisement for the concession stands?!?” – Hernandez
Next though: Shelton versus Angle
John Cena appeared on Mad TV… and I guarantee – it’s not funny.
“Mad TV’s still on?” – Hernandez
“Who knew?” – Me
Hey and Kurt Angle’s here… and they are back to censoring the YOU SUCK… still funny.
“One Fish… Two Fish..” – Jenna
“Wanker….. Sod off…” – Hernandez
And his opponent, a man that Hernandez will never underestimate…
ANGLE vs BENJAMIN
Before the match begins… we get our special ref…. IT’S A TRAAAAP!!!!!!
“He really needs to change his music.. It makes you think that Muhammad is coming out.” – Dani
“I know.. isn’t that great!” – Hernandez
Davairi is here.
“Just be glad he doesn’t have pointed shoes…” – Hernandez
So now the match begins wiht the collar elbow, and the takedown from Angle. Benjamin gets to his feet.. punches out.. tosses Angle to the ropes and he eats a shoulder block. Then a nice rope cross back and forth with a huge leapfrog from Benjamin, followed by a hiptoss from Benjamin.
They get to their feet, and Shelton throws a fist.. blocked, then a belly to belly toss. Followed by a sloppy backbreaker from Angle. Angle kicks Shelton and stomps on his back holding onto the ropes, followed by some chokes. Davairi hits with LONNNNNNNG 5 counts. A snap suplex from Angle gets him a fast 2.
Angle follows up with a waistlock. Benjamin fights up to his feet, and Shelton throws big fists and to the ropes – both men collide… They both get to their feet, but Shelton eats the fast clotheslines. Shelton charges in and eats an elbow. Angle charges – but gets picked up and samoan drop for two.
On their feet, Shelton grabs for the T-Bone, but Angle blocks it. Angle hits a suplex, but Shelton lands on his feet and hits the neckdrop. They get up and fight to the corner. Shelton tosses Angle into the corner, but Angle stops himself and then Shelton – tossing Shelton into the corner instead.
Benjy tries to throw the kick, caught by Angle… spinning heel MISSES.. Angle throws a belly to belly…. REVERSED… throws a kick… CAUGHT by Angle… HITS the spinning heel! WOW! Great exchange.
Angle rolls to the outside, and Shelton tries to follow suit, but Angle catches his leg… they fight on the apron, Angle holding trying to hit a belly to belly, but Shelton pushes the man down. Once they get into the ring again, Shelton tries to hit the T-Bone, but a front face DDT sends Shelton down and Angle hits the ankle lock!!!
After a good two minutes of holding and fighting and rolling… Shelton GETS THE ROPE! Ref Davairi sees NOTHING! Angle pulls him back – AND Shelton rolls into a pin! Davairi pushes the roll-up to the otherside.
WINNER: KURT ANGLE
Angle grabs the microphone – and announces that coming next is the man that is going to change the face of their Survivor Series match.
“He’s going to have Davairi towel him off..” – Hernandez
“He SHOULD get a towel…” – Dani
We’re back and Angle is still in the ring.
“And he’s toweled off…” – Hernandez
So why is he with Davairi? Because they’ve both been abused by the people. Angle then discusses how ‘You people’ have been keeping he and Davairi down..
“Wait.. they’re in Europe?!” – Me
“Yeah, it does lose some effect..” – Hernandez
So Davairi is his full time referee.
“Just in case he wants to get in a fight walking down the street” – Dani
This is all interrupted by John Cena. He claims that Kurt is acting like a ‘ham sandwich’. John is walking around the background area to find out what other WWE superstars think about Kurt Angle. He of course interrupts Maria and Candice who are getting dressed. Boobage announces that he is in fact John Cena and NOT Kurt Angle. Candice announces that she does in fact suck….
In another dressing room Gene Snitsky is… massaging Bull Buchan.. I mean Tomko. Cena mentions how this is ok given that it’s 2006… and Snitsky announces quite readily that it’s not his fault. So in door #3…… THE BOOGIEMAN!??! He sings London Bridge is Falling Down… and breaks a huge clock over his head.
…I got nothing…
Cena is stunned too. “Maybe that idea was a decision down Bad Idea Street” So Cena goes to the audience. We get some toothy british answers of “Kurt Angle Sucks” What does Hernandez think?
“SAN DEMAS HIGH SCHOOL FOOTBALL RULES!” – Hernandez
“…I think I saw a Larry Csonka sign…” – Me
So Cena charges the ring, and the beatdown on Angle begins. Davairi gets chased out, and Cena backbody drops WAAAAAY over the top..
Coming next is Triple H versus Val Venis
“It’s so weird.. Triple H thrown into the midcard..” – Me
“ISN’T THAT WHAT YOU WANTED?!” – Hernandez
“Yeah.. but.. it’s…. weeeirddddd…” – Me
“What?” – Dani
“This is what Jamie wanted for a long time, and now that it is.. he’s complaining.” – Hernandez
“I’m not complaining…. It’s just.. weeeirddddd” – Me
Hey – It’s Time To Play A Game!
“Aww, they are doing Smackdown vs. Raw promos during his introductions..” – Hernandez
His opponent is HEYYYY LADDIEEEES!
“HELLO MISS LAAAAYDEEEEE!” – Me
Bell rings and Val starts with fists to Trips and a back elbow to Hunter sends him outside. Trips grabs a chair, and eats it as Val runs out to him.
“Thank you everybody for coming, have a safe drive home.” – Hernandez
“Just as I expected..” – Me
“Good to know you can’t beat Val without the use of a chair.” – Hernandez
Val gets dragged in and beaten with the chair.
“He just had a Goldberg match..” – Hernandez
“What’s a Goldberg match?” – Me
“Where the intro lasts longer than the match.” – Hernanadez
Val gets hit with the pedigree and… cue theme music.
WINNER: VAL VENIS
In the back, Bischoff gets word that Teddy Long wants to talk with him, probably wanting to sign his match with him that we all know about already…
Coming down to the ring is Victoria and Candice…
“Okay, so Candice is leading ahead on the lech award.. taking it from Lillian Garcia tonight” – Me
“Why do you think she’s pretty?!” – Dani
“She is really cute…” – Me
“It’s a matter of brefrence” – Hernandez
“Breast-ference?” – Me
“..Pardon me.” – Hernandez
Candice then removes her robe to show a black and red corsety teddy thing with garter bits and black fishnet stockings.
“Fine.. she wins..” – Dani
And her opponent, it’s Mickey James with a breastful Trish.
“Mickey James has a weird bodyshape.. it’s.. curvy.” – Dani
“You mean normal?” – Hernandez
“Yeah, I’m just not used to it in wrestling..” – Dani
MICKEY vs. CANDICE
..sure.. whatever.. wrestling, pfft..
So Mickey goes to try and attack, but Candice stops her and then lies right on the second rope. Impressively so. Mickey hits the ropes, and slides beneath Candice’s legs – and a doublechop – followed with Mickey going after Victoria outside the ring.
Two black masked guys go and take Trish.
“TERRORIST CELL… TERRORIST CELL!??!” – Hernandez
Victoria dropkicks Mickey – and Candice gets the pin.
WINNER OF THE LECH AWARD OF THE NIGHT: CANDICE!
So they show the replay of Trish getting kidnapped..
“It was the Hebners!!!” – Hernandez
In the back Trish is all tied up…
“Somebody call Wonder Woman” – Me
And her terrorists unmask.. it’s MNM with Mileena! And bondage enthusiasts everywhere are holding their breath.
“..baited breath.” – Hernandez
So Mileena challenges Trish for the Woman’s title at Survivor Series. Trish accepts…
“Use choloform!!! USE CHLOROFORM!?!!!” – Me
“Nobody’s going to find her… didn’t anyone ever see Spinal Tap?”
So we go back to the announcers, and Jerry is going to find her.
“He will also find The Kat’s missing career” – Hernandez
“All he needs to do is find the cameraman that was down there.” – Hernandez
“Think how scared that cameraman is down there…” – Me
“I mean yeah.. Trish is all tied up..” – Hernandez
“So SHE can’t help him..” – Me
“OH! You were inferring some kind of weird sex thing between them.” – Me
“NOT ME!!!!” – Hernandez
In the back is Boobage holding Shawn Michaels new book.
“The Bible?” – Me
She introduces Shawn and a quick promotion of the book, and tonight’s match versus JBL is a lumberjack match.
“Let me state for the record, lumberjack matches are my favorite gimmick” – Me
“You always state that.” – Hernandez
“But they still don’t happen that often.” – Me
Shawn Michaels uses words like ‘Fly’ and ‘Gangster’.
“He’s trying to speak Jive.” – Hernandez
“And Then we SLACKUM YACKUM!” – Me
Here comes down with Team Raw, Shawn… he kneels with the Scooby Doobies behind him.
“Don’t set the pyro off..” – Hernandez
“No, do it.. right underneath Shawn Michaels.” – Me
Now it’s time for JBL – Coming on down with the Yogi Yahooeys
JBL vs. HBK
R U RDY?
The match starts with both guys exchanging blows… and Shawn throws the kick and JBL holds the ropes – JBL skirts beneath the ropes, right into the arms of Kane.. and then rolls RIGHT back in… cute spot.
In the ring, JBL gets the upperhand. Neckbreaker, and he sends Shawn into the corner. The fists from JBL.. fists from HBK… thumb from JBL…
Clubbing forearms and a swift kick to the face of Shawn. Two count. He sends HBK to the ropes and gets a kick to the face. Shawn throws his OWN fists and JBL goes down – goes for the pin right on the edge of the ring. Shawn hits the ropes, gets picked up for a sideslam and a two count.
JBL puts Shawn into a bearhug, but Shawn breaks out and hits some chops… followed up with a shoulderblock. He climbs up to the top rope, and caught and tossed by JBL. All on top from JBL now… and the match is kind of drab really… lots of punches and basic textbook stuff. Pardon the lack of commentary. It’s nothing personal.
Finally there is some outside action as both men get clotheslined over the top rope, and the Smackdown team grabs JBL and throws him back in… HBK gets a kicking beatdown. The Raw Boys charge in to save HBK.. and Big Show press slams Shawn right ONTO JBL for the two count…
We’re back and JBL has Shawn right into the torture rack. Shawn gets out of it and both end up on their back… I really lost complete track of what went on.. sorry.. I was distracted by nothing in particular.
So head to head they go fist to fist… and Shawn hits the ropes – Shawn went for the shoulderblock… JBL went for a clothesline.. Shawn falls down.. JBL looks stupid. Back on their feet, the fists begin again…. and Shawn hits the shoulderblock! NIP UP!
Atomic drop from Shawn… clothesline from Shawn… bodyslam… Shawn on the top turnbuckle, and elbow drop. It’s time for spelling Bee!
J E S – The Smackdown team pull out JBL… and Shawn planchas RIGHT onto all the boys. Shawn pulls in JBL… but Bradshaw gets ahead again… he throws Shawn into the corner and Shawn eats a HUGE boot. JBL brings Shawn to the corner, brings up to the top. Goes for the superplex, but Shawn fights out of it.
As Shawn is going for the top – Orton pushes him off. JBL goes to toss Shawn to the ropes, but Shawn backs up – SUPERKICK! Orton runs in… R K O. Masters runs in… Rey Rey jumps in…
The entire ring goes nuts with various highlight spots as Big Show spearing Shawn… Kane catching the Westcoast Pop… and as Show & Kane are going for the double chokeslam on Lashley – here comes Batista with a steel pipe! He goes after both men.. ending with a spinebuster to Big Show!
Batista.. alone in the ring… and that’s the show.
So what did the remaining Rabble think?
“For a build up… I agree with the guys backstage.. might be a train wreck!” – Hernandez
“I didn’t like it so much.. I blame the British” – Jenna
“You can’t blame the British!” – Hernandez
“It’s like us blaming Canada.” – Jenna
“I miss Dave in all his dapperness” – Dani
So there you go… not the worst show that they could have thrown up – and given what they had to deal with these past two weeks, I can’t fault them for trying to tie as much together as possible – I give them a definate E for EFFORT.
So, hopefully next week Teddy Long will finally get to Bischoff’s office… hah, take notice – he never got there.
Anyway, thanks for watching and we’ll try and make the Survivor Series a bit more funner! Until then, go check out Me and Hernandez Prattling on…. THE RABBLECAST