SmackYOU!: Smackdown Review for 25 November 2005

Just to guilt you I’m missing “I’m a Celebrity Get Me Out of Here” for you guys as I’m LOYAL TO MY READERS. I suppose I will have to forego watching Jimmy Osmond get attacked by Jungle Animals for tonight. DAMN YOU, DAMN YOU ALL TO HELL

We are the UK this fine evening, Sheffield to be exact, so let’s see if we’re treated to a good show.

The phone box and cab by the entrance way are a nice touch. You know the best thing about having a Thanks Giving show in the UK? No stupid yearly food fight, sorry to offend any Americans but being British Thanks Giving means nothing to me.

Sharmel gets entrance music and everything these days to introduce Booker T. I HATE this character which is a massive compliment to Sharmel as I’m sure she isn’t like this in real life. If she is I feel REALLY sorry for Booker

US Title (C) Booker T w/ The Annoying Frog Woman Vs Chris Fucking Benoit
BIG pop for Benoit as we British fans have great taste in wrestlers. I mean the only reason we liked the Hart Foundation was because Bulldog was carrying them all that time. Oh yes. Booker does some shoving to start as the fans are more interested in chanting for Benoit. Lock up leads to them fighting into the corner and getting some form of clean break. Booker goes to the side headlock and that leads to a shoulder block. A second is reversed to the drop toe hold to a good reaction from the crowd. We pop for wrestling people. Benoit gets some chops in but takes a scoop slam. Benoit dodges an elbow and gets some nasty chops in the corner but walks into a kick to the gut. Suplex is blocked by Benoit into one of his own and Benoit gets a scoop slam. Benoit gets the kitchen sink knee to the gut for two and chops away some more. Booker gets the Jerry Lynn roll up for two and gets a beauty of a side kick for two. Booker goes to the front facelock as the fans get behind Benoit on cue as that’s what we do over here. Chant for Benoit as he arm drags his way from the facelock but takes an elbow to the face. Booker gets some chops in the corner and some other strikes. Benoit fires back with some chops of his own as this turns more into a Benoit massacre. Booker hangs Benoit on the ropes and they fight over a suplex which leads to Benoit going into the post and it’s commercial time

Commercial

While it’s the adverts let me explain something about British crowds. You see we have been fed for many years on the premise that there is a heel and a face and they fight one another. You may think “So? Doesn’t everyone?” Well not quite. You see when you watch Canadian fans they might cheer for the heel and boo the face because they like screwing stuff up and want to cheer who they want to cheer. US fans just don’t want to be bored so they’ll cheer whomever, that’s a generalization but work with me here. We British are perfectly happy to sit down and go “Oh I see so HHH is the heel then? Fair enough we’ll boo him and cheer Kane.” We don’t care WHY HHH is the heel we just accept he is so boo him. Hence why when I went to see Smackdown in 2004 we all cheered for Scotty 2 Hotty (Despite him being a total loser) and booed Spike Dudley out of the building (Despite not having any heat before) because we’re more inclined just to watch the show and boo the heels and cheer the faces.

Anyway back to the match as Booker has Benoit in a rest hold working the shoulder as the fans still valiantly try to stay interested in Booker’s stale heel act. Benoit fires back but Booker clubs him down and they butt heads in the middle. Fans start clapping as Benoit tries for the crossface but Booker gets a nice counter and goes to the super kick. Booker gets a vertical suplex for two as Sharmel chews out the ref. Booker goes back to the shoulder as the crowd tries to support Benoit again. Even Cole notes how lively the crowd is, as if he’s surprised and realizes how boring Booker T is. Benoit gets some more chops but gets whipped into the ref. Benoit gets an AWESOME overhead belly to belly and then goes to the German’s but Booker reverses so he goes to the Sharpshooter instead, to a big pop. Booker makes the ropes so Benoit goes back to the German’s. We have another ref now I should add. Both guys are down but Benoit pops up to a big pop and heads to the top but Sharmel distracts Benoit, good lord, and they do the stupid “Double Pin from a Superplex” spot for the draw. Fans start a loud Benoit chant as we go to the break again.

WINNER – DRAW DUE TO CRAPPY BOOKING

** – Benoit’s stuff was good but Booker’s heat segment was boring and I don’t care about him as a heel in any way and all his heat is down to his wife. Teddy comes down to the ring and they look at the replay which proves nothing. Sharmel says it was a draw so Booker retains but Teddy decides to declare the belt vacant and sets up a best of 7 series between Booker and Benoit. Dear God no, I’ve explained in the Survivor Series Roundtable why I think this is a stupid idea but I will briefly explain here. You see in WCW the whole point of the Best of 7 series was that it was a respectful rivalry about who simply was better and deserved a TV Title shot. By having Booker a heel they’ve already pretty much ruined the point of the whole thing before it even starts. Secondly, Booker is a much worse wrestler than he was back then and putting him in this feud just highlights how out of ideas the booking team is. I mean Ken Kennedy was RIGHT THERE and all they had to do was to put him against Booker and they had a whole feud built up. Sharmel could have got sick of Booker embarrassing her by failing to win the US Title so she would side with Kennedy and then Booker could have actually given Kennedy the rub and maybe even make his own character more interesting. Instead they turned him for the 50th time and just seeing him as a heel only points out how boring he actually is as a heel. At least as a face he could hide his weaknesses and do the crowd pleasing spots like the Spinaroonie. Plus, Benoit could have been working with Christian and maybe that would have made Christian want to stay? Imagine how much more it would have meant for Christian to beat Benoit for the US Title instead of the stale heel Booker?

JBL stumbles across The Boogey Man in the back and just walks away looking worried.

The Dicks Vs LOZ
Because the world NEEDED to see this match. The Dicks have a remix of the Beverly Brothers first theme it sounds like. Big brawl to start as the crowd actually chant for LOZ, for some reason British fans love The Road Warriors. Maybe they remind us of better times? Or the fact that at every two bit “American Wrestling” Show at local town halls there’s always a LOD impersonator taking on an out of shape guy called “Midnight Express” or was that just my own personal experiences of seeing those shows? As you’ve noted I’m ignoring this match as I have interest in seeing it and I’m just going to skip over to ITV to watch celebrities in the jungle. Speaking of which how brave was Sheree to do that bush tucker trial last night? Not even I would have swum with those crocodiles. Anyway The Dicks cheat to win with the old “Baby Lotion to the eyes” trick made famous by such tag team legends the Brisco Brothers and Mae Young and Fabulous Moolah. I didn’t watch it so I won’t rate it. Simple as

MMMMMMMMMRRRRRR KENNEDY……..KENNEDY Vs Matt Hardy
Kennedy is actually pretty over here and the fans actually say it along with Kennedy proving how catchy the catchphrase actually is. It will replace “Smell what the Rock is Cookin” in two years tops mark my words. Matt’s pop is also impressive making me feel the fans will be in to this one. Lock up and Matt goes to a side headlock and holds on to it TENNACIOUSLY. Kennedy fights out of it but takes some forearms and a straight right to the face. Kennedy sets Matt up on the top rope but Matt elbows out of a super back drop attempt and tries the Moonsault but Kennedy dodges as random fans start yelling “Kennedy” I love how over this guy is getting. Kennedy rams Matt into the turnbuckle as the fans do the TNA dueling chants. That’s awesome. Kennedy goes to the camel clutch as the MFer’s get behind Matt and he fights out but runs into a boot. Matt buys some time with a side Russian Leg Sweep and then gets some clothesline and a Side Effect for two. No one buys that as a viable match ender anymore. Matt goes for the Twist of Fate but is shoved off. Matt stupidly heads up top and Kennedy goes for the Slam Pact but Matt becomes the first guy to fight out of it and gets a bulldog from the top rope and the ropes save Kennedy at two. They fight outside and Kennedy goes for a chair and gets disqualified

WINNER – MATT HARDY

*1/2 – Ridiculously weak ending to a fun TV match.

Meanwhile, Eric Bischoff shows up to give Teddy a message, it is “They’re coming” I hope they have some tissues handy then. I thought Candice’s Playbody didn’t come out till May?

I flick to Power Rangers during the break as Billie is in love with Kimberly’s scout friend and Treeny tries to play cupid. Man getting older really makes me view these whole TV shows from my youth differently. When I was younger I would have just said “Just get to the fighting already?” Now I’m like “I bet Kimberly is a real minx in bed” and I wonder whether her and Tommy will EVER actually just f*cking do it. Come on guys I can feel the sexual tension from miles away, If this was a TV sitcom like Friends they would have got together and split up about 4 times by now. That being said Kimberly looks very doable in a scout outfit.

Christy Vs Melina w/ MNM
Melina is so hot but I say that every week. The ref sends MNM to the back to start and Christy wastes no time getting the fight started. Christy gets a top rope cross body and a cool looking leg drop. Melina decapitates Christy outside with a lariat and gets a back breaker inside and turns it into a submission move. These two have such good chemistry together. Melina goes to a bow and arrow that actually looks like it hurts. These two with Victoria, Trish, Mickey James and some Joshi wrestlers would be one fine women’s division. They should have the Women’s champ on both shows again as Melina is actually quite good and Christy is spunky and gets better every match. Melina gets it clean with a face crusher

WINNER – MELINA

** – I say give her the belt after that

Meanwhile, Randy and Batista have a talk backstage and Randy asks Batista to not use his injury as an excuse when Orton beats him. Randy says he was the best in Evolution and he’ll prove it tonight. Batista makes a good point saying Randy was HHH’s bitch (My words not his) while he beat HHH three times. He also notes that he left Evolution in his own terms while Randy got kicked out.

They show clips of Nunzio Vs Juvi from the Italian house show where Nunzio won the belt. Meanwhile, Carlito and Chris Masters show up with tickets and sit on the front row.

WWE Cruiserweight Title (C) Nunzio w/ Vito Vs Juvi w/ Psicosis and Super Crazy
Nunzio fires off some forearms and they do some fast paced Cruiserweight stuff and Juvi gets two from a spin kick but misses a plancha and hits the mats hard. Nunzio goes to the hammerlock and stays on the arm. The fans get behind Juvi as he fights up to his feet and gets another spinning wheel kick and gets his Pump Handle face first slam move for two. Juvi gets a move for two (Sorry I was typing and missed it) Nunzio misses the Sicilian Slice and takes the Juvi Driver and we have a new champion

WINNER – JUVI

*1/4 – Well Nunzio never seemed like much of a problem for Juvi there. They have so many good Cruiserweights wasting away. They should just do The Mexicools, London and Kendrick Vs Nunzio, MNM, Kid Kash and Simon Dean as it no doubt would be great if given the right ammount of time and it would at least get a good match on the show even if none of the guys in it are going particulary anywhere save maybe MNM.

The British Gents Vs Rey Mysterio and JBL
Rey Mysterio has ALWAYS been loved over here in the UK for no particular reason than the fans just like him because he’s a gutsy small guy and we admire that I guess. So JBL is a face now? When I saw Smackdown this time last year in 2004 JBL was champion and the smart arse fans, like myself, cheered him because he was fighting Hardcore Holly. Regal and Rey do some nice stuff and The Gents take control. Burchill gets an elbow for two. If Burchill was his old character he would be outdoing Rey for high spots but here he has to sell the 619. Anyway Shawn Michaels shows up and super kicks JBL as Masters and Carlito attack Rey as Benoit, Holly and LOZ make the save.

WINNERS – JBL AND REY BY DQ I GUESS

Not enough to rate. What a shitty way to use the home town guys

Orlando Jordan w/ Orange highlights that make him look like my friend Jamie Vs Lashley
Yes like Goldberg they just call him by his second name now. OJ jumps him to start but that works out as much as you would expect and Lashley hammers OJ with his usual array of slams and suplexes. Big Black Dominator finishes things. I don’t know what’s going to happen with him at Survivor Series but I’m guessing he will be pinned by Michaels after the Sweet Chin Music

Backstage Teddy says he wants all the Smackdown guys to be at ringside for the main event

World Heavyweight Title
No Holds Barred w/ the whole Smackdown Roster at ringside
(C) Batista Vs Randy Orton w/ Bob his poppa
To think this used to be a “money match” but now they give it away for free on TV. They do some stalling as Batista can’t wrestle due to his injuries and the entire Raw Roster comes down for a to quote Tazz “Big Fight” that’s why he’s your top colour man folks! Finishers are given, Beatings are administered and Kane and Big Show attack Batista again Double Choke Slam him through the announcers table as JBL tries to save.

And that’s your show. To be honest I wanted more. I wanted Smackdown to actually look generally strong for once instead of a few of them getting some lucky shots in. I will be rooting for Smackdown at Survivor Series but I just can’t see the “Top” show Raw going down on one of the big four. We’ll see though

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