The SmarK Rant for Prison Break – Episode 13

The SmarK Rant for Prison Break – Episode 13

“End of the Tunnel”

So it’s the end of the line for the escape plan, hopefully, and we get another piece of good news to start, as apparently getting your throat slit ear-to-ear isn’t as fatal as once thought, and thus Abruzzi is alive! Sure, he’s bleeding and dying on the way to Chicago on a helicopter, but he’s got a few months to heal up anyway. However, Lincoln only has 36 hours left to live, and after assaulting a guard in the last episode he’s spending the rest of them in the SHU. With the lights out. Oh, that’s just mean.

So Mike declares that the escape is on hold without his brother, but the others are like “Bitch, please” and take a vote, which doesn’t really go well for Michael’s side of things. C-Note tries to take over as ringleader, but he’s not exactly much with the brightness. And you just know he’s gonna meet a nasty and possibly irony-filled end. This gets further reinforced when we discover that he’s been lying to his family the whole time, telling them that he’s a Master Sargent in the army, on patrol in Iraq. Yeah, that’s believable.

Sucre tries to reason with Mike, but he’s got another tattoo on his arm that seems to indicate a Plan B. That plan helps to up the WTF Quotient for this week, as Mike cuts into his arm and produces a black pill that he apparently planted there before he went to prison. Now that’s some foresight. He sends it on to Linc via a necklace, hopefully with instructions.

So it’s PI time, and thus go time, as the remaining 5 head for the hole and Linc gets some last-minute spiritual guidance and a little black pill, with instructions to eat at 8:10. Agent Hale, aka Agent Dead Meat, gets ready to flee, while Veronica goes to the media — and Kellerman finds out about both things.

Mike “accidentally” ruptures a pipe in the break room, leaving the PI team there until all hours of the night if need be to repair things, which of course is just what they needed. Linc, meanwhile, gets to watch them test out the electric chair, and the technician’s conversation about AC power v. DC power reminds me of a story told to me in Physics class in high school: Apparently Nicola Tesla’s development of alternating current at the turn of the century was pretty threatening to Thomas Edison, a proponent of direct current. So because the new-fangled AC power was used in the new-fangled electric chairs instead of DC power, Edison declared Tesla’s AC power to be inhumane and barbaric, basically sinking Tesla’s career in the public eye while selling “clean and humane” DC-powered electric chairs to prisons all over the country in one fell swoop. No wonder the guy was friggin’ rich.

So with her fiancee and his ex-wife both dead, Veronica is free to put a little liplock action on Linc while visiting him on death row, and even more impressively, she correctly cites the 8th Amendment to get the lights turned back on in his cell! It’s almost as though she’s a real lawyer or something. Linc’s fateful black pill, taken at 8:10, turns out to be Instant Food Poisoning, which I’m sure has bulimics the world over lining up to order it. However, a little stomach pain and vomiting turns out to be worth it when he ends up in the infirmary at 9:00 instead of, you know, dead.

And as expected, Veronica’s secret inside informant, whom she is dumb enough to meet in a dark, blind alley, is Agent Dead Meat. Although before Kellerman shows up, he manages to inform her (and us) that not only did Linc not kill Terrence Steadman, but in fact NO ONE killed Steadman, as he’s still alive. WHOA. Did NOT see that twist coming. Sadly, when Kellerman does show up, Hale spends too much begging for his life and not enough shooting Kellerman in the face, and thus ends up dead and presumably a widower before he died. Sure, Kellerman SAID he didn’t kill Hale’s wife, but it was pretty obvious she wasn’t gonna make it out alive. Veronica manages to escape by hiding behind a car, with yet another dead body on her conscience. How does this woman sleep at night?

And through the tunnel everyone goes, with C-Note’s homies waiting outside the prison with an Escalade and guns, and yet they’re so stupid that they think parking in front of the prison and standing around looking suspicious is a perfectly good way to do an escape. This is why MICHAEL is in charge, not C-Note. But with everything set for the escape and the group below the infirmary and Linc in the infirmary and no one around…Mike discovers that a lowly janitor has replaced the open section of pipe, and thus they’re boned. That’s the thing about super-geniuses — it’s always the human element that throws them off. T-Bag is none too happy, and he has a shank to back him up. Mike is in tears, without a backup plan…and we’ll see you in March for the conclusion.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!