Finally, the second edition of the Anti-Nexus appears! The first one is up here, so feel free to check that one out at some point – and pay special attention to the vague disclaimers about just how sporadic these columns are going to be. We’ll have no more e-mails bugging me about lateness, thank-you-very-much…
Anyway, I think I’ve met all the criteria to write this one. I’ve got the time to not be doing other things, I’ve got some beer in the fridge, and I’ve even got a topic (honestly, we’re getting to it soon…). It’s not what I was originally going to discuss. Originally, following up on the last column’s ridiculing of HOUSE OF M, I was going to focus on INFINITE CRISIS. Then I had a couple of brief, random and similar conversations with some people yesterday that gave me a better idea.
The first one was with a student who I unfortunately have to spend an entire hour sitting in the same room as, without snapping and bashing his head off of the desk. He’s one of those know-it-all young guys that, in the words of Shawn Michaels, doesn’t even know enough to know that he doesn’t know, you know? He’s got the officially-rebellious, precisely-gelled pseudo-punk haircut and the ironic slogans on his T-shirts that, apparently, “define” him as an “individual.” I don’t really like him a great deal, I just hope that is somehow clear enough. Anyway, on this particular day, I was early for the class and was having a look at one of the books that I had left-over from the previous week’s haul (more specifically, it was the HULK VISIONARIES: PETER DAVID vol. 2 TPB) when this walking, talking, Darwin Award nominee came swanning into the room and started asking me about it…
Him – “Hey.”
Me – “Hey.”
Him – “Why are you reading comic books?”
Me – “Well, I kinda have to. Otherwise I’ll never know.”
Him – “Never know what?”
Me – “The answer to your question.”
Him – “Huh?”
Me – “Never mind.”
Thankfully other, less annoying people came into the room at that point. I probably wouldn’t have dwelled on this little tete-a-tete had it not been for the very similar thing that happened later on that same day. I was in a cafe, overdosing on sugar and caffeine, reading that very same book, when the waitress started talking to me while she was clearing a nearby table…
Her – “So how is it?”
Me – “Yeah, it’s okay. Not as good as last year, though.”
Her – “Why, what was last year?”
Me – “What are you talking about?”
Her – “The book…”
Me – “Oh, okay.”
Her – “Aren’t those things just meant for kids?”
Me – “Absolutely, I’m only nine-and-a-half years old. I’m big for my age, but I’ll be ten in March.”
Her – “No, but seriously… why bother reading them?”
Me – “You see that woman over there? She’s reading Heat Magazine. Judging by the cover, that particular issue’s main topic is that Jennifer Aniston doesn’t always wear make-up. Am I going to be better off reading that?”
Her – “Well you never know, do you?”
Me – “Well, are you single?”
Her – “No…”
Me – “Well then, I got a pretty good idea.”
That was pretty much that. Now, I have absolutely no problem with people thinking I’m a little bit weird. Hell, I think the very same thing. I have absolutely no problem with being a social leper because of a) alcohol, b) belligerence, or c) both. That’s just fine and dandy; a little deal struck between me and the world that helps keep an even balance. But being looked at like an Englishman in New York just for reading a comic book? Twice in one day? Well… them’s fightin’ words… and the first rule of fightin’ is that it’s better to attack than to defend…
You see, the only possible response to this irritating question is the easy, honest and indisputable one – enjoyment. Nine letters, one word, one answer, that’s it, that’s all, thank you and goodnight. Now the real fun begins when we try to figure out exactly why anybody should feel so incredulous about a grown man reading comic books…
Fantastic Four grossed over $150 million at the U.S. box-office alone this year, a number that will increase drastically with international ticket sales and the DVD release. Batman Begins was far more warmly received and grossed over $200 million in the States. It also made it into the Top 100 of the All-Time Worldwide Box Office according to IMDB, in addition to the 1989 Batman version, Men In Black, Spider-Man, Spider-Man 2, X-Men 2 and The Incredibles, which became a comic book after the fact but was so heavily inspired by the work of Stan Lee and Jack Kirby that it merits inclusion here. Superman Returns is not due for release until the 30th June 2006 but within the perilous realm of speculation it is nigh on certain that it will make even more money than any of these other phenomenally popular movies did. According to Forbes Magazine, Spider-Man and Wolverine were among the ten highest grossing fictional characters in 2004 with $1.3 billion and $900 million respectively. At a time when some of the most well-known comic book properties are clearly enjoying immense popularity around the world due to movies and other varied merchandise, it is strange that their comic book roots should continue to be treated so condescendingly by people.
All of this leads to a series of rhetorical questions debating the merit of comic books and the supposed lack of taste in those who not only don’t read them but feel the need to comment on those that do enjoy them. There’s no real need to put these questions into the column since you are all certainly clever enough (or at the very least, not stupid) to figure them out for yourselves. You know what the drill is with these sorts of questions. They’re the sort of questions that ultimately lead to you hardly ever daring to read comic books in certain company, as though they are some kind of literary taboo that should be stuck on the top shelf and wrapped in plastic to prevent innocent eyes from stumbling across it. They’re the sort of questions that wind up with Comic Book Guy from The Simpsons apparently hitting so close to the mark that it hurts and has to be taken as a warped sign of affection. Well, as long as you are only watching the TV show because if you are wandering around reading one of the many comic book versions of the franchise then not only are you likely to walk into lampposts and the like, but you will get many a strange look from people determined to believe that ‘cool’ has any sort of legitimate meaning. They’re the sort of questions that make it sound as though we’re one step short of throwing ourselves a Comic Book Pride parade and pitting the continuity-mafia against the gay-mafia in a bitter staring contest to see who gets to be the friendly face of minority from now on. Hey, we’ve already infiltrated their home territory at the Academy Awards; it could happen sooner than you think. Lock up your children lest they be tempted to join the Midnighter brigade.
What makes all of this even more peculiar is that it can’t just be put down to an irrational fear of spandex, since there are plenty of successful comic book adaptations out there that have nothing to do with them good ol’ boys, the superheroes. A History Of Violence is one of the most critically acclaimed films of the year, even if the John Wagner and Vince Locke book is stuck at just over 11,000 on the Amazon sales ranks right now. Road To Perdition was treated with just as much kindness and, heaven help us, even managed to bag itself an Academy Award. For all of Ang Lee’s split-screen pretensions in his Hulk movie, it was Sin City that came closest to being the first legitimate case of being a cinematic comic-book, to the extent that Frank Miller even managed to get a co-director credit. As long as nobody gets any bright ideas about turning him loose on the Batman movie franchise then that is a very fine accomplishment indeed. With more adaptations of comic book broadsheets like EX MACHINA, Y: THE LAST MAN, THE WAITING PLACE and V FOR VENDETTA on the way, it may surprise some to know that comics are not running before they can walk, they are actually just swimming.
Not that any of those adaptations, or any others of similar ilk, would signify anything. There remains a large group of people for which comics mean very little except for the odd Gary Larson or Garfield strip tucked away somewhere near the middle of nowhere in their newspaper. Then again, the movie reviews are normally stuck near the same place and the movie magazine aficionados are not usually to be found trying to raise subscription levels outside the theatre. The self-importance that some comic book fans have for their chosen medium can sometimes wind up in self-harm territory. It certainly doesn’t do anything to help the notion of Them and Us. It couldn’t possibly when we’ve locked Them outside and selfishly hoarded our precious bagged and boarded stash in specified comic book stores while the rest of Them just harmlessly walk on by outside. It doesn’t matter a jot to Them if the return to form of variant covers and super-duper steroid-fuelled editions of landmark books tickles Us pink or makes Us see red. Perhaps if we could find a way to get Us bagged, boarded and slabbed then we would finally be happy, but the rest of Them would still pay no attention as we speculated ourselves out of touch.
It’s a dual-edged bone of contention. We know why we read comics but we don’t know why others don’t when they can still sport a Superman T-shirt or endlessly debate the topics raised in CONCRETE stories without knowing who or what Concrete actually is. They clearly enjoy the superhero culture and can appreciate good writing and good art but they have no idea why they should scour the Diamond listings, rummage through the long-boxes or constantly re-mortgage their affections through reboots, crossovers and fanboy pandering. Somewhere out there one of Us is thinking “Ah! But what about bookstores?” and his irritating little brother is thinking “Ah! But what about manga?” but they are thoroughly unconvincing. Bookstores tuck their often limited graphic novel selections away beside the sci-fi hordes and quite rightly focus attention on where their profits come from, which is apparently D-list celebrity literature and ostentatious coffee drinks. Those of Us left relying on bookstores for a steady comic book fix either have no better option or are just not so fatally attracted to this addiction. It’s easy to say that if the comic book companies want an audience to come to them then they have to go to the audience first, but they have already gone there. There are swathes of Them who only bother with comic books through the superheroes they see at the movies or on TV or in video games or in the toy stores. Your precious comic book store is not Rome and not many of Them are led there, not even if Vertigo solicited a map that was written by Neil Gaiman and painted by Alex Ross. If DC and Marvel were so financially concerned about this then they would make their comics more widely available but the truth is that they can still churn a mean profit from Batman and Wolverine without tainting the paying public with the stigma of Us and our diehard ways.
As for manga… well… and I mean this in the sweetest way possible… who cares? Apples and oranges can mingle in a fruit bowl but they still have little to do with one another, and if the hungry consumer would rather have a banana then they’re both just shit out of luck.
I guess at the end of the day it all just boils down to consumer choice. They know that the comic books are out there, somewhere, but if they can get their superhero fix in a readily accessible and thoroughly enjoyable way then there’s no need to waste time on the source material. Similarly, while the graphic novel may offer aesthetically-pleasing storytelling the conventional novel is an equally viable piece of work. Conversely, many people might prefer the opposite choice and, as the old saying goes, opposites attract. That’s probably why we spend so much time being so confused with one another.
