Christian’s back to being an asshole again! It’s good to have him back. I didn’t like the wuss puss Christian. The only return to television that I think might equal this is Rick Springfield’s return to General Hospital as Dr. Noah Drake. It’s good to see you both back where you belong. I’ll say it, I owned Working Class Dog. As a matter of fact, Rick Springfield was my first concert. So, there! Frisco Jones!
After Kimber left Christian at the alter last week, his heart and ego were undoubtedly broken. But it’s understandable. She was uncertain as to why he loved her and vice versa. She had given up her life for him and lost who she was. Much like Katie Holmes did for Tom Cruise. She left her life at the Creek and all of her worldly possessions (that’s what the Scientologists do) to be with a couch jumpin’, braceface Scientologist. Lesson learned: don’t lose your sense of self for someone hot & rich. In Chrisitian’s state of self loathing and worthlessness, Sean tells him he’d like to return to the practice. So he’s got that goin’ for him. And he’s hot & rich.
This week I had to watch Nip/ Tuck solo. Hey, I’m lucky I could find it on my sister’s 800 channel boob toob labyrinth. There was nobody to hold my hand during the surgery scenes and nobody to scream “Oh My God!” to. The only friend I had to watch with me was el Capitan Morgan.
Oh My God #1:
Christian performs lipo on a girl who needs to get rid of her huge hips. It’s as if she molded her life (and her lower half) after Queen’s “Fat Bottom Girls”. Unfortunately, she needs a lot more work than this, but who am I to judge? While performing the procedure, he starts beating her, presumably taking all of his frustrations in life out on her. She goes to Julia’s recovery spa & Christian pays her a visit. She asks him how long it’ll be before she’s fully recovered to get her own “Dr. Christian Troy”. Yeah, good luck, sistah. But get this! He tells her to be at his place at 8pm! Say what? Is it this easy to get Dr. Hottie? I gotta start using that line. She shows up at his place and he tells her to go into the bedroom to put on something more comfortable. Mind you… she’s still a chunky monkey and looks like one, too. Once again, I judge. In the bedroom lying on the bed is a paper bag. “I want you to put that bag over your head. Do you ever expect to have a chance to be with someone like me?” Oh no he didn’t!! That was the most romantic thing I’ve ever heard. Move over Bridges of Madison County, this one’s just like a romance novel with Fabio on the cover!
Oh My God #2:
Quentin, who is now seeing Sean’s ex-wife Julia, is in one of the examining rooms checking on a military boy and his recovery of stitches on his face… and oh look…stitches on his smooth, young chest and wait… does he also need to examine the stitches on his rock hard six pack? As I’m watching, I’m thinking, “Wait a minute!! That’s MY move! What the hell is going… is he…??” The next thing I know, this military kid is engaging in a back door move on Quentin. Sean walks in, sees this, and quickly walks out. Good move, Sean. He goes to Julia to tell her and she kicks him out. I think Julia’s succes at the spa is making her a little koo koo. Sean approaches Quentin and the kid about this and basically blackmails them both. If this leaks, Quentin’s medical career and the kids marriage and military career are ruined. A framing well done, Sean. This is a friction these two didn’t get a chance to experience in the heat of the moment the day before.
Oh My God #3:
At the end, the lipo girl shows up in Christian’s office and he’s reading a letter from Kimber that says she had to leave and she never wants to see him again. Lipo girl tells him that she enjoyed the bag over her head position and if he wanted to do it again… and she leaves him her phone number… on a paper bag! Oye. “You like apples? I gawt her numbah. How you like them apples?”
But as he was reading the goodbye letter they kept flashiing to Kimber in a dark warehouse writing it. It was eery. Then at the end she lifts her head and she’s got the slashes of the Carver and the Carver is standing abover her! Aagghh!! Quick, get me a refill of Captain, make it strong, and get someone on the phone! I don’t care who… call information, call Ghostbusters, call Domino’s (and if you do, you best order me a pie). This is some crazy shit!
I need to go back and check details, but now I’m throwing Matt (weirdo son) into the Carver pool of suspects. He’s so bizarre and hates everyone. Not to mention, he wouldn’t be one of Christian’s best men at his wedding. And I didn’t go into detail about Matt’s subplot this week of turning into a Nazi with his new racist girlfriend and their matching swastika earrings, because he’s just not a dynamic character. He’s 100% whacko jacko, therefore anything about him is expected to be incredulous. But he’s just crazy enough to put on a mask and slash faces. Plus, why would Quentin have it in for them? Or out for them? Or in & out & in & out for them? But is Matt’s rebellious attitude too obvious? And where is the Carver manhunt? Do they need to send in CSI Miami? No, not David Caruso! Can’t the Carver get him?
I’m glad to see the explosive drama the way it was meant to be. Provocative and controversial.
I just want more great episodes like this one for Christmas. And a pony.
I can’t wait for next week.
