SATURDAY EVENING POST
Happy Monday. It’s Flea. The name of this column is still Saturday Evening Post, for no other reason than I like the name. Certainly better than Monday Mystery. I’ve never liked mysteries – or riddles for that matter. Hello out there! – some of you are back to work, already having spent the first thirty minutes getting coffee, recapping your weekend to a non-interested, but friendly co-worker and then returning the same glassy-eyed stare while listening to lame stories about their weekend blah blah blahr…move along
Check some messages, scan through some emails and BAM! Time to work! Open a web browser and here we are…I’m thinking everyone of you reading this at work should be ashamed of yourselves. And fired. Immediately. It takes a lot of gall to sit there, on the clock…in essence, being PAID to read this. When I don’t get dime one to WRITE it! Choke on that bagel, will ya?
Oops. Sorry. I forgot for a second – I’m Happy Drunk Fleabag and it’s a fun time for all when you read my columns! Positive Thinking! “Flea, if we want to be raked over the coals by a bastard curmudgeon, we can wait until Tuesday!” Good point.
It’s Flea. It’s Monday. Hope you are well…did you know that text messages on phones cost 5 cents per message? Well, I didn’t. Makes me want to flame everyone on my IM list that has a stupid little walkie-talkie icon next to their names.
“Hey! Look at me! I don’t have to be at home to be connected! Where’s my parade?”
Ha ha ha. Five cents per message…
Ryder Fakin: Hey
Ryder Fakin: you
Ryder Fakin: dope
Ryder Fakin: The
Ryder Fakin: Message
Ryder Fakin: is
Ryder Fakin: Eat
Ryder Fakin: Shit
Ryder Fakin: …
Ryder Fakin: Looks
Ryder Fakin: Like
Ryder Fakin: I
Ryder Fakin: O
Ryder Fakin: U
Ryder Fakin: a
Ryder Fakin: dollar
Ryder Fakin: !
Ryder Fakin: Cat
Ryder Fakin: Fish
Ryder Fakin: hyuck
Come on, let’s go…
TOP STORY
The Breadless Horseman
Was Ric Flair ever mighty enough to fall? Many people think so – although his list of defenders dwindled when he made an ass of himself in his biography. The sad tale of a washed up champion, redeemed at the end by a company that, within a year or two, may not touch him with a ten-foot pole.
Oh sure – he’ll stay on someone’s payroll. Much like the drunk uncle you pay monthly to stay away. When you stop to compare “legacies” (which Flair did in his book) – despite the general feeling that Hulk Hogan is a self-serving, political con man when it comes to the wrestling business, the fact is Hogan’s legal troubles – his house had enough live animals to reach “zoo” status, a major annoyance to his neighbors to say the least – pale in comparison to the tales of drunkenness, cruelty, and excess that appear in the court documents of Flair’s divorce. Flair can claim the “respect” of all the “boys”, but when it comes right down to it, who’s the better man in the end?
Ric Flair…or Richard Fliehr…The Man, quite simply, is a menace. And I’m not talking about the allegations of abuse – abuse which includes verbal, physical, emotional, alcohol and steroid. That’s personal. My biggest beef with Flair is his total disregard for money.
Flair crows in his book how he’s spent a lifetime living beyond his means. Even after he was bailed out of trouble once – here he is again with the IRS up his ass. The government doesn’t really care that he’s “kissed all the girls…and made them cry.” Or “cut himself five times a night…”. They want to get paid. A recent story in the Charlotte Observer spells it out…
Flair was in the news earlier this week after being accused of road rage on Interstate 485.
The divorce case file at the Mecklenburg County Courthouse has grown as thick as two phone books, stuffed with financial records, credit card bills and property tax records.
There’s also a letter from the judge, ruling that Flair must pay Elizabeth $20,000 a month until the case is settled, based on their previous living expenses.
Judge Jane Harper says the payment includes $2,000 for gifts, which Harper calls “obscenely high although far less than she says she needs,” and $200 for religious contributions. “Whether she makes this or not,” the judge writes, “I’ve included it to encourage someone in this family to share a tiny smidgen of their huge wealth with someone besides themselves.”
The judge also says she’ll consider freezing the couple’s assets until the case is decided, because Flair used money from a retirement account “to get $92,000 (ring) for his girlfriend’s finger.”
In an affidavit asking for support payments, Elizabeth estimates that she spends $65,000 a year on clothing and $50,000 on vacations. She said she spent $50,000 on Christmas gifts in 2004. The family also owns a boat, a country club membership, and a house in the Piper Glen neighborhood with an estimated $1.2 million tax value, according to court records.
Flair, known for his “Nature Boy” persona and piercing “Wooooo,” said he’s due to make $500,000 from his WWE contract this year. But he hasn’t received a paycheck since April, he says, due to the IRS’ actions.
Flair also says he’s concerned about his future in wrestling.
“I am 56 years old,” the star writes, “working in a business that demands physical fitness and is dominated by performers much younger than I.
“There is no guarantee that even next year, I will be employed.”
– charlotteobserver.com
Pitiful. If Vince’s McMahon’s newfound conscience can extend past “drug testing”, he, in the best interest of all involved, needs to put a stop to Flair’s in-ring death march. Broke or not, Flair’s “payoffs” at this point in his life should not include matches.
I’ve got to read this part of the above story again
The judge also says she’ll consider freezing the couple’s assets until the case is decided, because Flair used money from a retirement account “to get $92,000(ring) for his girlfriend’s finger.”
In an affidavit asking for support payments, Elizabeth estimates that she spends $65,000 a year on clothing and $50,000 on vacations. She said she spent $50,000 on Christmas gifts in 2004. The family also owns a boat, a country club membership, and a house in the Piper Glen neighborhood with an estimated $1.2 million tax value, according to court records.
That’s hilarious. Flair sure knows how to pick ’em, don’t he? The new chick couldn’t settle for the 50 grand diamond? And how about Beth – “the lifestyle she is accustomed to living” needs to be supported. Thank God the kids are grown or Flair would really be over a barrel.
In 2003, I celebrated my twentieth wedding anniversary. I think I spent about $1,000 for Beth’s first diamond; this time, I paid about $100,000. She never asked for it. I just wanted to give it to her. She deserves more for being so strong.
– Ric Flair, To Be the Man
Sucker.
In my life, I’ve been a movie star, a rock star and a sports star, all wrapped into one – and worked harder at it than anyone else. I’ve done things to embarrass myself, and to embarass my family. Yet, at the end of the day, it has nothing to do with how well my match goes tonight. I our business, you’re only as good as your last match – unless you have a legacy. WWE has given me my legacy back. WWE made me realize that I have the respect of my peers. Hulk Hogan could never buy what I have.
– Ric Flair, To Be the Man
If you had a choice, would you rather be Hogan or Flair? Or Foley? Or Bret Hart?
The bottom line on legacies is this – it’s all a matter of perception. If the truth was told, how may wrestlers honestly look up to Flair? As in – “when I’m in my 50’s, THAT’S how I want to be.” They’ll tell him to his face, “it’s all you, Ric. You’re the Man”, while the private thoughts are probably closer to “What a joke.” Flair made his allegiance to HHH and Vince McMahon very clear in his book – and also became a hatchet man, going out of his way to bury Hogan and Hart. He’s grateful for their help “becoming ‘The Man’ again…and it managing to piss all that goodwill away by being “Ric Flair”. Which is what people wanted…not stopping to think that “being Ric Flair” is the root of the problem.
He’s never grown up. Or changed his ways. Claiming to do so sounds good in print, but those claims ring as hollow as “HBK, the Religious Convert”. The truth lies in actions…and, until Flair shows different, being old and broke ain’t going to change the stripes of this zebra. He’s becoming more of a liability day by day – at the time when Vince and WWE could do without any more negative press.
Flair’s real legacy is that many of the wrestlers who got fat off the 90’s boom realized that it’s wise to curtail the lifestyle and plan for the future – something that just doesn’t come naturally to some folks. Chris Jericho and Christian are perfect examples – each left on their own terms, with money put away – Eddy Guererro is a bad example. A real bad example. Like Flair, he pissed away a majority of his career earnings and was working, pretty much, paycheck to paycheck. That’s no way for a legend to be – and, much like his predecessors, Flair fell into the same trap – a mark for himself and the character he created. Living the gimmick of the Penthouse Playboy, when in reality he’s nothing more than an Outhouse Pauper. In debt. And in bad shape.
For his own well being, the Last Man Standing match should be, with maybe one or two “special occasions” Ric Flair’s last match. He has nowhere to go but down from here…there’s no old folks home for ex-wrestlers. Just an outside chance at another payoff and bad food and company at the Cauliflower Alley Club Banquets. Hell, I think even the CAC has worn out it’s welcome – becoming nothing more than a platform for bitter midcarders to piss and moan about being on the outside looking in. Vince has not rolled out the welcome mat for everyone yet – and it looks like he’s having enough trouble keeping his own ship afloat – not financially, of course. But the heart and soul – and the legends – continue to self-destruct and / or die – while Vince does nothing but age.
Maybe next time we will look at some answers – those always look cute spelled out on paper. Unions! Time Off! Less Travel! Most likely none of the above. Not one of those things, in my opinion, would make a difference wither way – if they were addressed. But why would they be? Because online “fans” ask for it? Demand it? The revolt needs to be financial, brutally financial…and it may be coming sooner that Vince and Company think. All rats be prepared to abandon ship.
Speaking of rats, ships and money…
WWE – the Corporate Version
Linda McMahon and her business gurus managed to put a smile on the faces on Wall Street and prompted a reflex gag from me – a happy song about the financial quarter, roses and daises, no worries and not a word about anything bad. HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY! The stock jumped, as the dividend this time around is borderline bribery.
The good news – international business is through the roof and the archives are paying off in spades. Hey – I remember saying stuff like that would be the cat’s meow and a couple years later, damn if it ain’t. CROW. Not really. But I do think it’s funny that people are half – heartedly waking up to a company that’s it pretty good shape, making money. Not good money – but forking over the sweet dividend not only makes the stock attractive – but it lines Vince’s pockets. And how.
The bad news – the future holds some kind of Federal Indictment for those dumb motherf*ckers. The only reason it hasn’t happened yet? Because it’s “rasslin”. Hell, everyone knows that. The Wild Card here is Shareholder accountability; if the bodies continue to pile up…or some freak writes to his CongressPerson – all bets are off. Half of Washington has to worry about getting re- elected now. The other half has the same worries 2 years from now. A nice juicy issue for a shark of a low-life running for / trying to get re-elected to office is…ha ha ha. They would never waste their time, right? As we type / read, some asshole congressman from Texas wants a “commission” to “look into” the B.C.S. …
BCS – that’s College Football, yo. You see, there is a computerized ranking system in NCAA Football…and it tells you the best teams in the nation – Numeros Uno and Two. Failsafe…
Except to a bunch of writers. And Fans. And Sports Commentators. And Congress, evidently. Lots of controversy here…
My Ass. With the exception of anything having to do with Hockey or Soccer, it’s the dumbest argument in Sports. Jesus Christ, you can’t even BET on College Athletics…well, you can, if you’re an idiot. Let’s get back to wrestling…
So – some yayhoo in Power gets a hard on about College Football. Where no one is dying. It’s not too much of a stretch for the ax to start swinging Vince’s way.
Federal Indictment. I’m sure the people that know more than they say will stick to the line “No Chance in Hell”. Should be a fun year.
WRESTLING DEAD POOL
Keller: What do you think of the term “death watch” (when a wrestler is considered in a rough enough physical state to be potentially near dropping dead)?
Waltman: Well, I’ve been on it. Shit, I’ve been high up on that list before. You know what I don’t like is when I go on the Internet and see on some message boards where people are taking bets on who’s going to die next. That type of thing where it gets so trivialized that “so and so is going to die next.” But, I mean, how did it get that name? Because there are people worried about somebody dying.
– Tawrch Talk
Are people taking bets? HEY YO! I’m paying MONEY!
Waltman – he’s been picked a bunch. Another Poster Boy. Maybe you should play…
Please Read the Rules. Grazi.
PAGE SIX
According to the Boss, I’m on “rotation” now. I think that means it will be next year before I do another column. Here anyway…you know where to find me otherwise, right?
Thanks for Reading
