says good-bye to another…
So join us as we say ciao to…
So shed one, slightly opaque, pearly tear to our girl…
Now though it’s time for…
T H E
M O N D A Y
N I G H T
R A B B L E
Joining us tonight are:
‘Diva Search’ Dani
‘Lingerie Pillow Fight’ Eric
‘Gravy Boat Match’ Jenna
‘Pose Off’ Hernandez
‘Paddle On A Pole’ Bill
And your host…
‘Fufill Your Fantasy’ – Me – James Hatton
Before we begin the report, I just want to thank ‘NEWBS’ who sent me a couple of letters of positive feedback about the Rabble and a few questions about the ‘IWC’ (Internet Wrestling Community) as a whole. NEWBS, thank you for your very cool letter and you will be getting a response in the near future.
As so many know before you – you write Hatton – Hatton writes back.
Last week Eric Bischoff didn’t fufill his promise to make Cena tap – so this week we might be looking at a new GM.
So tonight, staring on Edge’s lil talk show bit… addressing his recent errr… legal problems. Ric Flair! I’m kind of amazed they addressed it so pointedly
Starting the show though, here to take out the trash, driving a Waste Industry truck is none other than Vinnie Mac! Set up in the ring is a leather chair and two podiums. So without further adieu he introduces Eric Bischoff…
“Mr. BISCHOFFF… YER ON VACATIO…. I MEAN FIRED!” – Bill
“This isn’t about what I do… it’s about who I am. Please let me keep my job as GM.” – Bischoff
“KISS MY ASS!!!! SCREW IT… SLOB MY KNOB!!!” – Hernandez
So why are they going to have two podiums and a chair?
“Verbal Debate!” – Me
“Didn’t I say that last week?” – Hernandez
So Vinnie explains that tonight is the ‘Trial of Eric Bischoff’
“Law & Order – Raw Edition” – Me & Bill
So Bischoff’s defense attorney? The Coach, looking all dapper in a suit.
“Coach does not wear it as well as her Dapper Dave.” – Dani
Coach’s opening remarks:
“My client Eric Bischoff is an asshole. Eric Bischoff does not get paid to be your friend. He gets paid to deliver the best sports entertainment show..”
“Sadly he gives us Raw” – Me
“TNA?” – Hernandez
Who is the prosecuting attorney? In a suit..
“HE’S GOT A BATMAN LUNCHBOX… SQUEEEEEEEEEEE!” – Dani
It’s Mick Foley!
“I can honestly state that nobody has done more to benefit Raw than Eric Bischoff. You see that years ago on WCW, Eric Bischoff announced that Mick Foley would be winning the WWE Championship. In a cruel twist of fate, half a million fans jumped over to watch Raw causing a shift in the ratings war. That Eric was very generous. I will prove though as a general manager, Eric Bischoff was conniving, manipulative, deceiptful. I will prove that he did not do hist bet to entertain the public… RIGHT HERE IN SOUTH CAROLINA!” Heheheh… still funny.
So as the night progresses, we’ll see the trial of Eric Bischoff and possibly take out the trash.
“And bring IN DA’ MONEYYYYYY” – Dani
COMMERCIAL
Now…. It’s time for the BIIIIiiiiig SHOW! and KANE! Nice little combo on the teams music.
Errrrrrr….. so a bunch of stuff starts right at the go. I don’t know what this match is… but Viscera is in it!!…. Charging Kane and walking right into Big Show.
Then eating a shot from Kane and now both men go after the big man. Double toss to the ropes.. double chokeslam. In runs Snitsky and he eats a big boot. A Heartthrob leaps onto the top rope. Gets caught by Show and thrown out of the ring. He is then grabbed, brought back INTO the ring and tossed aside.
Val Venis comes in and gets a HUGE clothesline from Kane. Show charges Venus and gets grabbed by the throat. Romeo grabbed by Kane, and in runs Tomko to get booted and joint grabbed by both men. TRIPLE CHOKESLAM!
WINNERS OF WE DON’T KNOW WHAT: KANE & BIG SHOW
Now we go to the back .. or a courtroom.. or a taped segment.
“Hey Masters is the bailiff” – Eric
“Just so they could get him in there.” – Bill
“..wow.. that’s gay” – Jenna
So Foley’s first witness is… with entrance music…. Stephanie McMahon.
“You’ve been a GM before, correct?” – Foley
“..don’t they HATE each other?” – Dani
Stephanie states for the record that both she and Shane believe that Eric should be removed ‘from office’. Actions speak louder than words, so they put together a video package entitled….. exhibit ‘A’.
2002 Smackdown Halloween show, with the kiss between the two.
“IT WASN’T REALLY VINCE????” – Bill
“In a Ronald Regan mask?” – Chris
“THE SCALERI BROTHERS!!!!” – Bill
Coach tries to object. Vince tells him to shut up.
“So half a match and more trial stuff… gonna be a fun night” – Me
COMMERCIAL
Now a video package for the troops. Hey, is this Creed?
Coming out now though is Trish with Mickey James!
“She has a really cute skirt on!” – Dani
Her opponent…
“It’s time for the same woman’s match over again! WWE, bringing you consistancy” – Bill
And wearing so very little is Candace.
VICTORIA vs. MICKEY JAMES
Nobody’s watching really….
Mickey starts the match with a roll-up for two, and a waist lock and snapmare and sliding dropkick for Victoria. Mickey gets tossed to the outside and unloads on Torrie and Candace. Victoria comes out to try and save her friends, but ends up getting hit.
James throws her back in – charges and gets powerslammed and then bodyslammed… poorly. Victoria then stands right on her chest.
“POP!” – Me
Victoria throws the moonsault for two, then a kick to her face and throws her wrist first into the poll, and Victoria begins throwing hits to her arm, wrenching it all over the place.
“Was that a cop of a feel?” – Hernandez
“It… FELT like a shoulder.” – Bill
Victoria sends Mickey to the corner, Victoria charges in and gets a hurricanrana. A couple of clotheslines and a crossbody for a two count. James does a couple of kicks, and as Torrie hits the turnbuckle, Mickey goes on the attack and stomps the hell out of Torrie. Mickie turns around to duck a clothesline. She hits the top of turnbuckle – Candace goes after her.. .and there is some kind of stupid bit with the magic wand… but it ends up with Mickie losing… and she blames Trish… wheee..
WINNER: VICTORIA
Tonight’s Lecherous Award of course goes to Christy.. but it would have otherwise been a tie between Candace who was looking quite unnecessarily slutty and Trish for just looking downright adorable.
Back to the trial of Eric Bischoff and Tajiri is on the stand!
“I have been a huge star in Japan – and Eric Bischoff ignores this” – Tajiri’s translator.
“OTHERS……….. OTTTHERRRRSSSS!” – Dani
Tajiri then makes allusions to having a rhino horn anally rape Bischoff. So in response, Bischoff makes Tajiri fight Triple H.
“I can get behind that…” – Me
Now Mick Foley introduces……
“OH NO!?!!!!” – Dani
“AWwwwwww” – Everyone else
Mae Young.
COMMERCIALS
“Thank God!” – Me
We’re back in fact to hear Mae Young use the word ‘penis’. Mick Foley explains that this is to show another video package….. where he kissed Mae Young at Bad Blood 2003. Then recieved a Bronco Buster. That’s 30 seconds of my life I’ll never get back…. twice now.
Coach’s first witness now… is a handpicked wrestler of Bischoff… Chris Masters.
“Good enough reason to fire him now.” – Me
“Hello .. my name is chisth masthters..” – Masters
“His name is Chris Mordesky… this wrestler is disqualified” – Vinny
In the back.. Shelton and Shawn have a creepy loving moment, as they have a tag match later tonight. Shawn sits there and mentions all of Shelton’s accolades. Then mentions that Shelton’s career in the WWE has been a big pile of nothing.
“OOooooo it’s the Shawn peptalk time.” – Me
“With that cauliflower ear of his” – Roommate Chris
So now Shelton has to ask himself..
“You wanna piece of gum? …..you wanna soooooda?” – Bill
So Shawn wants to know what Shelton going to do about his attitude problem?
“I’m on a mission from God” – Hernandez
“AND YOU WILL KNOW MY NAME IS THE LORD!” – Bill
“We’re putting the band back together.” – Hernandez
Tonight Michaels and Shelton will face Carlito and Angle…
“Hey, is Carlito the retarded guy?” – Roommate Chris
“..yes.” – Bill
COMMERCIAL
Back in the courtroom. Coach has a surprise witness coming soon.
Now coming to the ring, CHAVO GUERRERO!
“Kerwin who?” – Hernandez
CHAVO GUERRERO vs. LANCE CADE
What happened to the tag team?
“That’s Cade?” – Hernandez
“The tag team broke up” – Eric
“That doesn’t explain why he’s wearing THAT” – Hernandez
The Eddie chant breaks out as the match begins. Cade sends Chavo to the corner and starts the beatdown. Cade sends him across the ring and gets a boot to the face. Chavo throws the elbow first and then a few uppercuts.
“A Spanish guy throwing European uppercut… interesting” – Hernandez
Cade then sends Chavo to the outside and follows him out, beats up Chavo and back in the ring he eats a backbreaker and a two count. Chavo hits a standing dropkick out of nowhere, and follows up with another uppercut. Big fists to Chavo’s head – he hits the ropes and gets caught and tossed into the corner by Cade. Cade opens up the big kicks chokes and hits to Chavo.
Cade pulls up Chavo and a standing verticle suplex pulled down into a HARD DDT. Chavo goes up to the top turnbuckle….. FROG SPLASH!
WINNER: CHAVO GUERRERO
OH! HEY! IN THE TRIAL! …….. *yawn* Davairi.
“He looks alright in white suit..” – Me
“You do realize… this is a trap?” – Bill
Vince didn’t hear a word of it – he was listening to Ashley Simpson on his iPod. Vinnie declares recess and Mick opens up his lunchbox to enjoy an RC Cola and a Moonpie!
“They pay him to eat a moonpie?” – Hernandez
“I love Mick Foley” – Dani
COMMERCIAL
Hey it’s time for THE CUTTING EDGE – Lita has a nice 1960s buffont(sic). There is absolutely NO heat for this segment. Edge more or less says he is going to shoot… which the audience has to say is “Slut”
Oh and Edge’s new gimmick is – “THE RATED R SUPERSTAR” Why?
“Cuz he’s a butt pirate?” – Hernandez
“YARrrrrrrrr” – Me
So due to some legal advice, Flair won’t be here… and it is infact Flair Country… which Lita addresses that it’s in fact… Edge country.
“So says the Slipknot generation..” – Bill
Edge explains that Flair beat some guy up out of his car.
“WOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” – Me
As Edge continues to bibble on about Ric Flair – Slaughter and Michael Hayes. They then ‘shoot’ on them. Mentioning the Freebirds and YO JOE!
“They’re gonna take them down to BADSTREET, USA!” – Me
Michael grabs the mic. “What’s with you kids today. You come down here and run your mouth. YOu don’t care about anybody, you don’t care about anything. You sure as hell don’t care about me and Slaughter and guys like Ric Flair! Flair’s not my best friend – but I respect that he’s given his life to this business”
“He’s dead?” – Bill
“Blood..on top of blood.. on top of..” – Bill
“MEAT!” – Bill & Hernandez
Hayes then asks how long he’s been in the main event. How many times he’s filled the arena and turned them away. How many times has HE been World Champion.
“As many times as he can count” – Jenna
Edge then tells Hayes that can’t back it up because he doesn’t have Terry Gordy to back him up!
“CONTINUITY!” – ME!
So Hayes makes it clear that the only reason that Edge has his own show is because he is ‘banging Matt Hardy’s Ex-Girlfriend’ ….
“WE WANT FLAIR!” – Audience
“WOOOOO!” – Me
Wow, ok.. without me noticing, Michael Hayes saved this bit! Awesome stuff.
COMMERCIAL
Tajiri already in the ring… and it’s TIME TO DO SOME STUFFFFFFFFF!
TAJIRI vs. TRIPLE H
Tajiri Rub?
Tajiri comes in with the snap kicks. Hits the ropes, hits the handplant and then gets elbowed to the head. OUCH! Nice spot.
“Trips has to sell.. it’s not the main event” – Hernandez
“GAK! I swallowed my green mist” – Bill
Tajiri gets up in the corner. Hunter charges in and Tajiri goes for the boot, but Hunter catches it and chops down Hunter. Tajiri handplants again against the rope and eats corner elbow. He sets up for the Tarantula and gets pushed out of the ring.
“Triple H turns the tarantula into the pedigree…. somehow.” – Bill
Trips brings Tajiri back into the ring and Trips eats a HUGE kick… Tajiri charges in and gets caught into a spinebuster. Hunter sets up for the pedigree. Hits it. That’s that.
WINNER: TRIPLE H
“Just as I expected.” – Me
Hey – the trial – weeheeee…….
Coach’s next witness, even though Mick is still eating. Teehee. Coach brings in Simon Dean! ..err… who umm.. doesn’t show up. Instead though, it’s Boogeyman.
“HE’S DUMB!” – Dani
He has a work sticking out of his nose. He still looks like a ladybug too. He announces that he’s coming to getcha… and then hits the clock over his head and that’s that. Best spot: Mick Foley watching on, still eating the Moonpie.
COMMERCIAL
In the back… Triple H is walking and bumps RIGHT into the Big Show! Makes a threat… keeps on walkin.
Back in the courtroom we get one final witness from Mick Foley – it’s MARIA! (formerly Miss Boobage McTahtah).
“She’s going to be brilliant!” – Dani
Maria asks if Foley will ask her with Mr. Socko. Foley asks Maria’s opinion of Bischoff with Mister Socko. She then explains in cute, adorable, cromulant, well worded, and verbose text…. her opinions of Bischoff. At least THAT was kind of fun.
We’ll be heading back to the arena for closing arguments.
COMMERCIAL
Hey! It’s time for Kurt.. with Davairi
“…BEEP… BEEP … BEEEP ” – Bill
“You what they really suck at… beeping him!” – Dani
Hey… it’s that Apple Guy….
“Michaels & Benjamin vs Angle & Carlito, reading those names I can’t help but sing that sesame street song “One Of These Things Is Not Like The Others” – Mr. Pink (The Forums)
There’s no stopping him now!
And finally – Bill’s favorite Tupper Warrior – Shawn Michaels
HBK / SHELTON vs. ANGLE / CARLITO
Shelton gets attitude… the match
Starts up with Shelton and Carlito. Sideheadlock from Shelton to start. Carlito pushes him into the ropes, but Shelton doesn’t let it go any further and turns it into an arm wringer into a wristlock. Carlito gets out of it with a thumb to the eye.
“Michaels standing on the side.. eating a moonpie” – Hernandez
Shelton gets pissed and goes fist to face. Now the tag to Angle and Shelton throws a stiff clothesline to Angle. Angle tries to hit the belly to belly – but Shelton lands feet first and a great spot as HBK watches on impressed.
COMMERCIAL
Back to the show, Shawn is in the ring with Carlito. Shawn’s in the corner throwing Carlito around – but eats an elbow and there is your turn around. Shawn gets a surprise neckbreaker on Carlito and Shawn tags in Shelton who goes NUTS on Carlito.
Carlito takes a GREAT standing drop for Shelton’s modified backbreaker. Shelty then hits Angle, gets distracted by Davairi, and ends up outside cuz of Angle. Carlito rolls out and tosses Shelton back in. Carlito now with the stomp/punch fest.
“I’d like to believe that as Carlito hits you.. he lists off apple foods.” – Hernandez
“Fritter” – Bill
“Butter” – Eric
“Nipple Apple Crap” – Hernandez
In the ring a tag has been made and Angle is all over Shelty, including a over the top belly to belly. A tag to Carlito who continues to stomp and kick.
“PIE! CAKE! PUDDING!” – Me
“Apple pudding?” – Bill
Tag over to Angle against and it’s time for a german suplex and a two count. Angle then holds Shelton in the waistlock. Shelty begins to fight out of it.. throws some elbows, but gets clubbed in return.. and an Angle Slammmmmm— DDT!
Time for a hot tag! ………
…..
…..
ANGLE GETS CARLITO!
SHELTON GETS HBK!
Toss to the ropes and forearm from HBK – atomic drop – clotheslines – and big elbow drop! Now it’s time for the Jesus kick!
J E S U S AND SHELTON TAGS HIMSELF IN!!!! NICE! Shelton misses the flying high crossbody off the top turnbuckle, and Carlito rolls up for the pin!
HE GETS IT!
WINNER: CARLITO & ANGLE
“Uncle Tom Be Damned!” – Hernandez
In the ring now HBK and watches on as Shelton acts all disappointed. HBK offers him a hand….
“Come on Tootie” – Me
Shelton pushes away Shawn..
“Carlito better watch out, he still has Jesus all stored up in his leg” – Bill
Shelton then leaves alone to a chorus of boos… awwwww….
In the back now – Vinnie returns in his courtly robes.
“Vince likes to dress up in costumes.” – Hernandez
“Next week he’s going to be a milkmaid.” – Me
Triple H stops Vinnie and discusses how he wants Eric to stay. Vinnie then introduces Stephanie to Triple H and we get a long minute of uncomfortable silence……… for whatever reason – that was genius!
COMMERCIAL
Now the podium and all is set back up and it’s time for our closing statements.
“Erica Bischoff has abused his power too long. You’ve got the truck, for the love of god, let’s use it. It’s time to take out the trash.” – Mick
Bischoff then takes the mic:
“At this point I think I should say something. Vince, you may consider my tenure as general manager as some kind of a joke, but I don’t. It’s true, since I’ve been here I’ve done some horrible things – some of them to members of your own family.”
“He kissed Shane?” – Hernandez
“Vince I”ve proven time and time again that Eric Bischoff knows how to seperate these people from their cash. You want proof. Two words: Elimination Chamber. Think about it, it’s sold out arenas and turned into licensing and I think we need another one for the next pay-per-view. You know it will sell. So Vince, you and I deep down inside, we’re–“
“Sexy girls” – Me
“–alot alike. We’re both hated in this industry. We’re both respected. We get things done. What do you say Vince, please. Let me keep my job. Together you and I will make a fortune.”
Vince thinks long and hard.
“You made some really good points, and I’ll have to take them all into consideration……”
Ah – and hey.. the champ is heeeaah…
“We need our ‘Stone Cold’ interruption to face the General Manager.” – Dani
“..can’t see him.” – Bill
Cena time:
“At least he’s not wrestling” – Eric
“Your honor, Judge McMahon. I’m not here to tell you what I think of Eric Bischoff.”
“I’m just hear to have people boo me” – Dani
“I’m out here because Eric Bischoff says he’s a great man. This man has taken away the best part of Raw”
“Chris Jericho” – Eric
“Preach on” – Me
“Worst part” – Hernandez
“He bleeps out the ‘suck’ whenever Angle comes out. He says he’s just like you Vince, but you are a pioneer of free speech. You are dressed up in a robe and look ridiculous. Eric is a pioneer of censorship, so let me introduce you to 10,000 surprise witnesses…”
“…OH US!” – Hernandez
“So do you want to get Eric Bischoff fired?”
“GIVE ME A HELL Y….Oh sorry” – Hernandez
“So it seems these people have summed up your career in two letters – F U” – Cena
So Vince asks the fans if they want to see the title defended inside the Elimination Chamber. We will all see it….. but, unfortunately, Mr. Bischoff won’t. ERIC BISCHOFF —————– *wait for it*
YOU’RE FIREDDD!!!!!
Cena then grabs Bischoff – hits him with the F-U.
“Bischoff doesn’t even sell it!” – Dani
Vince then grabs Bischoff from outside the ring and shoves him in the trash van. They then turn it on… and compact Eric Bischoff.
“Eric Bischoff is dead” – Bill
“LONG LIVE ERIC BISCHOFF” – Me
“To get his career back – he’ll have to face Duke Drosey” – Me
And that. Is. That.
So what did the Rabble think of the entire sh’bang?
“The Trial of Eric Bischoff was actually a decent bit.” – Bill
“Trial was good, writing still sucks” – Jenna
“They’re tryin’ with Cena, and Masters didn’t know his own name” – Eric
“Cena they done good… the problem is Chris Masters.” – Bill
“The problem is the title holder is getting boos” – Eric
“Mick Foley and a Batman lunchbox… need I say more?” – Dani
“Reviewing the Cutting Edge, I have renewed faith in the legends of yesteryear” – Hernandez
“I will state that I was NOT a huge fan of the Trial as it took up too much TV time, but the entire bit was made worthy by Mick Foley.” – Me
So without further adieu – here is the next addition of the RabbleCast staring myself and Erik Hernandez: RIGHT HERE
We’ll see you next week kids!
