Ok so the secret it out; we at InsidePulse are putting the finishing touches on a feature that details Essential Hip Hop from the perspectives of various writers. In fact that very feature is a mere hours away (hey, you can measure days in hours.)
But before we get to the best, I thought that I’d take a look worst… in my collection. Thus I’ve made five selections, of albums that I actually paid for, that are truly horrendous. I mean these albums will make you completely understand where those “rap/crap” people are coming from. Seriously these albums will make you cry, they’re that bad. These albums are like “Guantanamo Bay Human Rights Violations” bad.
(Oh and if you think that I actually listened to them while writing this column, you’re kidding yourself. I could barely bring myself to look at them. I’m basically going to try to explain what was going on in my life (shock from a car accident, temporarily deaf, momentary insanity) in an attempt to rationalize why I have them.)
Thus I present to you…Hip Hop’s Least Essential Albums
Lil Cease – The Wonderful Wold of Cease A Leo
Wow, I probably shouldn’t have started with this one. Let’s see this was 1999, so I’m going to blame this one on that whole Pre Millennium panic that was going on. I mean that sounds logical right?
In actuality I’m betting it had more to do with my missing B.I.G. and the fact that Lil’ Kim’s debut wasn’t half bad. I figured that Cease could transport me back to a simpler time with his music.
I was wrong. In fact if I recall correctly, this album might have been played all the way through once. But at least I can say that I’ve got every album that Lil’ Cease released as a solo artist. That counts for something, right?
The Pharcyde – Humboldt Beginnigs
This was released in 2004. I know for a fact that I was planning on reviewing this for Las Vegas City Life and that’s why I picked it up. Anyone whose actually heard this album will agree with me that I couldn’t have been paid enough money to actually listen to this disc.
This album is a prime example of why groups shouldn’t replace original members. For every Destiny’s Child you’ve got a Van Halen and a Weezer. But more importantly you’ve got The Pharcyde.
First off the two remaining members of the Pharcyde are the two members who don’t pop immediately into your mind when someone says “The Pharcyde.” Oh and the two new members are wack. God, this album is dreadful. It’s so bad that it shouldn’t even be illegally downloaded. There’s nothing redeemable about this album.
Ma$e – Double Up
As I admitted last week, I’m a fan of Ma$e. I picked up this album because I thought that Ma$e would have a bit of a harder edge on his second outing. I was also curious what his “last” album would sound like. I was disappointed on both counts.
The album sounds rushed. Ma$e did have some harder rhymes but he also had terrible beats. It’s so hard to listen to. It’s even hard to look at. The inlay booklet looks rushed. This is a sad, sad album.
The album does have two points of note; Ma$e talking greasy about Brandy and Shyne declaring that he should have signed to Def Jam.
Phife Dawg – Ventilation: DA LP
Since the album came out in 2000, this is clearly a Y2K glitch. I mean how else could you justify purchasing this album? Oh, I’ll give it a shot.
Firstly, I’m a fan of ATCQ. I cherish most of their albums. So why wouldn’t I want to buy an album from one of the members of that group?
(Hint; because it’s Phife Dawg.)
Also the album had some pretty good producers (Jay Dee, Hi Tek), why wouldn’t I want to hear beats by some of the hottest producers out?
(Hint; because Phife is rhyming on them.)
Wait, I remember why I bought this; I was flush with cash from working 80 hour weeks. That explains it.
Puff Daddy/P. Diddy/Diddy Every Album Released
I don’t hate on Sean Combs, but I can’t deny the fact that on three albums, there are probably only about half a dozen good song.
I bought his first album because of …the Benjamins (which is still a dope song if you ask me.) I don’t really know why I bought his second album (but it was released in 1999, just like Ma$e and Lil’ Cease so clearly bad things do happen in threes). And I guess I picked up his last album because I really thought that Bad Boy was going to experience a comeback. What can I say; I had high hopes for G-Dep.
Anyway, I can safely say that every one of Diddy’s albums should probably be avoided.
Phew, there you have it. I’m really relieved to get that off my chest. I’d hate for anyone to think that I’m an elitist who won’t admit to having crap in his collection.
Regrets
Aaron has returned and is on the top of his game. It’s like the usual Bootleg, only better.
Jeff has news about a couple of fake Gotti’s, a Manson wedding and 311 vs that dude from Creed.
KDP has news about how 50 Cent is playing a role in local politics.
Gloomchen chimes in on the 311 vs Stapp debate and offers up a seasonal mix.
Laments
Phil has a radio station that I’d actually listen to.
Ian keeps a watchful eye on Petey D, and went to see Interpol (I’m so pissed that I missed them when they came to Vegas).
Five Artists I Want To Hear More From
1. Bilal
2. Res
3. Cody ChesnuTT
4. Pharoahe Monch
5. Dilla
