Smack YOU!: Smackdown report for 9th December 2005

Reviews, Shows, TV Shows

Sorry for the delay but I’ve had a really bust weekend and had some work to catch up with. However, here’s my column so I hope you will forgive my tardiness.

We’re in the University of South Carolina

Your hosts are Tazz and Cole

We start with JBL in the ring with some freaky eye patch. Jillian is looking very doable here. JBL cuts a pretty funny promo about how he might have to end his career due to the eye injury. He says he didn’t desert Rey Mysterio and that Rey didn’t do his part in the match. JBL says he loves the fans too much to retire. That leads to Mysterio coming down and now it’s

Rey Mysterio Vs JBL
JBL pounds away to start but Rey gets a dropkick and targets the eyes. 10 punch but JBL bails to avoid the bronco buster. Rey dives out onto JBL but misses a splash inside and JBL capitalises with shoulder block and goes after the ribs. Rey sets JBL up for a 619 but Orlando Jordan runs down for the DQ


½* – Post match Batista makes the save. Teddy Long comes out and makes OJ and JBL Vs Batista and Rey tonight.

Meanwhile, Cowboy Bob and Randy Orton plan going to the ring. Following the commercial they go to the ring. Randy starts cutting a promo but then he’s interrupted by weird static on his music video. Randy says he doesn’t want to fight Taker and wants to resolve this situation peacefully. Taker doesn’t answer so Randy uses please. Man he must be desperate. Randy starts getting slightly angry. He says he’s sick of playing games and wants the situation resolved. Finally, the gong goes off and a video plays showing Taker battering people in the Cell. I still can’t believe we haven’t had the HHH Vs Taker HIAC match. I mean between them they’ve had the most HIAC matches ever. It might actually draw if it was booked as a once in a lifetime thing. Anyway Taker taunts Randy over the PA system as Randy slinks to the back

Krystal interviews Booker T and Sharmel prior to the match with Benoit. He says he’s going 3-0 up tonight against Benoit. They fired Christy for this girl? I am pissed off at losing Christy as she was getting better in the ring every time and she was damn hot

Joey Mercury w/ Nitro and Melina Vs Super Crazy w/ Psicosis
Speaking of hot Melina is looking SMOKING as usual with a nice yellow look. Man I love yellow and it looks even better on Melina. Mercury goes to a headlock but Crazy takes him down and slaps his head. Crazy gets some hip tosses and Mercury nails. Crazy does some cool flips and stuff but walks into a Mercury clothesline outside. Back inside Mercury gets a second rope elbow for two and goes to a neck crank. Crazy fights out with elbows and unloads with some rights on Mercury and a series of dropkicks. Missile dropkick leads to a Mexican Roll for two, called the ban dido by Tazz. Mercury goes for a neck breaker but Crazy counters it and gets a tornado DDT. Moonsault ends it as Psicosis holds Nitro off.


*1/2 – Decent TV match. Post match Kid Kash runs down and helps MNM with a beat down on the Mexicools.

Backstage Randy is looking into a mirror and when he looks up Undertaker’s reflection is there but when he turns around Undertaker is gone. Wow, freaky

MMMMMRRRRRR KENNEDY…………KENNEDY’S entrance is stopped by Recyclus as he says Kennedy is inured. However, he finds a “suitable replacement” to crush the jobber, Ray Gordy, at it’s The Bogeyman. Gordy is quickly hammered as Bogeyman eats worms and such. The Meltdown ends it with little problems and Gordy gets covered in worms

More Randy madness as he almost hits his dad by accident. He turns around ad sees blood all over Bob’s face but then it cuts back to Bob looking normal. How the hell could we see that? I mean surely only Randy would see it? Still I like the whole “Banquo’s Ghost” idea

BO7 series
Current Score – Booker 2 Benoit 0
Benoit’s pop is awesomely loud. Lock up sequence to start as Benoit gets an arm drag. Booker gets a waist lock but Benoit turns that into an arm lock forcing Booker to make the ropes. Lock up leads to a Booker body slam but he runs into Benoit’s elbow and Benoit unloads with some chops. Benoit pounds Booker down to the mat and then gets a snap suplex and pounds away in the corner. Booker gets a knee to the gut and a back suplex. A second leads to Benoit landing on top for two. Benoit gets some forearms in and stomps Booker down. Benoit gets a BIG German Suplex for two. Benoit stays on Booker making him expand energy fighting him off. Booker drops Benoit neck first on the top rope and gets a big forearm for two. Booker gets some straight rights but taunts and walks into some chops. Benoit gets some rights of his own and both guys are down. Benoit gets some more wince inducing chops and gets a two from it forcing Booker to kick out and expand energy. Booker sends Benoit into the corner and gets a kick to the head as we go to a commercial


We’re back with Booker having Benoit in some form of chin lock. Benoit tries to fight back and breaks the holds and sucks a high kick but is given an ugly looking spine buster into the corner which looked pretty botched. Booker knocks Benoit off the apron and rolls him inside for two. Booker goes to a chin lock again and turns that into rear chin lock. Benoit fights out and makes a comeback with a snap suplex for two. Booker misses the axe kick and Benoit goes to the German’s. booker gets a spine buster for two. Booker heads up top but Benoit knocks him down and gets a superplex for two. Benoit goes up top for the head butt and gets it! Booker kicks out which is total bull shit. Benoit should start winning with that move again I mean it wrecks his neck every time he does it they might as well make it mean something. The ref gets bumped and Benoit goes to the cross face. Sharmel comes in with a chair for a distraction and Booker uses the chair to set up a Scissors Kick for the win


** – What a f*cking rip off. I don’t know where they’re going with this now but I hope it ends with Benoit getting the belt. I heard rumours that this match was good but there were some really slow parts and Booker T just does nothing for me anymore.

Video package for Lashley

Lashley Vs William Regal w/ Burchill
Regal is next up for a Lashley squash it would seem. Lashley hammers away to start and gets a fireman’s carry suplex for two. Regal gets some stiff looking shots in and a T-Bone suplex for a one count. Lashley gets the belly to belly and a 110th street slam and another belly to belly. The strange thing is that this is what Burchill used to do over here on the indies and it got him pretty over. Anyway Big Black Dominator ends it despite Regals quick flurry.

Randy Orton is leaving as he’s sick of the mind games. They get into a car but it drives off on it’s own. Josh Matthews comes for interview but Undertaker “possesses him” and speaks through Josh. Man that was one hell of an acting job from Josh. I wish Randy had got in a limo and Undertaker was in the front saying “Where to Randy?”

JBL and Orlando Boredom Vs Rey Mysterio and Batista
OJ and Batista start and that doesn’t bare too well for Jordan. Rey comes in with some right hands and sends OJ outside. JBL comes in and is knocked outside as well and Rey baseball slides both guys as we go to a commercial


We’re back with OJ putting Batista in an arm bar. Rey gets the tag and takes down both guys with his usual stuff. Rey goes for a 619 but JBL goes outside and uses Jillian as a shield to prevent a Rey attack. Jillian slaps Rey and JBL gets a big boot in. JBL goes for the ribs and gets a Last Call from the top rope but Batista saves at two. JBL goes to a bear hug but Rey turns it into a bulldog in a cool looking spot. OJ comes in with his usual inspiring offence. Rey hot tags Batista following an OJ mistake and Batista destroys everyone. Batista and OJ fight outside as Rey and JBL go at it inside. Jillian comes in and takes a 619 and JBL “trips” over her and bails to the back. Is that his new gimmick? Overselling stuff and making up injuries? Is IRS going to comeback and ensure that JBL doesn’t commit insurance fraud? Anyway there’s some form of wrestling match going on and Batista wins it with a Batista Bomb


½* – Lame main event that was ridiculously stupid and long in places

Well this week wasn’t exactly a winner. The Orton stuff was poor low budget Japanese B movie quality action, The Bogeyman continues to just creep people out in lieu of actually having to wrestle as he’s about as efficient in the ring as Zeus, Benoit keeps getting buried and the whole JBL thing seems like it’s going nowhere

See you all next week, same Warrior Time, same……aw come the f*ck on like I’d stoop that low?

May you all have a great week free of destrucity (come on I HAD to do it)