WEEK 14
GAMES WITH OLD TESTAMENT STYLE PLAYOFF IMPLICATIONS
NFC v. AFC
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(8-5) CHIEFS 28
(8-5) COWBOYS 31
The Fallout
KC blew a golden opportunity to put themselves a full game ahead of San Diego and Pittsburgh in the AFC wildcard race. They are in a 3 way tie with those teams at 8-5.
The Cowboys needed this game badly. A loss would have meant that they would need to leapfrog over 3 teams in order to get the final NFC Wildcard berth. Now, they are in a tie with Minnesota for that spot. They also have the tiebreaker over the Vikings thanks to a percentage points lead against NFC opponents.
Whattsamatta You?
The end of this game was a horror show for the Chiefs. First, a questionable defensive holding call on a 4th and goal play gave the Cowboys first down at the Chiefs’ three yard line with 46 seconds remaining and the Cowboys trailing 27-24. The Chiefs rebounded to drive down the field and set up Lawrence Tynes for a 41 yard field goal attempt that would have tied the game, if he made it, which he didn’t.
How About?
Larry Johnson continues to make football look a lot easier than it really is. The Chiefs wunderkind ran for 143 yards and 3 touchdowns. It was in a losing effort though, thanks to the Cowboys’ Drew Bledsoe and Terry Glenn. Bledsoe rebounded from a string of subpar performances to pass for 332 yards and 3 TD’s. Glenn was on the receiving end for 138 of those yards, and one of the touchdowns, and ran for a second touchdown.
I’m a Genius
“The I Love the 90s trio of Drew Bledsoe, Terry Glenn, and Keyshawn Johnson have struggled of late, but this Sunday they’ll have a big day, and the Cowboys will squeak out a win by the slimmest of margins.”
The Holder Looks Upset
(9-4) BEARS 9
(8-5) STEELERS 21
The Fallout
The hottest team in the NFC North isn’t the Bears anymore. It’s the Vikings. Minnesota has come from way back to close within one game of the Bears. The two teams meet in Minneapolis on the final day of the season.
Everyone was writing the Steelers’ obituary after they lost their third straight game last week. This week, they’re in a 3 way tie for the final playoff spot in the AFC thanks to this win, and losses by KC and San Diego.
Whattsamatta You?
In recent weeks, football wonks have been falling all over themselves comparing the 05 Bears’ defense to the 85 Bears’ defense. The 05 Bears defense gave up 190 rushing yards yesterday. They ain’t the 85 Bears.
How About?
It was cold, snowy, and muddy at Heinz Field yesterday, and that meant the Steelers were taking the Bus. Jerome Bettis’ career is pronounced over just about every year, but just when you think he is done, he has a game like he had yesterday. He rumbled for 101 yards and 2 TD’s.
I’m a Genius
“The Bears’ defense is most dangerous when the other team falls behind, and is forced to pass. That’s when the Bears’ front four creates havoc, puts pressure on the quarterback, and forces mistakes that turn into either defensive touchdowns or great field position for the Bears. The Steelers are a run-oriented team (although they haven’t been running the ball very well lately), that can avoid falling into that situation.”
NFC
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(2-11) 49ERS 3
(11-2) SEAHAWKS 41
The Fallout
Seattle’s second straight 38+ point win makes it clear that they are the class of the NFC at this point. The Bears’ loss puts them 2 games clear for the top seed in the NFC and home field advantage throughout the playoffs.
Whattsamatta You?
Alex Smith completed 9 of 22 passes for 77 yards and an interception. I’d say he’s worth every penny of that $20 million signing bonus. Oh well, I guess it could have been worse, the Niners could have used that first overall pick on that other guy that was going to be the first overall pick, who is in Green Bay, I can’t remember his name now. You know, the guy that went to Cal, who if everything went exactly according to plan would one day be as good as Kyle Boller. That guy.
If the Niners really had their heart set on a QB, they could have just waited until next year and found a way to get Matt Leinart. But they had to have their Oompa Loompa now, and now they are stuck with this sack o shit for the rest of the decade. Bill Walsh is digging his own grave so he can start rolling over in it.
How About?
Matt Hasselbeck was close to perfect. He completed 21 of 25 pass attempts for the Seahawks, and four touchdowns. He compiled a passer rating of 127.3.
I’m a Genius
“Seattle’s defense leads the league in sacks with 40, and they’ll make it a long day for Alex Smith.”
(9-4) BUCS 20
(9-4) PANTHERS 10
The Fallout
Barring a total collapse, both of these teams will be in the playoffs. However, with the Bears looking a bit wobbly of late, the second seed and a first round bye could go to one of these teams. The Bucs’ win evens the records of these teams at 9-4. They split the season series against each other, but Carolina has 2 losses against the NFC South, and the Bucs only have one, so they have the edge right now.
Whattsamatta You?
It turns out DeShaun Foster isn’t the answer to the Panthers running woes after all. Foster got his first start of the season, but managed only 46 yards on 14 carries.
How About?
A few weeks ago, it looked like Cadillac Williams had hit the wall. The final lap of the season has him racing for the checkered flag though. He ran for 112 yards and 2 touchdowns yesterday.
I’m a Moron
“The Panthers have given up 31 points in their last 4 games combined, and in 3 of those held their opponent to single digits. I say the Cats’ D stuffs the Bucs, and the Panthers put the death grip on the division title.”
The Bucs Leap Over the Panthers in NFC South
(9-4) GIANTS 26
(5-8) EAGLES 23 OT
The Fallout
The Giants narrowly avoided putting not only their NFC East lead but their playoff spot in serious jeopardy. But they did avoid it, and they remain a full game ahead of the Cowboys for the division lead.
Whattsamatta You?
It’s now official. For the fifth year in a row, the team that lost the Super Bowl the year before (the Eagles in this case), will miss the playoffs. That’s a pretty amazing stat when you think about it.
How About?
Giants kicker Jay Feely rebounded from a nightmarish pair of games against Seattle and the Giants to nail all 4 of his field goal attempts, including a 36 yarder in overtime to win the game. With Eli Manning struggling again (3 INT’s), Tiki Barber put the Giants’ offense on his shoulders in this one. He carried 32 times for 124 yards, and caught 5 passes for 71 yards and a TD.
Eagles’ rookie Ryan Moats ran for 114 yards and 2 TDs in place of the injured Brian Westbrook.
I’m a Genius
“I think the Eagles will play hard in this game, and give the Giants, who are only 1-3 on the road this year, a tough game. In the end though, they just don’t have enough talent left to pull out a win here.”
(5-8) RAMS 13
(8-5) VIKINGS 27
The Fallout
Six straight wins for Minnesota have not only moved them to within a game of the NFC North lead, but kept them in a tie with Dallas for the final wildcard spot in the NFC.
Whattsamatta You?
Rookie QB Ryan Fitzpatrick didn’t see anything like the Vikings’ opportunistic defense when he was in Cambridge playing against Brown and Dartmouth last year. He was picked off 5 times yesterday.
How About?
Resurgent WR Koren Robinson seems to make a huge play for the Vikings every week, and this week was no different. He had a 61 yard kickoff return, and had a 13 yard touchdown run on an end-around.
I’m a Moron
“I don’t think the Vikings are for real, and I think that the Rams pull the upset this week and severely damage Minnesota’s playoff chances.”
(7-6) REDSKINS 17
(4-9) CARDINALS 13
The Fallout
Get Joe Gibbs a white leisure suit, the Redskins are stayin’ alive. They need to win out to get in the playoffs, but the string of games in a row they need to win keeps getting smaller.
Whattsamatta You?
The Redskins may have won, but their quarterback was awful. Mark Brunell threw 3 first half interceptions, and passed for only 122 yards. Luckily for the Redskins, the Cardinals’ unholy combination of running backs, JJ Arrington and Marcel Shipp, both turned the ball over to help mitigate the effects of Brunell’s errors.
How About?
Antonio Brown’s 91 yard kickoff return was the deciding factor in the game. Clinton Portis held down the fort until that play, rushing for 105 yards and a touchdown.
I’m a Genius
“The Redskins will stay alive with a win this week, setting up a huge game against the hated Cowboys next week.”
Is Portis Headed to the Playoffs?
AFC
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(13-0) COLTS 26
(9-4) JAGUARS 18
The Fallout
Perfection is still in the grasp of the Colts. Now, the only question is, are they willing to go for it and risk injuries that could endanger a Super Bowl run?
Thanks to KC and San Diego stumbling yesterday, Jacksonville suffers no ill effects from this loss. They are still one game up on the wildcard pack in the AFC.
Whattsamatta You?
“Going 16-0 would be great, but it’s not the most important thing,” coach Tony Dungy said after the game. “I like history. I appreciate it. But I just think it’s best to not look too far ahead.”
YES…it IS the most important thing!!! 39 teams have won the Super Bowl. 0 teams have gone 16-0. This is AMERKA!!! Would you stop being such a sissy communist for 3 weeks and just dare to be great for cryin out loud? If you don’t go 16-0, the terrorists win.
How About?
Speaking of history, Peyton Manning has now passed for over 3000 yards in each of his first eight seasons in the league. Nobody has ever done that before. Oh and 4 of those seasons came for my fantasy team. And that is why I am gay for him.
I’m a Genius
“The Jags have won 5 in a row, but they’ve been doing it playing nip and tuck games against the dregs of the league. Indy will win this week, and will do it easily. Then, stand back and watch the debate rage next week.”
(4-9) RAVENS 10
(10-3) BRONCOS 12
The Fallout
As has been exhaustively documented already in this column, KC and San Diego both pooped themselves this week. So now the Broncos have a 2 game lead in the AFC West, and they keep pace with the Bengals in the race for a first round bye.
Whattsamatta You?
The Ravens got inside the Broncos 10 yard line three times in this game, and got a grand total of 3 points out of it. The Human Lowlight Reel, Ravens’ QB Kyle Boller, turned the ball over 3 times in this game. One of them was a comical play where he stumbled around like Lindsay Lohan at 3 AM on a Saturday night, then lobbed a beach ball into the hands of Broncos’ DB Nick Ferguson.
How About?
Broncos’ CB Champ Bailey has now picked off a pass in 5 consecutive games.
I’m a Genius
“The talent gap is just too wide this year for the Ravens to make it 5 in a row against the Broncos. It won’t be impressive, but the Broncos will do what it takes to take care of business in a game they should win.”
(4-9) BROWNS 20
(10-3) BENGALS 23
The Fallout
The Bengals hold serve and remain even with the Broncos. Both teams are 10-3, and playing for a bye in the first round of the AFC Playoffs.
Whattsamatta You?
The Bengals’ defense had struggled in recent weeks, but nobody expected their high octane passing game to be shut down the way it was yesterday. Chad Johnson was held to 2 catches for 22 yards, and Carson Palmer threw for only 98 yards on the day.
How About?
Rudi Johnson kept the Bengals from losing this game. He carried 30 times for 169 yards and a touchdown. Rudi has scored 7 touchdowns in his last 4 games, after scoring only 3 all season before that.
I’m a Genius
“The Bengals face a rookie quarterback this week, and they’ll come up with a good performance on both sides of the ball.”
RUDI…RUDI!!
(8-5) PATRIOTS 35
(4-9) BILLS 7
The Fallout
The two-time defending champs strengthen their grip on an AFC East title.
Whattsamatta You?
The Bills are getting pounded on a weekly basis, their GM is giving statements after the game saying how bad things are, and their supposed star player, Willis McGahee, carried for 3 yards yesterday and says they are a team in chaos.
Congratulations, Bills, in the proud tradition of the Vikings, Eagles, and Lions before you this season, you are now the most f’ed up team in the league.
How About?
Pats’ RB Corey Dillon is rested, and playing much better of late. He had 102 yards and a touchdown yesterday. With each passing week, the Patriots look more and more like a team that is peaking at the right time.
I’m a Genius
“Relying on a downfield passing game to win a game in December in Buffalo is not a way to go through life. When your quarterback is the, shall we say, “developing” JP Losman, it’s impossible.”
(6-7) DOLPHINS 23
(8-5) CHARGERS 21
The Fallout
This was a blown opportunity for the Chargers to gain separation in the AFC Wildcard race. Now they are in a 3 way tie with Pittsburgh and Kansas City for the conference’s final playoff spot, and are pretty much out of the race for the AFC West title.
Whattsamatta You?
What…happened…Chargers??? I’m going to climb out on a tree branch and say this is the worst loss that a contending team has suffered this year. My opinion of SD this year has been that they are a very good team that has played a brutal schedule. Now, they can’t be looked at as anything but an inconsistent, and unfocused team, with a bad pass defense.
How About?
The Chargers fell behind 20-7 in this game, and because of that, Drew Brees had to chuck the ball up 52 times. Antonio Gates caught 13 of those passes for 123 yards and a TD.
Dolphins’ WR Chris Chambers has been completely nuts the last couple of weeks. Last week, he caught 15 passes for 238 yards and a TD against the Bills. This week, he had “only” 121 yards, but 2 touchdowns.
I’m a Moron
“When marginal teams come to San Diego, they get drilled. The Bolts showed that in thrashing Oakland 34-10 last week, and beating Buffalo 48-10 in Week 11. This week will be no different.”
A Shocking Loss for the Chargers
ONLY A GAMBLER COULD LOVE…
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(4-9) RAIDERS 10
(3-10) JETS 26
ESPN told me this morning that “The Raiders have to do something about that QB problem!” Really? Before they decided to bench Kerry Collins, they ranked 6th in the league in passing offense. They don’t have a quarterback problem, they have a “team doesn’t give a shit” problem.
I’m a Moron
“RAIDERS 21, JETS 16”
(1-12) TEXANS 10
(4-9) TITANS 13
Houston kicker Kris Brown missed a 31 yard field goal with no time on the clock to give Tennessee the win. Oh, and the Titans’ coach was trying to call timeout, even though there was no time on the clock when the play was run (the clock read :00, but the Texans’ were given a free, untimed play because the Titans were called for a defensive penalty on the final play of regulation). Can a timeout be called if there is no time to stop? What is the sound of one hand clapping? If two terrible teams play a game against each other, are there really any winners?
I’m a Genius
“TITANS 31, TEXANS 16”
(4-9) LIONS 13
(3-10) PACKERS 16 OT
This game should have been a 15-13 win for the Lions. Apparently it’s OK for an offensive lineman to tackle a defensive player in his own end zone, and a running back to push forward a pass to nobody on the same play to avoid a safety. Duly noted.
I’m a Genius
“This is going to suck worse than Nickelback opening for Limp Bizkit opening for Creed.
PACKERS 24, LIONS 16″
Reverse Lambeau Leap
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ARE YOU READY FOR SOME FOOOOOBALLLLL??? MONDAY NIGHT
NEW ORLEANS SAINTS (3-9)
AT ATLANTA FALCONS (7-5)
9 PM Eastern, ABC, Falcons favored by 10 ½
What It All Means
Dallas and Minnesota both won this week, so the Falcons need to do likewise to stay in a 3 way tie for the last playoff spot in the NFC.
News You Can Use
-What’s been the main difference between last year’s 11-5 Falcons, and this year’s 7-5 Falcons? It’s been their play in close games. Last year, the Falcons were 5-1 in games that were decided by a field goal or less. This year, they are 1-3 in those games.
-The Saints rolled up 211 rushing yards against the Falcons’ D when these teams met in San Antonio on October 17.
– What will become of the Saints next year? According to NFL commissioner Paul Tagliabue’s indications, next year will be a lot like this year for the Saints, and that would be very, very bad for the Saints. Tagliabue has said that he expects that the Saints will play half their home games in San Antonio next year, and half in Louisiana (maybe in the Superdome, if possible, but more likely in Baton Rouge.) The team has been doing whatever it can to practice lately, since they don’t really have a home facility. They’ve had walkthroughs in parking lots, and have been using temporary circus tents for a weight room. Kicker John Carney summed it up best when he said, “If the public knew this is how an NFL franchise operates, they would be shocked.”
HERE’S YOUR FORECAST
The Saints play a lot of teams tough because they can effectively stop the pass. That’s not going to help them against Atlanta though. The Falcons have the top ranked rushing offense in the NFL. The Saints are ranked 28th in the league versus the run. Atlanta will do what they have to do to stay in the NFC playoff race this week. They better, because their last 3 games are against a trio of 9-4 teams.
FALCONS 28, SAINTS 14
The Road to Hoes
Atlanta
at Chicago (9-4), at Tampa Bay (9-4), Carolina (9-4)
Warrick Will Keep the Falcons From Being Dunn
IF THE PLAYOFFS STARTED TODAY..
The following teams would be in:
NFC
1. Seattle 11-2; NFC West Champs
2. Chicago 9-4; NFC North Champs
3. NY Giants 9-4; NFC East Champs
4. Tampa Bay 9-4; NFC South Champs
5. Carolina 9-4; Wildcard
6. Dallas 8-5; Wildcard
1st Round Matchups
Dallas at NY Giants
Carolina at Tampa Bay
Bye: Seattle, Chicago
AFC
1. Indianapolis 13-0; AFC South Champs
2. Denver 10-3; AFC West Champs
3. Cincinnati 10-3; AFC North Champs
4. New England 8-5; AFC East Champs
5. Jacksonville 9-4; Wildcard
6. San Diego 8-5; Wildcard
1st Round Matchups
San Diego at Cincinnati
Jacksonville at New England
Bye: Indianapolis, Denver
DEEZ IS GEEZ-
That’s it for Week 14! See you this weekend. Until then, check out:
IP Sports Radio hosted by Captain Big Balls.
Todd Rogers answers YOUR fantasy questions.
Eric S. breaks down the World Cup Draw.
Gloomchen has figured out the secret of my mind control experiment, and talks about the guy from Creed who thinks he’s Jesus getting into a fight with 311. He looked at his “WWJD” bracelet, and decided Jesus would punch someone in the face.
Okay then that’s it.
