Pre-show
Jamie Noble vs. Funaki
Quick cruiserweight squash for the returning Noble. Did a sweet gutbuster on the floor, and ended it with the trailer hitch.
Winner: Noble
Main Show
JBL w/ Jillian Hall vs. Matt Hardy
JBL comes out in the limo with Jillian. Cuts a long promo about Matt and the internet and such, before Matt comes out on the attack. Matt on offense for a bit at the start including a swinging neck breaker. JBL tosses Matt into the ropes and his head was caught in the top ropes (like when Mick Foley lost his ear). JBL dominated from there on out, hits matt into an exposed turnbuckle, then hits the Clothesline from Hellâ¾Ã‚¢ for the pin. Solid opener.
Winner: JBL
Backstage the Mexicools tell Melina they would indeed cancel the match if she did for them what she did for Batista last week on Smackdown. She is disgusted!
Mexicools vs. MNM
Solid tag match. Melina was as hot as ever. Mexicools got some cool spots. In the end, MNM breaks up a pin attempt, and ultimately hits the Snapshot for the pin.
Winners: MNM
Kristal interviews Booker T and Sharmell who are talkin’ sweep. She has a broom.
WWE US Title Match (Booker T up 3-0 in 7 match series)
Booker T w/ Sharmell vs. Chris Benoit
Another good match between then, probably higher level than the first three. Lot of nearfalls for Booker T near the end, and copious cheating by Sharmell. Finish sees the ref bumped, Sharmell hitting Benoit with the bristles side of the broom as he has Booker in the sharpshooter. Benoit gets up, threatens her, Booker T attack from behind. Booker T goes for Book End, Benoit floats through into a DDT, then gets the Crossface for the tap out. Really good psychology. Benoit is down 3-1 now.
Winner: Benoit
Theodore Long comes out with Palmer Canon and declares Smackdown the #1 brand for winning at Survivor Series. Palmer then introduces Vito as Santa and Nunzio as his elf. Lame. Yadda yadda yadda, Boogeyman comes out and shoves worms down his own and Vito’s mouth. Very gross.
Bobby Lashley vs. William Regal and Paul Burchill
It’s amazing how the Brits and Italians are not only tag team jobbers, but jobbers to one guy. The brits tried some double teaming, but it wasn’t enough.
Winner: Lashley
Josh Matthews is at the Friendly Tap bar, where he tries to interview former WWE ref Tim White. Tim is despondent. They show his last match (Jericho vs. HHH Hell in a Cell). He says HiaC ruined his life. Then he goes to the back with his rifle and apparently kills himself. Yikes
WWE Cruiserweight Title
Juventud (c) vs. Kid Kash
Brutal WWE Style cruiserweight match. Stiff at least, but still not a ton of Crowd begins shitting on the match with “end this match” chants as well as. The Dead Level is Kash’s brainbuster finisher, which he hits for the pin and the title. Why bother even having these guys on the show without any build and for the crowd to crap on?
Winner and new Champ: Kid Kash
WWE Royal Rumble ad with Vince as Caesar. All three other McMahons were there too. “You screwed Brutus” chant, Vince tells them to shut up. They introduce the Royal Rumblus. They give a collective thumbs down to apparently execute someone by lions in the colluseum. Vince says “next year no lions!” Shane then stabs his father in the back with a sword, Vince yelps “et tu Shanicus?” then Shane does his dance as his father slumps to his death. Not quite the same quality as last year’s West Side Story ads.
Raw vs. Smackdown
Batista and Rey Mysterio vs. Big Show and Kane
They have combined music! WELLLLLLLL”¦. Then it goes into Kane’s music. Kinda like the RVD/Kane combo. For a combo, I’d love to see Batista to use Rey AS the tommy gun. Doesn’t happen though. Match turns out to be pretty short and pointless, with Kane pinning Rey clean with a chokeslam with Show and Tista on the floor.
Winners: Kane/Show
Hell in a Cell
Randy Orton vs. Undertaker
Long vicious brawl. Both guys are busted open. Bob is busted open hardway at one point. Ref Nick Patrick is bumped. Another ref comes down, and Bob comes into the cell when the ref leaves the door open. He has the urn. Taker fighting off both Ortons. Randy floats through the tombstone, then actually drapes taker’s hands but the ref is slow to return and taker sits up. Randy beats down Taker but he is impossible to keep down. Tombstone on Bob. Randy tries the RKO, Taker pushes him off and hits a Tombstone for the pin. Good Hell in a Cell, but not amazing.
Winner: Undertaker
