I hate football.
You see, my Fantasy Football team, after a 9-3-1, division championship regular season, was eliminated in the league semis because Jonathan Freakin Wells gets named the starter for Houston 15 minutes before kickoff, and just happens to be languishing on my opponents’ bench, so he gets inserted into his lineup in place of Cedric Houston and scores 2 TD’s. This is why fantasy football is stupid.
Oh, and I also lost because Brian Westbrook’s injury forced me to insert Carnell Williams, and Carnell Williams is an inconsistent piece o crap. More on that later.
We’ve got a new Monday Morning format this week! We’re all about the playoff picture here now, and I’m laying it out in a way that minimizes the amount of work you have to do to find out who’s in it, where they are, and what they did.
WEEK 15
NFC
1. SEATTLE SEAHAWKS (12-2)
WON at Tennessee 28-24
-The Seahawks clinched the top seed in the NFC and home field advantage throughout the playoffs with a win over the dismal Titans. They didn’t look very impressive in doing it though. The Hawks took an early 14-0 lead, and the expected beating appeared to be on. Then the Titans surprised everyone by not rolling over and dying. They scored 24 unanswered points to take a 10 point lead with 7 minutes remaining in the third quarter. Matt Hasselbeck brought Seattle back to win with TD passes to Joe Jurevicius and the returning Darrell Jackson. The Hawks then held the ball for the final 5 minutes of the game, and escaped with their mission accomplished.
Key Stats
– 3 TD passes for Matt Hasselbeck
– 172 rushing yards and a TD for Shaun Alexander
– WR’s Bobby Engram and Darrell Jackson combine for 12 catches, 167 yards
– Titans TE Ben Troupe has 116 yards receiving. WR Drew Bennett 93 yards, 2 TDs
– Seahawks average 5.5 yards per rushing attempt
– Titans QB Steve McNair carves up Hawks D for 310 yards and 2 TDs
NICK PICKED-
SEAHAWKS 31, TITANS 16
The Hawks Got a Fight In Nashville
2. CHICAGO BEARS (10-4) 9-1 v. NFC
WON v. Atlanta 16-3
-The Falcons’ playoff hopes may have frozen up and died last night in Chicago. The Bears completely dominated the Falcons, pounding them relentlessly with huge hits on defense, to the point where it looked by the end of the game like the Falcons didn’t want to play anymore.
QB Rex Grossman came off the bench for the Bears in the second half and sparked Chicago’s moribund offense. He did with the help of a huge break when Falcons’ CB Keion Carpenter coughed up the ball after intercepting a Grossman pass on the one yard line. The fumble set up the only touchdown of the game, a one yard run by Thomas Jones. The Bears now lead the Vikings by 2 games in the NFC North, and need only to win one of their final 2 games to clinch their first division title since 2001. If they win both games, they will be guaranteed a first round bye and a home game at frigid Soldier Field in the second round of the playoffs.
Key Stats
– Kyle Orton was FINALLY benched after completing 2 of 10 attempts in the first half for 12 yards.
– Yes, Grossman looked much, much better than Orton, but before you begin throwing palm branches at his feet, Bears fans, consider his QB rating was only 47.1. Which is BAD.
– Thomas Jones ran hard on the brutally cold night, gaining 91 yards on 27 carries.
– The Bears were 3 of 15 on third down conversions, and were outgained 236-233.
– Kicker Robbie Gould nailed 3 field goals in bad conditions.
NICK PICKED
FALCONS 17, BEARS 16
Total Domination
3. NY GIANTS (10-4) 8-3 v. NFC
WON v. Kansas City 27-17
Tiki Barber defies all logic. I say that because he plays in New York, which means if this were baseball he would be shoved down your gullet foie gras style. In the socialist paradise of the NFL though, the stadium you play in is merely a giant TV studio, so you can get just as much attention in say, Indianapolis or Green Bay, as you can in New York if your performance warrants it. Because of that, we tend to forget just how good Tiki really is. We all got a big time reminder on Saturday when he shredded the Chiefs for 220 rushing yards and 2 TDs in leading the Giants to a huge win.
The Jints now have a 2 game lead in the NFC East, and can wrap up the division with a win either next week at Washington, or in the finale at Oakland. They also are in a 3 way tie with Chicago and Carolina for the 2nd seed in the NFC, and the first round playoff bye that comes with it.
Key Stats
– With each passing week, it looks more like Eli Manning is a liability rather than an asset at QB. He completed only 17 of 32 attempts for 186 yards, compiling a 68.0 passer rating.
– I am aware that Larry Johnson was running against them, but the Giants gave up 5.5 yards per rushing attempt, and that will get you beat in the playoffs.
– Plaxico Burress and Jeremy Shockey were quiet, but Amani Toomer stepped up with 5 catches for 69 yards and a TD.
– Kicker Jay Feely was perfect from 35 and 41 yards. Hopefully for the Giants, his case of the yips is over.
NICK PICKED
GIANTS 27, CHIEFS 21
Live From New York
4. CAROLINA PANTHERS (10-4) 7-3 v. NFC
WON at New Orleans 27-10
The Panthers were reeling after a home loss to the Bucs knocked them out of first place in the NFC South. Luckily, a game against the Saints was right there to heal what ailed them. The Saints made it easier for the Panthers by benching Aaron Brooks and starting professional clipboard jockey Todd Bouman.
Bouman was victimized for 4 interceptions, the Panthers got a decent running game by mixing in little used Nick Goings, and the Panthers cruised to an easy victory. A win is a win, but keep in mind who the win was against. We’ll know a lot more about how good the Panthers are or aren’t in the next two weeks, when they face Dallas and Atlanta, two teams fighting for their postseason lives. The Panthers are in a 3 way tie for a first round bye, but they have a loss to the Bears on their permanent record, and that means they are essentially a full game out of that two spot, and will have to get help from the Packers or Vikings to have a shot at getting a waiver on the wildcard round.
Key Stats
– Carolina’s running game is very inconsistent. This week, it was good. DeShaun Foster and Nick Goings combined for 127 yards on 37 carries. Could Goings be the missing ingredient?
– Donte Stallworth had 102 receiving yards and a TD for the 3-11 Saints.
– Steve Smith had 2 touchdowns, but he was held under 100 receiving yards for the 3rd time in the last 4 games.
NICK PICKED
PANTHERS 31, SAINTS 13
This Cat Can Fly
5. TAMPA BAY BUCCANEERS (9-5) 7-3 v. NFC
LOST at New England 0-28
Yeesh, did anyone order an ass whuppin?? That’s exactly what the then NFC South leading Bucs got in Foxboro on Saturday afternoon. The Bucs offense was 100% ineffective, even against a New England pass defense that ranked 31st coming into the game. Granted, the Patriots probably are not the second worst pass defense in the league, but the fact that they got blanked by a team that nobody has had trouble scoring on this year is very very troublesome. So is the inconsistency of RB Carnell Williams. Is his 14 carry, 23 yard performance an indication that he is about to enter another slump, as he did earlier in the year? The Bucs better hope not, or else it’s going to be an early playoff exit this year.
Key Stats
– The Bucs managed only 138 yards of total offense for the game.
– QB Chris Simms was sacked 7 times.
– WR Joey Galloway was held under 40 yards receiving for the second game in a row.
– The game was the final road game of the year for Tampa. They finish up with home games against Atlanta and New Orleans.
NICK PICKED
PATRIOTS 24, BUCS 17
Shut Out
6. WASHINGTON REDSKINS (8-6) 8-2 v. NFC
WON v. Dallas 35-7
This team is on top of the world right now. Not only did they embarrass the archrival Cowboys 35-7 on Sunday, but they have somehow come back from having the same record as the Rams 3 weeks ago, to being the proud possessors of sixth place in the NFC, which would entitle them to the final wildcard spot in the conference.
How did they disembowel the Cowboys the way they did? The defense, which at times this year has been elite, and at times awful, showed up big time. They sacked Drew Bledsoe 7 times, and picked him off 3 times. The offense was productive too, getting 153 yards from Clinton Portis and Ladell Betts, and precision passing from Mark Brunell who had 4 of his 12 completions go for TDs. Maybe it’s the white on white Steve Spurrier uniforms?
The Redskins have been a great story in December, but their job is only halfway finished. They host a Giants team that will be looking to clinch the division next week, and who throttled the Redskins 36-0 back on Oct. 30. Then it’s a trip to Philly for the season finale. The Eagles may not be a good team right now, but they haven’t quit. The Redskins have come a long way, can they finish the job?
Key Stats
– Brunell posted a passer rating of 125.6
– H Back Chris Cooley caught 6 passes for 71 yards, and score 3 first half TDs
– The Redskins luuuuv to blitz. On this day, it worked, a lot. LB Marcus Washington had 2 sacks. He also had a 41 yard return on an interception.
– DE Phillip Daniels was the leader of a defensive unit that played as if they were possessed. He sacked Bledsoe 4 times.
NICK PICKED
COWBOYS 24, REDSKINS 17
Cooley-O
TRAPPED IN A GLASS CASE OF EMOTION
MINNESOTA VIKINGS (8-6) 7-4 v. NFC
LOST v. Pittsburgh 3-18
Who would have ever thought that the Vikings would miss the playoffs because their OFFENSE was playing at a level far below their defense? Probably not too many people, but it’s true. The Vikings won six in a row thanks to a defense that caused turnovers, and weak opposing offenses that were more than happy to help out that defense. Their offense, though, is a problem. Brad Johnson can’t make plays anymore, they have a team full of #3 receivers, and neither Michael Bennett or Mewelde Moore can play with enough consistency to give Mike Tice any reason to make either of them the feature back. 10-6 could be enough to get them into the playoffs, but they are going to have to go on the road and win in Baltimore, and then come home and beat the Bears to do that. That doesn’t seem likely.
Key Stats
– The Vikings managed only 197 yards of total offense, and only 54 yards rushing.
– The defense could do nothing to change the flow of the game. Last week they forced six turnovers, this week, only one.
– Minnesota was 3 for 12 on third down conversions.
– Koren Robinson’s 43 yard kickoff return was the only sign of life the team showed all day.
– The Vikings held the ball for only a little over 23 minutes.
NICK PICKED
STEELERS 21, VIKINGS 17
DALLAS COWBOYS (8-6) 6-4 v. NFC
LOST at Washington 7-35
The Cowboys just got their doors blown off in DC yesterday, and it was a game they had to have. The final wildcard team in the NFC is going to be 10-6. In order for the Cowboys to finish 10-6, they are going to have to go to Charlotte and get a win against the Panthers next week. If they can do that, their finale is at home against the Rams, and that should be a win. But who knows? This team has now lost 3 out of 4, and are a questionable defensive holding call and a missed field goal away from being on a 4 game losing streak and being 100% done. They are going to need to do a 180 from the way they’ve played the last month to get in.
Key Stats
– You never know which Drew Bledsoe you’re going to get from one game to the next. This week, you got the bad one. 3 interceptions, 7 sacks. His inability to deal with a pass rush is what got him launched in New England and Buffalo. Now it’s rearing it’s ugly head in Dallas.
– If you take out Julius Jones’ 51 yard run, the Cowboys carried 21 times for 58 yards. The Cowboys have no running game right now. Marion Barber’s hit the wall and Jones is a shadow of what he was as a rookie.
ATLANTA FALCONS (8-6) 5-5 v. NFC
LOST at Chicago 3-16
Almost two full seasons into Jim Mora Jr.’s head coaching career, we know that his players like him, and that he is a “player’s coach”. Now, we need to find out if he is capable of challenging a team that is clearly underachieving. Far be it from me to say the Falcons quit last night, but by the end of the game, they looked like they didn’t want to play anymore. They looked cold, they looked weak, they looked beaten. The Bears kicked their ass up and down the field, and unless there is a major attitude adjustment, this team is going to finish 8-8 and out of the playoffs. They have two huge games left, at Tampa, and a finale at home against Carolina. Those games will tell a lot about the character of this team.
Key Stats
– Michael Vick was awful. He completed only 13 of 32 pass attempts, and was picked off twice. Defensively, the Falcons played well enough to win. They ran the ball well.
This loss was on Michael Vick. His inaccurate throws hung his receivers out to dry time and again, he couldn’t create anything on the ground against the Bears fast defenders, and he was thoroughly dominated. For the Falcons to graduate from their current level of play, to become a Super Bowl team, Vick needs to be better.
If Hype Won Super Bowls, Vick Would Be Tom Brady
AND THE REST…
(6-8) EAGLES 17
(5-9) RAMS 16
The Eagles have reinvented themselves, at least on offense, as a team of young, hungry players looking to prove they belong in the NFL. They took a 42-0 depantsing on Monday Night at home against Seattle personally, and since then have responded with some inspired play. Last week they almost upset the Giants, this week they went into St. Louis and beat the Rams on a last second TD pass by Mike McMahon, who converted a terrible statistical performance into a win.
NICK PICKED
EAGLES 26, RAMS 24
So as of right now..we are looking at the following playoff pairings in the NFC:
First Round
6. Washington (8-6) at
3. NY Giants (10-4)
5. Tampa Bay (9-5) at
4. Carolina (10-4)
Bye- Seattle (12-2), Chicago (10-4)
ARE YOU READY FOR SOME FOOOOOBALLL???? MONDAY NIGHT
GREEN BAY PACKERS (3-10)
AT BALTIMORE RAVENS (4-9)
9 PM Eastern, ABC, Ravens favored by 3 ½
The rest of the Ravens’ season is now nothing but one last chance for Kyle Boller to prove he can be an NFL starting quarterback. Boller may or may not have been sent by coach Brian Billick to talk to the team psychologist earlier this week. Although I don’t know why something like that would even be a rumor if it wasn’t true. One thing is certain though, I’m going to need therapy and an extra Lexapro after watching this suckfest.
RAVENS 19, PACKERS 13
AFC?????
I’m running short on time so I’m going to have to give you the AFC rundown TOMORROW. Until then, why don’t you give IP Sports Radio a listen?
Then wash it down with Steve Price making the seamless transition from hot asphalt to frozen water.
See ya tomorrow!
