From the UK: WWE Armageddon 2005 Review

PPVs, Reviews

We’re in Providence, Rhode Island

Your hosts are Tazz and Cole

Well I had a free evening so let’s hit this show while I can.

JBL w/ Jillian Hall Vs Matt Hardy
JBL cuts a pretty funny heel promo about how Matt is a loser who lost Lita to a “Main Event Wrestler”. Edge being a Main Eventer is news to me. Matt jumps JBL from behind to start and they brawl outside. Matt sends JBL spine first into the apron a couple of times but gets hung neck first in the rope. JBL gets some cheap shots in and Matt finally is released and falls to the floor. JBL gets a lariat outside and sends Matt into the ring where he gets some rights in the corner. JBL gets six elbows and keeps clubbing away. Matt gets out of a power slam attempt and gets a swinging neck breaker for two. JBL stays in control and keeps kicking and punching away on Matt. Matt finally gets a moonsault press on JBL for two but JBL undoes the turnbuckle cover and Matt ends up tasting it and Clothesline From Hell ends it soon after

WINNER – JBL

½* – Totally pedestrian match and it was pretty much a JBL squash. Nothing of any worth to it. They should have kicked the show off with MNM/Mexicools to get the crowd going but they instead but this tripe on first

Backstage Psicosis and Super Crazy bug Melina

HIAC highlights. This is the KOTR 98 one from Smackdown this week

MNM w/ Melina Vs The Mexicools
Crazy and Psicosis were totally f*cked over by the title change on Smackdown but the MNM/Batista and Rey match was a really great TV match so It’s a fair trade in my opinion. Psi and Mercury start out and that leads to Nitro coming in and them fighting over who has to fight him. Nitro dodges a Psi charge into the corner and tags in Mercury who takes a heel kick and tumbles outside. Psi gets a dive onto both MNM guys and then Crazy gets one too to really pop the crowd. Back inside The Mexicools get the rolling leg snap move on Mercury but Melina crotches Psi on top and he becomes your immigrant in peril, plagiarism RULES. MNM do some really nice double team stuff on Psi and Mercury gets a clothesline for two. Psi tries to fight back and make the tag but he gets dragged back by Mercury and Nitro gets the caporiea leg drop for two. Psi fights a front face lock but Nitro knocks Crazy off the apron and gets a back drop for two. Fans get behind The Mexixools as Nitro goes to a head vice. Psi tries some neat looking counters to it but still doesn’t make the tag, mercury gets a little over confident and ends up on the wrong end of as Psi enziguri and Crazy finally gets that hot tag and is a house en feugo. It dropkicks for everyone and Crazy gets a tornado DDT on Mercury but Nitro saves at two. Psi gets a double cross body and brawls outside with Nitro and ends up eating some barricade. Crazy gets a moonsault inside but Nitro saves and Snap Shot ends it soon after

WINNERS – MNM

*** – Perfect by the book tag formula match which MNM work with sheer brilliance. See how great MNM are when you actually give them real tag teams with talented workers instead of being job boys for LOZ? MNM are the future of tag team wrestling and I just hope they don’t end up another Hollywood Blondes who are split up before they have a chance to reach their peak

Booker T and Sharmel do an interview. They’re going to sweep Benoit etc

Booker T w/ The Annoying Frog Woman Vs Chris Fucking Benoit
Feeling out process to start goes on for a while with neither guy really gaining a clear advantage. Booker stalls a lot and taunts trying to gain some form of heat but the crowd just aren’t buying what he’s selling. Benoit gets some stinging chops in and Booker bails again to kill time. Booker goes to a waist lock but Benoit turns that into an arm bar and then back to his own waist lock. Benoit turns that into a front head lock as a audible “Benoit” chant starts. Booker goes to the arm and tries a half nelson but Benoit fights him off and tries the cross face early but Booker grabs the ropes and bails again. Booker gets a stomp to the gut but Benoit catches another kick and gets a leg drag and tries the Sharpshooter but Booker kicks him away. Benoit stays on the leg and knee and gets an Indian Death Lock. Booker rakes the eyes to break and gets some knees to the gut in the corner. Booker gets an elbow to floor Benoit and then gets some chops. Benoit fires back with some of his own but walks into an ugly looking vertical suplex for two. Booker gets some stomps to the ribs and tries to suplex Benoit from the apron inside but Benoit flips over and gets a German Suplex for two. Benoit gets a slam but misses a trademark elbow drop and Booker drops him ribs first on the top rope and kicks him outside. The fans are almost silent here which ironically coincided with Booker taking the advantage. How bout that huh? Benoit is sent face first into the ring post outside and Booker gets a seated dropkick inside for two. Booker finally can’t fight the urge to go to a rest hold and he goes to the abdominal stretch. The fans rally behind Benoit briefly but they are less than interested in Bookers stale heel act. Benoit hip tosses out of the hold and both men get knocked down. Benoit goes to the German’s but instead gets an over head belly to belly and then gets the three amigos, which he used to do in WCW, for a two count and then goes to the three German’s. Benoit heads up top but Sharmel provides a distraction and Benoit takes a really ugly fall from the top. Booker gets a Missile Dropkick, the ending of the final match in the original BO7, for two. Booker keeps pounding away on Benoit and Sharmel gets a low blow in as the ref is distracted. Booker gets the Scissors Kick but Benoit kicks out at two. Bookend is turned into a cross face but Booker makes the ropes. Benoit goes back to the German’s again and heads up top for a head butt for two. Benoit tries for the cross face but Booker fights him off. The ref ends up getting bumped and Benoit gets a Sharpshooter on Booker. Booker starts tapping out but Sharmel comes in with a distraction and Booker goes for a Bookend again but Benoit counters that with a DDT and gets the cross face for the submission win

WINNER – CHRIS FUCKING BENOIT

** – Boring middle portion but the ending was fun
Score is now Booker 3 – Benoit 1

More HIAC highlights. This time Armageddon 2005 where Rikishi gets thrown off the top onto a mattress, oh sorry I mean a “truck”

Teddy and Recyclus come out for some worthless promo time. This somehow leads to Vito and Nunzio coming out as Father Christmas and an Elf. Yes I’m confused too. Anyway this leads to the Boogeyman coming out and destroying them. Lame

Lashley Vs The British Gents
Lashley no sells all the Brits stuff and finishes Burchill with the Big Black Dominator. Burchill did some really good stuff, including an awesome top rope knee drop, but he still got destroyed. Burchill does so much cool stuff that a guy his size can’t do yet he still doesn’t get a second look. I mean he’s the same size as Lashley but he can do standing moonsaults and shooting star presses. The guy is a freak of nature and he should be getting this monster push Lashley is on. Lashley needs to start man handling guys like JBL and other top line heels because this routine is already getting old. I’m probably just bitter though that Regal and Burchill have become his designated job boys. The fans weren’t too enthused either but it’s Rhode Island so what can you do?

Now for the highlight of the show as Josh Matthews is at “The Friendly Tap” which is former WWE referee Tim White’s establishment. Anyway White says HIAC ruined his life and as Josh makes a tasteless joke he pulls a shotgun out from under the bar and walks off screen supposedly to shoot himself as Josh says “Mr White please don’t do that”, wow great restraining techniques their Josh, fans in the arena love it so much they chant “boring” throughout it. What a f*cking pointless waste of PPV time. Paul London and Spanky can’t get on the show but there’s time for this crap and the Boogeyman rubbish. Hopefully this little snippet will end up in Wrestlecrap.

And WWE being bastions of taste go straight to

WWE Cruiserweight Title
(C) Juventud Vs Kid Kash
God not only is this title normally in the death lot now it’s following a suicide. Juvi jumps Kash to start and that leads to a slugfest. Juvi stays on top with some of his usual stuff and goes to a fujiwara arm bar and hangs on to it tenaciously. Kash is sent outside and Juvi gets a vaulting body press. Juvi is sent shoulder first into the ring post a few times. Kash stays on the arm back inside and goes to an arm lock and talks some trash while he does it. Juvi is sent shoulder first into the turnbuckle a couple of times but fights back with some right hands. Juvi sells the shoulder and arm injury well as Kash takes over again. Kash gets a weird looking shoulder breaker for two and Juvi starts fighting back with some forearms. Kash goes for a moonsault but gets only knees and Juvi starts juicing Up. Kash takes a smacker of a kick right to the side of the head for two. Kash gets crotched on the top rope and Juvi gets an insane top rope rana. If this was TNA the fans would be going mental here for stuff like that. It gets two for Juvi as Kash’s foot is on the ropes. Kash tries to beg off but he takes a boot to the face. Juvi gets the Juvi Driver but it only gets two which pretty much seals Juvi’s fate. Soon enough Juvi misses a 450 leg drop and Kash gets a Brain Buster, called the Dead Level by Tazz, for the win and the title

WINNER – KID KASH

**3/4 – Solid outing but the crowd wasn’t into it, as they’ve been conditioned to think that this belt isn’t important, but at least the right guy went over and I hope they go somewhere with this Kash title reign

I should comment on the “Vince Caesar” video but I feel it would be a big waste of time. Still Stephanie looked pretty fit in it

Big Show and Kane Vs Batista and Rey Mysterio
Cole annoys me by acting like this is Batista’s first tag team title as he was a two time tag champion with Ric Flair. Batista and Show start and Batista gets shoved a couple of times. Batista fires off some lariats but Show doesn’t go down and he throws Batista into the corner. Batista finally gets him down with a shoulder charge but that doesn’t last long and Batista ends up eating Show’s boot. Kane comes in and takes a vertical suplex for two. Kane gets a side slam and heads up top but Batista launches him off the top and tags in Rey. Rey peppers Kane with some flips and leg drops but Kane no sells some kicks. Rey goes for a 10 punch in the corner but that doesn’t work nor does some other stuff. Rey finally gets Kane set up for the 619 situation but Rey gets tripped up by Show and assumes the roll of Ricky Morton. Kane and Show double team Rey for a while and Batista loses it and charges in to so some destruction. Spine Buster for Kane and Show gets clotheslined over a table. Meanwhile, back inside Rey gets a 619 on Kane but ends up jumping into a Choke Slam and that ends it

WINNER – KANE AND BIG SHOW

*1/2 – The crowd was really digging it when Rey was holding his own in there with the big guys and I feel the idea of him becoming a viable world champion has become less of a running joke than it was even 4 months ago. Fans buy Rey as a guy who can fight with and reasonably beat the big guys so it only needs the right storyline to lead to him getting the title. How about him surviving the Royal Rumble and winning the belt at Wrestlemania? He could it in memory of Eddie and it would be nice for him to finally get that world title. I mean I never thought Eddie or Benoit would have won the title so anything can happen

More HIAC highlights. This time Badd Blood 97

Randy Orton w/ Bob Orton Vs Undertaker
I love that ominous music they play when they lower the Cell. Taker gets a shockingly expensive pyrotechnics display which no doubt cost half as much as the buy rate for this entire show. Stand off to start as Randy tries to stay away from Taker. Taker goes to a side headlock but takes a hip toss and dropkick. Randy gets a back body drop but gets a face full of Taker’s boot and is sent outside. Taker slowly stalks Randy as he tries to crawl away and pounds on him outside. Randy counters getting thrown into the Cell and runs back inside where he gets some rights in the corner. Taker gets some of his own rights in the corner and then gets some elbows and boots in for added fun. Randy gets dragged ribs first into the turnbuckle and Taker stays on him with strikes. Randy is sent into the steps as Taker grabs a steel chair and gets a big chair shot in to bust Randy open. Taker gets another chair shot in to the mid section and one more to the face again. Now we go to the old fashioned “Cheese Grater” spot where you rub your opponents face on the mesh to grate his skin open. Randy grabs a chain from under the ring, why is there always a handy weapon under the ring?, but Taker ends up using it to choke Randy. Randy takes the Shawn Michaels “Dart” bump into the Cell and Taker goes for the steps. Randy fights back and tries to use the steps himself but Taker kicks them back into his shoulder. The ring post is stained in Randy’s blood. This is a pretty good blade job from Randy but I’ve seen better in the Cell. Randy snaps an RKO out of nowhere, dropping Taker throat first on the top rope as he tries to get into the ring, and then flattens Taker with the steps making him bleed. Now Taker takes the cheese grater on the mesh but his blade job isn’t as impressive as past ones he’s had in this match. Orton chokes Taker out with the chain and gets a big chair shot for a two count. They fight around ringside, or should that be Cell side?, and Randy takes some more shots into the steel. Taker gets a sweet looking running knee on Randy using the steps for leverage. Back in the ring Taker goes up top and tries to get an elbow drop but Randy rolls out of the way and gets a table out from under the ring. Randy sets the table up and sends Taker outside where Bob holds him back by grabbing his hair through the Cell. Taker fights both Orton’s off and pulls Bob face first into the Cell cutting him open above the left eye. The fake blade job on Smackdown was better looking than that. Randy gets some sort of slam into the cage that looked really messy and gets two from it outside. Taker gets the running lariat for two and it’s time for Old School. STO gets two, who betta than Taker? Taker gets Snake Eyes in the corner and a big boot followed by the Leg drop of Doomâ¾Ã‚¢ for two. Taker gets a Choke Slam but Randy’s foot is on the rope, in a Cell match? Are you f*cking kidding me? Randy lays Taker out on the table and gets a splash from the top through it for two but he slightly overshoots it. Still, it didn’t look too bad. Randy pounds away in the corner with a 10 punch but he taunts too long and Taker goes for the Last Ride but Randy counters and the ref gets bumped. Randy gets an RKO on Taker inside as another ref comes in for two after a long delay. Cowboy Bob sneaks in to the Cell during the commotion. Taker gets The Last Ride but Bob pulls the ref out and decks him. Taker goes after Bob and sends him into the Cell a few times. Taker goes for the Tombstone but Randy reverses it into one of his own for what the finish would have been at Wrestlemania 21 had he won. However, this only gets two and Taker starts no selling and grabs Randy around the throat. Bob comes in with the urn but Taker gets it and destroys both Orton’s before Tomb stoning both of them to get the win on Randy

WINNER – UNDERTAKER

*** – I won’t get into how pointless and backward it is for Taker to get the win in that match but needless to say it makes the whole feud we’ve had to sit through for the past 9 months. The whole point was to elevate Orton and an EASY way to do that would have been for Randy to take an absolute shit kicking but gut it out to get the win like he did in his match with Mick Foley. Instead of that he became to quote Tazz “just another victim” of Taker’s in the Cell and that sums Orton’s career from now on in my opinion. Orton will never be the future of the business if he can’t beat guys like Taker convincingly and he just hasn’t been able to do that in this feud.

The Inside Pulse
In my eyes this whole show was a missed opportunity. They had a great chance to elevate Rey, Orton and Matt but they failed on that front miserably. The HIAC match was better than Nash/HHH and Bossman/Taker but that’s not exactly hard. I can’t help but feel I wasted my money on this show and I was heavily disappointed by the result of the main event. I wouldn’t bother with this one