The Gospel of Wrestling: According to Matthew

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Boy, was I sick last week. We’re talking flopping out of my bed in the middle of the night sick. We’re talking aching, sniffling, coughing, puking, chills, sweats, and all that stuff Nyquil works best for sick. And of course it all hit just mere hours before Raw started last week. Needless to say, I slept through the Afghanistan special and felt in no way capable of penning a readable column last week.

I’ve been feeling in top form for quite a few days now. I hope all of you had a great Christmas weekend, I sure did. Now it’s time to look ahead towards 2006 and hope that the wrestling industry will continue to make a good run at another boom.

“The contributions and sacrifices of so many people in this organization through so many years have created this sensation.” – Vince McMahon

Vince ended the last Raw of 2005 last night on a familiar, if not off-putting note. By using the Bret Hart DVD review as his backdrop, he once again used the WWE ring and Raw’s massive viewing audience as his soapbox. He reminded not only us the fans, but also his very own employees that he’s the only real game in town, so love it or leave it. I was excited at the prospect of Vince’s segment ending the show, but ended up feeling somewhat letdown as the night drew to a close. Shawn is right, Vince does need to let this whole Montreal Screwjob thing just drop away. And, maybe, now we’re closer to that actually happening. Unless The Hitman himself is going to powerwalk through the f*cking curtain and lay someone out, then I just don’t want to hear it anymore. As we head into 2006, nearly a decade removed from the drama that ended Bret’s final WWE title reign, Vince needs to focus on the future and let go of the past. We’ve let go. Now, the E needs to truely do it too. I know it’s hard. But so was Killing WCW.

The Shawn Michaels – Snitsky match was a good opener and Shawn always plays the perfect face in peril. From Sycho Sid to Snitsky, good ‘ol HBK can always make the audience believe he’s just one powerbomb or clothesline away from losing. Michaels won an Elimination Chamber match for the World title a couple of years ago, but I somehow don’t see the E booking him to win it again come New Years Revolution.

I thought the whole Cutting Edge segment was droll and uninventive on the part of Edge and Flair. The Michael Hayes shoot a couple of weeks ago came across way cooler for us the fans and last night ended up making Edge look like much more of a doofus. He’s a girlfriend thieving, bad-match having, injury prone, pretty-boy bitch who would be jobbing to Ric Flair every single night if I had a say in it. Sure, maybe Adam Copeland is in reality a nice guy. He loves the business, as much if not moreso than I do, so I’m sure we could get along. But for now, I’ll be a good little markboy and call him an asshole, cause that’s what they want me to do anyway. Flair should have really beat the shit out of him. He only laid him out with a couple of weak punches, before Edge powdered out. Flair should’ve just laughed at him, poked him in the eyes and stolen a smooch from Lita. Whooooo!

I liked the Chavo-Chris Master match alot. Masters is surprisingly growing on me, which pisses me off more than you all know. He may very well be a dark horse in the PPV main event, but I just can’t find a 22 year old steroid freak kid to be a believable WWE champion. I mean, where’s the fun at? He’s a f*cking gym dork. And he’s balding already!

The guy is the spawn of Arn Anderson and Paul Orndorff and no one wants to admit it!

Chavo just can’t lose anymore. It’s that plain and simple. I don’t care how they book him from here on out, he just can’t lose. Because the moment he loses, then our memories of Eddie Guerrero will someone be tarnished. When Chavo finally does lose, it will somehow translate to us the audience that Eddie is really gone. I say give Chavo a two year run with the IC title, push him good and hard, but not Triple H hard, and see where the flourish of fan support takes him. Heaven’s the limit, and Eddie’s watching.

Kurt Angle’s backstage promo was intense and as nonsensical as it was sensical. The fact of the matter is, our troops did sign up for service. They are over there doing their jobs. And God Bless them for it. Kurt’s just an excellent heel, maybe one of the all time best. And I’ll never stop enjoying his work.

“Do you think I could beat him up?” – Vince on Raw regarding The Hitman

The McMahon’s are baiting us in every week with so many tantalizing ideas and roads they could go down, but usually don’t. Vince wants us to fiend for a match between himself and Bret, and yet he knows it will never happen. One thing they may be delivering on next month is the Trish – Mickie Women’s title match, and the sweet kiss the two women shared last night is far from the physicality the two will demonstrate at Revolution. I sure wish the kiss would’ve lasted a tad longer…

Wouldn’t it be nice if Vince were just trying to light a fire under the asses of TNA and the whole wrestling world? I mean, really, if TNA could get the right genuine support from people like Hulk Hogan, Bret Hart, Eric Bischoff and even someone like Ted Turner, than maybe they really could become a viable competitor to Vince’s empire. The seeds are certainly there. I think a little Jim Ross and some Paul Heyman added at just the right time could do the company wonders in the New Year. If all of McMahon’s closest detractors work together, they be able to take the mighty Vince down.

I liked the contract signing. Trip made Show come off as the Fat Ass that he sort of is. He’s a nice fat ass, an entertaining fat ass. But a Giant Big Show of Fat Ass, nonetheless. He was cool and new and something to talk about back the mid-90’s, but lately I feel like I’d rather be watching Abyss matches than Show ones. He’ll be Pedigree’d at the PPV and return to his midcard jobbing fodder all will be right with the world.

The John Cena-Shelton match made for some good TV. You know, back in 2001 I saw these two guys debut in a dark match against each other at Arco Arena in Sacramento. Neither man was a defined face or heel, as neither man had yet been on TV. Cena was known slightly at that point from his Prototype character and I knew who Shelton was thanks to the ‘net, but 99% of Sacramento had no idea who either guy was. It was the same night Rey Jr. debuted in a dark match against Funaki, I believe. Here we are a few years later and Rapper Boy is on top of the world, and poor Shelton is having to worry about his Momma coming for a visit next week. Great match from both guys, but they can do so much more. And they will, given time.

The First Blood match between the Champ and Kurt Angle next week in the shadows of Gotham could be a helluva way to start the New Year.

I liked that Carlito won his match in such a chickenshit manner. No one likes the guy who has to beat up on the girl, even if that girl is the vile Victoria. Simple win for the Cool Guy and his sustained positive push lives on for another week.

I know Mr. McMahon’s segment was the MAIN EVENT this week, but having the last Raw match of 2005 be Kane against two gay jobbers is pretty sad. It got across the point for the MILLIONTH time, that Kane is a monster and we should all be scared of him blah blah blah. I’m not scared, the audience is not scared, but the ratings drop off for this quarter hour could be PRETTY FUCKING SCARY! Screw the Heartbreakers, whatever happened to Cade and Murdoch? I want to see them come back and both demolish Kane and make a claim at the tag straps. Piledrive the guy through a table and grow some balls.

Vince no doubt reveled in screwing not only Bret Hart over and over again. But he also revels in the defacing of anyone he comes in contact with. Shawn Michaels, after his many years of loyal service is the latest recipient of Vince’s Venom. Sure, after last night, more people may buy Bret’s DVD. But that wasn’t the point of the segment, really. The point was to drive home to everyone one more time that Vince is God here in McMahonLand. But the mighty may soon fall.

2006, this could be the break out year for the wrestling business, but I’d rather think that 2007 will be that period. 1996 was good, but just think that 1997 was GREAT! 2006 will be another year of building. The continuing believable build-up of Randy Orton, John Cena, Dave Batista, Carlito, Edge, Brock Lesnar and all the boys over in TNA who will help carry the legacy of the business into 2010 and beyond. I want to be a part of this era, moreso than I already am, and only time will tell if my destiny becomes a reality.

I’ll be back Friday if the Gods will let me for the ByteThis report. It’s going to be a busy week as we head for New Years, stay safe, be good to each other and do everyone a favor and just resign yourself to the cold, hard truth: That YOU too will be voting for Vince McMahon as President come 2008.