No More Starbucks Ever
I don’t normally get coffee from Starbucks. Usually I get Caribou or Dunkin Donuts. However, I got a Starbucks gift card for Christmas, and am suffocating under the weight of more debt than a small Latin American nation, I have been getting coffee from Starbucks this week before work.
Not anymore.
Today I go up to the counter, and order a “Venti Coffee”. The Batista behind the counter then says in a tone I cannot fully convey thru use of the English language, “Venti What???”. I’m like “Coffee!!”…COFFEE DAMMIT!!…what do you think I ordered, a venti taco? This is friggin Starbucks you sell COFFEE right??
So no more Starbucks for me.
Although Caribou isn’t perfect either. I went there after work one day for a cup of coffee, and they told me they were out of coffee, they only had decaf. So I’m like “How can you be a coffee shop that doesn’t have any coffee, only coffee-flavored water?” They did not understand what I was talking about. But at least they were polite. I like Caribou because they have the most comfortable chairs in the world. They are these leather things that are cushy, yet you do not sink into. I should like to be buried in one of those chairs.
For my money, Dunkin Donuts coffee rules all. It’s like a giant Styrofoam cup of love. The only drawback to it is that for some reason it tastes like perfume sometimes. I haven’t figured out why.
Games That Still Mean Something
(3-12) NEW ORLEANS SAINTS AT
(10-5) TAMPA BAY BUCCANEERS
1 PM Eastern, FOX (Kenny Albert, Brian Baldinger, Chris Myers)
What’s at Stake
The Bucs will clinch the NFC South with a win in this game. A win also gives them the #3 seed in the NFC Playoffs.
Tampa will be in the playoffs unless they lose this game, Dallas beats St. Louis, Washington beats Philly, and the Giants beat Oakland. Even in that scenario, they still could get in on the basis of a strength of victory tiebreaker over the Cowboys. So the Bucs are pretty much in unless a sequence of events not seen since 9 separate calamities befell the Springfield Nuclear Plant softball team back in 1993 occurs.
News You Can Use
– The Saints have actually won the last 3 games between these teams played in Tampa. The Bucs have won 3 of the last 4 overall though.
– It was announced yesterday that the Saints will be playing their entire home schedule in the state of Louisiana next year. As if those people haven’t suffered enough.
– One of the surprises of this year’s draft has been Bucs’ TE Alex Smith. He is second among all NFL rookies with 40 receptions.
– The Saints are an unholy -21 in giveaway/takeaway ratio this year.
HERE’S YOUR FORECAST
Nobody will be happier to see this season end than the Saints. In fact, I don’t think anyone has ever been happier to see any season end than this year’s Saints. Cadillac rolls over the Saints’ 27th ranked run defense, and the Bucs are NFC South Champs.
BUCS 28, SAINTS 12
(10-5) NY GIANTS AT
(4-11) OAKLAND RAIDERS
SATURDAY, 5 PM Eastern, ESPN, (Mike Patrick, Joe Thiesmann, Paul Maguire, Suzy Kolber)
What’s at Stake
The Giants have clinched a playoff berth. They will also be NFC East champs if they take care of business against an awful Raiders team.
News You Can Use
– This game features two of the leading sackmasters in the game. The Raiders’ Derrick Burgess is tops in the league with 15, while the Jints’ Osi Umenyiora is tied for 2nd in the NFL with 12.5.
– Tiki Barber needs a big game to do it, but if he can get 143 rushing yards he will become only the 13th player in league history to rush for over 1800 yards in a season.
– 2 of the Raiders’ 4 wins this year have come against the NFC East.
– TE Jeremy Shockey is struggling with an ankle injury and most likely will miss this game.
HERE’S YOUR FORECAST
Can you believe only a month and a half ago, the Raiders beat the Redskins, on the road?? This may not be as easy a game for the Giants as you might think. Since 03 they are only 4-10 on grass, and 4-7 against the AFC. Their suspect secondary may also struggle with the Raiders downfield passing game. In the end though, the Raiders aren’t equipped to stop a strong running game, and in Tiki Barber, the Giants definitely have that. The Giants get a win and will be NFC East Champs.
GIANTS 31, RAIDERS 16
CAROLINA PANTHERS (10-5)
AT ATLANTA FALCONS (8-7)
1 PM EASTERN, FOX, (Sam Rosen, Bill Maas, Jay Glazer)
What’s at Stake
The Panthers are most likely going to be in the playoffs. For them not to make it, they would need to lose this game, and the Cowboys and Redskins would both have to win. It’s unlikely, but not impossible. They could also go in as high as the 3rd seed (although it’s very unlikely). If they win and the Bucs lose, they will be NFC South Champs.
News You Can Use
– The Panthers under John Fox are only 2-5 vs. the Falcons. One of those wins came on Dec. 4, when the Panthers spanked Atlanta 24-6.
– The Falcons are 3-0 against the Panthers when Michael Vick starts at home against them.
– Carolina could be missing 2 members of its starting O line for this game. Center Jeff Mitchell was downgraded from probable to questionable with a hip injury. Guard Tutan Reyes has a toe injury and is also questionable. Neither practiced on Thursday. They would be replaced by a pair of rookies, Evan Mathis and Geoff Hangartner.
– Falcons’ coach Jim Mora apologized to team owner Arthur Blank this week for abruptly ending a radio interview following the Falcons’ OT loss to the Bucs last week. Mora slammed down the headphones he was wearing and left the interview when asked why he punted from deep in his own territory on 4th and 2 with 1:14 left in OT, instead of going for the first down to ensure a tie, which would have kept his team’s playoff chances alive.
HERE’S YOUR FORECAST
Here’s something you may not know…the Falcons are not very good. They’ve lost 5 out of their last 7, and when they face good defenses, they can’t score. The Bears held them to 3 points and the Panthers held them to 6 in their first meeting this year. Carolina wins and goes to the playoffs, the Falcons lose and Michael Vick will go make more commercials.
PANTHERS 24, FALCONS 17
WASHINGTON REDSKINS (9-6)
AT PHILADELPHIA EAGLES (6-9)
4:15 PM Eastern, FOX, (Broadcast Team TBA)
What’s at Stake
The Redskins clinch a playoff berth with a win. They can also be NFC East champs and get a first round home game if they win and the Giants lose in Oakland.
News You Can Use
– Washington’s 17-10 win over the Eagles on Nov. 6 snapped a string of 7 straight Eagle wins over the Redskins.
– To those who thought the game had passed Joe Gibbs and his offense by, the Redskins have the league’s 3rd leading rusher (Clinton Portis with 1404 yards), and 2nd leading receiver (Santana Moss with 1400 yards.)
– The big question for the Redskins this week is whether Mark Brunell will be able to start at QB. He practiced yesterday, and so far this week all indications are that he will be ready to go for this crucial game. He is 3-0 in his career as a starter against the Eagles.
– Lost in the success the team has enjoyed the last few weeks has been the shabby way they have treated LB LaVar Arrington. After being the lone bright spot on a dismal team for the first half of this decade, Arrington has been marginalized and picked on by the team’s coaching staff this year. He repeatedly has fielded phone calls from the press box where his position coach, Dale Lindsey, has berated him for missed assignments. Arrington carried the argument into the locker room after last week’s win over the Giants. His teammates have noticed too. An unnamed Redskins player said this week, “Enough already. Let LaVar be.”
HERE’S YOUR FORECAST
Make no mistake, this is NOT an easy hurdle to clear for the Redskins to get to the playoffs. It was only 3 weeks ago that the Eagles lost by a field goal at home to the Giants, so they are very capable of giving a division foe all they can handle, even with their team decimated by injuries. That said, that 27th ranked defense won’t be able to stop the Redskins’ potent offense at crunch time, and the Skins will get the points they need when they need them to reach the playoffs.
REDSKINS 23, EAGLES 20
ST. LOUIS RAMS (5-10)
AT DALLAS COWBOYS (9-6)
8:30 PM Eastern, ESPN, (Mike Patrick, Paul Maguire, Joe Thiesmann, Suzy Kolber)
What’s at Stake
The Cowboys are the team that will be there to pick up the pieces should Washington or Carolina stumble this week. Both of those teams have tough road games against division foes, so it could happen. In order to have any chance at all they will need to take care of business against the Rams at home. It is the last game of the NFL season, so this game could either be very meaningful, or totally meaningless by the time they take the field.
News You Can Use
– The Rams are -14 in giveaway/takeaway ratio this year.
– Rams’ WR Tory Holt leads the NFL with 98 receptions.
– Julius Jones’ 194 yard game vs. Carolina last week was the 4th best rushing total in Cowboys history. When you’re talking about a franchise that has had Tony Dorsett, Herschel Walker, and the NFL’s all-time leading rusher Emmitt Smith, that’s pretty impressive.
– Could this be the last game for Bill Parcells? The last LAST game? The Tuna isn’t saying whether he will retire for the 3rd time following this season. Many believe he will coach at least one more season, but he’s surprised us before.
HERE’S YOUR FORECAST
Another huge day for Julius Jones, who will enjoy running into the gaping holes left by the Rams’ 30th ranked run defense. The Cowboys will make the playoffs if they can get help from either the Eagles or Falcons.
COWBOYS 27, RAMS 16
(11-4) CINCINNATI BENGALS AT
(9-6) KANSAS CITY CHIEFS
1 PM Eastern, CBS (Dick Enberg, Dan Dierdorf, Armen “Tanzarian” Keteyian)
What’s at Stake
If the Steelers all succumb to bird flu between now and Sunday and have to forfeit their home game against the Lions, then the Chiefs can make the playoffs with a win. Oh, and even though the Chargers are eliminated, they also need the Chargers to lose, because if KC wins, and SD wins, and PIT loses, then it’s a 3 way tie, not a 2 way tie, and the Steelers would win that 3 way tie according to the league’s tiebreaker system. As for the Bengals, they can lock up the third seed in the AFC with a win, otherwise they could slide to 4th, not that it makes that big of a difference.
News You Can Use
– How good has Carson Palmer been this year? If he has a passer rating over 100 in this game, it will give him the most 100+ passer rating games in one season in NFL HISTORY. As a reward, the Bengals signed him to a gajillion dollar contract extension this week. He plans to spend the money on somethin’ nice.
– Rudi Johnson ran for 165 yards the last time these teams met (in 2003).
– Larry Johnson’s run for over 100 yards for 8 games in a row now, and he will almost certainly set the Chiefs single season rushing record .
– This will probably be Dick Vermiel’s last game in the NFL. He’s like 136 years old, and will retire after this season. Rumors are hot and heavy that the Jets’ Herm Edwards will replace him. If you say this to Herm Edwards though, he’s liable to throw a stapler at your head.
HERE’S YOUR FORECAST
It’s hard to make a prediction here, because the Bengals really don’t have anything to play for and may only let their starters see limited action. The Chiefs will have one eye on the scoreboard the whole game, hoping against all sane and logical thinking that the Lions can beat the Steelers. So, given that the Chiefs have more to play for, I’ll take the Chiefs.
CHIEFS 34, BENGALS 24
(5-10) DETROIT LIONS AT
(10-5) PITTSBURGH STEELERS
1 PM Eastern, FOX (Ron Pitts, Tim Ryan)
What’s at Stake
The Steelers will go to the playoffs as the #6 seed in the AFC with a win. If the unthinkable happens and they lose, then they will need a KC loss or a San Diego win to get in. Of course, if they lose this game, Bill Cowher will probably punch a referee in the face or something, and the Steelers will be disqualified. Bill Cowher, that crazy nut, he’s been coaching the Steelers almost as long as I’ve had public hair.
News You Can Use
– If the Steelers win, they will make the playoffs for the 10th time in 14 seasons under Cowher.
– DT Casey Hampton and WR Hines Ward were voted co-MVPs by the Steelers’ players this week.
– The Lions are 0-9 this season against teams with winning records.
– The Steelers haven’t lost at home to the Lions since 1955. They are 7-0-1 against them in that time.
HERE’S YOUR FORECAST
The Lions haven’t beaten the Steelers in Pittsburgh since 1955, so they will need a flux capacitor to win this game.
STEELERS 27, LIONS 12
So, if all of my predictions go according to plan, and God knows they always they do, your Super Bowl XL Playoff seedings will be:
NFC
1. Seattle
2. Chicago
3. Tampa Bay
4. NY Giants
5. Carolina
6. Washington
1st Round Playoff Matchups
Washington at Tampa Bay
Carolina at NY Giants
Bye- Seattle, Chicago
That Washington/TB game, by the way, is a rematch of a 36-35 shootout the Bucs won earlier this year. Me rikey that matchup
AFC
1. Indianapolis
2. Denver
3. New England
4. Cincinnati
5. Jacksonville
6. Pittsburgh
1st Round Matchups
Jacksonville at Cincinnati
Pittsburgh at New England
Bye- Indianapolis, Denver
Hmmm.. the Bengals can either win this week and have a first round game against the Steelers, or rest the starters, lose, and have a first round game against the Jaguars. Something tells me you’re going to see a lot of Jon Kitna this weekend in KC.
AWARDS TIME!!
This being the last week of the regular season, and a week that schedule-wise looks like kind of a dud, that leaves us time to hand out Year End Awards! So that’s what I’m going to do.
Each Conference is going to get an award for Offensive MVP, Defensive MVP, Rookie of the Year, and Coach of the Year. There will be 4 nominees for each award, one from each division in the Conference. So without further adieu, let’s hand out some hardware!
AFC ROOKIE OF THE YEAR
The Nominees are:
Logan Mankins, G, Patriots-
Mankins gets the nomination from the AFC East, edging out the Dolphins’ Ronnie Brown and Channing Crowder. The Pats first round pick has started all 15 games on the offensive line of the two time defending Super Bowl Champs. He was the 32nd player taken in this year’s draft.
Odell Thurman, LB, Bengals-
There were concerns about Thurman’s lack of size as an underclassman entering the draft out of Georgia. The Bengals ignored those and snapped him up in the second round, and he’s payed big dividends. He has been the catalyst of the team’s opportunistic defense, picking off 5 passes and forcing 5 fumbles. He also leads the Bengals with 100 tackles.
Matt Jones, WR, Jaguars-
People questioned the Jags’ taking this converted QB in the first round, but they couldn’t pass up his raw athleticism. In his rookie season, he looks like a good investment. He has caught 33 passes for 377 yards and 4 TD’s.
Shawne Merriman, LB, Chargers-
It took a long time to get Merriman into camp this summer, but he was worth the wait. He showed the pass rushing ability that made him the 12th pick in the draft, getting 9 sacks this season.
AND THE AFC ROOKIE OF THE YEAR IS…
ODELL THURMAN, LB, BENGALS
That’s right. Suck it. Everyone’s gaga over Shawne Merriman lately, and he is a better pass rusher, he may well be the next Lawrence Taylor (or maybe he and Demarcus Ware COMBINED will add up to Lawrence Taylor might be more accurate), but at this point Thurman is a more complete player. He made a lot of game changing plays that helped put the Bengals where they are today, in the playoffs. Congratulations Odell Thurman, you are MY AFC Rookie of the Year.
NFC ROOKIE OF THE YEAR
The Nominees are:
Demarcus Ware, LB, Cowboys-
Ware looked like a beast in preseason, and the regular season didn’t change that. The 11th pick in the draft had 7 sacks and 3 forced fumbles this season. He will be a pass rushing force for years to come.
Kyle Orton, QB, Bears-
Say what you will about him, but this guy was drafted in the 4th round this year, and won TEN GAMES on a team that was 5-11 last year as its starting quarterback. Compare that to what the guys drafted ahead of him at his position (Alex Smith, Aaron Rodgers, Jason Campbell, David Greene, Charlie Frye, Andrew Walter) did, and tell me he doesn’t deserve all the kudos I have to give.
Carnell Williams, RB, Bucs-
He’s been up and down this year, but when you add it all up, he’s been better than the Bucs could have ever hoped for. Cadillac had 268 carries for 1097 yards and 6 TDs this year. The Niners, Dolphins (especially), Browns, and Bears all have to be kicking themselves for passing on him.
Lofa Tatupu, LB, Seahawks-
Tatupu may not be six feet tall, but he has played huge for the Seahawks this year. The 2nd round pick out of USC has made 103 tackles, has 4 sacks, and has 3 interceptions.
AND THE NFC ROOKIE OF THE YEAR IS…
CARNELL WILLIAMS, RB, BUCS
Had he been healthy all year, it’s feasible to say Cadillac would have put up around 1400 yards this year. As it was, he has rushed for over 1000, was the man most responsible for the Bucs’ turnaround this year, and probably most importantly to him, totally outplayed the 2 running backs drafted ahead of him (Ronnie Brown and Cedric Benson).
AFC COACH OF THE YEAR
The Nominees are:
Bill Belichick, Patriots-
Injuries and attrition have weakened the champs, but Belichick has them not only back in the playoffs, but peaking and poised to do some damage.
Marvin Lewis, Bengals-
He’s got the BENGALS in the playoffs. That’s really all you need to say.
Tony Dungy, Colts-
Kept a steady hand on an enormously talented team.
Mike Shanahan, Broncos-
Silenced those who felt it was time for a change in Denver with what may be his best coaching job yet.
AND THE AFC COACH OF THE YEAR IS…
MARVIN LEWIS, BENGALS
Not just for what he’s done this year, but for what he has done to turn a franchise that was a joke and making them into one of the NFL’s best.
NFC COACH OF THE YEAR
The Nominees are:
Joe Gibbs, Redskins-
Anyone who had the Redskins anywhere near the playoffs this year, put your hand down, because you’re lying.
Lovie Smith, Bears-
How in the holy hell do you win a division with a rookie 4th round quarterback and a team that had gone 16-32 in the last 3 seasons?
Jon Gruden, Bucs-
He’s somehow managed to make an offense full of rookies and castoffs into a very productive unit that complements the defense nicely.
Mike Holmgren, Seahawks-
There’s really not a lot to pick from in the NFC West. Holmgren had a great regular season.
AND THE NFC COACH OF THE YEAR IS…
LOVIE SMITH, BEARS
Not only has he won 11 games under less than ideal circumstances, but he’s also handled some delicate situations pretty well this year (re-inserting Rex Grossman into the lineup, the Olin Kreutz FBI Gun range/Punching a Teammate In the Face Incident).
AFC DEFENSIVE MVP
The Nominees are:
Jason Taylor, DE, Dolphins
The Dolphins’s veteran defensive end had one of the best seasons of his career this year. He currently has a career high 50 solo tackles. He also has 12 sacks and 4 forced fumbles.
Joey Porter, LB, Steelers
Porter’s another veteran who is enjoying a resurgent year. He has been a force on the Steelers’ defense, picking up 11 sacks, 4 forced fumbles, and 2 interceptions.
Dwight Freeney, DE, Colts
It’s been a long transformation for the Colts’ defense from being a weakness to a strength. That transition has completed this year, and Freeney is its cornerstone. He has 11 sacks and 6 forced fumbles this season.
Derrick Burgess, DE, Raiders
And how can you not include the NFL leader in sacks as a nominee? Burgess has brought some bite to the Raiders D. He leads the league with 15 sacks.
AND THE AFC DEFENSIVE MVP IS…
DWIGHT FREENEY, DE, COLTS-
This selection may surprise some, but it’s the right selection. Everything the Colts do on defense is predicated on Freeney’s ability to pressure the quarterback. He has made everyone on his unit better, and the Colts would not be anywhere near where they are now without him anchoring a good defense.
NFC DEFENSIVE MVP
The Nominees are:
Michael Strahan, DE, Giants-
He doesn’t lead the Giants in sacks, but you know he’s a big part of the reason why Osi Umenyiora does. The 13 year vet has had a great season in his own right. He not only has 11 ½ sacks, but he also has 59 solo tackles. He’s everything you want in a D lineman, and he’s still one of the best at age 34.
Brian Urlacher, LB, Bears-
After a pair of seasons marred by injury and inconsistent play, Urlacher re-emerged to lead one of the best defenses we’ve seen this decade. He has 122 tackles and 6 sacks. He is the hub of the impermeable Bears defense.
Julius Peppers DE, Panthers-
There’s a lot to choose from in the NFC South, but Peppers gets the nod over Derrick Brooks and Rod Coleman. He has 11 sacks and 49 tackles, and is the most feared member of the NFC’s second ranked defense.
Lofa Tatupu, LB, Seahawks-
Not a lot to choose from in the NFC West, so let’s give it to the hungry rookie.
AND THE NFC DEFENSIVE MVP IS…
BRIAN URLACHER, LB, BEARS
He’s a joy to watch. Until this year, I was not an Urlacher fan, and saw him as more of a defensive version of Michael Vick. All hype and no substance. This year has completely changed my opinion.
AFC OFENSIVE MVP
The Nominees are:
Tom Brady, QB, Patriots-
While the team was seemingly crumbling around him earlier this season, Brady answered the challenge and kept the Pat’s boat above water. Now the team is peaking, and we wait to see what he can accomplish in the playoffs, where he has never lost. He also leads the NFL with 4073 passing yards.
Ben Roethlisberger, QB, Steelers-
Carson Palmer and Chad Johnson are both GREAT. But this category is most VALUABLE player. Have you SEEN the Steelers when Ben is not playing? If you have, this pick makes complete sense.
Peyton Manning, QB, Colts-
So he threw “only” 28 TD passes this year. He was still the league’s highest rated QB. And more often than not he looks like he does whatever he wants to do out on the field.
Larry Johnson, RB, Chiefs-
He’s only been the Chiefs starter for a little over half of the season, and he still has rushed for over 1500 yards. When you watch him run, he just looks unstoppable.
AND THE AFC OFFENSIVE MVP IS…
TOM BRADY, QB, PATRIOTS
Much like the Bears’ success was almost entirely attributable to its defense this year, the Pats AFC East title was ALL Tom Brady this year. He said for the team to succeed this year, he would have to be better than he has ever been. And he was.
NFC OFENSIVE MVP
Tiki Barber, RB, Giants-
All Tiki’s done this year is have over TWO THOUSAND total yards (rushing and receiving). Oh, there’s also the 2 200+ yard rushing games.
Olin Kreutz, C, Bears-
A rookie quarterback wouldn’t be able to succeed without a VERY good offensive line. Kreutz is the heart of that line.
Steve Smith, WR, Panthers
Smith is the NFL’s leading receiver with 1432 yards. As he goes, so go the Panthers.
Shaun Alexander, RB, Seahawks
1800+ yards, 26 touchdowns. What else really needs to be said?
AND THE NFC OFFENSIVE MVP IS…
SHAUN ALEXANDER, RB, SEAHAWKS
When someone’s had a year like Alexander has had, being MVP of this season is academic, what you should be talking about is how his season ranks in the annals of best seasons of all-time. This 2005 season alone may be enough to stamp his ticket to Canton when he becomes eligible in like 2016 or thereabouts.
Well, that’s a wrap for this week. There won’t be a Monday column next week. I will instead be spending my creative energies putting together a PLAYOFF PREVIEW that will break things down completely, and it should be ready late next week. Until then!
