Hey folks. To keep you entertained throughout the Survivor off-season, tonight features the first of many controversial columns. These columns are intended to get emotions flaring, and get you royally pissed off at me. Or in the off chance you agree with me, they’re designed to gain fans.
What could possibly cause such a ruckus? Survivor, that’s what. Try talking to a friend about something that happened in Survivor (either something recent or from the archives), and what happens when you disagree? If you’re like me, the most common reactions are “WHAT?” or “please” (followed immediately by the eye roll). The intent of this is to evoke those same feelings, toward me.
The series of hot columns, which I am now calling the DICS (Dora’s Insidepulse Controversy about Survivor), will be run like this: I give you a statement regarding Survivor in some way, and then spend the rest of the column either proving or disproving that statement. And as always, you don’t have to agree with me, but I will warn you that if I do provide you with a column-length argument about one narrow topic, then I would say I do have a strong argument. Thus, if I get whiny emails (which I do like, mind you, if for nothing more than humor value), they better not be one liners like “you’re wrong, you bitch.” If you say “you’re wrong, you bitch,” and provide evidence as to why I’m wrong and/or a bitch, then go for it. Email address at the bottom.
So with out further ado, the first DICS subject to get people on my side, to protect me from the sharp objects thrown at me from my new enemies is below:
“Amber Brkich is the best woman ever to play Survivor.”
TRUE.
When assessing “the best,” you have to look not just how well someone placed in a given season, but also how well the strategy they used would work on different seasons. For example, Tom Westman dominated everything in Palau, but would his “I’m in charge and there ain’t nothin’ you can do about it” strategy fly in the Amazon where Deena and Cesternino wanted to get rid of all the strong guys? You also have to look at the person’s best performance, since Tina Wesson has the joy of placing both first and last.
So in the case of Amber, we’re obviously considering her Sole Survivor status of All Stars. But on a similar note, her strategy in the Outback was not extremely different from that of All Stars. And it was relatively effective, since she did outlast more than half the people in the Outback. So while we’re looking only at All Stars, if we wanted to include the Outback, it would only help her argument.
My closest Survivor buddy (Survivor is the basis of our friendship) at school, Whitney, can’t help herself sometimes. She has to take a peek, and go on some spoiler sites (I know, I groan too). Nothing major like the boot order of a whole season, but checking out the cast before it’s officially released. And of course, in 2003 many fans knew an All Star cast was coming. Then rumors like “who’s on?” caused online controversy. Well, that was one topic I asked Whitney to share with me – the All Star cast. We were like kids peeking at Christmas presents; we knew we shouldn’t be doing it, but who could resist?! Anyway, I remember seeing Amber on the list, and scratching my head. How’d she get on? It was a joke she was even on, let alone competing against the best of the best for title of “The Best.” If her being cast was the joke, the possibility of her faring even remotely well was the punch line.
I even bought the TV Guide where it gave a preview of the cast. Each person was analyzed heavily, with both pros and cons, along with odds of winning. About Amber: “STRATEGY: Stick like glue to the most despised person in your tribe. Repeat until eliminated. STRENGTHS: Give us a minute. We’re thinking. WEAKNESSES: See ‘Strategy.’ BOTTOM LINE: Even if she lasted, she’d have no endgame. ODDS: 50 to 1.” Apparently I wasn’t the only one who scoffed at Amber. All of America was, too. This chick had no chance.
But let’s take a minute to dissect what we all just saw. Of TV Guide’s five criteria on how each she would fare, four were dead-wrong, and one was dead-on.
Look back at ‘Strategy.’ Stick like glue to the most despised person in your tribe. Repeat until eliminated. There ya go, folks; they hit the nail on the head. That is exactly what Amber did. She had one ally, clung to him unlike any other Survivor contestants had clung, and that was all she needed. Sometimes it IS that simple.
Amber did three things right (perfectly, if you will). She created the best alliance ever. She won the most crucial Immunity challenge of the show. And she was the better of the final two.
Amber had an alliance with Boston Rob Mariano. Rob did all the work, and Amber got to take all the credit. But keep in mind this is the most powerful alliance ever seen on Survivor. By far. Ever.
One of my major points is that every alliance requires at least two people. Each is an integral part of the whole. So whatever one individual does, the whole alliance gets to take credit for it. Likewise, whatever the alliance does, each individual can reap whatever the alliance sows. This only makes sense. If Derek Jeter hits a homerun, the Yankees win, and each Yankee can enjoy the benefits of the victory (I’m aware that I used the Yanks in a column featuring a major Sox fan). So whatever Rob does helps (‘directly affects’ would be better than ‘helps’) Amber, and vice versa.
Amber often does not get a lot of credit because people say “all she did was let Boston Rob carry her.” First off, any woman who lets a man physically carry her is smart, because it shows who’s really in charge. But perhaps the point those people are not seeing is that Amber put herself in a position to have a male totally wrapped around her finger. No one can deny that Boston Rob was totally in control of everything in All Stars. But who do you think controlled Rob?
“Ooh! Pick me! Is the answer Amber Brkich?”
That’s pretty much my major argument: while it’s true that Rob did everything, Amber had manipulated Rob to the point where whatever he did always put the both of them in a better position.
The biggest controversy of All Stars was when the tribes switched, leaving Amber on Chapera with four Mogo Mogo. When Chapera lost Immunity, Rob approached Lex with the now infamous “You take care of her, and I’ll take care of you.” Those of us in the audience were screaming at Lex not to take the bait, but he did anyway. And I’ll tell you what: Amber did not do a good job pleading her case to her tribe. The reason she was spared was because her boyfriend was scary.
I just used the word ‘boyfriend.’ That means love, right? Yep. Rob and Amber (Romber, collectively) were not just pals; they were a legit relationship with feelings. Rob truly cared about this girl so much that he was able to put his balls on the line and ensure she made it to the next round.
“But love! That doesn’t count as an alliance!”
Such a claim as the aforementioned is nothing but a load of horse crap. Love is the most extreme alliance! And Amber gets credit as the first (and as of now, only) person to use love as collateral in a Survivor alliance. By doing this, she had Rob so whipped that all she had to do was walk the doggy on the leash. It’s almost too good. Good thing for Rob that the Pearl Islands do not contain a train. If Amber had requested, Rob probably would have stepped in front of said train.
Amber and Rob perfected the alliance. No other alliance was as good as Romber, nor do I believe one ever will be. And since all members of a team share in the team’s success, Amber gets credit as being part of the most successful alliance ever.
The second point was Amber’s crucial immunuity win in the final four. This often gets overlooked, but had the contest gone slightly differently, Romber’s story would be nothing because they would not have made the final two.
Let’s look at the situation. The final four consisted of Amber, Rob, Jenna, and Rupert; or if you prefer, Amber/Rob versus Jenna/Rupert. Amber and Rob both wanted to get rid of Rupert. Rupert didn’t want to get rid of ally Jenna or buddy Rob, so he was going to vote for Amber. Jenna realized Rob was her ticket to victory, so could have gone either Amber or Rupert. But in all reality, it’s better to get rid of an enemy while you can, and stick with our ally, so Jenna likely would have gone for Amber. That’s two votes each, Amber and Rupert. The immunity challenge could only protect one of those two targets.
And it’s a close call. But Amber finishes the ladder very shortly before Rupert would have. She’s not going anywhere. Had Rupert won, regardless of whether or not Jenna was going to vote for him, she would not have been able to. That means two votes Amber, two votes Jenna. Tiebreaker (which as we found out in Palau is the sudden death between the people who are tied)! Who knows what it would have been, whether Amber or Jenna would have won, or even how the final three immunity challenge would have gone if Rupert participated, etc? The whole outcome would have been totally different.
But Amber prevented all that commotion by simply winning. She and Rob convinced Jenna to get rid of Rupert, then they immediately turned around, booted her, and said “thank you!” You could make the point that their “best alliance ever” came into play here, when Rob voted out Jenna to keep Amber, but both Rob and Amber were going to get rid of Jenna, because Romber was so dirty, neither would have had a chance against Jenna.
Which leads me to my final point: the final two. This is where the games of both Rob and Amber come into play and into scrutiny. This is where Amber was beautiful. Amber was not a nice player, as she was just as guilty as Rob. But compared to Rob, who people SAW doing everything, and made/broke deals, Amber was a little angel. All she had to do was blink her eyelashes, and everyone would have voted for her anyway.
And Amber didn’t even do that good a job in front of the jury. But she does receive copious amounts of praise for letting Rob mess up while she just sat there. That’s it girl, let everyone look past you while they attack the person next to you. One of her answers, as summed up by Tom, was that Rob lied a lot, but Amber only lied a little bit. What a horrible answer! But it was true, and exactly what Tom needed to hear.
And really, Amber only got one vote for her work. But more importantly, she got three anti-Rob votes, which count as pro-Amber votes. Jenna and Rupert voted for Rob because he kept his end of the deal, and was a great player. Kathy voted for Rob out of friendship. Lex, Alicia, and Tom, all had to vote for Amber, because as long as Rob was there, Rob was not receiving their votes. Shii Ann voted for Amber because she appreciated Amber’s game; there was something about the way Amber played that Shii Ann noticed, and liked. Shii Ann always was a wise old owl, and it was good of her to see that while Rob was dominating challenges, Amber’s domination was of the dominator. Side note: best tribal council moment ever was when Shii Ann got booted, and voted for the person who was going to walk through the game to victory (Amber). That one move totally redeemed Shii Ann.
And that’s pretty much it. While there is more to her game, such as shutting up as certain times, and not being a complete physical threat for the course of the game, it boils down to three key things: her alliance with Rob, her immunity win, and sitting next to Rob in the final two. And that’s why she won Survivor All Stars.
Take that, TV Guide!
But there’s more to it. Survivor All Stars was unique. Here were 18 (the first non-16 season) people competing. And these are the best of the best. These are not only veterans, but people who performed well on their respective seasons. That meant that all 18 out of 18 people knew how to play the game of Survivor well. It’s one thing to play against Brianna Varela, Blake Towsley, or Morgan McDevitt from Guatemala. It’s another to play against Richrd Hatch, Rob Cesternino, Tina Wesson, and Colby Donaldson. And to beat the best does deserve much credit. Take home point of this paragraph: All Stars was difficult because the players were all good, and Amber won it, so she gets bonus points for winning in a difficult season.
So, like I said in the beginning, how do you gauge “the best?” How would that person’s gameplay work on other seasons? There is no generic formula for winning Survivor, but there are some strategies which would probably work better than others in general. Obviously Richard Hatch’s ‘alliance of tribemates’ strategy is the most common and most successful, but even that has flaws (Rotu from Marquesas).
Amber’s strategy was simple: let someone else do the work, such that you look better when you sit next to them in the final two. And Amber didn’t stumble upon this; she knew the entire game what she was doing. And this ‘thinking of the final two’ strategy has made so many millionaires, that it’s clear that it’s effective. Danni Boatwright, Brian Heidik, Tom Westman, and even my hero Chris Daugherty were people who thought about who they wanted to sit next to in the final two, and made sure that that was the case. These four people even broke major alliances (Rafe, Helen/Ted, Ian, Eliza, respectively) because they were looking to the final two. Amber let Rob break the alliances, while she let him take her to the final two.
In case you still don’t believe me about why Amber’s the best woman ever, let’s go through it woman by woman. This list is short, because the “best” women must be people who won their respective seasons. Your strategy can’t be too good if it doesn’t help you beat the other person in the final two (sorry to Stephenie Lagrossa, Kelly Wiglesworth, or Katie Gallagher fans).
Danni Boatwright- got fortunate while the other people voted off their own. While it is true that she took advantages of these cracks, and even did help widen the cracks, she was still always at the mercy of the others. In other seasons (how you gauge “the best”), it might not have worked to her favor.
Vecepia Towery- I still think that the only reason she won was because she was next to Neleh in the final two. Yes, she was aware of this (which is why she broke the deal with Kathy so it was Neleh/Vecepia). But don’t you think it’s odd that her strategy of bringing Neleh was only successful because her two attempts to get rid of Neleh were unsuccessful? Ironic, (ie, lucky), if you ask me.
Sandra Diaz-Twine- puh-lease! Sandra is the least deserving winner in Survivor history. “As long as it isn’t me” applies to two instances. ie, her masterful strategy is nothing but hype and talk. Good thing we haven’t heard from her since December ’03. Don’t worry, I’ll make this a DICS very soon
Jenna Morasca- A lot of people don’t give credit to Jenna for her win. Why? Because she was a snotty brat. You wanna know what? It worked in the Amazon. In other seasons, her ‘tude would have resulted in an early boot.
So that leaves Tina against Amber. And I gotta admit, it’s wicked tough. Both totally manipulated a boy to the point where he was able to anything she said. Both won their seasons, and with replicable strategies (The alliance and the final two). Neither was a huge threat to anyone, so getting rid of them based on strength does not apply. Both beat each other in a game of Survivor. I’m in now way counting Tina’s last place finish in All Stars, either.
The reason why Amber Brkich is better than Tina Wesson is minimal, but important. Amber won a more challenging season of Survivor. A small difference, but in the case of a tie, you need a tiebreaker to give someone a slight edge. And that why I gave Amber the nod over Tina.
The bottom line: Amber won a difficult season with a simple strategy that she perfected and a strategy that could probably be used on other season of Survivor to win. That is why she deserves the title of “Best Woman Ever to Play Survivor”
Now she sits with her husband who she used to gain the title of best woman ever. And she also got another title along the way: the Queen of Reality Television.
That’s it folks. Let the hate emails fly! Also, I need ideas for subsequent DICS, so if you have a good one, send it my way.
Until next time, when we discuss the new Medicare Part D plan with your local pharmacist, stay cool
~Dora
