Time for the first Rasslin Roundtable of the New Year, for WWE RAW’s New Year’s Revolution! Check out the IP Wrestling staff’s predictions, below, including the return of one of the IWC’s long-lost rising stars…
(Plus, post YOUR pay per view predictions in our reader forum now!)
Bra & Panties Gauntlet Match
Maria vs. Ashley vs. Victoria vs. Candice vs. Torrie
Widro WE’RE ALL WINNERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Winner – Candace
Chris Pankonin (Your NEW/returning Friday midnight columnist, starting next week!): I actually like this idea, no, really, I do. Its something they haven’t done before so they instantly get credibility points for the idea. As far as a winner, I don’t really care, so I’ll just go with my current favorite diva.
Winner – Ashley
Matthew Michaels (I’m frikkin’ ubiquitous): Victoria deserves the win, Ashley makes sense to get the win, so that only means one thing…
Winner – Candice Michelle, Miss GoDaddy.com and your NEXT Playboy Playmate
Eric Szulczewski (Columnist, Wrestling News, Opinions, Etc. and the Double-Team Short Form): Do I really have to? Everyone hates these matches. Why do we even bother to…yeah, yeah, they’re on the card, blah blah blah. Okay, Bra and Panties Matches always end with the face chick winning. Since Maria already got a victory on Raw, and they haven’t done jack with Ashley to justify her winning the Diva Search, I think we’ve got a winner.
Winner – Matt Hardy’s beard
Iain Burnside (Columnist, The Anti-Pulse): You what? Do I care in the least about Dopey, Skirty, Vicky, Wandy and Skanky? The answer, as unsurprising as it is resounding, is NO. Somebody should tell the booking team that people can use pay-per-view to just buy an actual porno rather than paying for a wrestling show in order to see some knickers.
Winner – Dopey, I guess.
Vinny Truncellito (Columnist, Alternate Reality): Flair, Steamboat, Funk and Brisco can all step aside and watch with awe as these five uber-grapplers face off in an instant classic.
Winner – Victoria
Jeremy Lambert (Columnist, TNA At Ringside; LIVE iMPACT! Recapper): Eh, does it really matter? It’s just a match so Vince can get off. But since I’m trying to keep my record this year, I’ll make a pick.
Winner – Ashley
Mark Neeley (NeelDown iMPACT! and Video Reviews): It’s so typical that the divas who can’t wrestle get a gauntlet match but they would never consider giving it to the cruisers or anything like that. Who the f*ck even cares who wins… I guess Maria or Ashley the faces.
Winner – The arena’s hot dog venders and concession workers, whose business will sky rocket during this one.
Jed Shaffer (Columnist, Re-Writing the Book): 1 wrestler, four models. Oh, the agony.
Winner – Mrs. Hevia
Tom Pandich (Nexus Columnist, Wrestling Fill-In Recapper): Remember when winning the Diva search actually meant a person would be shoved down our throats at least through Wrestlemania?
Winner – Maria
Singles Match
Gregory Helms vs. Jerry “The King” Lawler
Widro I like this mini storyline.
Winner – Helms
Chris Pankonin: I had to record Raw this week, and I fast forwarded through this whole segment. Why don’t they just trade Helms to Smackdown and let him join the cruisers? Regardless, he’ll at least win this match.
Winner – Gregory Helms
Matthew Michaels: I like Helms’ new character. This match, and the ensuing push he’s (hopefully) getting are his chance to break away from the pack of sunglasses-wearing hotshots Conway, Grenier and Basham (remember him?), but Helms has always been a decent talker, so here’s hoping he’s successful. If not, hey, maybe a faction of the four wouldn’t be such a bad idea…
Winner – Sugar Shane
Eric Szulczewski: I’ll explain in the extras how this match will be “enhanced”. I see a piledriver in Novocaine’s future.
Winner – Jerry Lawler
Iain Burnside: Is this a joke? I haven’t been paying any attention to the wrestling results these past few weeks. Are they honestly so desperate for material that they have to drag Lawler back into the ring? I don’t know whether to laugh or cry… actually, I won’t do either, I’ll just hit the fast-forward button and keep on going until something even slightly interesting happens on this show… I could very well wind up fast-forwarding the entire event…
Winner – Gregory Helms
Vinny Truncellito: I really like this variation on the “New Blood vs. Millionaires’ Club” angle that’s been brewing lately. Between Edge vs. Flair (during which Michael “P.S.” Hayes should get involved) and this match, I’m hoping a whole new story arc develops, featuring the battle-hardened veterans against the young lions. I think Helms ought to go over via nefarious means here, to give Lawler a real taste for revenge, and to necessitate future encounters between the two.
Winner – Sugar Shane, the Hurricane
Jeremy Lambert: So what does this feud do for either man? If Helms wins then nobody cares because he just beat Lawler. If Lawler wins then Helms is burried even more than now. Great booking.
Winner – Helms
Mark Neeley: Talk about throwing a quick one together for a card filler… they have nothing better to do with Helms than continue his Heat career so they throw him another tired feud with an anouncer. Seriously, who the f*ck cares?
Winner – Clark Kent
Jed Shaffer: Normally, I’d point out how much a kiss of death feuding with the announcers is. But this is Gregory Helms. His career is already on a slab.
Winner – Raw’s most beloved pervert
Tom Pandich: Helms is dead in the water. This feud is going to go on for months regardless of who wins. Expect Jerry to win this but a post match beatdown will take him out of the annoucing position for the rest of the PPV and maybe next night’s Raw.
Winner – Jerry “The King” Lawler
Women’s Championship
Women’s Champion Trish Stratus vs. Mickie James
Widro This has been one of the best storylines in a while. I think Trish wins to further push Mickie to snapping.
Winner – Trish
Chris Pankonin: I have a feeling a lot of people are picking Mickie for this one, but I think they’ll drag it out even more and have her make the full turn at the Royal Rumble and drag it out until Wrestlemania.
Winner – Trish Stratus
Matthew Michaels: Do they cut Trish’s reign a day short of a full year? Is it possible Rockin’ Robin will have had a longer run with the belt than Stratus? Eh, like anyone will notice… The question is how do they get the belt on Candice, since we know they want to, and there may be a better chance to do so if they keep Mickie a tweener, which is the course I think they’re going for the next few months.
Winner – Mickie James
Eric Szulczewski: Time to get the title off of Trish, and who better to do it than her personal lesbian stalker? LaJames will turn heel after the match, though, when Trish doesn’t “give her proper respect for winning”.
Winner and New Champion – MickieLexis LaJames
Iain Burnside: It is rather pathetic that so many people have taken to praising this angle when it does nothing but quite blatantly play on the vain hope held by the majority of the male audience that all the hot chicks want to eat one another out. Hell, I fancy the pants off of Trish but even I find this whole thing completely tedious. That may be due to the concentrated annoyance of Mickie James, who deserves to marry Lex Luger and move into a flat above a pharmacy. In brighter news, my anti-virus software has just successfully completed it’s daily update routine. Truly, we live a charmed life.
Winner – Mickie James
Vinny Truncellito: It seems logical that one of two things could happen here: 1) Mickie loses cleanly, then flips out and turns mega-heel. 2) Mickie wins the match and the title by cheating, beginning an intense feud between the two former gal-pals. Since I don’t see them putting the title on Mickie just yet, look for option number one. This booking could make for some interesting television down the road, with Mickie getting nuttier and nuttier as the weeks roll on.
Winner – Trish Stratus
Jeremy Lambert: Here’s a fun fact that everyone should know. This PPV would mean Trish has held the Womens title for 1 whole year. Want to know what’s worse? She’s faced about the same 2-3 people for that entire year. I say they continue this feud to the Rumble because they have nothing better to do.
Winner – Trish
Mark Neeley: Hard to say on this one, it seem slike Alexis will win because she is finally bringing competition to the women’s division (or at least most people say, but I’m not sure I buy into all the hype), but are they really ready to take the belt off Trish? I guess she will, and then set up a bunch of flashly rematches.
Winner – Mickie James
Jed Shaffer: The storyline possibiltiies of Alexis Laree winning the belt from her hero and continuing to prostrate before her while holding a defeat over her would be priceless … so, naturally, that won’t happen. Laree will get the belt, but not until she legitimately turns heel.
Winner – Super-Boobs
Tom Pandich: They teased Trish dropping the belt at Raw, but I think they hold off until a more major PPV or a Mickie James heel turn. If James turns, she’ll win. She won’t at the PPV so Trish will keep the belt.
Winner – Trish Stratus
Intercontinental Championship
IC Champion Ric Flair vs. Edge
Widro Edge has been injured, but Flair can still go. Could be a show stealer, or disappointingly short. Edge wins to get the title off Flair and build momentum for whenever he uses his title shot.
Winner – Edge
Chris Pankonin: Tough call. They’ve been burying Flair and almost making Edge the face in this feud with those segments. I think they’ve probably punished Flair enough. I don’t think they make the switch, but more likely Flair snaps and does his own edition of “Road Rage” with a steel chair to get DQ’ed.
Winner – Edge (DQ)
Matthew Michaels: Doesn’t Edge have a WWE Title shot? Let’s check his WWE.com profile… Recently at WrestleMania 21 in a “Money in the Bank” bout, Edge used this newfound tool to drive him in securing a WWE Heavyweight Championship Title match whenever he wishes. Well, there ya go. So why he’s wrestling for the IC Strap seems a bit odd. That being said, this should be a great match, assuming Edge is recovered from his injury, and hey, wouldn’t it be a nice surprise to see him cash in his Money in the Bank immediately after the Elimination Chamber match, when the Champ is all battered?
Winner – Edge
Eric Szulczewski: We’re approaching the Road to Wrestlemania, so it’s time to start opening the windows and letting in some fresh air. That means that all the titles change tonight. Edge gets rewarded for carrying this feud, and Flair hits bottom, only to bounce back up again by being in the Final Four at the Rumble.
Winner and New Champion – Edge
Iain Burnside: Well done to WWE for actually bothering to put the Intercontinental Title on the line at a PPV. On the other hand, they deserve a good collective slapping for having treated the title so poorly that the previous sentence became justified. Then there’s the fact that the title is still on a man who does not need it in the slightest, not to mention that his opponent is in a similar position when it comes to holding secondary belts. Compared to the rest of these matches it will probably seem like a classic, but it sure isn’t doing either participant any favours.
Winner – Ric Flair
Vinny Truncellito: I think they need to move the title off Flair now, and let a younger man carry it. If Edge wins it here, Shelton Benjamin and his “mama” can shoot for the strap as they right his rudder. Consequently, Edge can drop the IC title to Benjamin due to interference from Flair’s new ally, Michael “P.S.” Hayes. This will allow Benjamin to get his groove back and Edge to have even more beef with Flair and Hayes, while also establishing a nice angle to take us into WrestleMania.
Winner – Edge
Jeremy Lambert: Honestly, what does the IC title do for either man at this point? Edge has his MITB and doesn’t need the IC title and Flair is 1,000 rungs above the IC Title. Whatever, with Flairs legal problems I say they take him off TV for awhile, although nobody would notice if he kept the title off TV with him.
Winner – Edge
Mark Neeley: I have to think they’re going to give it to Edge here, as Flair brings literelly nothing to do the table anymore with the belt, as we rarely even see it, except maybe defeating Coach.
Winner – Edge
Jed Shaffer: The apathy is palpable here. Like cut-it-with-a-chainsaw thick. I’d say Flair has helped kill off the IC Title just as much as Carlito, but there are no grades of death; there is dead, and that’s it. And that’s what the IC Title is. Dead. Stone cold dead.
Winner – Luger 2K
Tom Pandich: Flair is a lame duck champ, and it would make perfect sense for him to drop the belt here. Edge also needs a win to build some momentum for using Money in the Bank either at the Royal Rumble or at Wrestlemania. I’m putting some faith in the WWE bookers this time around.
Winner and New Champion – Edge
Singles Match
World Tag Team Champion Big Show vs. Triple H
Widro I think Big Show wins to set him up as top contender after Hunter wins the Rumble.
Winner – Big Show
Chris Pankonin: Beware the fist o’ doom! Its Bob Ortontron 2006! Insert 3,000 more cast jokes here. Triple H still wins, maybe another DQ finish.
Winner – Triple H
Matthew Michaels: I like this storyline, but am not sure I’ll like the match. Big Show should probably win here, setting it up for HHH to interfere in a Tag Titles match on RAW (but against who?) and costing the Giant his gold. This feud’s over by the final 8 in the Rumble, though.
Winner – Big Show
Eric Szulczewski: What’s bigger, TBS or Trip’s ego? Obviously Trip’s ego. Unusually, though, I see him doing the job here as a quid pro quo to the Rumble. He makes TBS look good, so he gets to win the Rumble match.
Winner – TBS
Iain Burnside: Right, I just checked the last Raw report. Are they seriously making a big deal out of this feud over the astonishing news that a) Triple H likes hitting people with sledgehammers and b) Big Show has a big hand, or did I just get the wrong impression? Well, if they are going to make a habit of stating the obvious and getting away with it then I might as well do the same. Actually, I’m far too apathetic to do that right now. Just make your own sentence up that includes the words ‘stupid’, ‘useless’, ‘fat’ and ‘nose’ with regards to this match and pretend you read it here.
Winner – Triple H
Vinny Truncellito: Show can lose here and still look strong because of the damaged hand. However, if HHH can’t beat a man with one hand, then how does the Game look? To live up to his moniker as the Cerebral Assassin, his plan needs to come to fruition: take away the choke slam-hand and win the match. Yet it seemed like they were attempting to establish the cast on Show’s hand as an advantage last Monday night, which is just plain stupid. Remember the HIAC where Undertaker sported a cast and kept pounding Brock Lesnar with it? When you have a broken hand, there’s absolutely no way you want to hit ANYTHING with it. Hopefully logic will prevail and they’ll have Show sell the hand injury en route to a loss, rather than treating his “shattered” fist like a piece of armor.
Winner – HHH
Jeremy Lambert: No way HHH jobs to begin the New Year, expecially since he’s about to jump back into the title picture (hooray). Big Show can beat the entire Raw Tag Team Division (with a bit of help from Kane) but he can’t be HHH.
Winner – HHH
Mark Neeley: At first I thought this would carry out, but Trips is going to be moving on and Big Slow has his tag title duties, so oh what the hell, HHH loses.
Winner – Big Slow
Jed Shaffer: I’m still in therapy trying to remember their negative-star anti-classic from 2000. This just added another decade of therapy onto the tab.
Winner – HHHead of Creative
Tom Pandich: Call me crazy but I think this feud has some juice left in it. Triple H will win, but it’ll be a Sports Entertainment finish and this feud may continue on through Wrestlemania.
Winner – Triple HHH
WWE Championship
Elimination Chamber Match
WWE Champion John Cena vs. Kurt Angle vs. Shawn Michaels (will be entering the chamber first) vs. Chris Masters vs. Carlito vs. World Tag Team Champion Kane (will be enterting last)
Widro As much as Vince listens to the NY crowd, I think he stays the course with Cena for a match against Hunter at Mania.
Winner – Candace
Chris Pankonin: I’m probably going to be wrong on this pick, but I’m going with the winner that I think would produce the most interesting title run, that being HBK with this feud with McMahon. Might only last til the Rumble, but would at least have me interested.
Winner – Shawn Michaels
Matthew Michaels: I still think they should keep the belt on Angle, and slowly turn Cena heel, building towards a Champion vs. Champion match at Mania. Here’s how to do it: have Randy win the Rumble, and then put him over Batista at No Way Out. You then have a match for Undisputed Champion with Randy vs. Cena (or Randy vs. Cena vs. Dave) at Mania. If Hogan vs. Austin or Michaels vs. Vince happens, one of the two will be the draw. Combining that with an Undisputed Championship match gives the whole event a special feel. Of course, watch them put the belt on Angle.
Winner – John Cena
Eric Szulczewski: The other four are a distraction. This is Cena versus Angle, period. This is their last chance to get the strap off of Cena so that he can attempt to regain some audience goodwill as a face chasing the strap. Angle needs a bit of an ego boost right now, and those health concerns were overblown to begin with. I think WWE trusts him enough to put the strap back on him for the time being. If that happens, Cena’s the overwhelming favorite to win the Rumble match, because they’re going to keep pushing him no matter what.
Winner and New Champion – Kurt Angle
Iain Burnside: Save us, Jericho! Save us from the mighty boredom of Raw! Hell, Smackdown’s roster consists mainly of injured people, midgets and worms yet they could still do better than this. Well, marginally. Actually, the most entertaining piece of original programming that WWE has produced in recent months has been the Cole/Tazz edition of Byte This and THAT is a mighty worrying thought. Not for me, because I tend to just watch other things, but for those sad sacks that keep on hanging on and hoping things will magically improve… uh-oh, trouble. It’s not yet 100% off-putting, thought. We do get to listen to the hilarious Anti-Cena reactions of the crowd. After what happened to Orton, this is the second major instance of the fans shitting on the company’s designated prettyboy hero. Meanwhile, in TNA, Samoa Joe is meant to be the heel for beating the crap out of Styles and Daniels but he’s currently the most popular person on their roster. It’s almost enough to give Bret Hart a stroke. Where did all the cowboys go? Certainly not to bed with one another, no matter what your local movie reviewer might try and tell you. No, they just didn’t go anywhere. They were there all along and the same is true on Raw. Cena could still be a cowboy but it will take many months (years?) and one or two turns to make that happen. Everybody else is too old, too injured or too shit to make it happen… with the exception of one man. He is ‘of a certain age’, hasn’t been seriously injured for a while and can passably copy three-star matches from 1985. Yes, I mean Triple H – the man who is not in this match because he wants to hit another man’s large hands with a sledgehammer. You just better hope they have the right matches planned for the Royal Rumble, a.k.a. the one PPV in January that you should actually considering ordering.
Winner – John Cena
Vinny Truncellito: The live RAW crowd clearly indicated this Monday night, as many previous crowds have, that John Cena’s reign as a babyface champion has run cold. The Chamber is an ideal mechanism to remove his title without making him look weak, so this is the right time to crown a new WWE champion. I can’t see Carlito winning the big one at this time. Kane’s recent dominance and valuable slot in the match seem like red herrings to me. Michaels’ feud with McMahon doesn’t require him to be champ, so that leaves Kurt Angle and Chris Masters. Angle SHOULD be champion, but Masters is really large, and you all know Vinnie Mac’s pseudo-sexual obsession with jacked-up muscle heads. Let’s hope Creative keeps one foot planted firmly on the ground”¦
Winner – Kurt Angle
Jeremy Lambert: They need to have Angle start the match with Michaels to garuantee us 5 minutes of a good match. I can’t see WWE pulling the plug on Cena’s run, especially at a Brand PPV and not a Joint PPV.
Winner – John Cena
Mark Neeley: As much as I hate to say it, Cena is going to win, to make us suffer through more RAWs until Mania. Unfortunately, I also see this as being the worst Chamber to date, since we have guys like Carlito and Masters replacing guys like Orton and Jericho. I have a feeling Carlito will probably get eliminated in a matter of minutes anyway.
Winner – Unfortunately, the face champ who gets booed
Jed Shaffer: Okay, for all you H’s haters out there, take a look at the particpants of this match. Angle is fine; Shawn is repetitive (hasn’t he been in EVERY EC match?) but acceptable. The rest? THIS is what happens when you take Triple H out of the main event picture. Carlito and Masters get WWE Title shots. Are you happy now?
Winner – Our Olympic Hero
Tom Pandich: Like I said the other night, Masters and Carlito have no chance. Kane also hasn’t got a prayer. That leaves us with Michaels, Angle, and Cena. In a perfect world, Angle and Michaels will be rewarded at Wrestlemania with a title match. I still don’t see Cena dropping the title despite the crowd reactions to him. Aw shit. It’s time for Cena to drop the belt and Kurt’s been a good little soldier this entire time.
Winner and New Champion – Kurt Angle
Wildcard Question
Will Charlie Haas, Chuck Palumbo or Jamal (all rumored re-signings of WWE) show up and if so, what will they do?
Widro: None show up.
Chris Pankonin: No, none of them will show up. I’d love to see Charlie & Shelton re-team, but Shelton’s mama won’t let that happen. As far as Jamal is concerned, is anybody else thinking the “New” general manager might end up being Eric Bischoff?
Matthew Michaels: I wouldn’t mind seeing any of these guys return in the right situation, but let’s run down the possibilities, based on recent rumors. Chuck’s supposedly going to come in as a pro-USA guy, playing off of his brother being in the Army (in fact, I believe he even was in a Tribute to the Troops segment). So the only thing that makes sense now is for him to go after Kurt Angle and Daivari, which means what exactly? Chuck and Cena teaming up? I can’t see anything good coming out of that. Jamal has been rumored to both come in to team with Cena and give him more “street cred” as well as be reunited with Rosey as Three Minute Warning, neither of which makes sense here. (If Cena only retains due to help from Jamal, consider his legs cut out from under him, and it’s not time for 3MW yet.) That leaves former Team Angle member and Tag Champion (with Shelton Benjamin) Charlie Haas. Interestingly enough, Shelton’s not booked in a match for the show (but I could see him getting the Heat slot), so I’m not sure. But my money’s with Haas, if one of the three comes in.
Eric Szulczewski: I think Palumbo will head to Smackdown, where, at the very least, he can rejoin the FBI and form a permanent tag team with Vito while Nunzio gets to play with the cruisers. Haas is an unknown factor. If Benjy has a match on the pre-show, I think he shows up to get a Team Angle Blows Up feud going; it’d be good exposure for Haas with the arrival of Shelton’s Mamma, and you know the matches will be great. The one definite arrival, though, is Jamal. The rumor of a Three-Minute Warning reunion has been substantiated, and there’s no better way to bring Jamal back by having him help Rosey get revenge on Novocaine Helms. They interfere in the Lawler/Helms match, allowing Lawler to get the win.
Iain Burnside: No, no, no, nothing and I don’t care. Mark Henry gets a title shot and the world gets a little bit less meaningful, which, considering what it was starting from, makes me weep for the future.
Vinny Truncellito: Since he’s no longer part of a super-hero stable and probably feels jilted, I’d like to see Rosey turn heel to reunite with Jamal and Easy-E for a little 3MW action. Bischoff’s got the motivation to want to tear out McMahon’s throat, and now would be a good time to reintroduce his killer tag team from days gone by.
Jeremy Lambert: Nah, WWE has to figure out new ways to make Cena look like superman (I say he survives being shot 9 times next) and they don’t have time to book the “new” talent.
Mark Neeley: I would say Haas would show up if Shelton had a match, but other than that, since we have no idea what angles/gimmicks the other guys will be thrown in, I doubt it.
Jed Shaffer: None have any logical reason to be there. If any of them do, it’ll be Jamal, in a Bischoff-led reunion/invasion of 2 Moron Warning.
Tom Pandich: None of them will show up. The backstage antics will be held firmly by Shelton’s mama and Chamber hype.
