[NFL] Pancakes In the Age of Enlightenment- Welcome to Ought Six

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Week Seventeen Sucked Bad
Wow, was that just the worst weekend of NFL Football you’ve ever seen or what? If you’ve ever wanted to know what a sixth weekend of the exhibition season, only one that took place in January and with a terrible New Year’s Day hangover would feel like, well, there you go.

In case you spent the whole day praying for the pain to end, like me, and missed what went down, here’s a quick recap:

NFC
– Seattle and the Bears mailed it in because their games were meaningless, and lost. Shaun Alexander did set the NFL single season TD record with 28, and won the NFL rushing title.

– Tampa needed a win to clinch the NFC South. The Saints put up a fight, but the Bucs salted away a 27-13 win when Dewayne White took a Todd Bouman fumble 35 yards for a TD.

– The Giants got another 200 yard game from Tiki Barber, his 3rd of the year, and held off the Raiders 30-21 to clinch the NFC East.

– Hat stealing douchebag DeShaun Foster ran for 165 yards as the Panthers embarrassed the Falcons 44-11 to wrap up a playoff berth.

– In what may have been the only decent game of the day, the Redskins locked up the final NFC playoff spot with their 5th straight win. They came from behind to beat the Eagles 31-20 despite completing only 9 passes in the game.


The Redskins Are Going to the Playoffs!

AFC
– Tony Dungy returned to the Colts, and his team broke a 2 game losing streak by beating the Cardinals 17-13.

– Phillip Rivers got the first extended playing time of his career, and was not impressive. The
Broncos hammered the Chargers 23-7.

– Larry Johnson ran for 201 yards and 3 TDs in a 37-3 KC blowout over Cincinnati. The Chiefs won’t be in the playoffs though because…

– Pittsburgh survived a scare from the Lions, and pulled away in the second half for a 35-21 win behind 135 rushing yards from Willie Parker, and 3 TDs by Jerome Bettis.

– New England played Matt Leinart’s backup extensively and lost 28-26 to the Dolphins. The Dolphins finished the year 9-7, if you can believe that. Personally I think there’s a mistake in there somewhere.

– The Jaguars scored the first 40 points of the game en route to destroying the Titans.

– And finally, in a game dubbed the “Bush Bowl”, because the loser would get the #1 pick and presumably draft USC RB Reggie Bush, the Niners beat the Texans 20-17 in OT. The Texans will have the #1 pick in next year’s draft. This game has since been re-christened “The Vince Young Bowl”.

The Bus Parked In the End Zone Thrice

So that was Week 17, now let us never speak of it again.

Now, speaking of what went down in Pasadena on Wednesday night, that game could have huge NFL implications. Vince Young’s starmaking performance could catapult him not only into the 2006 draft, but make him one of the top 3 picks. Houston has the #1 pick, Vince Young is from Houston, so all of a sudden there’s that. Then, you have the possibility that Matt Leinart could slip to being the 3rd pick in the draft, a pick that is held by the Titans. Norm Chow just happens to be the offensive coordinator in Tennessee, and of course, was Leinart’s offensive coordinator for the majority of his college career. So that could mean that Leinart goes to Nashville, and then you’ll probably see Steve McNair somewhere else next year (Miami is a rumored destination)


A Star Is Born

NFL Coaching Carousel- OF DEATH!!

You think YOU’VE got the post-holiday blues? Try being an NFL coach. The landscape on the NFL coaching scene this week was reminiscent of Gallipoli. Let’s take a look at the carnage:

Green Bay Packers
What Happened?
The Packers fired Mike Sherman, who had been their coach since the 2000 season. Sherman won 3 NFC North titles during his time in Green Bay, but went only 2-4 in 4 playoff appearances. A miserable 4-12 season this year, their worst record since 1991, sealed his fate.

What Now?
The biggest question Sherman’s firing raises is what impact it will have on whether or not Brett Favre returns for the 2006 season. Favre has stated in the past that if Sherman did not come back next year, neither would he. The candidates who have been connected with the Packers’ job are current Packers defensive coordinator Jim Bates, Chargers defensive coordinator Wade Phillips, longtime Broncos’ assistant Gary Kubiak, Steelers’ offensive coordinator Ken Whisenhunt, Giants’ defensive coordinator Tim Lewis, Cowboys assistant head coach Sean Payton, Bears defensive coordinator Ron Rivera, Browns offensive coordinator Maurice Carthon, and your mama.

Minnesota Vikings
What Happened?
Mike Tice was fired by owner Zygi Wilf despite the fact that Wilf is apparently in manlove with him based on the praise he heaped upon Tice at the press conference announcing his firing. Tice is a good coach who did a good job with a Vikings team that looked like it was headed for disaster this year after a terrible start and the well publicized orgy boat scandal. Tice had the Vikings at .500 or better in 3 of his 4 full seasons as head coach.

What Now?
The Vikings were supposedly hot and heavy after Redskins’ defensive coordinator and former Bills’ head coach Gregg Williams. But the Skins signed Williams to a 3 year extension so now he is off the market. They are expected to name Brad Childress (Eagles O Coord) their new head coach today.

Detroit Lions
What Happened?
The Lions canned Steve Mariucci weeks ago. Dick Jauron served as interim coach for the remainder of the season, and the Lions didn’t do anything under his leadership to make that change a permanent one.

What Now?
Matt “Fire” Millen has said that he will take his time finding a new coach, but that he is aiming high. Among the list of candidates rumored are Niners linebacker coach and Hall of Fame linebacker Mike Singletary, Gary Kubiak, (Broncos O Coord), Iowa Hawkeyes head coach Kirk Ferentz, Maurice Carthon, Pittsburgh O line coach Russ Grimm, Ron Rivera (Bears D), Al Saunders (KC O), and recently axed head coaches Jim Haslett and Mike Martz.

New Orleans Saints
What Happened?
Jim Haslett’s tenure with the Saints ends after six seasons. He won the NFC West in his first season, 2000, but had only one winning season since then.

What Now?
Yeesh. This is a plum job isn’t it? Look for an entry-level head coach to take on this mess. Jets defensive coordinator Donnie Henderson is a top candidate, along with Tim Lewis (NYG D), Bob Bratkowski (Cincinnati O), Sean Payton (Dallas O). Also among the candidates is deposed Rams coach Mike Martz.

St. Louis Rams
What Happened?
Hey, Mike Martz, congrats on recovering from that heart virus and not, well, you know, dying. Oh and you’re fired. The NFL is a cold, cold place.

What Now?
The Rams are interested in Ron Rivera (Bears D), Dallas D coordinator Mike Zimmer, Eagles D coordinator Jim Johnson, and Tim Lewis (Giants D). It looks to me like they want to hire a defensive guy ya think?

Buffalo Bills
What Happened?
The Bills got creative and fired the team president and not the coach, Mike Mullarkey. Tom Donahoe got the ax after the team compiled a 31-49 record and no playoff appearances in his 5 years in Buffalo. That and he somehow thought going into this season with JP Losman as his starting quarterback was a super idea.

What Now?
80 year old Marv Levy is being brought back to run the team’s football operations. This may seem laughable, but Levy is a radio mainstay on Sundays before football games here in Chicago, and from his work as an analyst it is evident that great football mind is very much still there.

NY Jets
What Happened?
Coach Herman Edwards was either fired or traded, depending on what you read, and will coach the Kansas City Chiefs next year.

What Now?
Reports have circulated that the Jets have already made contact with Jim Haslett.

Houston Texans
What Happened?
The only head coach this franchise has had in it’s 4 year existence, Dom Capers, was launched. GM Charlie Casserly, however, remains.

What Now?
The Texans will interview Scott Linehan (Dolphins O), Al Saunders (KC O), their current receivers coach Kippy Brown, Gary Kubiak (Broncos O), and Chargers offensive coordinator Cam Cameron. All these men will try to somehow draw up a way to keep David Carr from getting knocked on his ass. Oh poor David Carr! Woe is David Carr! If only he had an offensive line! If only!

Kansas City Chiefs
What Happened?
Dick Vermiel retired for the third time. The tears flowed like wine.

What Now?
Herm Edwards has all but been officially consecrated as the new Chief of Chiefs.

Oakland Raiders
What Happened?
Al Davis stirred from his hyperbaric lair, took a swig of sheep’s blood, and fired Norv Turner.

What Now?
As is customary, all kinds of crazy names are being thrown around for the Raiders’ vacant coaching job. Art Shell, who coached the team back in the early 90s is one of them. So is Cal head coach Jeff Tedford and recently ousted Vikings coach Mike Tice.

And I think that’s it. For now. Bill Parcells is still being coy about his future in Dallas, but indications so far are that he will be back next year. Everyone else appears to be safe. UNTIL NEXT YEAR!! MOOO HOOOO HOOOO…HA HA…MOOO HOO…HA HA.

PLAYOFFS!?!?!?!?!?!?
So, my friends, after 17 weeks of the regular season, and 6 weeks of training camp, it has come to this. To the playoffs begin this weekend, and I know you are just dying for me to break down the matchups of Wildcard Weekend. So let’s take a look.

WASHINGTON REDSKINS (10-6)
AT TAMPA BAY BUCCANEERS (11-5)
SATURDAY, 4:30 PM Eastern, ABC (Mike Patrick, Paul Maguire, Joe Thiesmann, Suzy Kolber)

The Matchup
This game is a rematch of one of the most entertaining games of the 2005 NFL season. Tampa somehow came out on top of a 36-35 barnburner in that game, despite giving up 185 rushing yards. They also had big problems getting their own rushing attack going. Cadillac Williams was held to only 20 yards on 10 carries in that game. The Bucs won on the strength of their passing game. Chris Simms threw 3 TD passes, and Joey Galloway had 7 catches for 131 yards.

That loss was the start of a 3 game losing streak for the Redskins that almost scuttled their season. They pulled out of their tailspin in a big way to reel off 5 straight wins to close the season though, and enter the playoffs as the NFC’s hottest team.

RUNNING GAME
Generally, Tampa has a much stingier run defense than the Redskins do. The Bucs are giving up only 3.5 yards a carry on the season, while the Redskins are giving up 4.2. But that said, the best comparison you can make is to past performance. The Redskins hung 185 rushing yards on the Bucs last time they met, therefore I have to give the edge here to the Redskins.
ADVANTAGE- REDSKINS

PASSING GAME
So by that logic, I have to give the edge in this area to Tampa, since Chris Simms shredded the Skins for 3 TDs last time out. Well, no, I’m not going to do that. There’s two reasons why. One of them is Santana Moss, and the other is that the Redskins’ defense is giving up only 5.8 yards per pass attempt, and that’s real good.
ADVANTAGE- REDSKINS

VARIOUS AND SUNDRY
Tampa may have the homefield here, but then consider that their QB, Chris Simms, is making his first playoff start. So is their featured offensive weapon, Cadillac Williams. The Redskins, meanwhile, have the steadying left hand of Mark Brunell, who has been in many, many playoff games with the Jaguars. That’s going to give them an intangible edge. Oh, and then there’s their head coach, Joe Gibbs. There are only 2 guys who have won more playoff games than he has, Tom Landry and Don Shula. I’d say that’s an edge.
ADVANTAGE- REDSKINS

HERE’S YOUR FORECAST
Nobody is playing better football than the Redskins right now. The Bucs have shown this year that if you can shut down Cadillac Williams, then you have a pretty good chance of beating them. The Redskins have shown they can do that, they will do it again, and they will advance through a tight game that will feature some tough defense, unlike the first meeting of these teams.

REDSKINS 21, BUCS 17


Will Cadillac Crash In the Playoffs?

JACKSONVILLE JAGUARS (12-4)
AT NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS (10-6)
SATURDAY, 8 PM Eastern, ABC ( Al Michaels, John Madden, Michelle Tafoya)

The Matchup
The Patriots haven’t lost a playoff game in this decade, and they’ve won 3 Super Bowls in that time. That’s what the Jaguars will be up against this Saturday night in Foxboro, and it’s a far cry from the caliber of opposition they’ve faced this year. The list of teams the Jags have beaten en route to their 12-4 record this year looks like a who’s who of teams at the top of the 06 Draft (Tennessee, Houston, SF, Cleveland, Arizona, Tennessee again, Baltimore, Houston again, NY Jets). But, hidden amongst those tomato cans are a few quality wins. They have beaten both the Bengals and Steelers this year, and won their season opener against #1 NFC seed Seattle. They also get their starting QB, Byron Leftwich back this week.

RUNNING GAME
We’ll let Pats RB Corey Dillon handle this part. Here’s what he had to say to reporters in a bizarre soliloquy this week:

“You (media) don’t sign my checks and when it’s all over with, where are you guys going to be? Nowhere. So why does it really matter to me what you guys write or what you think? I don’t give a (expletive). I don’t care. All I care about is what my teammates think and how we go out there and play football. About you all, I don’t give a (expletive). You can tell Bill (Belichick), I don’t give a (expletive). I don’t care. This is what it is. Take it or leave it. I don’t care how many times you writing about the running game, who gives a (expletive)? We’re in the playoffs. We’re playing for something. If you guys don’t feel me on that, I don’t know what to tell you.”

Ok then. As for the Jags, they will have Fred Taylor ready to go for this game, and with the Patriots averaging an anemic 3.4 yards per carry on the season, the Jaguars should be able to use their running game more effectively than the Pats will.

ADVANTAGE- JAGUARS

PASSING GAME
It’s the playoffs, and the Pats have Tom Brady, who is Mr. January, and also led the NFL in passing yards. Jacksonville should get a boost from getting Leftwich back, but there’s always the concern that it will be difficult to shake off the rust, even against the 31st ranked New England pass defense.

ADVANTAGE- PATRIOTS

VARIOUS AND SUNDRY
The Patriots are the two-time defending champs, and they haven’t lost a postseason game with Tom Brady as their QB and Bill Belichick as their coach. They are a tremendously confident team, and beating them is going to be a huge mountain to climb for any of the remaining contenders. This Jaguars team seems an unlikely candidate to be the ones to knock the Pats off their pedestal.

ADVANTAGE- PATRIOTS

HERE’S YOUR FORECAST
Don’t let the Boo Ya Network or anyone else fool you into thinking the 2005 Pats are anything near what the 03 and 04 Super Bowl Champs were. There’s a reason why they only went 10-6 this year. Their running game is suspect and their secondary is even more so. One thing the Jaguars don’t do ever is get blown out. If you beat them, you have to earn it. The Patriots will earn the right to advance on a last second Adam Vinatieri field goal.

PATRIOTS 24, JAGUARS 23


Can Leftwich Be the Man?

CAROLINA PANTHERS (11-5)
AT NY GIANTS (11-5)
SUNDAY, 1 PM Eastern, FOX (Joe Buck, Troy Aikman, Pam Oliver)

The Matchup
Tiki Barber will face a stiff test when he goes up against the NFC’s top rated run defense. If he can’t get loose, then it will be up to the very inconsistent sophomore quarterback, Eli Manning, to lead the Giants into the second round of the playoffs. The interesting facet of this matchup is that Tiki’s seen the Panthers defensive schemes before, a lot. Panthers coach John Fox was the Giants’ defensive coordinator the last time the Giants went to the Super Bowl, following the 2000 season.

RUNNING GAME
Well, let’s see here. Tiki Barber vs. DeShaun Foster. Moving right along.

ADVANTAGE- GIANTS

PASSING GAME
Well, this is Eli Manning’s first of what will undoubtedly be many playoff games. He’s been very inconsistent this year, and when he’s been bad, he’s been real bad. The Panthers D had 45 sacks this year, and that ranks among the best in the league. The Giants can also bring the pass rush with Michael Strahan and Osi Umenyiora on the ends, but despite their pass rush, they rank 27th in the league in pass defense. Jake Delhomme has successfully navigated the NFC Playoffs, and did it fairly recently. He and Steve Smith give the Panthers give the Panthers a connection they can rely on.

ADVANTAGE- PANTHERS

VARIOUS AND SUNDRY
Tiki Barber can beat you on his own. If the Panthers can’t contain him, they’re not going to win this game. The fact that the Panthers are on the road may actually be a good thing for them. They’ve won 6 out of their last 7 games away from Charlotte. The Giants are also banged up. MLB Antonio Pierce is out, and Jeremy Shockey’s ankle injury has him listed as questionable. Finally, there’s the inexperience factor with Eli. How will he respond in his first postseason test? The outcome of this game may depend on the answer.

HERE’S YOUR FORECAST
The Giants’ secondary is too weak to contain Steve Smith. Jake Delhomme has shown us that he can come up big in the postseason. I get the feeling that in this game, if the Panthers need a score at the end to win, they will get it because of those two. Let’s call it a Panthers win on a Delhomme to Ricky Proehl TD pass with a less than a minute remaining.

PANTHERS 23, GIANTS 21


Jake Wants Another Shot at the Bowl

PITTSBURGH STEELERS (11-5)
AT CINCINNATI BENGALS (11-5)
SUNDAY, 4:30 PM Eastern, CBS (Jim Nantz, Phil Simms, Bonnie Bernstein)

The Matchup
Lucky for us, the NFL saved the best for last in this week’s playoff schedule. The Bengals and Steelers top off wildcard weekend with their third meeting of the season, this one a loser leaves town match. The Bengals thought they had put the Steelers away for good when they went into Heinz Field on Dec. 4 and beat the Steelers 38-31, picking off Ben Roethlisberger 3 times. The Steelers peeled themselves off the canvas after that game though, and proceeded to win 4 straight to make the playoffs. Can the Bengals defy the axiom that you can’t beat the same team 3 times in one year?

RUNNING GAME
The running game is the Steelers’ bread and butter. They were outrushed by the Bengals in the second meeting this year, but they ran for 221 yards in the first meeting. Rudi Johnson has been the truth down the stretch this year, but the Steelers are only giving up 3.4 yards per carry this year, meaning he will be severely tested this week.

ADVANTAGE- STEELERS

PASSING GAME
With an attack that features Carson Palmer and Chad Johnson, not to mention a solid supporting cast of receivers, of course the Bengals have the edge here. But don’t sleep on the Steelers passing game either. They don’t throw the ball nearly as often as most teams, but when they do it’s very effective. They are averaging 8.19 yards per pass play, and that’s almost a full yard better then the Bengals’ 7.32 average. The Bengals style of play on defense is high-risk, high reward. Last time these teams met, Roethlisberger got burned and turned it over 3 times. He will have to avoid that at all costs in this game.

ADVANTAGE-BENGALS

VARIOUS AND SUNDRY
I’ve got news for you. The Bengals ain’t been all that good lately. I will remind you that it was only two weeks ago when they lost at home to Buffalo in a game that cost them a chance at a first round bye. Two weeks before that they barely survived the Browns at home, winning that game by a field goal. They’re struggling, while the Steelers are peaking.

ADVANTAGE- STEELERS

HERE’S YOUR FORECAST
The Steelers are in much better form than the Bengals are right now. Lately the Cincy defense can’t stop anybody, and that’s a bad thing against a Steeler offense that can dominate the game through ball control . The Bengals are going to make an early playoff exit this year.

STEELERS 26, BENGALS 20


Are the Playoffs Ready for Chad?

Well, that is a wrap. It should be a GREAT weekend of playoff football, so by all means enjoy. I’ll be back on Monday to wrap up everything that goes down this weekend. Until then.