Yes, ladies and gentlemen, YOU can become part of a minority too! Join all ethnic, sexually orientated, religiouslly different, as you – the middle class white man – joins the Cena fan club! If that minority doesn’t suit you; you can always join the minority that was surprised that Juvi was released, or the minority that thinks as it stands, the Hearthrobs can become the new version of the New Age Outlaws.
New Year’s Revolution is coming up this Monday . . . Sunday . . . Whatever. I am looking forward to it. One of the best single brand cards in recent memory, despite it not being that good of a card as it is. I take what I can get. And I can’t get TNA.
To celebrate my gainage of “Batman : The Animated Series”, season one, I have decided to include the following quote. Credit to IMDb.com.
Two-Face: [finishing his “almost got him” Batman story] … And if it weren’t for this blasted coin… I would have got him.
The Joker: Gee, that’s too bad, Harv, but I guess you’ll always come in second. Anybody else want to go?
Killer Croc: [hits the table] ME! There I was, holed up in this quarry, when Batman came nosing around. He was getting closer… Closer…
Poison Ivy: And…?
Killer Croc: I threw a rock at him!
[everyone stares in dead silence]
Poison Ivy: So, Harvey, when became of the giant penny?
Killer Croc: It was a big rock…
Two-Face: They actually let him keep it!
My foxtel was screwed up, so I had to wait until the replay to watch Velocity. The replay starts at 4, at which time I’m normally at the gym. So I had to tape this and recap it when I got home from the gym. My new DVD / VCR combo is an utter pile of crap, dammit.
This week’s edition of Velocity is rated M . . . It never really seems like it deserves that rating, though. It’s not THAT violent. Is it? And don’t try this at home!
WWE The Power Is Back! And I STILL don’t get it. Still a pretty video though. Velocity opening video, and we open to who’s music? The Dicks music! Steve Romero and Josh Matthews welcome us.
Opening Contest: The Dicks verses Scotty Charisma and Fred Sampson.
Didn’t we see Scotty Charisma last week? Josh Matthews really likes the Dicks and their impact. Sigh. Sampson starts off with one of the Dicks; they lock up, and Dick does a few back to belly slams. Apparentley, Chad tags out to James . . Or whatever. Sampson tags out to Charisma, who meets a dropkick. The Dicks double teaming with a kick to the gut followed by a pair of short arm clotheslines. Nice. Gets a two count. Supplex by one of the Dicks; elbow drop for a two. Tag; kicks to the gut. Whips Charisma into a Clothesline by the other Dick due to shenanigans. Double team dropkick. Double team bodyslam onto Sampson. Another Bodyslam on Sampson for two. ANOTHER Bodyslam on Sampson; bodyslam onto Charisma. The Dick Slam on Sampson, before the leg drop from the top rope for the three count.
Winners : The Dicks.
The Dicks may not be spectacular, but they are a better tag team than any on either brand. As far as Tag Team Wrestling goes. Basic squash; but I’ll be generous and give it a 4 out of 10, for all the double team moves by The Dicks. Oh boy, wrestling really is porn, isn’t it?
Commercials. Kurt Angle COMMANDS us to watch WWE Experience! Commands us to by gum!
And we’re back, to see a clip of JBL verses Matt Hardy. Match looked like it could have been worse. JBL seems to have stepped up a bit since Eddie passed, also. And does it count as stalking if Boogie Man does it REALLY slowly? Bogeyman can become a great character, so long as they do MORE than just have him be weird with worms. Why not have him
Commercials.
Second Contest: JAMIE ‘by gawd’ NOBLE verses Scotty Too Hotty.
For all those at home, Noble is wearing black tights. Repeat: Noble is wearing black tights. They should turn it into a movie and show it every Christmas. Wonderful Life my ass! Noble and Hotty lock up, and Noble trips Hotty for a quick one count. Lock up again, and Noble does some arm bars into a snap mare for another two count. Knee to Hotty’s gut, before punching him down. Whip reversed by Hotty, giving Noble two hip tosses before nailing a scoop slam. Hotty goes into the ropes oddly, but comes back with some punches onto Noble. Noble sends Hotty into the steel pole, shoulder first. Arm lock with punches to the arm. Noble dropkicks Hotty’s back into the turnbuckle, and Noble gets a one count while having Hotty into a odd arm bar. Leg drop on the arm, but Hotty nails an atomic drop, goes to run at Noble, but Noble does an odd dropkick using the knees. Noble works the arm again, Hotty escapes after about a minute and goes to run at Noble, but gets elbowed down. Noble goes to drop an elbow (and suddenly I have “Live And Let Die” stuck in my head) by Hotty moves out of the way. Punch by Hotty, goes for the whip, Noble nails the Northern Lights Supplex for a one count, before he flips over and does a few variations of an arm bar. Hotty on the apron, Noble and Hotty lock up, Noble begins to set up for a Supplex while standing on the second rope. Hotty punches him away, shoulder in the gut, flips over Noble, whips off the opposite apron, and nails a flying elbow, clothesline, and back elbow. Hotty goes for the Superkick, Noble goes for a Clothesline, Hotty ducks, nails the Superkick, for a two count. Small package for one by Hotty. In the corner, Hotty boots Noble in the face, looks to be going for the Bulldog, but Noble nails the Uber Gutwrench! Noble locks on the Chicken Wing Submission (if I remember correctly) for the victory.
Winer : Jamie Noble.
Nice little match. Not as good as Noble Verses London, but still rather good. 8 out of 10. Especially for those of you who have been waiting to see not only a good Cruiser Weight brawl, as well as a good Scotty match.
Commercials. Dead Like Me seems to be replaying on Sunday Nights. I might watch it this time, I wanted to last time.
And this time, we have a clip from Match 6 of 7 for the, er, Booker T verses Chris Benoit series.
Commercials.
Third Contest: Bobby Lashley (ON VELOCITY!) verses Havoc.
Gee, wonder who’s winning here? Go Havoc! Lashley pushes Havoc over to start the match. Surprisingly, Havoc gets some punches in, but needs taken down by Lashley, again with ease. Choke toss by Lashley. Clothesline by Havoc. Quick belly to belly supplex, before the Dominator finishes this baby off for the three count.
Winner: Bobby Lashley.
Squash gets 0 out of 10. Even if you are a fan of Lashley’s or not. About five moves . . But don’t get the wrong idea, much better than Legion Of Doom verses Nunzio and Big Vito.
Commercials. I wonder who will be the next Australia’s Next Top Model?
Clip of Batista and Rey verses MNM in the Steel Cage. I’m getting really sick of this pairing; but, hey, look on the bright side. I don’t review SmackDown! Though, Mark Henry did look pretty cool standing a top of the cage.
Main Event: The Mexicools (minus Juvi, duh) verses Nunzio and Big Vito.
Expect this to be a rather quick match. Psichosis starts off with Vito as a ECW chant breaks out. Vito gets Psichosis in a headlock to start, but Psichosis gets some hip tosses into the arm bars. Tag to Crazy, who nails a single hammer onto the shoulder of Vito. Tag to Nunzio. Hiptoss into the arm bar; Psichosis comes in and delivers a double team hiptoss – no – they grab him before he falls, lifts him a bit, and drops him. Moonsault Press for a quick count. Blind tag to Vito, who punches Crazy down; fury punches, before he nails Crazy with a Scoop Slam into a drop from the top rop for a one count. Tag to Nunzio. Knee to the gut by Vito, before Nunzio nails the twisting neckbreaker for two, with Psichosis breaking the count. Scoop slam by Nunzio, knee to the face, and a sleeper hold to Crazy. Tag to Vito, who punches Crazy in the gut. Vito goes for a slam but Crazy falls back on Crazy. Leg drop on Crazy for two count. Nice hip toss; Nunzio tagged in, dropkick to Crazy. Another sleeper on Crazy. Crazy nearly escapes, but Vito stops him. They go for a double team, but Crazy kicks Vito away, sets Nunzio up for a DDT, jumps up, using Vito as a wall, and nails Nunzio with a Tornado DDT. Tag out to Psichosis who comes in with some flying kicks, elbows, and reverse face first bomb / X-Factor by the Mexicools. Crazy dropkicks Vito from behind, sending him out of the ring, before Crazy jumps out and lands on Vito. Psichosis runs at Nunzio, and while Nunzio looks to be going for a Twist-A-Whirl Backbreaker, Psichosis looks to be going for a running Lita Hurricanrana, as Psichosis drags Nunzio down into a small package for the three count.
Winners: The Mexicools.
Nice little match; problem being that it seemed a bit too much like a handicap match. Which I don’t like in my fairly matched Tag Team Matches. Matter of fact, I hate it. So, watchable match, nothing spectacular, makes it 5 out of 10. Actually, for the ending part of the match, I’ll up it by one and make it 6 out of 10.
Which makes the first Velocity of 2006;
The Dicks verses Scotty Charisma and Fred Sampson: 4 / 10
Jamie Noble verses Scotty Too Hotty: 8 / 10
Bobby Lashley verses Havoc: 0 / 10
The Mexicools verses Nunzio and Big Vito: 6 / 10
Saturday Janurary 7 Velocity; 18 / 40
Worse Velocity yet, if memory serves me correctly. And it better, dagnabbit! I suggest watching Jamie Noble verses Scotty Too Hotty; the Tag Team Matches if you’ve got nothing better to do; and the Bobby Lashley match . . not even if you’re bored. Just don’t watch it. There are better things to watch out there, for example, watch Jamie Noble verses Paul London from last week. Until next week, Ciao Yáll!
