Ok, so its been a while. No excuses really, just that I spent about two and a half weeks doing my hippity-hop “best-of” list, and I have a hard time doing two things at one time (for free).
Every now and then, I realize how much I need to do this for my sanity and I marvel at the fact that I still have a chance to do it. Even if that marveling isn’t enough of a kick in the tail to make me write every week.
I’ve made a promise to myself to do better this year. Don’t call it a resolution, though, ’cause then I’d have to break it, just to show myself who’s boss…over myself.
Either way, I promise that in between arguments with myself, I’ll sit and type something before I’m replaced by a robot.
This week’s episode:
GRADE A BEEF
For some strange reason the word “beef”, while describing the flesh of bovine animals, also means “complaint”. One could only imagine how rotten the slab of cow must have been for this synonymity to occur. But I bet Arby’s had something to do with it.
In any event, when individuals quarrel with one another, they are said to “beefing”, and due to the competitive nature of hip-hop, the young genre has spawned more than a few “beefs”.
(I hereby promise not to put the word beef in quotations anymore, I’m twice as sick of it as you are.)
While rap beef has been responsible for some true tragedies it has more been the impetus for songs that have forced emcees to push themselves into realms of creativity that they don’t often visit. Since the intent of a battle song is to essentially end another rapper’s career, the author attempts to write for their most effective and thereby lethal place. The results can vary. Successful attempts have ended careers. Unsuccessful ones have exposed the lyrical weaknesses of the attacker.
This week we’ll take a look at some of the songs that shit on the opposition, and a few that shit on themselves.
My Five Favorite Diss Songs
The Bitch In Yoo by Common Sense (Relativity – 1997)
Object of scorn: Ice Cube
First of all, consider the way he spells “you”. Its as if he wanted it to sound like “YOU N*gga!”. He wanted Cube to feel a big high-yellow finger pointed rudely in his direction. If that wasn’t enough to get the doughy one’s attention, he used the other four fingers to jack slap Cube in the verses. Topics included Cube’s decline in skill:
Had skills once upon a time on this project, yo I’m a have ta wreck a Ho/shea I heard a ho say you her favorite rapper (So what) so I had to slap her
Also highlighted was the apparent inconsistency in Cube’s claiming of Muslim faith while peddling malt liquor in commercials:
Hyprocrite, I’m filling out your Death Certificate Slanging bean pies and St Ide’s in the same sentence/ Shoulda repented, on the 16th of October Get some beats besides George Clinton to rock over
Cube attempted response in “Hoo Bangin'” but lackluster guest stars and generic threats make it a much easier song to forget. Luckily Farrakhan stepped in and saved him some embarrassment.
No Vaseline by Ice Cube (Priority – 1991)
Object of Scorn: N.W.A. and manager Jerry Heller
Before Oshea Jackson supporters stomp their bunion-ed feet in protest, I must make it clear that in his heyday Cube was one of the greatest battlers of all time. In this era he was unquestionably “the wrong n*gga to f*ck wit”. In this song, he manifested his ire towards his former crew N.W.A. in a scathing three verse diss track that was good enough to make people forget that parts of it are about men being anally raped.
Tried to dis Ice Cube, it wasn’t worth it
cuz the broomstick fit your ass so perfect.
Cut my hair and I’ll cut them balls,
cuz I heard you’re, like, givin’ up the drawers.
Gang-banged by your manager, fella,
gettin’ money out your ass, like a mothaf**kin’ Ready Teller
Cut my hair and I’ll cut them balls?
That is some freaky-deaky shit right there.
The Takeover by Jay-Z (Rocafella/Def Jam – 2001)
Object of Scorn: Nas, Mobb Deep
It’s usually really easy for me to laugh at this guy, not only because he tends to be mediocre lyrically, but because he’s funny looking. And while this song could do nothing for his unfortunate features, it showed that his mediocrity only exists because he usually doesn’t try very hard. In the midst of this brief moment of inspiration he managed to damage Nas with simple arithmetic:
Use your – BRAAAAAAAIN! You said you been in this ten
I’ve been in it five – smarten up Nas
Four albums in ten years nigga? I could divide
That’s one every let’s say two, two of them shits was due
One was – NAHHH, the other was “Illmatic”
That’s a one hot album every ten year average
And that’s so – LAAAAAAAME!
Some people say that Nas’ “Ether” was just as potent if not more than the Jigga diss. I believe that “Ether” is the perfect example of how a wack beat can ruin a song. I hated it until I heard the 9th Wonder remix from God’s Stepson. Sure it had some funny moments but joke for joke Jay’s clowning was much more effective. I don’t dig the dude but I laughed out loud during his verse. Nas did better with “The Last Real N*gga Alive” when he let the comedy go and went factual.
Black Cowboys by Jeru the Damaja (Full Frequency – 1996)
Object of Scorn: The Fugees
Just when you thought it was safe to go read something else, you done f*cked around and learned something.
You may remember this stoic rasta from his oft-rotated video for “Ya Playin’ Ya Self”. But you probably don’t. He’s a perpetual underground icon that made a name for himself spitting over beats by DJ Premier in the nineties. By proxy, it was over one of Primo’s bangers that the Brooklynite sent this hate mail to the Refugee Camp. What makes it one my favorites is that to the casual listener the references might go unnoticed, but those in the know couldn’t help but chuckle when Jeru spoke of “meeting up with a bandalero and busting him in the head with his banjo”.
Any rapper threatening Wyclef is a friend of mine.
Interestingly, I never found out why or how this beef started, but there were definitely barbs thrown either way. If you ever wondered who Pras was mentioning in “Zealots” when he said “No matter who you damage you’re still a false prophet”, I’m sure you could put it together now.
While we’re learning things, I’ve got something else to drop on you. Beef ain’t just for the rap crowd. For education’s sake and for shits and giggles, I leave you with…
My Favorite Non-Rap Diss Songs
How Do You Sleep by John Lennon
Forget Dylon. John Lennon spits hot fire…through his forehead!
This infamous Paul McCartney diss is about as gutter as any of the Grime coming out of the UK rap scene:
So sgt. pepper took you by surprise
You better see right through that mother’s eyes
Those freaks was right when they said you was dead
The one mistake you made was in your head
Ah, how do you sleep?
Ah, how do you sleep at night?
You live with straights who tell you you was king
Jump when your momma tell you anything
The only thing you done was yesterday
And since you’re gone you’re just another day
Ah, how do you sleep?
Ah, how do you sleep at night?
Ah, how do you sleep?
Ah, how do you sleep at night?
A pretty face may last a year or two
But pretty soon they’ll see what you can do
The sound you make is muzak to my ears
You must have learned something in all those years
Ah, how do you sleep?
Ah, how do you sleep at night?
John Lennon – World’s Most Gangsta Hippie
Lets Take it to the Stage by Funkadelic
The funk band diss song that you have to hear to believe. I’m certain that this is the most disrespectful record ever made before 2Live Crew. In one song they managed to get at Sly and The Family Stone, call out Earth Wind & Fire, and question James Brown’s age and sexuality. The undisputed king of diss songs. Mind you this is just a snippet:
(Say it loud!)
Sittin in the woods upon a log
(I’m funky and I’m proud)
Finger on the trigger
My eyes on a hog
And I sat back
(Talking ’bout you the Godfather)
Laughin atcha!
(Godmother!)
Sittin in the woods upon a log
(Grandfather! Heh!)
Finger on the trigger
(Fool and the Gang!)
My eyes on a hog
And I sat back.
(They call us the funk mob!)
Laughin atcha!
(Dig!)
(Get it on)
And may I remind you that they also had a song called “No Head No Backstage Pass”.
Parliament/Funkadelic – Interplanetary Sex Gangstas
Word to the Badd by Jermaine Jackson
Way back in 1992 before brother MJ needed family support to distract from a kiddie-touchin’ image. Sibling Jermaine farted in the face of his younger brother with these lyrics of fury dissing Jacko for lightening his skin:
Reconstructed, been abducted, don’t know who you are. Think they love you, they don’t know you, lonely superstar. Once you were made, you changed your shade, was your color wrong? Could not turn back, it’s a known fact, you were too far gone
Damn, he took it right to Michael’s fragile chin. It takes a cold piece of work to shit on your own flesh and blood.
Jermaine Jackson – Rhinoplasty Gangsta
Black Power indeed…
That’s all for me, if you want more beef, go to my myspace page and diss my music.
(If you want your ass whooped!)
Peace
OpenMikeEagle
