Oh, shit, oh, shit, oh, shit. Don’t tell me they’re going to go for a reconciliation angle between Trip and Steph?…why would they do a reconciliation angle? There’s only one reason I can think of: Steph’s pregnant. To repeat myself: oh, shit, oh, shit, oh, shit. – me, December 6th, 2005
Stephanie (McMahon) Levesque and her husband, Paul Levesque (Triple H), are happy to announce that they are expecting their first child. WWE.com would like to congratulate the expecting parents. – wwe.com, January 8th, 2006
How many times have I told you I’m always right? What will it take for you people to acknowledge my divinity? KNEEL BEFORE ZOD!!!
(Actually, there have been some people writing in and congratulating me for calling this one. Thanks to everyone who has, but it’s still not enough. I want godhood proclaimed.)
Now we’ve got to wonder how they’re going to incorporate this into the shows. Oh, Lord, this is going to be a disaster. However, it will be the first pregnancy in wrestling history that actually comes to term and doesn’t end with a spontaneous miscarriage due to an in-ring accident. No, Mae Young doesn’t count.
Man, I hope to be around in twenty years to see what happens to McMahons: The Next Generation. Will little Declan take after his father or his uncle Paul when it comes to his younger siblings and cousin(s)? Whose line will Vince’s power pass through? Ah, the future’s looking bright for more McMahon intramural scrums.
Of course, I’m being optimistic. What’s more likely to happen was perfectly expressed by the near-legendary Smitty:
So, ol’ Stephie is preggers. Let me give you a generous 5 year prediction: She will get fat, Load Fat, and stay that way even after the baby is born. I’ve always said she has breeder hips and once you dump a kid on ’em they only grow one way: out. And no amount of training or exercise will stop ’em. After the initial thrill of being a daddy wears off look for Trips to start wandering and sooner or later he will get caught diddling another Diva, Stephie will dump him, and of course if she dumps him, Daddy will dump him also and poor Trips will end up working the indy circuit for the rest of his days just to pay the enormous child support he will be saddled with. I knew when they got hitched that for Trips it was a double edged sword, if he plays it smart he’ll be set for life, but he is after all a wrestler, and there are not too many Rhodes scholars in the locker room.
And people say I’m a pessimist. And at this point, I’d accept Dusty Rhodes Scholars in there.
Well, linking into this, I notice that someone’s uploaded a torrent to Mininova for Walt Disney’s The Story Of Menstruation. Yes, this is real. I’ve actually been looking for this, but it’s slipped my mind for a while (mostly because of the concept). Steph doesn’t have to worry about this for a while.
But let’s stick to the present for now. In case you gave a rat’s ass, WWE had a PPV on Sunday night, so you know that’ll be discussed. There seem to be no worries as per the NFL playoffs, since the Bears get the Panthers, whom they already beat in Soldier Field this year; now we can only hope for a Foreskins upset of Seattle. Special thank you to Steve Smith for doing his part to help eradicate East Coast Bias. That being said, yah boo, sucks to you to the Jagwads for laying down and dying, thus promulgating said bias for another week. And golf season’s started again, which always makes me happy. Of course, you can almost set your watch by Stuart Appleby winning at Kapalua now; at least it took a playoff this time (and a great run-up to the playoff to boot).
Nothing much in the news, either. Yes, DeLay’s out in his leadership position, but it’s not over until he goes to prison, where he might come out with a more enlightened attitude toward sodomy and they who practice said. And that’s the obligatory gay joke for this one. Bird flu in Turkey…no, too ironic. Hwang Woo-suk definitely did fake his human stem cell research, but he did successfully clone a dog, thus marking a major breakthrough for the Korean meat industry. Alito hearings? We’ll wait for the good stuff.
Might as well just slither over to the Pimps…
THE PIMP SECTION
Where’s Lucard? Don’t tell me Lucard missed. That’s unimaginable. Check for zombies.
Wallace on wrestling and girly drinks. Great way to start your week.
Hevia goes through conniptions.
Hatton has friends over for the second night in a row. How much does he spend on snacks?
Zarur, on the other hand, hogs all the snacks for himself.
Pandich needs to be surgically separated from his DS.
Eagle is living proof that every section at IP needs to have a bad-ass Chicago guy. We already have Wrestling, Music, and Sports covered nicely. So get with it, other sections!
One of these days, Basilo will discover networks other than Fox.
Pomazak is still trying to figure out how the Foreskins won this weekend with less offense than the Bears normally generate. He came close to acknowledging my divinity this week, but just couldn’t make that last jump. Well, he’s a Bears fan too, and we tend to reserve that kind of thing for middle linebackers.
A double Dose of Marvel!Hatton
Gloomchen is currently suffering on dial-up, but that should be corrected soon enough. And those mix CDs are great. I took an hour out of doing this article just to give her some suggestions for other mix disks.
START THE REVOLUTION WITHOUT ME
Well, by coincidence, I just finished download New Years’ Revolution at the same time Raw started. So, I had a choice. Do I attempt five straight hours of wrestling viewing, or do I go to sleep right after Raw, wake up early, and finish this on the morrow? I decided to split the difference. Watch as much of this crap as I can until I need to nod off. So, if I’m not that scintillating when discussing this, you know why.
I’m certain that right after the Flair/Edge IC title match, people were probably wondering exactly what they were going for with the DQ ending. Was it a cheap ploy for a rematch at Royal Rumble, or was there something else going on? Well, at the end of the show, we found out exactly what was going on. In light of that, the ending makes perfect sense. Of course, the question remains: what the hell are they going to do with the IC strap? Flair hasn’t been able to do anything with it. It needs to go to someone who would. I think I know who the answer to that question is: he’s having maternal difficulties right now…
…yes, I know, he didn’t do anything with it last time. But he didn’t have Mamma with him then, did he?
If you did it a little harder, maybe it would have worked
Was Angle getting face pops during his promo? If so, he definitely proved his point. And he’s right. If I had a match with anyone in history, it’d have to be Jesus. In a Loser Leaves Christianity Match. I think I could have done something better with it than he did (there’s no doubt I would have won; I cheat). I certainly would have arranged it so that Robertson, Falwell, and Phelps didn’t have any type of moral authority. And that’s before I got around to making abortion and virtually all sexual practices morally acceptable.
Come on, Daivari. You can do better than Grisham, can’t you?
Hmmm, the Stratus/LaJames match…who would have thought this would have been the Workrate Freaks’ Match Of The Night? Well, other than anyone who had a look over the card. This is the stiffest I’ve seen Trish work in a long time. Normally, she only goes to town like this with Victoria. Apparently, though, LaJames has reached that level of trust with Trish where they can go to town on each other with no problem. I have this feeling that the Women’s Title will be defended at Wrestlemania, and it’s going to be a Triple Threat with Victoria along for the ride. It’s going to be the stiffest, most brutal women’s match ever outside of Japan.
Just two other observations: 1) Trish really needs to change her theme music. I never liked it, but it’s grown incredibly stale. 2) Memo to LaJames: don’t wear that Peter Pan shit ever again. It really doesn’t suit you.
Trish knows how to work it
It’s time for Truth In Announcing. Joey said that ever since Lawler piledrove Jim Carrey, Carrey’s movie career hasn’t been the same. Well, let’s see. That was obviously in Man On The Moon (a pretty good movie, by the way). What has Carrey done since? I’ll go over to IMDB and Box Office Mojo and see. Let’s see now, The Grinch grossed 260 million at the US box, Bruce Almighty grossed 240 million…well, that’s a half billion reasons right there that his career’s never been the same, huh? Lemony Snicket broke a hundred million, Fun With Dick And Jane is about to do so. And he got incredible reviews for Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. In fact, the only bomb he’s had since then has been The Majestic. In other words, his career has retained its incredible momentum, and he’s had his two highest-grossers since he received a piledriver. Joey’s such a Liar Liar.
Hey, it’s either that or talk about the Lawler/Helms match. I’d rather talk about Jim Carrey, thank you.
That’s it, Lawler, beat the piss out of him
A scene from Ice Cube’s next movie
The Trip/TBS match, of course, would be the place to insert a Steph pregnancy joke. The problem is that this column’s published on Tuesday. All of the guys who have Monday columns have exhausted them, and I’m keeping some that haven’t been used in reserve when she starts showing on television. So I’ll just say this: it’s been a while since we’ve seen Trip play rag doll during a match. The last time I can remember is Wrestlemania 17. It’s nice to see something like that for a change. It’s a bit of a refresher for the palate. What I’m really hoping is that the prospect of fatherhood will change him a bit and he’ll start to focus on the aspects of his job that he’s been ignoring for so long, like selling and using moves that don’t involve the knee or a sledgehammer. We can only hope.
Having to carry TBS, and Steph’s cut him off until she gives birth. No wonder he’s exasperated.
Since the same dynamic applies with the Benjy/Viscera match as with the Benjy/Venis match on Raw, I’ll reserve comments until then. I will say, though, that Viscera actually looked pretty good in there with someone as athletic as Benjy. He was put in a position where he had to sell, something he hasn’t done a lot lately, and did so effectively. So kudos to Mabel. Who says I can’t be charitable?
Does Shelton beat up on all his mother’s prospective boyfriends?
Just a couple reflections from the Bra and Panties Gauntlet Match: We all know that Candice has learned some wrestling moves, but to put them on display in a Bra and Panties match is a little incongruous. And speaking of wrestling moves, was that shitty handspring elbow by the Ten-Buck Tramp supposed to be a tribute to the departed Tajiri (Coachman name-checked him, implying that he taught Wilson the move)? If so, you shouldn’t have, really. Hevia was the appropriate one to comment on Victoria’s “Let’s Get This Over With” T-shirt, and he did so, what with her being his wife and all. And Moolah and Mae…oh, God.
You’re on the Net. Porn is easily available. Why are you bothering with this?
The introduction to the Elimination Chamber concept, the promo piece, and the entrances took up fourteen minutes. The advantage to downloading these things instead of buying them is not only monetary; I got to skip over that crap.
All right, where’s the real Carly Colon and who did you put in the fright wig to replace him? Comes into the Chamber and starts going like gangbusters, then does a hands-free somersault senton to the outside? No, wrong, does not compute.
Yes, this is Carly Colon doing a somersault senton. Or so we think. Either way, permanent visual evidence is necessary.
Oh, man, was the crowd on fire. Every time someone hit a move on Cena, they burst out in cheers (even Masters). Every time Cena got in any offense, they booed. Then they hauled out the “Cena Sucks” chants. It’s like a retarded child finally learning his ABCs. You just have to shed a single tear.
That was one helluva face pop for Angle when he came in and hit those dozen or so Germans on everyone in sight (compare this to the yawns of apathy when Masters came out and started to clothesline everyone). I’ve been debating with myself over whether he’s at the Summit Of Mount Perpetually Over. This reaction made me think of how close he actually is. I think that if he’s turned face and survives it, he’s there.
Beating up on Cena is definitely the action of a face
I lost a lot of interest in the match after Angle was eliminated. Okay, I lost all interest in it. Angle, after all, was my pick to win, and with Angle out, that meant Cena was going to win it. I didn’t want to watch that. I didn’t want Cena’s reign to last two more minutes. Of course, it didn’t.
Why do wrestlers have to act like complete morons sometimes? Even wrestlers who are complete morons? Okay, just to set up the situation: Carly and Gym Bunny are teaming up. Michaels has just nailed Cena with Sweet Chimp Music. Michaels is battered and bloody courtesy of Kurt Angle. Cena, on the other hand, is relatively intact. What would you, a logical, discerning person, do if you were either Carly or Masters (other than slit your wrists when you found out that you were Carly or Masters)? Go for the pin on Cena, considering that you just saw someone hit his finishing move on him? Make Michaels exert more energy and lose more blood by getting the pin on Cena? No, you attack Michaels. It’s totally irrelevant that it led to the elimination of Michaels; you take out the more dangerous enemy first when the opportunity is presented. It’s basic tactics. Is there one working brain cell in that ring?
Oh, by the way, after Michaels was eliminated, I dove into negative interest and just skipped over to Vince’s entrance. I’m certain that most of you were the same way once you realized that it was Cena, Carly, and Gym Bunny in there. Oh, man, if Vince didn’t come out there, could you imagine the invective that would have been spread across the Net?
Our long national nightmare is over
The King Of All Media wants to cut in here:
No, Howard, I think I’ll do that. But thank you anyway.
Now, let’s delve into the demented mind of one Adam Copeland. Let’s deal with this situation from a kayfabe standpoint. Yes, it’s a logical move to cash in Money In The Bank to take on a decimated opponent. I can’t complain about that. Except that I will. There’s this thing coming up in three weeks called Royal Rumble. He already has one guaranteed title shot with Money In The Bank. Why not enter the Rumble and have a shot at a second guaranteed title shot? If he loses the Rumble match, no skin off his nose. He can still be in the main event at Wrestlemania anyway. But, for the sake of argument, let’s say he wins the Rumble match. Now, how do you deal with that? There are a number of ways. You can use Money In The Bank at No Way Out to challenge Batista or whoever has the SD belt (remember, Money In The Bank originally dealt with the title that’s now on Smackdown) and still have your choice of who to challenge at Wrestlemania (and cashing in Money In The Bank at No Way Out would set up a nice little rematch feud in the process should he choose to go for the SD strap). Or, he could hold on until Wrestlemania. This can go one of two ways. He could lose his title match that came from winning the Rumble, then cash in Money In The Bank for an immediate rematch. Or he could win that title match and then cash in Money In The Bank to make the other title match a Triple Threat, thus giving him a chance to be…dare I say it?…Undisputed Champion.
(Burnside’s having an orgasm right now. He’s also beating his head against a wall knowing that I thought of it and not “creative”.)
(Yes, I know Edge is a heel and they just can’t have Wrestlemania end with a heel holding both belts. My ass they can’t. They’ll be in front of a Chicago audience. We like the bad boys. Fuck what the rest of you think.)
So, let’s summarize, again from a kayfabe standpoint. He could cash in right after the Chamber and go against an opponent who’s held the strap for nine months against strong competition and who has a history of fluke wins. Or, he could let it ride, roll the dice, and have the possibility of two guaranteed title matches at Wrestlemania, with the possibility of unifying both titles should things go his way, with a minimum of one main event match at the Granddaddy Of Them All guaranteed. I’d go for the latter option in a heartbeat. But then again, I have brains and intelligence.
Now, let’s talk about this from a non-kayfabe standpoint. The whole purpose of cashing in Money In The Bank was not to end that particular angle, but to get the title off of Cena. Last week’s audience reaction made it apparent that he was at the end of his run. The audience had finally reached critical mass to turn on him (and the reactions at the PPV reinforced that, although Albany is traditionally a pretty smarkish crowd). Something had to be done. That’s the attitude I took into the Round Table, rolling this around my head. Although, silly me, I actually believed that Kurt Angle deserved another run. He could easily hold the belt into Wrestlemania, where he’d have a rematch with Rumble Winner Cena (the title reign ends, the push does not; he sells too much merch and has a movie coming out this summer). Angle has what they need for a champion: credibility, history of great performances at a high level, and terrific audience response. He was a logical, intelligent choice. So I made that choice and put myself down on record.
Then they eliminated him first. Why? In order to build up another feud with Michaels for a possible Wrestlemania rematch (gee, they only had the consensus Match of the Year last year at WM)? But isn’t Michaels f*cking around with Vince right now? From a kayfabe standpoint, Angle isn’t in Vince’s good graces right now, so unless there’s a change in character development, Angle can’t be Vince’s proxy (my guess is that they’re going to try to do this regardless). As I said, when Angle was eliminated, that was the end of the Chamber match. Cena had it won. I stated that in the Round Table. Either Angle or Cena would win, and since they wanted to get the belt off Cena, it would be Angle. Of course, since I said it, Vince has to torture me yet again. I’m serious, the guy has it in for me. Just because I said that all of the belts would switch, none of them did.
Well, almost. So we come to the crack-addled booking of giving Edge the strap. Is anyone taking him seriously as anything other than a transition champion, a Tommy Rich or Ronnie Garvin being rewarded for his long years of dedicated service? And has everyone made the connection between Christian’s defection and Edge’s winning the title? Ah, yes, the clap-ridden-penis-dripping cynicism rears its ugly, smegma-coated head yet again. Pretending to hear Jay Reso screaming at his television down in Orlando at the sight of his old buddy wearing a world title must have been a suitable Viagra substitute for Vince. The sad part of this is that I can’t think of any other reason why Edge has the strap right now other than loyalty and a knife in Christian’s heart, with a small dose of “right place, right time”. If it was 2002, there would be lots of good reasons. But in 2006?
So how are they going to play this? The title rematch at Royal Rumble will take place prior to the Rumble match, of course, so the loser gets to enter the Rumble. I think that loser will end up winning the Rumble match, most probably Cena. The title situation on Smackdown is so chaotic right now (see below) that they can’t risk a Smackdown winner unless they plan to move that winner over to Raw (given the fact that they have no f*cking clue as to who’s going to hold the SD strap at this moment). And there’s too few healthy bodies on Smackdown to afford that.
Would it have been better to have left the strap on Cena? No. I’ve been pushing to get the strap off him for months. Do you think I’m going to say anything different now? There were just better choices at this point than Edge. Edge still needs the time remaining until Wrestlemania to build himself up a little. Given the way he’s been going, his main-eventing Wrestlemania would have been a far better bet without him holding the belt going into it than coming in as a defending champion. That just paralyzes the booking. Now they’re going to want to try to salvage Cena between now and April 2nd and give him the strap back. Too bad, Vince. He’s going to get his ass booed out of the building. We Chicagoans don’t like people from Bahstun anyway, and we don’t like wiggers who can’t wrestle. The little girlies will squee, but the guys will be pelting him with Old Style. They could have transitioned the strap to Angle, Michaels, or even Kane, and there would have been no complaints. No, Edge isn’t green. He’s not going to make a hash out of it like Orton did. But he just doesn’t have the audience credibility at this point. Having to get it while holding the strap is almost impossible.
Man, and I thought all I had to be upset about concerning Wrestlemania was the possibility of Hogan/Wife-Beater. It’s now become far worse.
THE WALKING WOUNDED
The first injured party here is WWE itself. Da Meltz revealed that WWE’s deal with USA is for two years with a one-year option. That isn’t very good for a show that’s consistently in the Top Ten in the cable ratings and has been on the air for over twelve years now. Vince has really poisoned the well with networks after playing the old ownership of USA for saps and letting his relationship with Viacom go down the toidy. Maybe there’s a quid pro quo to this. They’re going to need to move Smackdown after this season. Would WWE have taken a shorter contract on the understanding that NBC Universal would pick up their orphaned show? Or was that deal the best they could get under the circumstances? Now that time’s ticking to the end of Smackdown’s run on UPN, we’ll be finding out shortly.
Well, we have two belt-holders who really are hurt right now in WWE. It’s a wonderful illustration of their total lack of Plan B when it comes to the straps. First of all, let’s talk about Kid Kash. He’s got a broken arm right now. Gee, who was his feud on Smackdown with? Oh, yeah, Juvi. Who got fired last week. So, they’re going to have to elevate someone, anyone, to get the strap off of him quick. But who’s the go-to guy in the cruiserweight division right now? Anyone have a clue? No, don’t say Paul London. They’re trying to turn him and Kendrick into a tag team right now.
Maybe they planted a clue to the solution to this problem on Byte This last week. A good deal of the “discussion” with Simon Dean revolved around the cruiserweights. Bucci said that he loves to go up against them, but, gosh, darn, he’s over the weight limit for belt purposes. Well, do you think it’s rolling around in their minds right now that they could come up with a “I lost weight using the Simon System and now I’m within the limit” thing for him? It’d have to be a win in a battle royal or tournament, but Bucci’s got the Shane Twins with him now. You could book this in your sleep.
Hey, it might happen.
The worrisome of the two injuries is a sorta fresh one to the already-injured DAVE. He supposedly has a torn triceps to go along with his torn lats. He’s made the pilgrimage to Birmingham to worship at the feet of Doctor Andrews, so we’ll find out some kind of definite diagnosis pretty quick. He’s had torn triceps before, so this is troublesome (very troublesome given Batista’s age; you can’t heal as quickly when you’re older). If he has to spend any significant amount of time out and miss Wrestlemania in the process…
Let’s all say it together: they’re f*cked. They’re really, really f*cked. At New Years’ Revolution, they finally realized the end of the Cena experiment was at hand. Now their primary belts are on a guy who’s seriously hurt and another guy who they’re not certain about, a guy who even the audience knows is a transitional champion. Normally, you’d look toward the secondary belt holders to see a possible solution. What do they have there? Another guy who’s hurt and is having a proxy continue his program (and who’s also old), and a guy pushing 60. They’re really running out of options right now.
So what can they do? They already have a major credibility problem on Smackdown concerning the main event scene. There’s essentially only one guy whom the audience will buy as a replacement champion for DAVE, and that’s Benoit. Of course, thanks to Booker’s injury, Benoit is destined for the US title, so he’s out. You know what that means, folks. Yep, it’s Dorkboy Time! Start running for the most-conveniently-located hill. If that doesn’t scare you enough, how about UT? Oh, yeah, the marks will eat it up, they can spin it to us smarks as a sunset cruise, and, well, shit, last time Wrestlemania was in Chicago, we got UT in a title match, so why not continue that dubious tradition? Gee, too bad they pissed away High-Quality Speaker Boy’s credibility. He’d make for a nice transitional champ right now, but the fans wouldn’t buy it at all.
You know what? I don’t even want to think about the ramifications of these injuries. Doing so is making me physically ill. I’m just thinking that Smackdown hasn’t hit bottom just yet. No, there’s still one set of straps out there without an injury, and f*ck knows that something will happen to Joey Mercury at the tapings tonight to provide us with that scenario.
And as I contemplate the Tuesday nightmare, let’s check in with the Monday nightmare (which shall include the official reformation of Three-Minute Warning that will be shown on Heat this week), shall we?
THE SHORT FORM
Match Results:
Ashley Massaro over Trish Stratus, Women’s Title match (DQ, LaJames-ference): Oh, goody, an Angle Advancement Title Match. Well, there was some good that came out of it, namely we found out that Ashley knows a couple wrestling moves. Her association with Matt Hardy must be paying off for her in that respect. God knows it can’t be for the sex. Maybe she can free up some time to give Lesbian Garcia a few lessons on how to announce the winner of a match. God, that was a major gaffe.
Chavito over Rob Conway, Royal Rumble Qualifying Match (Pinfall, frog splash): What do you mean I’m not watching Heat? You’re serious? This is Raw? Not Heat? But what’s Conway…oh, they needed someone to job to Chavito and he drew the short straw. You ever get the feeling he wishes that they’d never disbanded La Res?
Chris Masters and Carly Colon over Kurt Angle and Shawn Michaels (Submission, Angle submits to Masters, MasterLock): What an intriguing little mixture of chain backstabbing and carrying beyond the call of duty by Angle and Michaels. Was it entertainment? No. It was just your typical throw-’em-together post-PPV Transition Main Event. Purely entertaining from a conceptual standpoint only.
Steve Murray, though, has an interesting proposition:
I can’t believe I’m about to type this: Carlito and Masters could actually make a very good tag team. Having to only wrestle half a match would hide their weaknesses, Carlito could handle the talking, they could definitely come up with some nice double-team moves, and they could draw incredible heat by just acting like arrogant dickheads (which doesn’t seem like it would be much of a stretch). At the very least, they could capture a “New Age Outlaws” feel. It seems perfect — which means, of course, that no one backstage will actually try to go through with it.
It might be the best way to handle them right now, Steve, because they definitely won’t do what needs to be done with them: a matching pair of pink slips. The difference between these guys and NAO is that there’s no real synergy there. NAO was definitely a great deal more than the sum of their parts, but there was something to work with in regard to them (namely the fact that Gunn knew how to wrestle tag-team). These two? Nothing. Somehow, all of Carlos’ talent seemed to avoid being passed down to Carly, and Masters, the less we say about him, the better.
Shelton Benjamin over Val Venis, Royal Rumble Qualifying Match (Pinfall, T-bone suplex): Technically, this is an Angle Advancement Match. However, I’m going to forgive it. Why? Because Thea Vidale is really getting into this role. You would think that a successful comedian who’s had her own TV series would be a little too snooty to “descend” to something like wrestling. But she’s loving it out there, and you can tell. I’m going to say again what I did last week: when this angle’s run its course, make her GM of Raw. She’s about the only one who can replace Bisch. Hey, maybe the fact that she’s a professional performer can rub off on some of these guys and improve the SE aspects of the show tremendously. It’s worth a shot.
Kane over Gene Snitsky, Royal Rumble Qualifying Match (Pinfall, chokeslam): Sorry, I was taking a piss during this one. Went to the john during the commercial and came back as Kane was giving his promo. I actually had to check Pandich’s live coverage to see that there was even a match. I think the piss was more fulfilling and important to the world than this was.
Angle Developments:
The Cold, Harsh Truth: So, they’re going after the boos directed at Cena head-on…by acknowledging them and saying that they’re irrelevant. Oh, that’s listening to the audience, guys. And by doing this, isn’t that a bit of encouragement for the intelligent people in the audience, namely the ones who don’t like him? Yeah, they had to do something, but the decision was between turning him heel and X-Pac Heat. They chose the latter. So be it. Wait until Royal Rumble, when Edge starts getting mammoth face heat during that title match. It’s going to be a bloody mess.
James Lawson says:
While watching the opening promo by John Cena, I got to wondering if Cena is approaching Hulk Hogan like levels of bad heat? Considering it seems the only Cena fans left are teenage girls and true mark fans.
Bingo, James. That’s exactly what his fanbase is right now, girls who don’t know any better and kids. As long as there are moronic parents who will buy their spoiled little brats all the Cena merch that they want, he’ll get pushed. And, please, Hogan actually has the ability to get good heat. Remember, the barometer for where Cena has gone is and shall always be X-Pac.
Slick Rick also thinks it’s a bad sign that they haven’t switched the belts yet, since Edge now has the spinner belt. Not necessarily. I think this title switch wasn’t planned until after Raw happened last week. The crowd reaction from the Noo Joisey fans certainly put a burr up Vince’s ass. Since it takes a while to get a belt made, they have to use this one until the new one comes in. So the spinner belt still being there isn’t necessarily a bad sign of things to come.
Menage-a-Twat: So the title belt will be participating in the activities with Edge and Lita? Well, there had to be a reason why Edge’s theme music is called “Metalingus”.
Porn Is, By Definition, Boring: God, it took them forever to get to the point of the Main Event Promo this week. This is why I’m always in favor of a new champion’s congratulatory promo being the first thing on the show. We know it’s going to happen, so we want it over. And that’s pretty much the way we felt when it came to the sex stuff too. We knew it’d be interrupted; the only mystery was who it was going to be. Thank God it was Horny Flair. If it had been Cena first, I would have just shut the damn thing off and had a good, long think on whether or not I’d watch that show next week.
In conjunction with this, Christopher Arrington has some questions:
I am now convinced that this episode of Raw was produced by Ron Jeremy. What the f*ck was that? And does this mean Flair becomes a 17 time champion in the next three months or so?
No, Chris, I’m afraid not. You see, Ron Jeremy has some class. This was totally devoid of said. As for Flair winning the world strap, shit, why not? Let him have both belts. They can’t do any worse than Cena. Or Edge, for that matter.
And that covers that. All I need to do today is go out and get 39-cent stamps (and a few two-centers to use up the 37s that I have left). And you wonder why I do all of my bill paying electronically.
