The Gospel of Wrestling: According to Matthew


The following column contains spoilers from this week’s Friday Night Smackdown…

The landscape of the wrestling business sure did a 360 over the course of the last week! And what a welcome change it is. Edge finally cashed in his Money in the Bank to defeat the increasingly despised John Cena and then at the Smackdown tapings last night, Kurt Angle jumped shows and shocked the industry by winning a twenty man Battle Royal to win the World Championship, a title that Batista forfeited to Teddy Long after sustaining another injury at the hands of Mark Henry last Sunday. These two huge news items alone could take up numerous columns! So much to say, so little motivation to do so.

It’s never a good sign when you get blue-balled by a wrestling promo…

So, like most of you, I tuned into Raw Monday night with the most glorious of glee. I decided to celebrate Edge’s long-awaited title win with a some E&J and orange soda. By the time the Live Sex segment started, I was three sheets to the wind. My notes from the show, which are usually meticulous, are honestly barely legible. I’ll be 25 in a few months, and I’ve done my fair share of drinking over the last 6 years, but lately I’ve just seen no need to drink anything other than a Mountain Dew. Getting f*cked up for Raw was a special thing, and not something I will get too accustomed to.

Needless to say, I enjoyed the show. I like that the E took the strap off of Cena, but did so in a way that still kept him as a strong contender in the fans’ eyes. The company knows that to keep our interest at peak levels they have to mix it up a bit, and they’ve SO done that this week! But where in the HELL is TATANKA??

Maybe it was because I was drunk and suspending my disbelief more than ever, I just hope it was the right move by the WWE to spent most of Monday night putting over Edge and slowing building to the Royal Rumble. They did some little things, but other than that they’re just making sure all the fans can keep up.

Of course, I was pleased that Chavo went over, but I guess the Rumble will be the first place we as fans will have to witness Chavo losing in one way, shape or form since Eddie’s passing. Serioualy, if Chavo wins the Rumble I will eat my mousepad.

I’d actually take RVD as my early pick to leave the Number One Contender, what better way to welcome Mr. Monday Night back onto the show? Van Dam vs. Edge at WM wouldn’t be half bad. In fact, it would be down right good wrestling. Especially if they booked RVD to win the title! With Joey Styles calling the action, no less! It could be awesome, but we’ll have to wait and see if that would even go down.

Putting Edge over as the WWE Champion right off the bat this year, should bode well for Christian’s NWA title endeavors over the next few months. Whatcha gonna do when the Canadian’s Run Wild On You? Christian over Jarrett for the title in February would kick major ass – do it TNA! Do it now while it still matters.

The Trish-Mickie James match at NYR was very well received as I expected it to be. Both women are at a peak in their respective careers and that can be seen in their physical performances. Trish remains the Women’s champion, but for how much longer?

The braintrust up in Titan Towers protected Flair and his IC title at the PPV last Sunday by giving him the DQ win over the man who would go on to win the WWE championship, but poor Gregory Helms got somewhat buried in his loss to Jerry Lawler. All for what? I mean, Helms has a long career ahead of him and yet he’s jobbed to the popular, legendary Lawler. What’s that do for Jerry? Are they going to book him against Flair for the IC title now? Doubt it. What’s next for the former Hurricane? He’s GOT TO do something very heelish, very soon, if he ever wants to get over.

And, since I haven’t seen it yet, and the UPN affiliate up here in Idaho seems to have pulled Smackdown as of last week, I may never see it, but I think it’s great that Kurt Angle won the vacant World title at the tapings last night. It actually sounds like a great episode of Smackdown, and I really hope I get the chance to see it.

What about the Sexual Harrasment charges?

And what’s next for Batista? I think his run as champion was pretty successful, but due to his injuries we may never know how high Dave’s star would have risen. we should all be waiting with baited breath for an expected MEGA comeback later this year, and an instant World title shot. I’d love for him to return by saving Rey Jr. and than turning on him with like 5 Batista Bombs.

I think by the end of next week, everything in WWE-land heading into Wrestlemania will be much clearer. This has very been a transisition week for the company, two new champions for the first time since last year’s Wrestlemania. Anything can happen from this point, and you never know what it could be.

For all we know, Brock Lesnar could return to Smackdown in three weeks, win the Rumble, and go on to win back the World strap at Wrestlemania.

And are we ever gonna get a New GM? It’s been quite sometime since Vince took out the trash and fired Bischoff. Where’s Dusty or Shane or even the now very pregnant Mr. Triple H at? Someone has gotta fill this role and soon! I’m availible WWE, and I’ll work for cheap! Maybe they’ll just bring Good ‘Ol JR back into the fold and let him run with the ball for a while. He’d be the perfect GM to book at Stonecold vs. Hogan Dream Match for Mania, right?

Thanks to Sting, talented guys like Raven, Christian & even Rockabilly are gonna GET BURIED!!

And then we have TNA. The big thing in that company right now seems to be Sting. Is this 1989 all over again?! I mean, am I supposed to seriously give a damn that the Stinger is making another comeback? He was never all that great anyway, it was because of men like Ric Flair and Vader that made Sting seem cool in the first place. Hopefully Christian will turn on him, give him the UnPrettier and from there Sting can give some rub to a guy who’ll actually be making TNA money in the coming years. If TNA wanted a big name, they should have gone all out and signed Goldberg or god forbid, Hulk Hogan. Sting is okay, and but I have a feeling his imminent return won’t result in anything much to revel about.

That’s all I’ve got in my tank this week. With two new World Champions and a bevy of questions lingering in the air, I’ll be back on Friday with a look at Byte This, which will feature Mr. Kennedy this week. See you then!