We’re in Philadelphia this week
Your hosts are Tazz and Cole
Batista starts the show off by coming out and forfeiting the World Title due to a wide catalogue of injuries including a lat tear, a torn triceps muscle and catching his fingernail in a car door. Okay the last one was made up. Anyway he goes on to make a very moving speech about how much he loves the fans and how he wants to come back. I even heard rumours he had to be FORCED to surrender the belt as he was actually ready to fight through the pain again. That’s to be respected but I think he’s earned this time off and at least he doesn’t have to keep putting Mark Henry over.
During the commercial break Batista meets up with Ricky Steamboat, Lashley and Animal and they all wish him luck. Even Arn Anderson shows up with some encouragement. The big one is Rey Mysterio who gives him a big tearful goodbye and Batista tells him to win the belt which makes him an obvious choice for the Royal Rumble win now.
In the ring Teddy Long sets up a battle royal for the belt tonight. That’s a pretty lame way to crown a new champ in my eyes. What happened to the good old fashioned title tournament?
Best of Seven final
Chris Fucking Benoit (3) Vs Randy Orton (3) [subbing for Booker T]
Randy meets up with Teddy and asks him to be in the battle royal but Teddy says he made a commitment and now he has to stick to it so no battle royal. Booker makes his way to the ring for interference at some point I’m sure. Feeling out process to start and they lock up which ends with them going into the corner. Philly crowd is obviously pro Benoit, as Tazz mentions he has the ECW roots, they fight over the arm and Orton goes to a wristlock which is countered by Benoit into one of his own. Benoit tries to ride Orton down and ends up going to a key lock but Orton rolls through and they end up in the ropes and fight for a suplex on the apron. Benoit drops Orton on the top rope but is distracted by Booker waving a crotch so Benoit takes a page from the Eddie Guerrero playbook and feigns a Booker attack which leads to Booker getting sent to the back.
Commercial
We’re back with Benoit and Orton staying on each others arms and Benoit gets a big elbow to the jaw of Orton that is so nasty it warrants a double feature. They roll around on the floor not really going to any hold but it looks like a MMA fight in some ways. Orton goes to a rear naked choke on the floor but Benoit fights out and gets a couple of STINGER MISSILE CHOPS!!! To Orton’s chest but he’s sent into the post and tumbles outside. Back inside Benoit fires off another chop but Orton takes him down to a side headlock and Benoit tries to fight it and shoves him into the but takes a shoulder barge. Orton gets cocky and Benoit makes him pay by going to an hyper extended arm bar but doesn’t go for the cross face and Orton uses the opportunity to bail and regroup. Benoit drags Orton onto the apron and suplexes Orton in the hard way for two. Benoit goes back to the arm bar but Orton makes the ropes to break. Benoit puts Orton up top and gets some BIG chops with a side of salad and fries and head butts Orton from the top sending him face first into the barricade. Sick stuff man. WWE then use that as the key for a commercial break. ALWAYS at the good bits. BASTARDS
Commercial
We’re back with Benoit going for a Sharpshooter, which makes no sense in the story of the match as he’s gone to Orton’s arms and upper body all match, but Orton doesn’t let him get it on and ends up getting a series of knee drops, the third which looked brutal, and muzzles Benoit down with some punches showing desperation. In a cool little bit Orton tries to go to a rear chin lock but Benoit predicts it and tries to dart away to the ropes but Orton catches him before he can. Nice. Speaking of nice Benoit takes a monster of a dropkick to the mush for two and Orton wisely slaps on the chin lock again. Benoit fights out and we have a slug fest in the middle baby! Benoit wins that easy enough and unloads with chops and elbows and gets a Perfect Plex for two. Benoit gets some more killer chops in the corner to the point of which Orton’s chest looks like raw meat and that’s not a cliché it REALLY does. Benoit goes to the Sharpshooter and Orton just makes the ropes. Benoit, the merciless bastard that I love, unloads with some German’s and heads up for a Swan Dive Head Butt but ends up tasting some canvas as Orton dodges the bullet. Even THAT doesn’t stop Benoit as he’s up AGAIN with MORE chopping! The ref goes down by accident and Orton preps for an RKO but Orlando Jordan runs down to stop that and Benoit gets a cross face. however, Booker and Sharmel run down but Benoit disposes of them and puts Orton back in the cross face but there’s no ref. Benoit tries to revive the ref, to no luck, and ends up taking a belt shot courtesy of Booker and Orton ends up getting the three for Booker
WINNER – RANDY ORTON
***3/4 – YOU ABSOLUTE C***S. They were on their way to something special there but they RUINED it with all the run ins and shit. Orton looks a little unpleased following the result and he reminds Booker that he owes him. I smell an Orton face turn coming up.
Roddy Piper is backstage preparing for his Pipers Pit segment. He bumps into JBL and Jillian Hall and JBL says he should be on the show but Piper isn’t too thrilled with the idea. He ends up changing his mind and letting him in the pit.
Video package about Eddie Guerrero’s family receiving an award in El Paso#
Rowdy Roddy Piper comes down to the ring for Pipers Pit. Why isn’t he on the new Smackdown? I wanted to do Hogan Vs Piper damnit! Piper says 22 years ago in Philadelphia and he says it’s time to create history but he’s interrupted by JBL’s music. Piper gets a couple of cheap jabs in to start before giving JBL a mic. JBL says he’s tougher than Batista and such. Piper tries to talk but JBL cuts him off as he starts saying ratings will go up with him as champion. 5 hours later I recover from my hernia suffered from laughing so hard at such a stupid comment. Well not really but you get the idea. JBL continues to witter on before Piper starts making comments about Jillian’s growth. He even gets his reading glasses out to have a look at it. Piper finally brings out The Boogeyman as the pay off for JBL’s stupid ranting. JBL sacrifices Jillian to the wolves and Boogeyman ends up licking the growth and then he eats it off her face. yuck grose dude. So this is supposed to get the guy over? Eating disgusting stuff? Hey that could work it sure sky rocketed Tommy Dreamers career to the moon and back.
Backstage Melina is hyping up MNM and Mark Henry saying she wants some more gold. Like any of these three have a shot anyway.
Another Fit Finlay promo. He debuts next week and I’m actually looking forward to it just to see if he can still go in the ring. If he can then we should all be excited of the possible matches he could have with guys like Benoit and Regal.
World Title Battle Royal
Guys in this are Lashley, JBL, Spanky, London, Regal, Burchill, Matt Hardy, Super Crazy, Psicosis, Orlando Jordan, MNM, Mark Henry, Simon Dean, Rey Mysterio, Vito,Nunzio, Sylvain and……………Kurt Angle!
Well that’s a turn up for the books that’s for sure. As usual with my battle royal policy I just do eliminations with maybe a little play by play if something important happens.
JBL via Angle
Vito via Angle
Animal via Mark Henry
Simon Dean via The British Gents
Nunzio via MNM
OJ via Angle
Regal via Angle
Burchill via Angle
London via loads of guys
Psicosis via Lashley
Outside the ring Angle is thrown through a table by Henry and the ENTIRE arena is in FEAR than Henry might actually win this one. Not fear because there’s anyone else in particular they want to win it’s just because it’s MARK HENRY and they are in fear that a wrestler THAT bad would win the World Title. We have the big black stand off between Lashley and Henry which Henry wins
Spanky via Henry
I can’t believe Sylvain has lasted so long in this one. Matt ends his night soon after but he then promptly gets tossed by Henry
Rey dumps both members of MNM leaving our final 3 as Henry, Mysterio and Angle. To say fans want Rey to win would be an understatement. He manages a 619 on Henry and another but stupidly he tries a springboard and Henry ends his night Henry celebrates but HHHHHEEEEERRRRRREEEEESSSSS ANGLE!!! Angle is now a baby face by default simply due to the fact the fans don’t want Henry to win. Angle gets an Angle Slam on Henry as he’s f*cking super human and a big Angle chant goes up. Henry crushes Angle a few times in the corner but he gets cocky and slaps Angle so Angle is like “Alright Bitch let’s f*cking DO THIS!” and he locks in a triangle choke but Henry turns that into a Power Bomb. Henry is blown up, FROM A BATTLE ROYAL!!! What the f*ck is it with WWE and this guy? Does he have something on Vince McMahon which explains why he was never fired? They try lifting the Royal Rumble 2004 ending with Angle dragging Henry over the top rope from the apron but Henry stops him. Finally Angle dumps the fat useless bastard to win the title.
WINNER – KURT ANGLE
Ladies and Gentlemen your Wrestlemania 22 Main Event – Kurt Angle Vs Rey Mysterio. Mark my words it’s happening and personally I think we’re in for a hell of a match.
Well I think Angle was a good choice for the title win as he has a history on Smackdown. The problem is he only has 3 guys he realistically could defend the belt against at Mania Undertaker, Benoit and Mysterio. Now out of those 3 Benoit is obviously the better match but I think Taker would be a good challenger from an obvious view of putting the biggest name face on the show against him. Still I think Rey is the way to go. He’s been in the business for years and has been one of the best small guys ever. Plus, with Eddie’s death it seems Rey has been pushed more and more recently. With Batista gone and the lack of big name faces it’s time to roll the dice and go with Mysterio
We’ll see if I’m right. Until then best if luck to you all this week and see you next time.
