Tonight TNA presents their January pay-per-view: Final Resolution. With me are Mark Neeley – Master of the Impact Recap, Eric S. – Master of the Short Form, Jed Schaffer – Master of Re-Views, and Matthew Michaels – Master of Moodspins.
Christian Cage & Sting vs. Jeff Jarrett & Monty Brown
Mark Neeley: I’m going to give the win to JJ & Monty here setting up further feuding on Impact. It keeps Sting occupied for a while until Christian starts feuding with JJ himself for the title. It will also give TNA the numbers advantage, as when people see that Sting lost that he will be looking for revenge, and therefor boosting Impact’s rating. It will be the usual Jarrett main event, overwhemling numbers of heel interference, some face interferece possibly to even it out, but JJ and Monty end up getting the pin. Sorry Lambert, your boy will get his chance sooner or later.
Winners – Jeff Jarrett and the middle aged Sting with the baby stroller, because that’s how they STROLL.
Eric Szulczewski: Yes, we all know that Sting won’t be allowed to job. That doesn’t mean that his team can’t lose. This match is here for one reason: set up Jarrett/Christian and Sting/Monty for That Phil Collins Song. Thus, it benefits the heels to win, with some kind of inspirational run-in at the end to give us the requisite Happy Ending. I’ll lay money that this involves Jackie Gayda.
Winners – Jarrett and Brown
Jed Shaffer: Sting, jobbing in his first match? Puh-leeze.
Winner – Captain Charisma and Stinger
Matthew Michaels: The babyfaces win this one, no doubt, as it’s WAY too early to turn Sting or Cage on the other one. Christian pins Jarrett setting up a title shot in February.
Winners – Christian and Sting
David Brashear: Like Jed said, no way we see Sting lose this one. Where they go from here should be interesting – since we’ve got Christian, Sting, Monty Brown, and probably Raven all lining up for a shot at the title.
Winners – Christian Cage & Sting
X Division Championship
Samoa Joe vs. Christopher Daniels
Eric Szulczewski: Joe’s streak has to end sometime. Daniels is the ideal opponent to beat him, given their history and issues. That being said, TNA’s bookers are not stupid enough to abbreviate Joe’s title reign so soon. In WWE, sure, but not TNA. They’re going to build up to another Triple Threat with Joe, Daniels, and A. J., probably not at That Phil Collins Song, but definitely for Destination X.
Winner – Samoa Joe
Jed Shaffer: The X-Division has three hot stories right now: the “we want respect” issue with Aries, Strong and Shelley, Joe’s winning streak and Joe’s breaking of the X-Division Code. Two out of three are already on display here. Just because I want to see a clean winner, I pray the Geenration Next issue doesn’t come into it … but I wouldn’t mind seeing them attack Daniels AFTER it. As for the match itself, they’re duplicating Joe’s long RoH World Title run here, building up someone new to unseat Joe. Not tonight, C-Dan, not tonight.
Winner – Joe’s gonna kill you!
Matthew Michaels: Too early to end the streak; but never too early to have a MOTYC.
Winner – Joe
David Brashear: It’s way too soon for Joe to drop the X title, and still too early for the feud with the Fallen Angel to wrap up.
Winner – Samoa Joe
Mark Neeley: This one will obviously steal the show. It’s one of those where you know they’ll make it a great X division match for the PPV, and it will be one of the best. It will be interesting to see how it follows up Joe-Daniels. The only flaw I can see with this one is that I’m pretty certain that there’s no way Daniels will win. Not taking anything away from a great match, but I am putting all my money on Joe, as even Chris Daniel’s can’t break the streak. ****+
Winner – Samoa Joe
NWA Tag Team Championship
America’s Most Wanted vs. Team 3D
Jed Shaffer: The problems here are obvious: if Team 3D wins, their list of credible opponents can’t be measured with an electron microscope. Team Canada has been their bitch, Gonad’s group is busy with the Neo-Modern Outlaws (wouldn’t wanna violate trademark laws, would we?) and nobody believes the Diamonds In The Rough could beat a group of 10-year old girls. But if they keep the belts on AMW, it kills the feud, and AMW has nobody to feud with. For a fed that had a red-hot tag division a year ago, it’s amazing to see how it’s disintegrated in 12 months.
Winners – The Deadly Boys (I ain’t ever gonna let them live that down)
Matthew Michaels: Team 3D has some destiny to fulfill and tonight’s the night. Just someone slap them if they decide after this to go after the AWA Tag Titles, ok?
Winners – Dudleyz
David Brashear: And here’s the big win for the ex-Dudleys, and we have the exact opposite of the world title. Who’s going to go up against them? There aren’t any teams ready unless we see a major turn around from the Diamonds, or a new heel turn for the Naturals.
Winners – Team 3-D
Mark Neeley: At this point, besides that small faction of fans still going nuts for the Dudz, I don’t think many people are that excited about the tag division. I think this will be their attempt to liven it up again by giving the Dudz the win and finally capturing the titles, and everyone will be a little more excited to finally have the belts off of AMW for the 39th time.
Winners – The team that was the central theme for the best promo of 2005, the Dudle– Team 3D
Eric Szulczewski: Again? Oh, well, at least this time it’ll be different. They’re not blind and stupid. They can see the preponderance of heel tag teams as opposed to the one face team that they’re pushing (yes, I’ll keep harping about the ass-raping that the Naturals are receiving). So, let destiny be fulfilled and let the chase begin.
Winners and New Champions – The ex-Dudleys
AJ Styles vs. New Japan’s Tanahashi
Matthew Michaels: I’m thinking the home-ring advantage is at play here, as it was for Joe at BFG, but who knows? Perhaps a draw, leaving to standing ovation? Yeah, why not…
Winner – ND/time-limit draw
David Brashear: My puro knowledge is next to nil, so I’ve got to admit that I’m completely in the dark as to what Tanahashi can do. Still, this is TNA – not New Japan – so I’ve got to say that the homegrown talent takes the win.
Winner – AJ Styles
Mark Neeley: Personally I don’t have much knowledge of Tanahashi so I’m not going to lie or make up anything witty, so I’ll say that TNA puts Styles over, but this is a total shot out of the blue. I have no idea.
Winner – AJ Styles
Eric Szulczewski: As our puro experts here have pointed out recently, NJPW seems to have absolutely no problem with their guys jobbing on loan-out. TNA has no problem jobbing them either. If they jobbed Liger to Joe, do you really think Tanahashi has a chance? The only way Tanahashi could have won is if TNA didn’t have a video game deal and they were trying to suck up to Yukes.
Winner – A. J. F*ckin’ Styles
Jed Shaffer: Homegrown talent vs. one-shot import. Only RoH would have the balls to job out their star like that.
Winner – Batista’s least favorite wrestler
Rhino vs. Abyss
David Brashear: TNA’s wanting to build Abyss up – that much is clear. A win, no matter how dirty, over Rhino would only help him on his way.
Winner – Abyss
Mark Neeley: These guys will be making the annual main event run in I’m sure. Hard to tell who will take it, I would say a Sabu appearence but I don’t know if they’re still going for that.
Winner – Abyss
Eric Szulczewski: And here’s our Grievous Bodily Harm Division match. It’s a good one too. We know that both these guys can bring it, so it’s going to be one sweet brawl. Unfortunately, there will be a stupid ending wherein Rhiyno’s next opponent will be revealed, and it will tap into the fact that Abyss is aligned with Team Jarrett. I’m going to go out on a limb and say it’s going to be Bobby Roode, who needs something to erase the memories of that asinine match against Kilings on Impact.
Winner – Rhiyno by DQ
Jed Shaffer: Rhino’s red hot, but the logjam on top is hurting him. Abyss needs some wins to keep him alive. And I need to sit back and watch the lynchpins of the Brutality Division go to town on each other. This needs more time, so …
Winner – Some kind of no-decision.
Matthew Michaels: Sting’s saying he wants to face off with Abyss at some point. Rhino’s nowhere near getting another title shot. BUT any time Abyss loses, he stays over with the crowd. Toughest match to call, I think.
Winner – Rhyno
Raven vs. An Opponent of Larry Zbyszko’s choosing
If Raven wins, he gets a world title shot. If he loses, he’s fired.
Eric Szulczewski: Well, the stip certainly points out the ending, unless Raven’s planning to surprise us all and retire. It’d be just like him to do that too. I don’t see this match running without a gimmick, though, as I said in the Short Form when this match was announced. I have a feeling that Larry’s going to make it Falls Count Anywhere, thus setting up a garbage masterpiece like only Raven can pull off.
Winner – Raven
Jed Shaffer: I can’t imagine them pulling a “you’re fired” angle. It seems so WWE. Plus, Raven and Sting would make such an interesting duo, working together against Jarrett. Plus, if he gets fired, they can’t continue the “she’s got into your head” storyline, which … wait, have they even mentioned that lately?
Winner – Johnny Polo
Matthew Michaels: Does this mean we’re going to have some sort of three-way or KotM title match on an upcoming iMPACT! (perhaps the February prime-time special)? Or will they do a “fired” angle? I can’t see how they can pull off writing the latter, so my guess is Raven wins, then gets put into some sort of cheesy battle royal title match.
Winner – Raven
David Brashear: I’d say this is the end of Raven’s feud with Larry Z, and would perfectly set up a main event title match – even if it’s on Impact, and not PPV.
Winner – Raven
Mark Neeley: I don’t know what purpose they could possibly have for Raven at this point. Will they blindly have him win and get thrown into the face versus heel title picture? That won’t happen unless the World title shot is one where he can save and use whenever he wants, because right now the main focus is Jarrett-Cage-Sting.
Winner – Mystery Opponent
Homicide and Apolo vs. The Naturals
Eric Szulczewski: TNA’s attempting to breathe some life into the moribund tag team situation, and the Naturals have become the sacrificial lambs. Chase Stevens’ injuries killed any momentum they might have had, and instead of doing the smart thing and trying to reestablish them, TNA has decided to throw them to the wolves because the entire face side of the tag scene has to revolve around the ex-Dudleys. Would the Nats love to completely forget that 2005 ever happened? You bet your ass they would.
Winners – Apolo and Homicide
Jed Shaffer: Jesus, who did The Naturals piss off to deserve this? One minute, they’re the NWA Tag Champions and hugely popular faces, the next, they’re pre-show fodder for Gonad’s anti-Outlaws posse. Hey, TNA, you got a fantastic tag team RIGHT HERE … why don’t you use them a little better?
Winner – Apolo and Homicide (I refused to use the name Gonad has christiened them)
Matthew Michaels: LAX is getting the push, and I STILL can’t tell the difference between Andy and Chase.
Winners – Homicide & Apolo
David Brashear: Great. More Konnan on my TV. At least it’s not on the show I’m paying for. I’m going to go against the grain and give the Naturals the win via James Boys interference. It really grates, though. The Naturals have talent and can get over with the fans – what’s going on with TNA? One of them grab Dixie Carter’s rear end backstage or something?
Winners – Naturals
Team Canada vs. Lance Hoyt, Kenny King and Jay Lethal
Jed Shaffer: If Petey Williams ain’t involved, this is jobber shit. I don’t care how popular Hoyt is, or how crazy a bump artist Jay Lethal is; no Canadian Destroyer, no interest.
Winner – I can’t care enough to think about it.
Matthew Michaels: Team Canada wins this glorified jobber match. Sorry Lance. Where’s Jeff Hardy when you need him, eh?
Winners – Team Canada
David Brashear: Hoyt is a big man who’s somehow gotten himself over with the crowd, despite not doing anything really huge to do so or showing much charisma. Kenny and Lethal are new guys the crowd doesn’t really know yet. Let’s see if I can figure this out. Hmmm…
Winners – Team Canada
Eric Szulczewski: So which variant of Team Canada is involved? Neither Williams nor Roode is involved in singles action on the PPV, so we might end up with the wonderful Williams/Roode/Young combo. Look, anything to keep Rouse out of the ring. As for this match, well, duh. It’s People Involved With Jarrett versus People Who Are Not Involved With Jarrett. Keep an eye out on Jay Lethal, though; this match might be the beginning of an Aries-like push for him.
Winners – Team Canada
Bonus Question
Who will Raven’s opponent be?
Matthew Michaels: Let’s see, who are the options here? Sandman? Billy Kidman? Test?? I’ll go with … VAMPIRO. Just to make Widro happy.
David Brashear: Since I’m thinking that this is going to be the end of the Raven-Larry feud, I’m going to have to say that Larry wants to get the job done personally.
Mark Neeley: My guess for the hand-picked opponent, if not Larry Z himself, Erik Watts.
Eric Szulczewski: Didn’t I do something on this? Oh, yeah, I did. Sandman’s been the most-mentioned. However, I’ve been leaning more and more toward Vampiro, who has a great history with Raven and has done work for TNA in the past. TNA’s still tight with AAA, Konnan’s got the book down in AAA, and he’d be easy to get. All they’d have to do is offer Pena three teenage boys and a case of K-Y. So I’ll go on record with Vampiro. And as I said in the Short Form, if they can have him hang around for a bit, that issue between him and Sting is still relatively unresolved.
