Previously, on Desperate Housewives: Mike’s boss wants to know what happened to his daughter before he dies, the asthmatic badass gets stuck in the stairs and killed, and Susan nails the trunk of the Applewhites to find the asthmatic badass. The Housewives already suspect Betty.
Jim Halverson is going on a blind date with Susan, but fails miserably at the date, being completely unable to make…seemingly anyone laugh. He ends up headbutting Susan trying to get something off the dinner table, and at the doctor’s office, Susan pleads to be kept away from Jim, and the doctor complies by making Jim stay overnight and having Susan take off. How wonderful.
You’re watching Desperate Housewives, why should I care?
The Wisteria Lane blood drive is in full swing, as the Housewives consult over the Applewhites’ body in front of their house. Betty comes over and suggests a party for Susan’s birthday, and everybody seems to agree. Betty’s son doesn’t want to stick around in the neighborhood, but Betty asks for patience so that they can find a story, and a reason to move out.
Zach turns in his blood test papers, and it turns out he’s AB negative…same as Mike.
Betty walks over to Bree and her story is that her mother has fallen ill back in Chicago and Matthew and her may have to visit her, and possibly move. Bree offers her condolences, and Betty takes her leave.
Dr. Ron is looking for a follow-up appointment, and Julie encourages Susan to go for it and ask him out on a date since she’s desperate, hot, nice and funny and guys seem to like all of that. Julie suggests that Susan plays to her strengths and doesn’t build on the idea that she’s older than him.
Lynette arrives home from work, and Tom meets her at the car to tell her that the boys have chicken pox. Lynette is immune but Tom is not because he never got it as a kid. Lynette wants Tom to suck it up and deal with it because she has to go back to work, but Tom reminds Lynette of how immature he can get when he gets sick, for example the time he got strep throat and they ended up in marriage counseling. Lynette agrees to call the office.
Ralph the new gardener, had his wife leave him because he has an “illness”: Looking at pretty ladies on the internet. “Sure, they’re not always dressed and sometimes, there’s more than one.” Turns out that Ralph found a picture of Gabrielle on the internet on a bareskin rug, and it would seem that the rug isn’t the only thing in that picture that’s bare. Ralph asks her to sign it, but Gabby shoots him a look.
Mike’s boss is being treated by a doctor as he definitely seems worse for wear. Mike’s here every Sunday, but he hasn’t noticed. His boss wants to know if he’s found the man who killed his daughter…and Mike confirms that it was Todd Forest, a junkie drug dealer who killed her when she tried to steal from him. Mike’s boss can die now that he knows that, firing his medical help. “You gonna come see me again next week?” “Are you planning on having an open casket?” Really excellent scene, but it’s too bad that the last good thing from Season 1 is finally slipping through our fingers.
Carlos watches Tom golf in front of the Scavo house, and Lynette joins them to give Tom some lunch, as Tom has been looking into the chicken pox thing, as it turns out there’s a chance of sterility if a grown man gets chicken pox. Lynette doesn’t see why Tom would be worried about that, since they’re not having any kids, but Tom mentions that in case either one of them should pass away, Tom wants to know that he has options. Lynette is obviously offended by Tom even thinking about this idea, and tells Tom that his future second wife can go ahead and make him lunch next time, dumping his current one on the ground.
Bree’s detective was very pleased to receive her call, given that he suspected Bree of murder. Bree brought him here with an ulterior motive, that being Bree wants him to run a background check on her neighbors because they’ve been acting strangely, not to mention the body found in front of their house. The detective can’t do anything about this, but wonders if that was the only reason Bree brought him out here, since during the investigation he could sense a little spark between Bree and him, and thought it might be a date. Bree denies that flatout, and the detective seems to be crushed. Bree claims to have a sixth sense about people, despite engaging the man who murdered her husband.
Susan is in for the follow-up exam, but won’t be seeing Dr. Ron unless there’s a major problem. So Susan makes some stuff up and Dr. Ron eventually seems convinced that she needs an MRI, despite Susan trying her best to dismiss it as nothing.
Back at the dinner table, Bree offers to pay for the bill but it ends up in the detective’s lap when he offers her a ride hom after three glasses of wine and some other alcoholic products. Bree is offended since she was embarrassed by his earlier comment, and takes off. On the ride home, a cop pulls her over, and it’s none other than the detective. He arrests her, after refusing to take a sobriety test.
Carlos looks at Gabrielle’s pictures on her ex-boyfriend’s website, but Carlos disagrees that he should put the scare into him since he’s just getting over his rage issues, and Gabby needs to find another brute to intimidate Scott, the ex-boyfriend photographer.
Susan prepares for her MRI, and asks him out on a date when she goes into the machine, but he left to answer a call from his girlfriend. Susan wants to get out, but the other doctor wants her to stay still.
Gabrielle decides to live with her mistakes, agreeing with Carlos as Carlos goes inside and Gabby goes to do some naked yoga. Carlos is offended now, but still won’t beat this guy up for her, so Gabby is just going to have to keep on being naked in front of the gardeners. Ralph’s gardening tool gets too close to Luis’ hand and…off comes a finger. Ridiculous.
Tom takes off the medical gear after a visit upstairs, but Lynette is still upset about Tom wanting to have some options. Tom claims to be Lynette’s everything, but Lynette wants proof in Tom getting a vasectomy. “Can’t I just get you some flowers?” They’re not going to have anymore kids anyway, so Tom eventually agrees to it.
Bree is in a holding cell with a very whorish looking woman, who asks her how much she pays a night. Bree is offended but eventually makes up a number. Bree is let go, but the car is impounded until tomorrow morning so she either has to call a friend or walk. Bree decides to walk, but breaks a heel on the way home. There’s Betty Applewhite, though, offering Bree everything until Bree eventually tells her the truth–the car was impounded by the police! Betty drives her home, and swears not to tell anyone about the DUI, but Bree compliments on Betty being able to keep a secret, for now. Betty calls Edie, she’s decided to sell the house.
Dr. Ron arrives at Susan’s front door, as Dr. Ron needs to talk with Susan about her MRI test results. Dr. Ron can’t explain that the MRI turned up negative for anything when she claimed to have all the symptoms, but Susan admits to making up all of those. Dr. Ron can’t believe that she would do such a thing, since he was up all night trying to find a mysterious disease that doesn’t exist, because he didn’t want to tell her that she was going to die, especially since he likes her. No girlfriend, that was one date and a referral to a dermatologist. Susan wants to go out sometime, and Dr. Ron is still angry but wants to go eat some sushi on Friday. Susan agrees but Dr. Ron warns that she has a wandering spleen, which just confuses Susan. This Dr. Ron character might turn out to be pretty cool. Which means he’ll be gone by next episode, or so.
Gabrielle and Carlos arrive at Scott’s house, but Carlos can’t bring himself to beat up Scott, since he was a good Catholic boy after leaving prison. Carlos eventually agrees to do it, reluctantly, and it turns out to be easier than he thought, as Scott is ready to just give up the pictures right away. Scott admits that she wasn’t raking in the big bucks because she was more about fashion and not about Internet pornography. Carlos takes offense to THAT…and throws Scott through a window. “Now that’s my guy.” Stupid scene.
Tom arrives back from the doctor, but he couldn’t go through with the vasectomy, since he doesn’t bring home the bacon and he’s a stay-at-home dad; he didn’t want the doctor to take out the last thing that makes him a man. Tom wants his irrational fears to be calmed if he’s going to calm Lynette’s, but Lynette wonders if that means that Tom is unahppy, and Tom is unhappy, but doesn’t seem to be sure what can be done about it. The recap doesn’t do justice for this scene, as it was this kind of drama that made me enjoy Season 1. Really, really good scene.
Bree arrives home with groceries and checks her answering machine, as Detective Barton did a background check on the asthmatic badass, whose name is Curtis Monroe, an ex-detective from Chicago. Bree rewinds that last part, and knows that part of Betty’s secret is out now.
Lynette treats her children’s chicken pox, and looks over at an angry Tom; Ralph looks at internet porn; Bree drinks and is implied to be an alcoholic; Susan hands over some lunch to Dr. Ron…
“I worked so hard all my life…so hard…now it’s all nothing…I got one daughter I hate, one who hates me and one dead before her time. No one left for me now. Oh, what did I do it for?”
A new nurse injects a new IV into the boss’ vein.
“That was good…I didn’t feel a thing. I have enough pain. I don’t need anymore.”
And it turns out the new nurse is none other than Martha Huber’s sister, Felicia.
