The RAW Events

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The RAW Events
— I’m back!!! Sorry about the no- show last week, but well you know, things come up every now and then. So on behalf of that I got Mark Neely to cover for me and just want to use the space up to give him a big THANKS on the job he did covering for me last Monday. And if you haven’t already, what are you waiting for!?!? Check his stuff out… now!!

— R- rated movie segment: Review of Edge winning the belt in a movie style teaser, even along with the deep ‘movie voice’. Pitching this Sunday at the Royal Rumble Title match.

Charlotte, NC.

Hosts: Joey Styles, King and The Coach

The MAIN Events

– Kane vs. Carlito
Grudge match from last week as Kane had thrown out Carlito out of the ring after he proclaimed no one backstage could. Match is mainly dominated from the get go by Kane until Carlito gets a swinging neck breaker to knock down the big man. DDT is attempted from the top rope but countered and Kane takes over the match once more. Tombstone is reversed into a backbreaker that nearly gets the cover. But choke slam is caught off the top rope, countered by a poke to the eye and match soon ends with a DQ with a chair shot after being bounced off by a big boot.
Winner: Kane (2)

– Trish and Ashley vs. Victoria and Candace Michelle w/ Torrie
And damn, is it me or is Candace Michelle looking more and more f*cking hotter every Monday? That girl has some of the best ring attire today. And just as that thought crosses my mind, the quadruplets make their way to the ring. And if you haven’t, you need to check out Ashley’s Maxim photos!!! Ashley actually does some decent stuff in the ring tonight until Trish comes in and cleans house, giving the tag to Ashley to get the flying cross-body for the pin. Mickey comes in to attack Ashley after the match.
Winner: Trish and Ashley (4)

– Shelton Benjamin vs. Shawn Michaels
Vince gives us a special bulletin announcing that if HBK loses the match against Shelton, that he will no longer be in the Rumble. Good match between the two as things go back and forth and even Shelton doing a little mimicry of Shawn as he does the flip-up off the mat, standing tall against HBK. And a big block from the top rope as Shelton tries to get the jump on Shawn as he tries the sweet chin but is reversed into a kick into the head from Shelton. Big mama stays ringside to give some moral support to her son as Shelton as usual puts up a good showing, but in the end unfortunately gets the wrong end of the roll-up to fold to Shawn. Long match, about over 20 minutes and easily the match of the night.
Winner: Shawn Michaels (1)

– Final Royal Rumble Qualifying Match: The Coach vs. Jerry “The King” Lawler
A train wreck waiting to happen. Hmm, since everybody was going against the Steelers this whole post-season (including myself) do I dare do the same here with Coach “Roethlisberger”? Cheerleaders come out (or is it yell leaders!?) Um when did this match turn gay!? Oh, haha… right. Air horn wins the match for the Coach. Yeah, I know… it doesn’t make much sense huh!? Don’t worry.
Winner: Coach (6)

– Royal Rumble “Second Chance” Over-the-top Qualifying Match: Lance Cade vs. Rob Conway vs. Gregory Helms vs. Big Show
Cade- Conway- Helms eliminated.
Winner: Big Show (5)

– John Cena & Ric Flair vs. Chris Masters & Edge
Wow, you know that you don’t have any friends and that the pole is short when you get Masters as your partner. And that’s WHY you didn’t think of him, Edge!!!! Damn, at least Cena got Flair. So… Masters + Main Event= Strike continues. And FU + STFU on Masters= Cena/ Flair victory.
Winner: John Cena & Ric Flair (3)

Quick HEAT

— After out err, movie trailer, Edge comes out with Lita, who almost chokes on her opening statement, HAHA! Edge gets on the mic and tells us that he’s a real champion and gets ratings and won’t go down as a “transitional” champion. And that he won’t lose it 16 times like Flair. He also lets us know that Flair isn’t here and won’t get another rematch as he must now go to the back of the line as a huge Flair chant starts up. And just as he lets us know he’ll be going back to his house with Lita, the Cena music hits off.

Cena congratulates Edge on the movie trailer. And tells us that Cena has actually seen the bootleg version of “To the Edge” and its about boy meets ho. Who’s a magical red-headed ho who helps the boy win the title and so on. And gets some “Ho” jokes in to boot. And tells Edge, that even though he’s standing next to a bitch, that at the Royal Rumble, he will make Edge his. Long intro promo, good one on the half of Edge.

— Edge backstage, warning Lita about his tag-team partner because he will probably need some “persuasion”. And they are right outside the Big Show’s locker room.

— Show is getting “persuaded” but it doesn’t fly as he gets rejected.

— Mickey is backstage with Trish, telling how she worships her and starts to breakdown crying in a very weird way as she finally “accepts” the way Trish feels.

— Coach (with the Steeler #7 Jersey) lets us all know that there is just one spot left in the Rumble, and that spot will go to… The Coach. And damn it, King puts his nose where it shouldn’t belong as he says Coach shouldn’t be in, but ask the crowd if the Rumble needs a little royalty and challenges Coach to a qualifying match. Yawn.

— Shelton’s Mama is cleaning up the locker room area. Shelton comes in and tells his mama that Shawn Michaels called him outside a Mama’s boy. But his mama can kick Shawn’s mama’s ass any day of the week.

— Edge tries to recruit HHH, but just gets the “I’ll think about it” which is a no.

— Vince shows up in Shawn’s locker room asking him when does he think his luck will run out. And finally HBK confronts why Vince has been riding him. And tells him just do what makes him happy, and Vince will. So what Vince will do to make him happy is that he’ll take the WWE back 10-20 years to the sex, drugs, and rock and roll era. And ask Shawn if he wants to join him back to the wild side. To which Shawn flat out replies “No” disappointing Vince in the process saying his luck will run out at the Royal Rumble.

— HHH lets Show know after his match that he won’t win the Rumble, nor will the other 29 participants. That is reserved for HHH alone. And declines Edge’s partner offer because he’s done taking charity cases and is done making new starts. Uh- ok, so first we already knew that he wasn’t helping others out. And two, when did he help make new stars? Didn’t he like bury Randy Orton and send him to Smackdown!?!?

— Edge worries about his partner until he gets one at the last minute. Wondering why he didn’t think of “him”, well there’s a reason for that.

RAW Analysis
— I don’t really know about tonight’s show… it was just kind of… there. If you recorded this show, be glad, there’s a lot of stuff you can press the forward button for. I even almost forgot that the Royal Rumble was going to be this weekend, so what does that tell you? The only good thing was to see them give Shelton and HBK the time in a long match, but doesn’t do much for Benjamin as they make him lay down AGAIN. What more does this guy have to do to get a big win!? You need to elevate this guy now. And how bout that Super Bowl XL!?! Seahawks vs. Steelers. Doesn’t have the sex appeal as some people will like it, but it’s a football game, and if it’s a close and good one, than really… I don’t care. I mean, a few years back Patriots vs. Rams, Patriots vs. Panthers anyone? Yeah, that didn’t have much “appeal” but they were some of the best Super Bowl’s in history. So here’s hoping for the best, which I’m sure it will be. Keep an eye out for my Super Bowl prediction next week! Till the next EVENT, I’m out, Peace!