WWE’s creative department has designed yet another inexplicable character, who seems to have been exported from the worst horror movie anyone has ever seen. Marty Wright was an actor, stuntman, and professional bodybuilder with a fabulous look, great intensity, and a desire to make it as a professional wrestler. He entered WWE’s Tough Enough competition in hopes of earning a contract with Vince McMahon’s empire. He made one fatal mistake, however. Mr. Wright attempted to shave 10 years off his actual age by claiming to be thirty years old, when his true age was forty.
TODAY’S ISSUE: The Boogeyman
Wright’s lie automatically disqualified him from further competition in Tough Enough, but he so impressed WWE personnel that he was offered a contract to train and wrestle in WWE’s farm system at Ohio Valley Wrestling. When then-head booker James E. Cornette dubbed Wright the “Boogeyman”, at least he gave some storyline rationale for the character’s motivation. Wright was painted as a man with a history of psychological problems, and his elimination from Tough Enough pushed him over the edge. Yes, it’s weak justification for such incredibly bizarre behavior, but it’s justification nonetheless.
Unfortunately, for anyone who does not live in the OVW area or scour the internet for inside information, when the Boogeyman debuted on SmackDown! in October of 2005, his over-the-top gimmick was quite the mystery. This mystery was never satisfactorily explained, either. “Network Executive” Palmer Canon claimed the Boogeyman was set to star in some other UPN television show, but when plans to produce that show were scrapped, he brought the Boogeyman to SmackDown! as part of his “New Talent Initiative”. It should be noted that this “NTI” was also the storyline excuse for Vince dusting off his fascination with midgets for a few weeks. Rather successful initiative, wouldn’t you say?
According to Canon’s convoluted logic, the Boogeyman should have been an actor playing a part. Up to this point, the character has not been developed that way, rather, WWE seems to want us to accept that he’s a truly scary, unique entity. This leads me to a few questions intended for WWE’s creative department:
1. What’s the significance of the over-sized alarm clock, and more specifically, of the Boogeyman breaking it over his head?
2. Is somebody eating worms supposed to strike fear into my very soul? It doesn’t. It’s odd, I’ll grant you that, but it doesn’t make me react with anything other than disgust.
3. Why does the Boogeyman shiver and shake all over? Do his gyrations seem intimidating to anyone?
4. Was the face paint concept inspired by the Star Wars character Darth Maul, by chance? Just curious…
5. Is the Boogeyman some sort of Voodoo warrior? He certainly seems to be inspired by a dull, unimaginative group of people’s stereotypical impressions of one who practices Voodoo.
6. Is the Boogeyman some sort of supernatural being, or is he a man suffering from severe psychosis or dementia? Why not give us viewers some sort of explanation for what we’re witnessing on your program, already? Am I just not supposed to wonder why this man acts the way he does week after week?
7. Do you think I’m too stupid to realize that all of the Boogeyman’s supposed “amazing” abilities, like appearing from thin air or suddenly conjuring a fistful of worms, are quite simple to accomplish on a television show that is TAPED? I have no idea what the live audience can see in the arena, but I can clearly discern when an edit has allowed something to appear “magical”. I almost feel bad for Cole and Tazz, who have to act as though something awe-inspiring has happened right before their eyes, when it’s obvious they watched Wright grab some worms from a bag or his pocket. You’ll notice that nothing of the sort would be attempted on a live program, like RAW.
8. What the Hell would make the Boogeyman want to eat Jillian Hall’s disgusting defect right off her face? Follow-up question: At what point did her “mole” turn into a “cancerous growth”? Michael Cole must have called it that 10 times during the Boogeyman’s “meal”. Also, why did it peel right off her face like a piece of Silly Putty, rather than tearing an opening and oozing blood and fluid? That was a pretty lazy job by the make-up folks, indeed.
I will say this for the Boogeyman’s mole-eating angle: at least it provides a storyline reason for the ridiculous mole to be gone from Hall’s otherwise flawless face, although you’d have though a plastic surgeon might have been up for the task as well. Why had she never sought one out?
9. Finally, hasn’t the professional wrestling business and its fan base matured beyond the point of this absurd nonsense? Why insult my intelligence? Rationally speaking, based upon the information SmackDown! viewers have at this time, there are only two explanations for this character. If the Boogeyman were some sort of mystical creature, perhaps the most-witnessed of his kind due to his weekly television exposure, why on Earth would he care about John Bradshaw Layfield and his image consultant anyway? Conversely, if he’s NOT an otherworldly being, that is to say, if he really is Marty Wight, a man suffering from intense mental illness, why not get him some professional help?
According to Wikipedia.org, the Bogeyman (or boogeyman, boogyman, or bogyman) is a “is a legendary ghost-like monster that children often believe is real”. I wonder if Marty Wright believes the Boogeyman is real? He’s certainly suffering a cruel and scary fate as an employee of World Wrestling Entertainment; perhaps his worst nightmare.
I wish to clarify that all the above complaints are directed at WWE’s creative department, since Wright himself has done a wonderful job playing his role. He’s been perfectly creepy and demented. He’s sucked on worms. He’s smashed dozens of clocks on his forehead. He’s recited nursery rhymes in the most disturbing way possible. He’s immersed himself in his assigned duties with zeal and professionalism. For that, I commend him. He must truly want to be a pro wrestler with all his heart and soul. Either that, or the man has absolutely NO self-respect or self-esteem, and I find that hard to believe for a former competitive bodybuilder and actor.
I assume poor Marty Wright has learned his lesson, and won’t ever lie about his age again. Poor bastard…
He’s the Boogeyman, and he’s coming to getcha’!
We now return you to your regularly scheduled reality.
p.s. – Why do you need two “L”s to write the name “Lloyd”, and why does “Aaron” need two “A”s?
