Previously, on Desperate Housewives: Gabrielle threatens bodily harm on a nun, Susan has a date with her doctor, and Danielle hits on Matthew Applewhite. Finally, Mama Solis is run over but Bree doesn’t call the police.
Edie is eating some apple pie as we reflect on some of the moments that Karl has tried to control the relationship, leading to Karl changing away from a war movie on the TV to football. Edie decides to slip on some barely-there underwear, seducing Karl into being tied up to the bed, and obviously leaving Karl with blue balls so Edie can put whipped cream on her pie and go back to the movie.
Matthew is trying to move Caleb into his new room–the guest bedroom up on the second floor. Betty wants to keep him down in the basement, to keep him from the Fosters, the police, and etc. Matthew gets snippy with Betty because he’s sharing the risk of getting discovered too.
Church time, as Carlos is bringing up babies again, wondering what kind of ballpark figure that we got for her wanting to have another baby after the miscarriage. But the pastor interrupts them both to welcome back Sister Mary Bernard. “Son of a bitch!” Nice.
Danielle is fooling around with Matthew as Bree arrives to give her her bookbag and then offers to take care of Danielle’s laundry. It’s not long before Bree discovers a hand under the bed. “Danielle, quick question: Is there a black man under your bed?” Matthew and Danielle are returned to Betty’s as Betty slaps the hell out of Matthew, apologizing to Bree and then announcing that the house is up for sale; they’re moving.
Lynette is having a rough time with work, so Tom offers to start up some coffee. Lynette wants Tom to go to bed, but Tom wants to help her out with the sales pitch, at which Lynette has nothing. Tom gives the pitch a few tries, and it hits Lynette to humanize some cows and have some celebrity cow spokespeople. Tom still has some rust with his pitch, however.
Susan is returning from her date with the doctor, and Susan is obviously trying to get him inside after the conclusion of the date. The doctor isn’t biting, unable to take a hint and making sure that they have their second date on the schedule. “Do I just repulse you?” Turns out it’s already been three dates and he’s been acting like a perfect gentleman. It’s not quite ethical until he stops treating her, so he does want to rip her clothes off. But the doctor decides against it and goes for a little unethical after all.
Sister Mary Bernard meets with Carlos in Mary’s car, as Gabrielle didn’t want her in the house. Carlos lets her know that Gabby’s jealous of her, and Mary noticed that Carlos was unhappy. She wants him to open up, and Carlos wants children so bad, despite Gabby’s miscarriage. Mary wonders if Gabby is just stalling, in which case he’s screwed. Unless, of course, he wants to annul his marriage with Gabrielle. “God helps those who helps themselves.” Wicked.
Lynette landed the account with the sales pitch, after rewriting some of Tom’s work. Actually, most of it. Tom believes that he’s onto something, when it turns out he had plenty of bad ideas.
The doctor wants to remove Susan’s spleen immediately since it has wandered near her liver. She’s nervous about being naked for the first time during surgery, but Susan’s wondering why the other nurse is so happy about it. “It’ll be his first!” Don’t tell HER that.
Carlos has been thinking about the whole baby, and is fine with waiting for as long as Gabby wants to wait, but he wants to know that it’s not a maybe, a promise to have kids. Maybe’s a big step for Gabrielle, but not for Carlos. Carlos shows her the annulment pamphlet, and Gabrielle knows immediately that Mary Bernard set him up to this. Gabrielle promises that it’s not over yet.
Lynette arrives home from work as they’re still looking for the new ad executive, as there’s not a lot of good ones out there. Tom throws his name in there, and Lynette immediately shoots that down. Tom got the juices flowing by working on the sales pitch, and he’s missing a real job. Lynette is trying to weasel her way out of this thing, claiming that Tom wouldn’t find it satisfying but Tom knows the truth and pitches a fit. Tom being angry is really good stuff.
After that ad exec interview, Ed lets Lynette know that they can’t hold out much longer, they have to hire someone this week. Tom is next on the schedule, as he’s going over Lynette’s head. Tom has been seething about losing the promotion, and wants to have a shot at the job. Lynette relucantly agrees. Ed is on board for Tom getting hired. Lynette and Tom are going to war with the interview, and Ed admits to liking Tom, and wants to hire Tom right now. Lynette, got any issues? She wants to call in a few references first.
Gabrielle arrives at church to take to Father Crowley, and she wants him to get rid of Sister Mary Bernard, starting with the love letters in prison, and them sneaking off to private bible studies and is now saying her name in his sleep. He wonders if she thinks they are having sex, just between them two and God. “Yeah, they’re having sex.” Carlos asked for an annulment…after confessing to having sex with Mary Bernard. Right. Gabrielle goes into confessional with a different Father, confessing to a lie.
Danielle is crying on her bed, telling Bree that her life is over so she’s jealous of her, determined to ruin her life. Danielle unleashes on Bree through tears, wanting Bree to make her happy, if she really can. Bree wants to order a pizza (canadian bacon, please).
Matthew comes back to the Applewhite home and immediately goes up the stairs. Caleb tells Betty the obvious, and then mentions that he thinks Danielle is pretty. Betty warns Caleb not to think about those kinds of things, and Caleb looks scared at even bringing it up. Betty tells Caleb to go up to his room, but warns that if she catches him looking at that Van De Kamp girl, she’s going to hit him twice as hard.
The doctor is struggling to cut his steak, making Susan obviously nervous about the surgery. He feels good about the surgery though, assuring her that she’ll be fine. She wants to make sure that he feels ready. He knows what he’s doing, but Susan is unsure and he wonders if she wants him to be her surgeon. She wants an experienced surgeon, so he kinda gets angry and storms off.
Lynette arrives home to find dinner ready with Tom, as Tom wonders if she checked on the references. She tried to abort it completely, so she’s not going to stand in the way now that Ed is going to hire him. “If you take this job, you are never allowed to bring up what happened before with your promotion.” Lynette wants Tom to forgive her for losing his promotion, and Tom already has. He vows not to throw that back in her face ever again.
Caleb is tearing at the newspapers on his window, watching as Bree walks up to Betty in front of the house. Betty doesn’t want Bree to worry about anything, but Bree suggests that they just chaperone Danielle and Matthew on dates. Bree catches Caleb watching, and then quickly takes her leave, making sure to call everyone about the Applewhites.
Carlos just got off the phone with Sister Mary, as she’s been transferred to an Alaskan parrish without being given a reason. Carlos is using the pamphlet as a bookmark in the Bible, and now has a migraine, as Gabrielle has the pamphlet now.
Susan has been waiting for three hours for Dr. Ron, and looks like she’s about to break up with him, but Dr. Ron sent flowers, champagne and an apology note two hours ago. They make up sans the kissing.
Danielle wants Matthew to ask for help, and wants to know his secrets since Bree’s family has their share of secrets as well. Matthew eventually agrees, on the condition Danielle goes first.
Gabrielle came to say goodbye to Sister Mary Bernard, and she realizes Gabrielle’s motives now, but thinks that Carlos will do what he wants as the problems aren’t going away anytime soon. True, but at least Mary is. Mary flings something at Gabrielle, and the war is on. Gabby slaps Mary something fierce, and Mary pulls on Gabrielle’s hair as Gabby beats her off with her purse. Catholic school kids look on as Mary Bernard catches fire on the candles by the pews, and Gabrielle puts her out with a shawl. Mary is more than okay after almost getting burned, biting Gabrielle as they roll around on the floor. One of the Fathers break up the fight.
Gabrielle arrives home as Carlos greets her to fight with her, but Carlos needs to have a child, and Gabrielle wants her to be assured by Carlos that they’ll be together forever. She wants to move on with her life, so Carlos has to choose between a baby or Gabrielle. Carlos chooses her, of course. So Gabrielle decides that she wants to have a baby with him. Hooray.
Betty is here before the ladies’ poker night. Betty wants to have a chat with her before she does something foolish. Bree doesn’t know what she means, as Betty announces Caleb as her other son, and then springs the blackmail trap on Bree about Mama Solis’ death. “We’re going to be great friends, Bree. We have so much in common.” Here come the ladies to the front door, and Bree is in shock. Bree invites them in and Edie wants them to spill it. Turns out Betty is quite the poker player. Right?
