The first meaning in the teaser should be credited to Dictionary.com, also.
You know what I just realised? That kid from the Bomfunk MC “Freestyler” song, was really cute.
Let’s get this baby started shall we? The Power Is Back, and “everyone all over the world is watching”. Velocity opening video, and we open to Velocity to see Bobby Lashley making his way on out!
Opening Contest: Bobby Lashley verses Brad Attitude.
Ouch. Lashley’s career has fallen, hasnt it? Two times on Velocity. Lock up and Attitude tries to get some offence in, but Lashley boots him down. Belly to Belly overhead by Lashley. T-Bone Supplex by Lashley. Standing Supplex has Attitude in the air for nearly a minute, before Lashley slams him down. Spear by Lashley! And Lashley begins signalling for the Dominator! Dominator by Lashley. One. Two. Three. And we have a victory.
Winner : Bobby Lashley.
A quick squash to open Velocity this week. Nothing special, but for those who really like Bobby Lashley, then you’ll watch anyways. 0 out of 10.
Still to come tonight : Cruiser Weight CHampion Kid Kash teams with JAMIE NOBLE to take on Paul London and Brian Kendrick. Sweet. Also, we have a recap of Randy Orton verses Chris Benoit from SmackDown coming up!
Commercials. “History Through The Lens” looks pretty interesting.
Our Royal Rumble Flashback today is Chris Benoit winning the Royal Rumble. Same one as SmackDown. We get a clip of Benoit verses Orton from SmackDown. In my recap of SmackDown, I decided to give this ten out of ten for SmackDown standards.
Commercials. Let the damned Rumblus begin all bloody ready!
Of all matches to recap, we get the Three Way Tag Match from SmackDown, where the Mexicools advance into the Royal Rumble. Serenity will be out on UMD and DVD soon! Cool, huh? I should note, we’re currently twenty minutes into Velocity. And if I’m not mistaken, we also got the entire match. Ugh.
Commercials. Twenty minures and three commercial breaks. Great.
And we’re back to a commercial between Kristal between Kid Kash! Oh! Open Invitational Match added with Kid Kash defending against all commers.
Second Contest: The Gymini with Simon Dean verses Jason Jones and Dickie Moore . . . Or Dippie.
Dean gets on the microphone before hand, and offers the oppoents are protein bar to help them verses The Gymini. The Gymini beat up the jobbers, ramming them against each other in slams. Gymini One nails a elbow drop to Moore and chokes him up against the ropes. Tag out to G2, who bring Moore back in a body press flip. Tag out to G1; clubs to Moore. Tag out to G2; beating up Moore some more. Moore tags out to Jones, who gets SOME offence in, but G2 nails a neckbreaker. Tag out to G1. Gymini throws up Jones into the air and drop him down for the victory. Like, seriously, THROW him in the air!
Winners : The Gymini
0 out of 10. Second match in a row that’s gotten 0 out of 10. What a shining night of glory for Velocity, isn’t it?
Commercials. Fourth in half an hour.
Recap of the Handicap Match that Main Evented Smack Down. The Deadly Roll Of Quarters. Ever so deadly. Makes me want to laugh and cry at the same time, that it’s considered a serious weapon. It’s not even corny, like Moppy, it’s just lame and stupid in the bad way.
We then get the Mexico video from SmackDown. This episode today is so close to a recap episode that it’s not funny.
Main Event: Paul London and Brian Kendrick verses JAMIE NOBLE and Kid Kash
Man I hate Kendrick and London’s masks; but they’re a great team. Matthews loves anything to do with masks . . . Tosser. Noble doesn’t even get his own entrance. Damnit. Kendrick begins it with Noble. Lock up, Noble with a knee and elbow to Kendrick. Kendrick fights off with elbows, but Noble gets the better of Kendrick. Sends Kendrick into his corner and tags out to Kash. Kash with stomps on Kendrick, a punch and some knees to Kendrick, takes Kendrick to the corner and continues taking it to Kendrick. Tag out to Noble. Noble takes it to the corner, but Kendrick gets some offence in. Tag out to London, secretly. Hip toss on Noble by Kendrick, who hip tosses London onto Noble. Double team hip toss on Kash. Kendrick elevates London into a double dropkick on Noble and Kash. Double body splash on Noble and Kash by London and Kendrick. In the ring, London takes it to Noble with a knee for two. Snap supplex for a one count. Noble with a slap to London’s chest in the corner, before taking the match back to a brawl. London with an elbow, and Kendrick nails a punch to Noble. London prepares to go aerial, but Kash pushes him off the top rope.
Commercials.
And we’re back to see London fighting with Noble. Noble takes down London with an elbow and drags him to his corner. Tag out to Kash. Leg drop for a two count. Head slams onto the canvas by Kash, kicks to the chest and backs, stomp to the head for two. Tag out to Noble. Leg drops by Noble for a two count. Noble locks on the Camel Clutch but London powers out of it and but gets a drop toe hold by Noble. Kash in and takes it to London by stretching the face of him. Tag out to Noble. Scoop slam by London, elbow drop for a two count. “Kid Kash Sucks” chant breaks out. Headlock variation on London, the referee is with Kash while London tags out to Kendrick! The referee argues with Kendrick while Kash replaces Noble. Slap to London’s chest, but London takes a few swings and an elbow. Kash nails an atomic splash, tag out to Noble. London tags out to Kendrick! Kendrick fights off Noble and Kash with elbows and dropkicks while the announcers simply talk Kurt Angle verses Mark Henry. Powerslam by Noble. Double team attempted on Kendrick, Kash out of the ring and Kendrick takes Noble down with a Cross Body Pinfall for one count, with the aid of a Dropkick by London. Kendrick on the apron; Noble goes for a spear to Kendrick, but Kendrick leapfrogs over him and Noble goes to the outside! Kash comes in, takes out Kendrick with the cast on his wrist; Noble comes in, puts Kendrick in the Dragon Sleeper for the victory!
Winners : Kid Kash and Jamie Noble
For Velocity standards, this was a nearly 20 minute match, and about 9 out of 10 should suffice.
Which makes Saturday the 28th of Janurary Velocity . . .
Bobby Lashley verses Brad Attitude : 0 / 10
The Gymini verses Jason Jones and Dickie Moore : 0 / 10
Kid Kash and Jamie Noble verses Paul London and Brian Kendrick: 9 / 10
Velocity 28th Janurary: 9 / 30
OUCH! Well, that makes it official, Velocity sucks. This was worse than Russel Crowe Fighting Around The World . . .Ugh, Ciao Yáll.
