Sorry for the delay but I’ve not been too well recently. Still I’m fighting back with Smack YOU this week
We’re in Greenville South Carolina
You’re hosts are Tazz and Cole
Rey Mysterio Vs Mark Henry w/ Daivari
Rey wastes no time going after Henry by knocking him off the apron and going to the knees but he runs into what I guess was meant to be a lariat and is knocked down. Henry slowly and boringly goes after Rey but misses a butt splash and Rey does what he can to Henry. Henry counters a Tornado DDT by throwing Rey down and punching him outside. God Mark Henry is SO boring! Henry gets a hard Irish Whip, well really he half heartedly pushes Rey into the corner who runs really fast to actually make it look like an offensive manoeuvre. Press Slam by Henry and some choking as he continues to bore. Rey attempts to fight back but gets clubbed down and sent outside. Rey hides behind the steps but then goes under the ring and gets a move off the apron onto Henry and a ring post assisted 619. Rey is so cool. Rey drops the dime but Henry refuses to sell it so Rey gets some running dropkicks on the mat and a BEAUTY of a moonsault as Henry kicks out a ONE. ONE! Fuck you Mark Henry could a fat useless waste of space like you do that? Rey gets the 619 but gets caught on a springboard and beaten with Henry’s lame slam thing
WINNER – THE WORLD’S MOST BORING MAN
½* – For some of Rey’s stuff as he did not just all the work for two men but 25 men in this one as Henry was THAT boring and lazy.
Matt Hardy hypes up the Rumble and he says that he may be the underdog to win but he likes that as it drives him to succeed.
Randy Orton is backstage and Booker comes in and at this point my sister distracts me to explain how she was sick last night. Anyway Randy says that if Booker and Randy are the last two in the Rumble he might call on the favour Booker owes him.
Royal Rumble Qualifier – Winning team enters match
The Mexicools Vs The FBI Vs The Dicks
We go to a commercial prior to the match and come back with The Mexicools working over The Dicks. Psicosis gets jumped by Vito and takes a pounding in the FBI corner. Double clothesline gets two for Nunzio and Vito gets a camel clutch. Psicosis finally makes the tag to Super Crazy who’s a house en fuego. It all breaks loose with everyone hitting big moves and such before Nunzio gets double teamed by The Mexicools for the three count
WINNERS – THE MEXICOOLS
* – Not bad
No Holds Barred
Chris Fucking Benoit Vs Randy Orton
Lock up to start and Randy goes to a waist lock but Benoit turns that into a top wrist lock but Orton turns that into a side headlock. Orton knocks Benoit down and fights off a German Suplex by bailing as we go to a commercial
Commercial
We’re back with both guys fighting over a hold on the mat. I love that about these two wrestling it always looks like a realistic struggle and more legitimate. Benoit gets a stinger of a chop in and then a series of them all with extra mustard. Another lock up leads to a series of forearms that Orton wins by knocking Benoit outside. They make their way over to the announce table and trade strikes as Orton sends Benoit spine first into the ring apron for a two count. Orton goes to a chin lock and Benoit sells it like his head has been jammed in a car door. Chris Benoit is awesome. Orton sends Benoit outside again with a dropkick and grabs a trashcan lid and smashes Benoit across the upper back. Got to love the classics. That’s how George Hackenshmit won his first world title you know. Benoit gets a drop toe hold on the floor and then rams Orton face first into the ring steps. Benoit stays on Orton and sends him over the announce table where he goes to town with some chops but before he can buy an apartment Orton gets a thumb to the eyes and slams him face first onto the table for two. Back inside Orton gets some knee drops for two before going back to the chin lock but Benoit wriggles out but then gets locked in another one. Orton gets a chair from under the ring but Benoit dodges it and attempts the Sharpshooter. Orton kicks him off and gets a knee drop to the sternum for two. Orton gets a rear naked choke but Benoit powers out of it with a Northern Lights Suplex. Back outside we go for some more brawling and they make their way down the ramp but then back into the ring where Benoit takes the upper hand. Benoit gets the Three Amigos and emulates Eddie’s taunt. Benoit puts Orton on the top turnbuckle and gets some more chops before getting a super duper plex and both guys are down. Benoit tries for the cross face but Orton fights it and both men tumble outside. Orton picks up a trashcan and annihilates Benoit with it as we go to a commercial
Commercial
We’re back with Orton going back to the chin lock but Benoit fights out of it with some chops but Orton gets the O-Breaker and pounds away on Benoit. Outside we go again and Orton removes the mats exposing the concrete and goes for a Power Bomb but Benoit backdrops him onto the concrete and grabs a chair. Orton dodges a chair shot and gets a boot to the gut but he takes three German’s for his trouble and Benoit heads up for a Swandive but Orton blocks it with the trashcan lid and preps for the RKO. Benoit counters with a trashcan lid shot and then goes to the cross face for the submission win
WINNER – CHRIS BENOIT
***1/2 – Mucho Awesome Senior
Road Warrior Animal is backstage and he says The Royal Rumble is the one match he’s never won and he wants to go to Wrestlemania
Finlay Vs Funaki
What Finlay did last week to Matt Hardy was pretty funny on some levels. He looks great too. Finlay beats the crap out of Funaki with his usual array of stiff strikes. Finlay drives Funaki’s fingers into the mat in a very painful looking move. Funaki gets an enzuiguri and an inverted atomic drop but he gets thrown off the top rope and takes a weird Samoan Drop move and that’s all
WINNER – FINLAY
½* – Just a squash. Finlay still has the bad ass Irish groove going. However. Following a post match beat down the ref reverses his decision and awards it to Funaki. Finlay goes on a big rant about how American’s are softies and he just wants to fight. He does his finisher again just to accentuate his point.
JBL is backstage with Jillian telling her not to be afraid of The Boogeyman as he’ll protect her. Yeah right.
Lashley says he will destroy everyone in the Rumble and win the title at Wrestlemania
JBL w/ Jillian Hall Vs Scotty 2 Hotty
JBL pounds away to start but Scotty gets a couple of moves in before running into a big boot. Scotty gets a super kick and goes for the Worm but he gets the crap Lariated out of him and that’s the cue for Boogeyman as worms start falling from the ceiling. Boogeyman finally shows up and the shock causes JBL to fall onto the worms and he can’t get up. Oh the hilarity.
Melina comes in to Teddy Longs office and says that she doesn’t feel Teddy has her safety at heart and puts him on notice that he’s got two strikes against him already.
Daivari is with Mark Henry and I ignore his promo as I have no interest in watching him.
Champion Vs Champions
Kurt Freakin’ Angle Vs MNM w/ Melina
Dear lord Melina is looking finer than fine this week. Melina is selling the ankle so she can’t do her entrance. That bastard Kurt Angle. The announcers try and twist that the fans chant “You Suck” at Kurt’s opponents these days rather than him. Angle and Mercury do some nice wrestling and Angle goes to a front face lock and works the neck. Nitro comes in and has his arm taken apart and slaps Kurt so Kurt beats him senseless but a Melina causes a distraction and Mercury gets a well placed cheap shot in. Angle gets worked over for a while but blocks the Snap Shot and mounts a comeback. Angle pounds on Nitro as Melina gives Mercury something outside the ring. Melina causes another distraction and Mercury nails Angle with the weapon for two. Angle gets The Angle Slam on Mercury and suplexes Nitro over the top and it’s Ankle Lock time on Mercury who sings like a canary to give Angle the win
WINNER – KURT ANGLE
** – Post match Mark Henry runs down and gets Angle Slammed and Ankle Locked but he no sells it. Wow that SO makes me want to see the match now.
