Summertime Blues, News, and Views: Rant Rant Rant Rant

I’m going to say one thing off-topic and be done with it: moving 300 miles is a pain in the ass.

Alice in Musicland

From the AP:

Three members of the rock band Live were aboard a United Airlines Express plane that made an emergency landing at O’Hare International Airport after reports of smoke in the plane’s cabin.

The flight from Chicago to Harrisburg, Pa., on Sunday afternoon was carrying 37 passengers and three crew members. The plane returned to O’Hare about 40 minutes after its 1 p.m. takeoff, said United spokesman Jeff Green. It landed safely, and there were no reports of injuries, he said.

Passengers who arrived at Harrisburg International Airport said they were not told the nature of the problem that forced the landing.

“No one knew anything,” Chad Taylor, Live’s lead guitarist, told The Patriot-News of Harrisburg.

Taylor, bassist Patrick Dahlheimer, rhythm guitarist Adam Kowalczyk, assistant manager Matt Gracey and road crew member Shawn Williams were returning to Pennsylvania after a show Saturday night in Winnipeg, Manitoba.

OMG NO NOT LIVE

Y’all should be used to my format by now: stupid news item, rant about musician or band. This will be no different.

Here’s a band, Live. They were tiny, they were modern rock, they had their own thing going. Then out of nowhere they had a spitfire of hit singles from the album Throwing Copper including “I Alone” and “Lightning Crashes.” After that? Well, they didn’t do so well. They were still around and still selling some records, but the real commercial success was done. Chalk it up to the death of the grunge movement once and for all, or chalk it up to them sucking, whatever.

Live always sort of amused me. It was their previous release, Mental Jewelry, that one of my friends adored prior to Throwing Copper‘s big break. I didn’t really like them then, although I have to admit I found “I Alone” pretty dern catchy. “Lightning Crashes,” on the other hand, reeks of REM ripoffism to an extreme so far off the charts that I can’t believe it hasn’t been pointed out more often. Oh yeah, and a terrible ripoff at that. Just a bad, bad song. Yet it was everywhere, people were eating it up. Did they even listen to the lyrics? Was I the only one to catch the line, “the placenta falls to the floor”? What the hell is that? Were they trying to outdo the REM video where the guy sticks his finger in the other guy’s wound? I don’t want to hear about placentas and I’m a girl, for crying out loud. No placenta songs. NONE. I could have lived my whole life without hearing one, but no, Live had to ruin it. Thanks a lot, guys.

Then they made a song about dolphins. I hope they’re not wondering why they’re no longer hitmakers.

This one from Reuters:

KARACHI (Reuters) – Canadian rocker Bryan Adams thrilled 10,000 fans at a concert in Karachi on Sunday, the first big show by a Western singer in Pakistan in decades, to help students affected by country’s October 8 earthquake.

Adams, who performed most of his hits and moved the audience with “Summer of 69,” said he was glad to discover new fans in Pakistan.

“I am here because this city has a special love for music,” the singer greeted his fans at the Arabian Sea Club on the outskirts of Karachi, as hundreds of Pakistani police guarded roads and checked vehicles leading to the venue.

The Canadian rocker said before the show that he was excited to help the victims of the earthquake in northern Pakistan.

“The whole idea of coming to Pakistan is very exciting on many levels … we are the first Western artists to come and play a big concert here,” he singer told a news conference.

“We are going to raise a lot of money hopefully to help rebuild some schools in the areas that have been devastated.”

Over 17,000 of the more than 73,000 killed in the quake were children who died in schools destroyed in the quake. About 3 million people were left homeless by the disaster.

Wow. I forgot all about that earthquake. I’ll bet 90% of people reading this forgot about it, too. You know why? Stupid media caring more that Michael Jackson went out shopping than the fact that our allies in Pakistan got shaken and stirred.

But one man remembered. One brave, kind-hearted man. That man, my friends, is Bryan Adams.

I really can’t mock the guy too much, to be honest, aside from his eternal wimpiness and love for the Canadian Tuxedo. “Summer of ’69” was a great song, although I don’t think you could get me to say the same for “The Only Thing That Looks Good On Me Is You.” Ever think of retirement, buddy? Or just becoming a nostalgia act without creating this silly foul garbage?

But I’m getting off topic, attacking poor Mr. Adams who is only trying to do some good in this world. Hooray for Bryan the philanthropist. I hope this new title serves him well. Or, as my cynical nature would indicate, I hope this stunt gives him publicity he so desired to sell more records.

One more from our favorite reporting service overseas at Reuters:

NEW YORK (Billboard) – Peter Gabriel’s “Big Time” has become the official theme of World Wrestling Entertainment’s upcoming “WrestleMania 22,” nearly 20 years after the song hit the top 10 in the United States.

The tune is heard in TV and online spots for the annual live and pay-per-view extravaganza. The ads began airing earlier this month and will continue through April 2, when “WrestleMania 22” touches down at the Allstate Arena in Chicago.

WWE fans logging on to http://wwe.com/shows/wrestlemania are able to stream “Big Time” — the song and its accompanying video. The site also spotlights Gabriel’s best-of CD (“Hit”) and DVD (“Play”) collections.

By the way, “WrestleMania 22” is already sold out. Those without tickets will have to settle for the next best thing: pay-per-view.

I’m really confused. For the last umpteen years, Vince McMahon has secured new songs from up-and-coming artists, mostly hard rock, to compliment the power and energy in his product. And now he’s busting out “Big Time”?

Thanks to the WWE, my mother fell in love with Drowning Pool and allowed me to write a very entertaining column about it. She wants bodies hitting the floor, not half-satire british noodliness from a gizillion years ago.

I guess we should be happy it’s not something from Starship or Hall & Oates, but come on. I really do not understand the logic behind this move. One can infer, by the use of this song, that either the product is not fresh or the biggest show of the year is best represented by a happy fluffy little pop ditty. Okay, I guess we can be happy that Vince himself didn’t decide to write and sing a song for the event, but wow. One step forward, two steps back.

C’mon, Vince. Silvertide and Nickel Creek are just waiting for your call.

My Opinion Here

I’ve talked about him before but a recent discussion made me want to revisit the issue. That issue, my friends, is Michael Jackson.

I loved Off the Wall. Thriller was alright, too. And most of Bad was acceptable. Then, things went wrong. We’re all aware of this. Many of us have probably seen my favorite all-time TV movie, The Jacksons: An American Dream. With that, we know that Mikeypoo didn’t exactly have the most normal of childhoods and was kind of screwed up from the time he was a tot. Exposition, yes, we know.

Now, I troll news sites for music news for this column on a regular basis and to keep up with the world in general. I have to say, I’m utterly horrified by recent headlines about Michael Jackson. MJ goes shopping. MJ wears a robe. MJ visits a friend in Germany. MJ hangs out with some dude, ate a pancake, scratched his left arm.

WHY IS THIS NEWS? Madonna is just as big of a star and we don’t hear this crap about her. Hell, she was barely even a blip on the news radar when she fell off of a horse and broke a few bones. The president doesn’t even get this close of scrutiny. What’s more, Michael Jackson isn’t in the United States at all anymore. By all rights and means, this should be our ticket to not caring anymore. Yet, still we obsess.

We all know the guy is f*cked up. But really, there are plenty of entertaining screwballs in this world who aren’t celebrities. You don’t see headlines about the crazy black guy in my town who calls himself Huey Lewis as he’s standing in the middle of intersections singing gospel music, but it sure as hell is more interesting than Michael Jackson playing in the park with his kids. If I wanted to know what freaks are doing every moment of their waking day, I would just step outside and watch.

At this point, yes: we all know he’s weird. We all know he puts his kids in robes or masks and that he doesn’t behave like the majority of humanity. Can we please get over it now? Until he gets called out for being a child-toucher again, there’s really no reason to pay attention. Or, at least, what is more worthy of attention is him losing his Neverland Ranch and the fact that he’s flat-ass broke. He’s also going to start designing amusement parks. Good for him! I mean, he’s out of our country, he’s working a humdrum job, he’s out of our hair. So why do we insist on keeping him in the limelight?

Maybe we’re freaks for watching. Hmmm?

The Rad Ones

Damn my Internet connection… just read my fellow music compadres, alright? We’ve got Aaron Cameron getting ready to leave and Mike Eagle writing about something offbeat and hip-hoppy. Fernandez might be snoring in a gutter somewhere, but that’s no excuse to skip the other columnists.

And also, the culture section. I don’t even know who is still keeping up over there, but I have a picture of myself wearing Lucard’s Pikachu poncho so I needed an excuse to post it.

Do not neglect our fine movies section either, as these guys bust their humps trying to please you people. Yet you are never pleased! NEVER! What will it take? Free candy? I’ll pass along the memo, you can hold out your hands whenever you’re ready.

There’s more stuff on the rest of the site. When you have time, browse. Seriously, you’ll find other people to adore other than myself.

Outro

This column feels way too short. Probably because it is. I’ve got MySpace bands up the wazoo itching for me to review them. Give me two weeks, guys! I’ll have broadband again! Ever try streaming that stuff with a dialup connection? You might as well start writing your own music, learning how to play the instruments, and record it yourself before you’ll ever hear the damned stream.

Anyway. My dear significant other gifted upon me a lovely turntable this last holiday season. Before leaving town, I decided to hit the used record shop. And holy wow, I went nuts — spending less than $50, I came home with:

Missing Persons Spring Session M
Samantha Fox
Wham! Make It Big
Scritti Politti Cupid & Psyche 85
Mr. Mister Welcome To the Real World
Howard Jones Dream Into Action
Sheena Easton A Private Heaven
Phil Collins Face Value
Phil Collins No Jacket Required
Pat Benetar Precious Time
The Dream Academy
Siouxsie & the Banchees Hyaena

Not bad, eh? Every one of those discs (perhaps aside from the last) has at least one major ’80s hit within. Everything from “Sugar Walls” to “No One Is To Blame.” I’m such a happy little girl. And look at the Phil Collins score! You knew I couldn’t let those go. I think I paid $2 apiece for them, too. Man, people don’t realize what sort of gold they’ve got on their hands when it comes to Mr. Awesomeness Phil Collins.

Moving will rule even if just for being able to listen to these bad boys. Of course I have them in digital form, but that doesn’t compare to the crackle. The sweet, sweet crackle…

Do you hear me? Do you care?

–gloomchen