In much the same way that Thanksgiving marks the beginning of the Christmas season in many retail stores, the Royal Rumble is the WWE’s “official” kick-off to the WrestleMania season. With a guaranteed slot in a WrestleMania world championship main event hanging in the balance, the Royal Rumble is a very important event for storyline purposes.
TODAY’S ISSUE: My take on the 2006 Royal Rumble pay-per-view.
I haven’t paid to see a pay-per-view wrestling event live in months. I attended WrestleMania 21 in April of last year, but the last time I ordered a ppv and watched it at home was long before that. I thought this year’s Rumble might be a good time to give WWE $35.00, especially considering the NFL’s dead week. Plus, the day before the Rumble was my 34th birthday, so the ppv was a little present from me, to me. Did I get my money’s worth? Let’s find out…
1. Cruiserweight Championship Invitational match: I appreciated the effort the company made to get these solid workers to the pay window by including them on the card. Having Gregory Helms as the surprise entrant (he was authorized as a former Cruiserweight Champ) made perfect sense, and his title victory seemed to be a step in the right direction for the former Hurricane, booking wise. On RAW the night after the Rumble, I was hoping for some clarification about his status, and the status of the Cruiserweight Championship (since Helms is on RAW, but the title is attached to SmackDown! at the moment), but none was forthcoming. I assume Helms will simply be traded to the Friday night show, since that’s where all the other cruisers are assigned. It’s interesting to note that Helms is the second RAW guy to show up in a SmackDown! match and win one of their titles. Kurt Angle did that exact same thing, not 3 weeks ago.
NOTE: Watching Vince McMahon mack on the Tantalizing Trio made me throw up in my mouth a little.
2. Chick match: Don’t care. As much as I believe there could be a legitimate women’s division, this ain’t it.
3. JBL versus the Boogeyman: Anyone who read last week’s column knows I can’t stand the Boogeyman character, and this terrible match didn’t help. An esteemed colleague of mine from another site explained away the bulk of my Boogeyman column by simply stating that the Boogeyman is nothing more than a crazy nut. He’s a kooky whack-job, pure and simple. There’s nothing mystical or unusual about him. But if that’s the case, why on Earth is JBL so afraid of him? I’m also wondering how the longest reigning heavyweight champion SmackDown! has seen in the era of the brand extension could possibly have been beaten with a pump-handle slam, and a poorly executed one at that. JBL has survived some brutal battles in the past 18 months, but he wasn’t able to withstand the awesome might of the Boogeyman. How odd…
4. The Royal Rumble match: I was surprised to see this match on the card before both heavyweight title matches. That’s not the respect I think the match deserves, considering it’s one of the more exciting and pivotal matches in the WWE’s calendar year. I felt the two secondary champions were both made to look very weak in the match, without any good reason. Intercontinental Champion Ric Flair got the better of HHH briefly, but was out of the match before even getting settled in. United States Champion Booker T, sporting his old Harlem Heat tights, was unceremoniously dumped almost the moment he got into the ring. I see no reason why each champion couldn’t have lasted for a few entrants before being eliminated.
The Rumble match is often an opportunity to bring back former members of the roster, or to return injured personnel back to active competition. I was thrilled to see RVD back in action, but I was less exuberant about seeing Eugene, Goldust and Tatanka in the match. Based on the next night’s episode of RAW, it seems Goldust will stick around to stink up the joint a little longer than just one night. Speaking of stinking up the joint, with all the talented professional wrestlers in the world, why did they waste one of 30 coveted spots in the Rumble match by giving it to the Coach?
I quickly recognized the story of Rey Mysterio and HHH, the two initial competitors in the match, surviving to the end. However, if Mysterio was going to win anyway, why not book Rey and HHH as the last two survivors in the match, rather than having HHH eliminated second-to-last, leaving Mysterio and Randy Orton as the final two men? I know, certain insiders are already saying that this will pave the way for Orton to take the WrestleMania title shot away from Mysterio at the No Way Out ppv in February, but I still think having Rey and HHH start AND finish the match makes a better story.
Here’s my two cents regarding the gigantic debate about Mysterio’s victory: Mysterio won the match. Whether he won it as a tribute to Eddie, or because the company is finally prepared to get behind Rey in a true main event program is not my concern. The one thing I do care about is, if the man who wins the Royal Rumble match does NOT go on to the main event at WrestleMania, then it was false advertising all along, and I’ve been duped out of my $35.00. The entire hook of the Royal Rumble ppv is that a major piece of the WrestleMania puzzle is put into place. Supposedly one-half of the main event of arguably the biggest wrestling spectacular of the year is revealed after this one match. At least, that’s what the commercials all indicated.
As a fan and a paying customer, I don’t appreciate the bait-and-switch tactic involved in such a booking decision, and I hope they don’t take the title shot away from Mysterio. There are plenty of other opportunities for the company to rally around Rey and honor the fallen warrior Eddie Guerrero. Granting Mysterio a huge storyline opportunity just because it made a tear-jerking Hallmark moment, then taking that opportunity away and giving it to the man they always intended it for is not good business. If Mysterio does lose his
As for somebody unexpected winning the match, I thought WWE hit a homerun. If they do take it away from Mysterio, then they were out of the batter’s box when they hit the homerun, so that’s an out instead. We’ll see what happens next.
5. WWE Championship match, Edge defending against John Cena: Once Cena tricked out his ring entrance like he was being featured on “Pimp My Ride”, the writing was on the wall for the Rated R Superstar. If you want to see a textbook example of how to book a wrestler to look weak, try this one on for size. Edge earned a shot at the champ whenever he wanted by winning the “Money-In-The-Bank” Ladder Match at WrestleMania 21, as long as he utilized it before WrestleMania 22. Waiting almost 10 months, Edge seized the exact perfect opportunity to cash in that privilege, and ripped the bling-belt from Cena moments after Cena survived a grueling Elimination Chamber match at New Year’s Revolution just weeks earlier. In Cena’s first attempt to reclaim the title from Edge, he made Edge submit in the middle of the ring. The message WWE sent to us fans is this: Edge is only able to win the big one when it’s totally unexpected, and when his opponent is battered and bloodied from a devastating match. When Cena is prepared and not already injured, not only can Edge not hang with Cena, but Edge is Cena’s bitch. He didn’t even lose the title back to Cena in a particularly long or punishing match. What then, was the purpose of Edge’s title reign in the first place? As far as I’m concerned, Edge has been booked into oblivion in these three weeks, and he would have been better off with no championship run instead. I can’t fathom WWE’s thinking on this one.
6. World Heavyweight Championship match, Kurt Angle defending against Mark Henry: From the moment Hark Henry became the number one contender, I’ve been waking up in cold sweats, hearing Michael Cole’s voice in my head, “The World’s Strongest Man is now the World’s Heavyweight Champion!” I thank all that is holy Kurt Angle turned away the challenge of his former Olympic teammate. I was screaming for Angle to cheat as blatantly and as often as required, just so he left Miami with the big gold belt. Hopefully Henry will find his way back to the mid-card as soon as possible.
The Undertaker’s magic show just after Angle’s successful title defense was certainly interesting. I’m once again left wondering, does WWE’s creative department believe that I think of Undertaker as a magical being with supernatural powers? How exactly does he have the power to shoot lightning bolts from his fingertips and destroy the ring with the force of darkness, yet wrestling holds can still hurt him? I have one word for WWE creative, and it’s a word I hate to use: WHATEVER.
My last question about the show is this: why did Hacksaw Jim Duggan need his shirt off while he made his little statement to Lita? That was NOT necessary…
Overall, I’d say the show was good when I was hoping for very good. It was mildly entertaining when I was hoping for very exciting, and the final grade will, unfortunately, be based upon whether or not the results of the Rumble match stand. I’m reserving judgment on the event as a whole until I know if Mysterio’s victory will actually “hold up in court”.
We now return you to your regularly scheduled reality.
p.s. – Why do people give YOU gifts on your birthday? Wasn’t Mom the one who did all the work?
