Tonight may seemed a bit rushed, but I’m needing my sleep.
Royal Rumble recap; makes Taker look all mystical and all that jazz. SmackDown Opening Vignette; and we open up live . . ish, from the same arena that RAW was at. This is one thing that’s always annoyed me re : double tapings, that it’s ALWAYS the RAW entrance set. Bastards.
Tonight we’ve got Kurt Angle and Rey Mysterio verses Mark Henry and Randy Orton, AND Chris Benoit verses Booker T once and for all in a United States Title Match!
Theodore Long comes on out, being the old wrinkly playa that he is. Cough. Officially announces Taker Vs Angle at No Way Out for the Title. Brings out ‘the ultimate underdog’, and the first ever entrant to win having started at Number 2, Rey Mysterio. Mysterio, again, comes out in that damned car. Rey thanks Eddie. Ugh, this milkage is making me sick. Thankfully, Randy Orton comes on out. Say what you will about Orton, but I’m a massive fan of his. Orton’s voice sounds a bit off tonight, actually, like he has a cold. Orton does the usual “you don’t belong in this position” BS, and cuts a rather bland promo. They talk about Devine Intervention. Orton challenges Mysterio for his Main Event spot at WrestleMania. And the “extremely controversial” comments about Eddie are, summed up, Randy telling Rey that Eddie’s in hell. Oh for crying out loud, they could have done SO much worse. Okay, people, if you can handle being told Santa isn’t real, then you can handle the comments. As harsh as they are, people should be thankful the WWE didn’t go right out there. But, still, it was harsh. Bastards.
Up next : The Mexicools challenge MNM for the Tag Team Championship.
Commercials.
Opening Contest : WWE Tag Team Championship : The Mexicools verses MNM (Champions) with Melina
Melina is looking absolutely fabulous toight; but Nitro is looking better in my opinion. Melina should keep that hair, and bronze colours really do suit her. Psichosis and Nitro start and do the very usual opening stuff, nothing eye opening. Super Crazy in and some double teaming follows. Impressive springboard moonsault by Psichosis, though nothing which will set the world on fire. And, just to make the opening contest even more special, let’s go to a commercial. Bastards.
Commercials.
And we’re back to Mercury and Psichosis. Tag out to Nitro after some stuff happens. Psichosis comes back in to an elbow, and allows Melina to get a leg scissors on Psichosis. That move alone already makes her Kurt Angle to Stacy Keibler’s . . Stacy Keibler. Backbreaker on Psichosis for a two count. Tag out to Nitro, who continues to work the back. Psichosis gets crowd support until Nitro spears him into the MNM corner. Psichosis punches back but Nitro takes him back into the corner. Tag to Mercury, who helps lift Psichosis up in a Double Team Razor’s Edge for two two counts. No, wait, three. Three two count pinfalls. Melina tries to yell at the referee, but Psichosis sends Mercury into Melina – who falls off the apron and hurts her ankle, while Psichosis and Mercury knock heads. Tag out to Crazy. Missile dropkick on Mercury; Springboard Dropkick onto Nitro. Elbow to Mercury and Crazy gets hyped up. Tilt-a-whirl backbreaker to Mercury, before Crazy sends Nitro onto Mercury and Crazy gets a two count. Tornado DDT to Mercury gets two. Psichosis attacks Nitro while the referee tries to pull him off. Crazy sets up for the Moonsault, but Melina hits him with a boot, knocking him out and giving the pinfall to Mercury.
Winners And Still Champions : MNM
Way too much formula, but I’m a sucker for the old Boot Victory. Average match for SmackDown, if not a bit superior because everyone seemed to be energised. Which is a good thing heading into Mania. Five out of Ten for Average.
Sharmell and Booker T backstage. And Booker’s gotten the crutch again . . eh?! Apparentley the injury was aggravated in the Rumble match. Again, Theodore Long allows Booker T to pick a substitute to face Chris Benoit. Taz acts like it’s an entirely new concept; bastard. I’ve seen this shit before. If his substitute loses, then Booker T loses the title. Gee, there’s something new. I repeat : bastards.
RAW Rebound: Basic Edge and Cena stuff. Though, this fued has been the best Cena fued in years.
Commercials.
AND WE’RE BACK to a JBL promo. He’s sick of wrestling people who “have the look” but need the rub. Hey, it’s shoot, but it’s scripted. I love JBL. He says he can make a star out of anyone – including a Broomstick and a Moo Cow. A bell ringing interupts him and out comes everyone’s favourite Lashley . . Lashley. And, surprisingly, a recap of Lashley defeating JBL the other week is on hand. Hm, what a coincidence. The Dicks come out.
Second Contest : Lashley verses Chad Dick.
Dick attacks from behind and works the midsection. Dropkick by Dick but Lashley takes hold and nails ONE HELL OF A GERMAN. James Dick in and the two get thrown like Ragdolls. Shoulder tosses; Military Press to Dick (James). Lashley sends Dick into the turnbuckle, and he comes back into the Dominator for three.
Winner : Lashley
While celebrating, Lashley gets nailed with a Clothesline From Hell. Sigh; the match sucked, but JBL rules and Lashley sometimes rules. 0 out of 10. Way to work that Tag Division, guys . . Bastards.
The Juniors are back in action tonight. Bastards.
Commercials. Apparentley there’s a fun way to eat cheese. What a . . Cheesey commercial. HA! I’m so damned funny . . . Well, maybe not. The new Pepsi Max commercial rules, at least.
Royal Rumble recap; I think it’s pretty much the same that we saw at the beginning of the program. Oh, and, by the way – I do Velocity. At Double Tapings they don’t do Velocity. They recap this week’s edition of SmackDown. So tomorrow’s going to be so fun; I think I might finally bash my head in with a blunt object.
TAKER! For the first time in ages, the UnderTaker appears on weekly programming. After about a 3 minute entrance, Taker gets on the microphone and hypes up No Way Out. And Kurt Angle comes on out! Hip hip hoorah! Says the only thing they have in common is that when the bell rings, Kurt Angle doesn’t have a soul either. He doesn’t plan on resting in peace; but rather, plans on breaking Taker’s ankle into pieces. Taker says Angle WILL rest in peace and the lights black out. When we return, everything is blue and Angle is alone in the ring. I don’t know if I like the hue / saturation thing going on whenever that happens; but I like where this fued is going. I’m buying No Way Out! . . Ah, who am I kidding, I was gonna buy it anyways.
Commercials.
And we’re back to the Junior’s Division . . . Bastards. I really hate the guy who referees these matches; he annoys me because he always seems to get involved. I’m not even going to recap this match; can we spell exploitive? Yeah, okay, the Women’s Division is fairly exploited but, hey, half of them appear in Playboy and they’re used to make the majority of the male audience watching these sweaty muscular men feel like this is a hetero sport. The Women’s Division is a bit more of a fear and embarrasment thing; this is pure and simple exploitation. In the end, the blue guy wins. Ashley verses Mickie James was better.
Kennedy walks into Benoit’s locker room backstage and states the rather obvious: string of bad luck and an injured Booker T. Apparentley he knows who the substitute is. Benoit then does the usual “I don’t give a damn”, before threatening Kennedy . . I like both these guys, but let’s be honest, Benoit doesn’t have as much charisma as he does wrestling talent.
Commercials.
Third Contest : United States Championship : Chris Benoit verses Mister Mystery Man
Yeah, I’m not counting the Junior’s Match. Not like it’ll make much difference anyways, will it. Sharmell out first after Benoit and introduces our Undisputed United States Champion, Booker T. Fit Finlay is his replacement tonight. This should be interesting. Shoves between the two; lock up into the corner by Finlay as Booker joins commentary. Another lock up as Finlay goes behind and clutches at Benoit’s neck and elbows his nose. Scoop slam by Finlay. Chops by Benoit into the corner, but Finlay tackles Benoit down and is half in an arm submission and half in a pinfall which the referee doesn’t count. There’s FAR too many cutting back and fourth between the match and Booker T. Finlay goes for a cover for two. Armbar on Benoit, but Finlay slams Benoit down for a two count, and Finlay still has the armbar locker. Benoit fights out of it and kicks into Finlay in the corner. Punches and chops by Benoit. Finlay nails a stiff punch to Benoit before nailing an uppercut and knocking him down. Kick to the gut and Finlay takes Benoit to the apron and slams him chest and neck first into the apron. Interesting. Chops by Benoit, and a kick to go along with them as well! Finlay comes back with a kick, uppercut, and some elbow drops, before pulling on Benoit’s face. Benoit fights out and gets Finlay in the Three Germans and signals for the Swandive Headbutt! Booker T distracts Benoit and Finlay attacks from behind, nailing him in a short arm clothesline. Finlay with a spear in the corner, goes for another short arm clothesline, but Benoit begins to set up for the Crossface! Booker T distracts the referee and nails Benoit with the crutch, but the referee sees it and calls for the DQ. Finlay and Booker T beat up Benoit afterwards.
Winner : Chris Benoit / Still United States Champion : Booker T
The first Finlay match on SmackDown that I’ve actually liked. Seven out of Ten; I liked it.
Kristal is backstage with Mark Henry. Daivari dismisses her and conducts the interview by himself . . Bastard.
Commercials.
Booker T and Sharmell are seen congratulating an unseen Chris Benoit, but THE BOOGEYMAN is behind them! Literally, right behind them, and they look everywhere else when they hear him laughing. Sharmell runs out of the room like all hell broke loose, while Boogeyman has dinner. Taz talks about the Maggots and Worms etc etc, while Cole tries to get him to shut up.
Josh Matthews is backstage with Gregory Helms; our new Cruiser Weight Champion. Calls himself the greatest Cruiser Weight Champion since the last time he held the belt. Nunzio gets involved and tells him of “back in his day”. They should team Nunzio and Big Vito up with Estelle Getty as Sophia Patrillo from Golden Girls, she’ll make the perfect mirror to Momma Benjamin. They set up Nunzio verses Helms for the title next week.
Regal, Burchill, are with Palmer Cannon. They don’t want to tag anymore; and we find out that Paul Burchill’s ancestory includes Pirates. Apparentley, he’s going to become a Pirate. Line of the night by Regal : “Can you imagine if he came from a long line of proctolagists?”. Classic. But, Pirates? Bastards.
Commercials.
Main Event : Mark Henry with Daivari and Randy Orton verses Rey Mysterio and Kurt Angle
I wonder what Mark Henry’s going to do at No Way Out. Lashley, Taker, Mysterio, Angle, and (most probably) Benoit are already taken. Chances are he’ll get involved with the title match, though that was a given really. And hey, guess what, we’ve got commercials!
Commercials. You know what would be nice? If the WWE used Experience to showcase the dark matches or random old Raw and SmackDown matches. That’d be cool. I’d watch at least.
Angle and Orton are starting, but Orton wants Mysterio. Obviously. And Mark Henry wants Angle and a Playboy Bunny. Mysterio tagged in. Mysterio punches Orton into the corner and takes it to him and does the obvious Eddie taunts. Orton sends Mysterio into the middle turnbuckle. Mysterio flips Orton outside in a Hurricanrana before nailing a Senton on him on the outside. On the turbuckle, Orton gets the upper hand and tags in Henry, putting Mysterio down and Henry kicks him. Henry picks him up with a hand and leg and simply drops him, before foot choking him. Choke again; stomp on Mysterio. Tag out to Orton. Knee drop to Mysterio as the fans begin to chant for Angle. Orton gets a two count before tagging out to Henry. Henry gets a two count. I never really realised just how big Henry is, actually, until now. Henry does some attacks and chokes, nothing special but still an improvement. Tag out to Orton. Mysterio fights off Orton with punches to the gut, but Orton gets the standing dropkick for a two count. Whip into the turnbuckle by Orton; who spears right into the steel pole. Mysterio tries to get to Angle and succeeds while Orton gets Henry in. Angle gets the Anke Lock in quickly but Henry kicks out of it. Angle Slam on Henry! Ankle Lock . . Or is it Angle Lock? Same thing – either way – it’s on Orton now! Henry gets a low blow on Angle while Daivari is with the referee. Tag out to Orton; who sells the Ankle before nailing a Knee drop on Angle. Dumbass. Angle begins to get some momentum, but Orton nails a punch and then a kitchen sink knee to the gut, before tagging out to Henry. Taz rambles on about “Porsche And Tank” and Neidhart and Bret Hart. Henry hangs Angle up on the top rope and kicks Angle to the outside. Henry sends Angle into the steel steps before rolling Angle back into the ring. Tag out to Orton. The two exchange uppercuts, before Orton gets an eyerake and rear choke on Angle. Angle gets out of it and nails a German Supplex. Say what you will about Orton – but I think a match between these two will be pure gold. Orton can wrestle and Angle is greatness. Mysterio in – Seatin Senton on Orton, punch to Henry, and Mysterio takes it to Orton! Bulldog, lefts and rights, until Mysterio is shot down by a clothesline by Orton. Orton goes for something which I can’t make out thanks to the smaller screen for the replay – but either way, it ends up with Rey nailing him with the 619. Henry punches Mysterio down before Angle elbows Henry off the apron and face first into the apron. Henry goes into the steel pole as Daivari attacks Angle from behind. Angle chases Daivari around the ring and out into the audience, with Henry giving chase. Orton gets an uppercut to Mysterio. Mysterio gets the upperhand and goes for a sunset flip, but Orton sits on Mysterio and gets the three count!
Winners : Randy Orton and Mark Henry
Well, it was rather . . how do I put this nicely? Absolutely shitty crap until the last three minutes or so, when it started to get heated. Afterwards, Orton tells Mysterio that he can’t beat him – telling Mysterio “You have just about as much chance of winning that title match at Mania . . As Eddie Guererro does at coming back to life”. Mysterio accepts his challenge afterwards, as we fade to black. Three out of Ten because I really liked the last few minutes.
Tonight was a bit better than lately over all. Well, considering how bad it could have been. Here’s how this week’s SmackDown rated:
Mexicools verses MNM : 5 / 10
Lashley verses Chad Dick : 0 / 10
Chris Benoit verses Fit Finlay : 7 / 10
Kurt ANgle and Rey Mysterio verses Randy Orton and Mark Henry : 3 / 10
3 / 2 / 06 : 15 / 40
. . . Do you really think it would have made a difference if I rated the Junior’s Match? Yes. The rating would be lower. Bastards. Sigh; until Velocity’s SmackDown Recap, Ciao Yáll!
