Smack YOU! Smackdown Review for February 3rd 2006

Reviews, Shows, TV Shows

Time for another exciting week of Smackdown here on Inside Pulse. Unfortunately you’re reading Smack YOU so you’ll get lots of swearing, crude jokes and Mark Henry hatred. ENJOY!

God the Rumble really was awful wasn’t it? Still at least Rey won. He was my back up pick if Edge didn’t enter the Rumble so I’m happy with that. They show clips of Undertaker’s stupid ring destruction as despite my clock saying it’s 2006 Vince McMahon wants us all to think it’s 1992 and this stuff is still acceptable.

We’re in Orlando Florida

You’re hosts are Tazz and Cole

Teddy Long starts us out by coming to the ring as Cole annoys me by saying Teddy should be “Really proud of the matches he made at the Rumble” Wow yeah Cole you’re right the world NEEDED Boogeyman Vs JBL and Henry Vs Angle. Anyway Teddy makes Angle Vs Taker for No Way Out and brings out Rey Mysterio. Rey comes out in a low rider to a pretty impressive pop as Cole and Tazz heap out the praise. Rey thanks Eddie for the win. I know some people are getting angry at Rey using Eddie’s name and stuff but lets face it he WAS the guys best friend and I’m sure Eddie would be pleased that Rey was getting a push so stop moaning you spoil sports! Speaking of which Randy Orton interrupts Rey’s Eddie tribute and grabs a mic. Randy goes straight to the cheap heat bargain bin saying Rey doesn’t deserve to Main Event Wrestlemania as he got lucky. Rey says he threw Randy over the top but Randy fires back saying he could easily take Rey in a match. Randy wants Rey to put his title shot on the line. Rey “asks Eddie” but Randy says Eddie is in hell which makes Rey go low and hammer away on Randy. Officials come in to tear Rey off Randy and Randy is able to bail. What’s next? Randy pissing on Eddie’s grave? I mean he’s already wrecked his low rider and said he’s roasting in hell what else can those dick head writers make him do? I don’t mind them using Eddie’s memory in a positive way and having him as a motivational presence for Rey, Chavo and Benoit but they should leave it at that. When they have heels going “Ha Ha your friend is dead” as a way of getting heel heat they cross the line and spit on the legacy Eddie had and still has.

WWE Tag Team Titles
(C) MNM w/ Melina Vs The Mexicools
OH MY GOD look at Melina! Dear Lord now THAT’S HOT!!! Finally she’s healed enough to do the entrance again to mine and Tazz’s happiness. Psi and Nitro start us out and do a leapfrog segment with Psi gaining the advantage. Mexicools get the H Bomb and leg drop combo causing Nitro to bail. Both Mexicools get dives to the outside as we go to a commercial break

Commercial

We’re back with Psicosis missing a move in the corner and landing on his head. Mercury gets a nice delayed vertical suplex for two and sends Psicosis into the corner where a double mud hole is stomped. Even Melina gets her cheap shots in and that leads to a back breaker for two. Nitro gets some clubbing forearms to the spine and then a sit out surfboard. Psicosis tries to fights back but gets shoulder barged into the heel corner and MNM get a modified double chokeslam for two. Man MNM keep pulling new stuff out each match. Melina complains about the count and gets knocked off the apron and that leads to Crazy getting the hot tag. Super Crazy lives up to his name and beats the glitz out of MNM and gets a tight near fall from a moonsault and the fans thought that was it. It all breaks loose and Melina nails Crazy with her boot for a super cheap ending to what was an awesome little match

WINNERS – MNM

***1/4 – MNM cheat and connive to another win. Still The Mexicools were getting it going there for a while and Super Crazy continues to be the most over of the two. Fans are really buying into him now as the Crazy Mexican and if that works for him then it’s not to be sneezed at. The Mexicools really need a heel foil though as The Dicks can’t really cut it. Time to bring in some Evil Japanese wrestlers I think.

Booker T and Sharmel are backstage and Booker is all like “I’m injured dog I can’t defend my belt tonight” so Teddy comes in and is all like “Alright playa from one black stereotype to another I’ll let you pick a substitute. Holla Holla” well it wasn’t EXACTLY like that but you get the idea.

JBL is in the ring doing his weekly bragging. He says he shouldn’t have to fight Boogeyman and that he’s a wrestler and he’s sick of fighting the newest “Freak” that comes up. He starts using inside lingo like “giving the rub” and says he’s a star maker…………Sorry that has to be THE MOST FUCKING LUDICROUS thing I’ve ever heard. JBL thinks it’s cool to use inside stuff and that “those stupid smarks will think I’m shooting” JBL you don’t seem to understand that we aren’t stupid and can clearly see through your special “shoot promos” anyway Lashley comes out for his match pissing off JBL

Lashley Vs Chad Dick
Slam, Suplex, Dominator NEXT. Post match JBL gets a cheap shot lariat in to start of that winner of a feud that I’m sure could sell out every high school gym in the country.

After clips of the Rumble again Undertaker’s music hits and he decides to come to the ring. Undertaker says that Angle’s time is growing near and that he wants the World Title but Angle interrupts his promo to retort. Angle and Taker have a nose to nose and Angle says that he doesn’t plan on resting in peace but breaking Taker’s ankle. Taker isn’t impressed and says Angle will “Rest in Peace”. Now that felt like an important stand off. They’ve finally found a match that the fans should honestly care about and they have two weeks to hype it up. Does ANYONE in this company actually sit back and consider that they could have easily had No Way Out at the start of March or end of February to actually give it the hype it deserves? Ah but that would assume people in WWE plan ahead and we all know that that’s simply optimism to the extreme. Anyway Taker “disappears” because he’s just too damn cool to simply walk from the ring.

Juniors Division Match
Souke V Octagon Seeko
Wow I thought they forgot about this division. There’s an Octagon mini heel and he’s taking on Souke who’s wearing a blue outfit. Souke takes advantage to start but Octagon takes over and gets an elbow from the second rope. Souke dodges a charge in the corner and gets some head scissors in. the ref gets involved because this is a comedy match you know. Souke gets a top rope cross body and a crucifix roll up for the win.

WINNER – SOUKE

½* – Pretty lame if I’m honest

Chris Benoit is backstage warming up and MMMMRRRR KENNEDY………KENNEDY comes in to bug him. Benoit says he will win tonight and that if Kennedy ever gets in his face again he’ll make him pay. Don’t Fuck with the Crippler kids!

WWE United States Title
Chris Fucking Benoit Vs (Subbing for Booker T) Finlay
OH FUCKING YES. BRING ON THE VIOLENCE! Oh wow Finlay Vs Benoit. Those who are squeamish best look away. Finlay goes to Benoit’s FACE to start and slams him so Benoit gets some chops in but Finlay takes him down and tries to key lock Benoit’s arm. This actually makes sense as Finlay was TV Champion back in 98 during the original series. Finlay continues to smash Benoit around and stay on the arm with some nice stuff. Benoit fights back and stomps away in the corner. Benoit takes some skin off Finlay’s chest with some chops but Finlay fires back with some uppercuts and drapes his neck over the apron and gets some elbows in. Benoit gets some stingers in to Finlay as Finlay is a REAL MAN and can take it. Finlay goes to a sit out camel clutch as Booker gets into the match. Benoit gets the three Germans in and heads up top for the Swan Dive but Booker distracts him and Finlay charges Benoit in the corner. Benoit goes for the cross face but Sharmel runs in with a crutch for the DQ. LAME

WINNER – BENOIT BY DQ

** – disappointing actually. Booker and Finlay mug Benoit post match

Krystal is with Mark Henry and Daivari. Daivari says Henry will crush people blah blah blah. I still can’t believe they are pushing this guy. Even a guy with such a big man fetish as Vince McMahon has to see Henry as a total waste of space in the upper card.

Booker and Sharmel are all like “yeah we screwed Benoit” but Boogeyman is behind them laughing. They understandably run away afraid.

Josh Matthews is with Gregory Helms. Helms says he is the Cruiserweight division and that there’s no one who can challenge him. Nunzio comes over and tells him to watch his mouth. Gregory says no one is man enough to do that so Nunzio challenges him for next week and Helms accepts.

Regal and Burchill are with Teddy Long and Recyclus. They say that they want to split up as a team. Burchill says he had pirates ancestry and says one of his great great great great grand fathers was chief lieutenant to black beard. Burcill says “Swashbuckling” shall come to Smackdown. NO NO NO NO NO YOU FUCKERS. FUCKERS FUCKERS FUCKERS!!!! Don’t ruin Burchill even more PLEASE!

Mark Henry w/ Daivari and Randy Orton Vs Kurt Freakin Angle and Rey Mysterio
Angle and Orton start but Orton wants Rey and Rey obliges. Rey unloads with some right hands in the corner but Randy drop toe holds him into the bottom turnbuckle but Rey sends him outside and gets a seated senton off the apron onto Orton. Back inside Rey heads up top but Orton crotches him and brings in Henry who does some foot choking as he SUCKS. Henry slowly and boringly beats on Rey with such exciting moves as a head butt before tagging in Orton who gets a knee drop and some cross face punching. Orton holds Rey down and Henry…kicks him in the gut and gets a TWO count from it. WTF? Are they SERIOUS? Henry continues to bore the shit out of the crowd but a Rey comeback on Orton livens them up a bit but Rey runs into an Orton dropkick and that ends the rally. Rey dodges a shoulder charge in the corner and Rey makes the hot tag to Angle who gets the ankle lock on Henry but Henry powers out so Angle charges back with an Angle Slam and ankle locks Orton. Henry gets a low blow in on Angle. Henry is worse than Zeus as at least Zeus had an interesting back story and Randy Savage to carry him. Angle gets worked over as Tazz angers me by comparing Orton and Henry to The Hart Foundation saying their gelling well as a team. Man Henry sucks. Sorry that seemed a little out of the flow of the match but it was a more of a general comment as I just keep watching his abysmal stuff in there. I have nothing personal against Henry, it’s the idiots at WWE who signed him to a high paying contract and continually try to make him a main eventer I’m pissed at. As a mid card heel I could probably stomach Henry but he shouldn’t be anywhere near the upper card in any form. I quiver at the thought of possible Henry/Boogeyman matches. Sorry, to the match! Angle fights out of an Orton rest hold and tags in Rey who goes to town on Orton with a bulldog and fists. Orton gets a desperation lariat as the crowd chant “Eddie, Eddie” Rey gets a 619 on Orton but Henry jumps him so Angle fights with him outside but chases Daivari through the crowd and Henry follows. Watching Henry waddle to the back was HILARIOUS. That leaves Rey and Orton inside and Orton pins Rey soon after by countering a rana.

WINNERS – ORTON AND HENRY

¼* – Really bad match considering the talent in there. Randy taunts Rey post match and gets more insults in on Eddie saying Rey has as much chance of winning at Wrestlemania as Eddie does as coming back to life. Rey answers the challenge and says he’ll put his title shot on the line against Orton like a total maroon.

Well this week was pretty sucky wasn’t it? The main event was crap and the whole Orton/Mysterio feud is seemingly trying to find ways to offend people. Still the Angle/Taker feud is coming along nicely and MNM continue to be the most entertaining tag team in wrestling. Keep your AMW members of the TNA heard.

Well see ya’ll next week.