Well the past week has proven that news in wrestling comes at a minimum, making people like me try to think of things to write. This is what happens when you stick to current affairs. Man I’d like to write about Warrior Warrior right now…on with the show…
Now when the bored get even more bored…er (?), they Google themselves. By my Google calculations, I am becoming less popular as Hevia the Bagpiper and some other CPA are gaining some steam on me. But I did happen to find this, which I missed in Lambert’s column, probably because I was taking time off…like usual:
So in the latest Crucifix, Dan Hevia brings the goods. I’ve always liked Hevia’s work and liked it even more after he gave me a paragraph of praise in a past column. So read The Crucifix
Now I tried to send an e-mail to Hevia but it didn’t go through. So here’s the e-mail in my column:
Oh man Hevia, you had me in stiches with that column.
I loved how you tore apart that e-mailer and I agree with every thing that you caught him on. I loved point 7 the most.
The baby comments were funny to me. Especially the one about them not getting the proper push. I’m surprised you didn’t go the route of talking about how the kid could wind up with Trips Nose and Stephs Voice. Boy would that be a horrible combo.
Dane Cook is a silly bitch. I’ve been listening to a lot of his stuff recently so it was pretty cool to see you throw in that line.
Keep it up man.
-Lambert
Ok, I’ll get off his nuts now.
Lambert, I enjoy people on my nuts..don’t get off…sick freak…The reason that the email didn’t go through is because I blocked “TNA”. Damn porn mails. Now, about the demon spawn forthcoming from the McVagina, I went deep into the future to see how Triple H would train the spawn for it’s in ring debut. I took this picture:
I’m pretty sure that you could replace the kid with Stephanie and put Joanie Laurer in the driver seat…
Tanning attendant cries foul
A booth attendant at a Boca tanning salon has told cops that she was groped by someone she identified as World Wrestling Entertainment boss Vince McMahon, according to two Boca Raton police sources.
In a report expected to be made public this week, an attendant at Tanzabar on North Federal Highway claims McMahon, 60, came in for a routine tanning session late Sunday night. But things got a little weird.
“The alleged victim says Mr. McMahon first showed pictures of himself naked on his cellphone,” said one source, who saw the report. “Then she says he made unwelcome advances and finally cornered her in a tanning booth and groped her.”
Calls left for Tanzabar owner Amy Murray were not returned. An attendant at the salon said she couldn’t comment on the incident.
McMahon, who starred in a wrestling show Monday night, has been a longtime Boca resident. He lives with wife Linda at The Excelsior on South Ocean Boulevard. Apartments there fetch in the $6 million range.
McMahon couldn’t be reached. But, at home in Boca, Linda called the allegations “totally bizarre.” His daughter, Stephanie, also a star of wrestling specials, confirmed her dad goes to Tanzabar.
“Yeah, he was there the other night,” she said. “I’m not aware something happened.”
The tanning attendant’s name is being withheld until police investigate further and classify the nature of the alleged incident.
Now the claim was largely deemed to be bullshit, but not by anyone that mattered, like…me!
First off, the original report had it wrong when they said the girl claimed he played wigwam with her on Sunday. She said Saturday, which absolutely allows him the time to be at the Royal Rumble on Sunday.
Now apparently he owns an apartment that is worth at least 6 million dollars. I alone have paid at least 1 month of his mortgage on that f*cking place over the years. I view that as a time-share and he better pay up.
On a serious note, I would bet that McMahon did something to get under this girls skin…good choice of words right? He probably said or did something retarded, including showing pictures of his naked 60 year old ass and now he’s in hot water. He’ll get out of it of course, even if he does like his dipshit lawyer defend him instead of seeking outside counsel.
Now that John Cena has a My Space Account, I get to glimpse at what some of his fans are like. For the most part, they’re retarded. Now, I am one of those fans but I don’t write retarded shit. Most of them do. So every week, I’m going to take some of their comments and translate them for you. I might even add my own spice to it. Here we go.
From Jodie_Cena’s Babee: he john u dont have msn do you cos there is sum 1 claimin 2 be u . get bak 2 me sum time
Translation: Hi John. Do you have MSN Messenger? There is someone on MSN Messenger claiming that they are John Cena. Write me a message when you get a chance.
Hevia: You couldn’t even spell “hey” right!? What the f*ck? Additionally, to all of you people that spell someone as “sum 1”, I hate you.
From Matt : Your going to lose the title to HHH at wrestlemania 22 and your a whack rapper. Get a new gimmick and a new move. The FU is a horrible move and the stfu is just embarassing. Get a good move like the pedigree, tombstone, or sweet chin music. those moves actually look like they hurt. the FU is just u flipping someone on their back. Everyone boo’s you and all these “chaingang” people have no lives. Cena isn’t as good as a wrestler as the wwe makes him out to be, face it!!!
Translation: Your going to lose the title to HHH at wrestlemania 22 and your a whack rapper. Get a new gimmick and a new move. The FU is a horrible move and the stfu is just embarassing. Get a good move like the pedigree, tombstone, or sweet chin music. those moves actually look like they hurt. the FU is just u flipping someone on their back. Everyone boo’s you and all these “chaingang” people have no lives. Cena isn’t as good as a wrestler as the wwe makes him out to be, face it!!!
Hevia: Well that’s just funny. I guess he can see into the future just as well as anybody on this site.
From John: cena do us a fav…….who eva ya fightin tonite…..kick there ass 4 me…lol thx
Translation: Cena can you do us a favor? Whoever you are fighting tonight, can you kick their ass for me? Thanks!
Hevia: 1) Do us a favor turns into kick “there” ass? What the f*ck is that? You don’t know how to spell there? I know you’re from the UK with the “whilst” and whatever, but for Christ’s sake! 2) Do not spell “for” with a number!
This has been the first installment of Translation With The Champ.
Writer: Dan Hevia, MySpace Retards
Director: Dan Hevia
Editor: Dan Hevia
– TNA is moving to prime time, a huge step for the company. Apparently the big thing around Titan Towers is doing whatever is necessary to keep TNA down. The only problem is that WWE has done more to facilitate TNA becoming a threat than Jeff Jarrett has. Seriously, look at who WWE has let go and who they have on their roster and ask yourself this question: “Why does Johnny Ace have a job?” In fact, ask WWE why they don’t have AJ Styles? Was Hurricane just too good for him? Check it out:
Additionally, the only fans they’ve gotten from Stings involvement are a few people from TBN, so don’t use that card.
– In a little case of “did you know?”, Vince McMahon was actually getting Booker T back by calling him his nigga. He was getting him back for Hulk Hogan, who has called a nigga years earlier by an irate Booker T:
See, what goes around comes around.
Now, the final thing for the week. While I make no bones about, I have been in mild, and I mean mild, contact with the ever-famous Trish imposter. It is VERY easy to believe her, but then she posted this picture…
Now somebody tell me, is that Trish? I don’t think so. At the very least I think she was sick that day…and injured…and beaten. In other words, I don’t like that picture. The funny thing is that people have comments all over her other pictures and NOBODY has commented on that one. Because everyone is probably thinking “Umm…uhh…bumfugly…ummm.”
Well, that’s it for me…I got some 24 to watch. Adios!
