Serenity. I hate this DVD. I hate anamorphic. I hate how some movies can be perfected on the big screen and yet the smallest things, that get taken for granted, in the transition from big screen to DVD. Ugh, damn it! Though, I do love the movie.
You know how the opening always works. We always get some opening videos. Don’t try this at home. The Power Is Back. Rey Mysterio / Randy Orton bullcrap. SmackDown opening video. Tonight’s show promises to be somewhat interesting, at least; Gregory Helms verses Nunzio, Chris Benoit verses JBL verses Orlando Jordan verses Matt Hardy, and The UnderTaker verses . . . ah shit . . . Mark Henry. Well, look on the bright side, least this dampens those WrestleMania rumors. And we’re kicking it off with the Fatal Four Way!
Opening Contest : Number One Contendership For The United States Championship / Sudden Death : Matt Hardy verses John Bradshaw Layfield verses Orlando Jordan verses Chris Benoit
How long until either Hardy or Jordan get new entrances or entrance music? Actually, include Benoit in that. I’d like to hear something new for Benoit. Booker T and Sharmell make their way out to watch, as any good United States Champion would. Though I am getting fairly sick of Booker T doing commentary. Benoit kicks JBL in the gut, as Hardy takes it to Jordan. The two pairings fight in the corners until Hardy and Jordan fight into the middle of the ropes. Hardy whips Jordan back into an elbow for not even a one count. JBL throws Hardy out of the ring while Benoit begins to take it to Jordan. JBL attacks Benoit from behind as he and Jordan double team Benoit. JBL takes Benoit down with a big boot. Jordan goes for a pinfall but doesn’t get a pinfall, as Hardy and JBL fight on the outside of the ring. Benoit up, and begins to chop Jordan. Hardy and JBL back in the ring. Hardy back outside of the ring before JBL begins to go back to Benoit. Shoulder press to Benoit, armdrag by Benoit, before Benoit goes for the Sharpshooter on JBL but JBL kicks him off. JBL sets Benoit up for a powerbomb, but Benoit sets him up for the Crossface, which is broken by Jordan. Hardy nails Jordan with a snapmare and gets a one count. Benoit nails a snap supplex to Jordan, with Hardy going for the pinfall but Benoit pulls him off. Hardy scoop slams Benoit down and drops an elbow for two. Benoit takes it to Jordan, and Jordan takes it to Benoit while JBL and Hardy fight on the outside. JBL rolls back in; with Benoit kicking out by a Jordan pinfall at the two count. German supplex by Benoit to JBL, with Jordan pinning JBL, who gets the ropes. Benoitg gets the Crossface on Jordan, broken by JBL. Big boot by JBL to Hardy, who kicks Hardy down twice more. JBL and Jordan go back to double teaming Benoit, slamming both their shoulders into Benoit. JBL and Hardy go out of the ring. Again. Benoit nails a DDT on Jordan. JBL is punching the hell out of Hardy, with Hardy fighting back and Benoit coming out to help attack JBL. The two sending JBL into the steel steps. Jordan rolls Benoit back into the ring and climbs to the top rope, but Benoit gets up and lays some punches into Jordan, followed by headbutts and a Superplex to Jordan, as we go to a commercial!
Commercials.
We’re back with Benoit getting a two count on Jordan, and going for the Crossface, to be broken by JBL. Clothesline to Benoit by JBL, who begins to drop some elbows to Benoit. JBL goes up to the second turnbuckle and drops an elbow, attempting a pin which is broken by Hardy. Neckbreaker by Hardy for two. Hardy nails a suplex on Benoit for a two count. Neckbreaker on Benoit by Hardy, who goes up and nails a nice diving elbow for two count, which is stopped by JBL. DDT to Hardy by JBL, who goes for the pinfall with the ropes but the referee notices the rope leverage. Double team suplex by JBL and Jordan on Benoit, who also repeat the process on Hardy. Clothesline From Hell to Hardy; JBL allows Jordan the pin, but kicks him right in the head and throws him out of the ring, getting a two count on Hardy, which is stopped by Benoit. Kicks and chops to JBL by Hardy, forearm shot, and the Three Amigos to JBL by Benoit – Jordan in and the Germans to Jordan! Benoit going up top and Swandive Headbutts Jordan for a two count, thanks to JBL! STO to Benoit by Jordan, JBL gets a two count which is broken by Jordan. Jordan and JBL bicker and go to shake hands, but Jordan tosses JBL outside and goes to pin Benoit, which is broken by Hardy leg dropping Jordan! Side Effect to Jordan – Side Effect set up on Benoit, but Benoit gets the Crossface! Hardy taps! We have a winner!
Winner And Number One Contender : Chris Benoit
My sole problem with this match (despite the first half being a bit too much kick, punch, punch, kick, punch etc), is that it was too obvious that Benoit would win. There was about three minutes at the most where Benoit wasn’t in the ring, and what seemed like the exact opposite for Matt Hardy who was always seemed to be being thrown out of the ring. Five out of Ten because I found the second half to be somewhat fun. Believe it or not, but the match went for more than twenty minutes. And I didn’t get sick of seeing Orlando Jordan out there. Also, Booker T’s commentary was rather distracting at times. Which was good sometimes.
Backstage, Booker T and Sharmell run into Theodore Long. Long tells him that he’ll have to defend the title himself at No Way Out or he will forfeit the title. Gee, original!
Commercials. Go and rent The Matrix and Priscilla, and tell me if thinking of the Agent as a Drag Queen chances your perception of the movie. “Hello Mister Anderson . . Darling”.
Backstage, JBL does his little rant to Stupid Bimbo (a.k.a. Kristal . . or Crystal . . or whatever), only to be interrupted by Bobby Lashley. They set up JBL verses Lashley at No Way Out. Jillian Hall accepts the challenge for JBL.
Also, backstage, MNM run into Matt Hardy. Melina tells Matt that if he scratches her back, she’ll scratch his. This kind of looked like one of those “both are nervous but both like each other” moments from a teenage drama.
Josh Matthews is with Mark Henry and Daivari. Hypes up Henry verses The Under Taker for tonight. Yawn. There are so many people that could have gotten Mark Henry over better than Daivari.
Commercials. Mobile Active pisses me off just as much as Jamster does . . Burn, Mobile Active and Jamster.
MNM are making their way out to the ring. I find it odd, the most exciting thing for me about their entrance is their fashion, and yet everyone’s going on about what Melina does. I must admit, though, I do love their fashion. Melina gets on the microphone and, for the first time, seems a bit nervous. Like Trish’s first RAW promo nervous (for those that have her DVD or can actually remember). She issues an open challenge to any team or any two superstars. Brian Kendrick and Paul London accept. This should be good. Otherwise, this should be great.
Second Contest : MNM with Melina verses Brian Kendrick verses Paul London
London starts the match with Mercury. Mercury works the arm, but London does some sweet flips and gets Mercury’s arm in a Hammerlock. Mercury reverses it, London reverses that and eventually, we get the headlock into the ropes into the shoulder routine. Plus the Banshee. London gets a School Boy variation on Mercury for two and works the arm still. Hurricanrana by London for two. Tag out to Kendrick. Knee drop to Mercury’s arm. Tag out to Nitro. Nitro with an uppercut to Kendrick. Nitro sends Kendrick into the corner, who gets a Headscissors on Nitro. A sweet headscissors. Monkey Flip to Nitro, Hurricanarana to Nitro for a two count. Tag out to London. Drop toe hold into dropkick by London and Kendrick to Nitro. Tag to Mercury. Dropsault for two by London. Tag out to Kendrick. Double team move by Kendrick and London (I assume double team arm drag for the first one – my foxtel froze); before Kendrick runs into London who flips him up letting Kendrick nail a kick to both opponents. Mercury and Nitro roll outside. Kendrick goes for a Baseball slide to Mercury, but Mercury ducks. Kendrick runs back at Mercury who flips him up to a handstand up the apron, and Kendrick drops his legs onto Mercury and nails a Headscissors. A flipping senton over the top rope by London onto MNM. Kendrick on the top rope with a Crossbody for two! Melina distracts the referee, as Nitro flips Kendrick outside of the ring and spears him into the apron, pushing him back into the ring. Tag to Nitro. Tag out to Mercury. HUH?! Backbreaker into stretch by Mercury, but Kendrick knees his way out of it. Right hands to MNM by Kendrick – tag to London, but the referee doesn’t see it! Snapshot to Kendrick, Melina holds London’s legs, as MNM get the three count!
Winners : MNM
One hell of a match, for SmackDown.Nice way to put Kendrick and London over; hopefully a rematch at No Way Out, and hopefully these two will fight again with the Mexicools involved at WrestleMania. TLC Match, anybody? This was above a SmackDown Match expectation and a nice way to put all four over. Ten out of Ten, for SmackDown standards.
Coming up next : Randy Orton sets the record straight!
Commercials.
Japanese WWE Video. I’m getting sick of these international videos, but it was worth it just to see the people who looked like a chubbier MNM, and a kid who looks like what I imagine Kane to look like as a kid. Minus the burns. Scary.
Randy Orton stuff. Video from last week and Orton comes out and says Eddie was certainly no saint. Tazz even says another rude word! That’s two within the last few weeks! “Shit” at the Royal Rumble, and “Bitch” tonight! The guy’s a rebel. Next he’ll be smoking behind the toilets during Gym. You’d think if Randy Orton was to main event WrestleMania, the same goes for Rey Mysterio, they’d have somewhat shoving him down our throats, as opposed to only three segments in two weeks worth of SmackDown, which is why I find it all kind of odd. It seems like SmackDown is doing their best to ignore that WrestleMania is only just around the corner. Oh, and, Rey Mysterio dropkicks Randy Orton’s head into the Steel Pole, which Orton sells like I do me trying to fall asleep drunk.
Commercials.
Repeat of Mysterop dropkicking Orton.
Third Contest : Cruiser Weight Championship : Gregory Helms (Champion) verses Nunzio
Lock up and Helms gets a back body slam, but Nunzio rolls out and gets the arm. This match is going rather quickly; just think of lots of flipping and stuff until Helms throws Nunzio out of the ring. Kid Kash is watching from the entrance way. Nunzio attacks from behind and gets a two count. Hip tosses, Hurricanrana by Nunzio and Nunzio tries to rally the fans behind him.Nunzio gets some punches in, but Helms nails a TKO using the ropes instead of his shoulder. Suplex by Helms who goes up and nails his really cool cross body into a cocky pin for one. Camel Clutch (the actual kind) applied to Nunzio, who fights out of it. Nunzio nails a really odd albeit really cool neckbreaker. Clotheslines by Nunzio, headscissors by Nunzio. Sweet swinging neckbreaker gives Nunzio a two count. Back body drop by Nunzio. Helms gets a TKO right into the knee, and nails the Shining Wizard (man I love the Shining Wizard) for the victory.
Winner And Still Champion : Gregory Helms
Next week : Kid Kash verses Gregory Helms for the Cruiser Weight Championship. There were parts where Nunzio looked like he MIGHT win the match, or at least come closer than he did. Seven out of Ten because it was a fun match and one of the few matches of Nunzio’s that I’ve actually enjoyed. None of the other’s have been single matches. And I don’t think any of the others exist, either.
Kristal or Crystal is backstage with Palmer Cannon – but so are the JUNIORS! See what I did there? I put Juniors in Capitals! I love irony. Mr Kennedy interrupts for his usual SmackDown moment, before . . a Pirate cuts through the wall ( made cleverly of paper. Whoever builds the sets for SmackDown is probably still learning how to draw within the lines). And it’s Paul Burchill with a knife. Says hello to Mr Kennedy. Says hello to Palmer Cannon, and then buggers off. I think I might enjoy this Pirate gimmick, actually.
Commercials.
Still to come, Mark Henry verses The UnderTaker! Hoorah!
Junior’s Match featuring a rather tall short person. If HE’S a Junior, then so is Rey Mysterio. This match wasn’t very much more than a comedy match (as this entire thing is being treated as), and ends up with Fit Finlay coming out and playing chess. Or fighting. I doubt many people really care either way. Emerald Fusion to one of them and Fit Finlay tells us he loves Fighting. I had no idea, Mister Finlay. He has this weird stick with him, which would do the Fellowship proud.
RAW Rebound – John Cena verses Edge with Lita – WWE Championship – Mick Foley as the Special Guest Referee – This Monday Night for some people!!
Commercials.
Video for the UnderTaker. You can tell it’s new, and therefore superior, because it has clips from Armageddon and Royal Rumble.
Current No Way Out Card;
World Heavy Weight Championship : Kurt Angle (Champion) verses The UnderTaker
WrestleMania Number One Contendership : Rey Mysterio verses Randy Orton
Lashley verses John Bradshaw Layfield with Jillian Hall
United States Championship : Booker T (Champion) with Sharmell verses Chris Benoit
Backstage in the parking lot, Booker T and Sharmell open their trunk to find it full of worms. Hilarity ensues and there is much pissing of the pants.
Mark Henry’s music hits, which of course leads us to . .
Commercials.
And we’re back with Mark Henry rambling on and looking all intense and scary and stuff, just lacking everything of being scary and intense, while waiting for Undertaker to make his way out. Taker makes his way out and takes a few minutes.
Main Event : Mark Henry with Daivari verses The UnderTaker
Oh, gee, won’t this be fun? Lock up, headlock to Henry. Henry throws Taker off and Taker comes back with a shoulder but Henry doesn’t even budge. Henry gets Taker in a headlock. Taker pushes Henry off, who comes back and knocks Taker down with ease. Taker goes for a hiptoss but he can’t even lift Henry, who hiptosses him with ease. Henry lays the punches into Taker, with a headbutt for the hell of it. Irish whip into the other corner, where Taker gets a big boot. Taker runs off the ropes but Henry knocks him down with ease. Taker rests on the second rope, and Henry runs at him but Taker moves and Henry falls out of the ring. Impressive for a guy of his size. Henry has the worst fit of anger at ringside, half assedly kicking the steel steps and dragging off some of the security rail as we head to a commercial.
Commercials.
We return to Henry punching Undertaker, the two outside of the ring. Henry has the upper hand and tries to send Taker into the steel steps, but Taker reverses the irish whip and sends Henry into them. Taker begins punching and headbutting Henry. Isn’t this just the most exciting match ever? Cough. UnderTaker does his usual apron stuff; the elbows and the leg drop which somehow get him a one count about ten seconds after he hit them. Taker gets Henry’s arm and nails the Old School, which doesn’t knock Henry down. Taker runs at Henry, in the corner, and nails the highest knee I’ve ever seen Taker do. Taker runs again and does his best Stinger Splash he can, but Henry catches him and rams him into the opposite turnbuckle. Taker stumbles to another turbuckle where Henry takes it to the back of Taker. Taker stumbles around the ring and walks right into a scoop slam by Henry for a two count. Knee to Taker’s head by Henry. Henry continues to work the back of Taker (whose blond roots are REALLY coming through at the moment. It’s horrible!). Daivari chokes UnderTaker and runs away. On the outside, Henry slams Taker into the barricade before slamming his back into the apron, and his face into the steel steps. Henry gets a two count in the ring. Headbutt to Taker, who punches Henry in the gut a few times, before punching him right in the chin. Taker does a few splashes into Henry in the corner, and sets up for the Chokeslam, but Henry knees Taker in the gut! Taker nails the Flying Lariat, sets up for a Chokeslam, and nails it!!!! And a pretty high one, considering and all. MNM and Melina run down and Undertaker makes quick work of them – Daivari gets Chokeslamed! But MNM attack from behind and begin beating on Taker, who gets the upper hand and goes for a Double Chokeslam! Henry attacks Taker from behind as all three begin to attack Taker, Angle comes running down! German Suplexes on Henry, Mercury, Nitro! Angle picks up Henry, but Henry takes Angle down, Taker big boots Henry out of the ring!
Winner : No Contest . . I suppose.
Afterwards, Taker looks at the big golden belt, while Theodore Long comes on out and announces Undertaker and Kurt Angle verses MNM and Mark Henry for next week’s SmackDown, as we go off air. The match itself, if it had been done fast, would have been the greatest Mark Henry match ever considering those involved. Otherwise, however, at the most it was a Two out of Ten. As far as I’m concerned.
This week’s SmackDown Results;
Chris Benoit verses JBL verses Orlando Jordan verses Matt Hardy : 5 / 10
MNM verses Brian Kendrick and Paul London : 10 / 10
Gregory Helms verses Nunzio : 7 / 10
Undertaker verses Mark Henry : 2 / 10
SmackDown Friday the 10th of Feburary : 24 / 40
Hey, a better rating than lately. This show is worth is simply if you’ve got nothing better to do; although, I do really suggest checking out the Tag Team Match and the Cruiser Weight Championship. If you enjoy seeing Chris Benoit get his ass kicked for about twenty plus minutes, then this show was for you! Otherwise, not really much of a must see show overall. Until the Velocity Report, Ciao Yáll.
