PK, Wids, and Daniels are having a drinking party while this Pay Per View is on whoring it up with the finest prostitutes “Outlift Arnold” advertisement money can buy. I’m Tom Pandich, the guy who recently took over Live Raw coverage. In all seriousness, PK spent all weekend putting together some great Toyfair coverage while Daniels and Widro lit cheap cigars with crisp new Washingtons laughing at Eric Skzukikins’ drug addiction. Yeah, I’m getting all of the jokes about other writers out of the way in the pre-show.
The final card, and a damn good card I must say, looks like this:
-NWA World Heavyweight Championship
Jeff Jarrett vs. Christian Cage
-TNA X-Division Championship
Samoa Joe vs. AJ Styles vs. Christopher Daniels
-NWA World Tag Team Championship
America’s Most Wanted vs. Chris Sabin & Sonjay Dutt
-Falls Count Anywhere
Rhino vs. Abyss
-Team 3D vs. Team Canada (Bobby Roode & Eric Young)
-The James Gang vs. the Latin American Exchange
-The Naturals vs. Aries & Strong
Pre-show:
-Ron Killings vs. A-1
-Riley/Sharkboy/Hoyt vs. Moore/Young/Skipper
Since we’ve still got a few, let me break down the two matches everyone will be watching.
In short, Christian Cage has been searching for a world title for what seems like All of My Life. He’s dead set on winning the title No Matter Who has it. Many have are sick of Jarrett who has been an Everyday champ since TNA was founded. Don’t Get Me Started on Jarrett. Do You Remember when he was just an up and coming Son of a Man named Jerry. We Wait and We Wonder if tonight’s Cage’s night but Tomorrow Never Knows, You Know What I Mean?
The other match looking to make a Big Noise tonight is the three way Dance Into the Light between Joe, AJ, and Chris. With Joe holding the belt, The Times They are A-Changing. Still it’s not too late for the fallen angel to Testify. I Like the Way AJ has been as of late though so he could win again like it was just One More Night. Regardless, I’m Not Moving from my chair and No Matter Who wins, this match will be just Another Day in Paradise for wrestling fans. Come With Me all night to see who wins…Against All Odds.
Preshow: For the Love of Sting, Buy this PPV
We start out with a great Christian Cage/Jeff Jarrett promo video which is semi-shoot talking about how Sting quit, why Christian left the WWE, and Jarrett’s victims. It’s very nice
Ron “The Truth” Killings vs A1: Canadians versus”¦. Canadians
Things start out with the ref tossing out all of Team Canada. Truth rolls up A1 as he’s distracted for two. A1 kicks out. Truth goes into the ropes and eats a shoulder block. He pops right up and send A1 flying with a hip toss. Some transition moves and Truth hits a spinning round house for two. A1 is getting dominated. Truth finishes it with an axe kick.
Winner: Ron “The Truth” Killings
We get a pimp up of the Rhyno/Abyss match. It’s nice but not as well done as the Cage/Jarrett promo. After the match pimp, we get Abyss yelling and while James Mitchell shouts about how he’ll win and talks as evil as possible. It’s goofy as hell.
Six Man Tag: Elix Skipper/David Young/Shanon Moore with Simon Diamond versus Shark Boy/Cassidy Riley/Lance Hoyt: Clusterfluck!
Moore and Riley start off. Riley nails a running somersault off the second rope for two. Moore gets up and gets a blind tag by David Young. Riley takes Young out, tags in Shark Boy who gets a standing drop kick. Shark Boy mounts Young in the corner for the ten punches and then gets the shark bite. David Young pushes him off, misses a leg drop, and takes a bite on the ass.
Shark Boy goes to the opponent’s corner, dodges a clothesline from Elix and eats a spinebuster from David Young for two. Young tags in Elix, ignoring Moore who wants the tag. Elix and Young continue offense on Shark Boy until Moore gets a blind tag in. The communication breaks down for them and Shark Boy gets a tag to Lance Hoyt. Hoyt cleans house but gets dropped by a double Flatliner. Elix pins but Moore breaks it up. The three go at each other until Skipper and Young get dumped by Moore. Moore eats a Texas Powerbomb and we’re done.
Winners: Lance Hoyt/Shark Boy/Cassidy Riley
We get our final pimp video of the night with AJ/Daniels/Joe. After that we get a quick breakdown of the card and then its to the back for the Championship Committee to say they’re ensuring that there will be no outside interference. We finish with the best looking folks of Florida screaming ringside with a final breakdown of the card. 1:30 left to order so I’m grabbing a drink and I’ll be back for the opening match in a few.
Time for the show to start. We get Cage arriving at the scene followed by Jarrett pulling up in the Hummer with Gail. Coach D’Amore and Eric Young are waiting. Young brings up Sting and Jarrett chews him out over it. Young then gets chewed out by D’Amore. We get the Christian/Jarrett promo video one more time and it’s time to go Against All Odds! Fireworks and here comes our first official match:
The Naturals vs. Austin Aries & Roderick Strong: Tag Team Curtain Jerk
Aries and Strong attack the Naturals but get destroyed with dual inverted atomic drops, irish whips into each other, and then standing drop kicks. The Naturals use a double suplex to bring Aries into the ring. Aries gets hit with quite a bit of offense. Strong gets dumped and Andy Douglas looks like he’s going for a suicide dive. He stops himself on the apron, kicks Strong but gets dumped by Aries. Chase Stevens comes off the top with a backwards moonsault to the floor. Stevens tosses Aries back into the ring but eats an eye rake and the momentum has turned.
Strong and Aries take over with a combination of back breakers, knife edge chops and that wonderful high impact offense we love. Strong nails Stevens with a jawbreaker. Stevens then eats a flying elbow followed by a drop kick in one of the corners. Aries and Strong both hit elbows off the second rope for two a piece. Aries goes up top and Stevens knock his legs out from underneath him and takes out Strong. Stevens makes the hot tag to Andy Douglas. Douglas clears house and hits a huge hurricanrana for two. Strong and Aries make a big recovery though taking Douglas down after Douglas tries for a Natural Disaster. Strong and Aries get a two count having the pinfall broken up by Stevens. The Naturals try for the Natural Disaster again but Austin Aries is able to get out as Strong pulls out one of the Naturals. Aries tries to grab the rope for the roll up, but the ref sees it. The Naturals hit the Natural Disaster and that’s all she wrote.
Winners: The Naturals
We get sent to the back where Larry Zybysko bitches out Team Canada and Gail Kim saying that if any of them interfere in the match tonight, they will be fired. Basic angle enhancement interview stuff.
4 Way X-Division Match: Petey Williams vs Jay Lethal vs Alex Shelly vs Matt Bentley: Good Lord, Spotfest
We start out with Petey Williams and Matt Bentley in the ring. We get that lovely arm bar spot that the cruisers like to use. Backdrop to Williams for two. Williams takes over and puts Bentley in a tree of woe. Tracey comes over and distracts Williams which allows him to hit a big clothesline on Williams. Shelly gets a blind tag on Williams followed by another blind tag by Lethal. The crowd is way behind Lethal. Lethal dominates and hits a suplex for two. Alex Shelly is able to tag out by putting his foot out. Williams tags Shelly and the two work over the prone Lethal.
Williams gets another tag in. Lethal tries for a side suplex which Williams flips through and hits with a big drop kick. Williams puts on what seems to be a Camel Clutch when Shelly comes in looking like he’s going to double cross Williams which allows Bentley to get the tag in. Bentley tries going up to the top but Williams takes his legs out from under him. Shelly comes over to try for a electric chair superplex but Lethal kicks out Shelly’s legs causing Shelly to powerbomb Williams. Lethal then hits a suplex which he bridges for a pin, but Bently comes off the top breaking up the pin. We go into clusterf*ck mode and the finish comes when Williams tries for the Canadian Destroyer on Bentley, but Jackie comes to ring side and starts bitching out Shelly. Williams is distracted and Lethal comes in and rolls up Williams for the win.
Winner: Jay Lethal
We’re in the back with Rhyno. Larry Z interrupts Rhyno to talk about no interference in tonight’s main event. Yawn. We get a video recap of the blow up of Three Live Crew that leads to the match between the James Gang and LAX.
LAX with Konan vs James Gang: Who looks goofier Kip or Konnan?
Konnan does his thing. BG James does his thing. Kip tries to do his thing but they get attacked. James Gang takes over pretty quickly though. It’s all Kip as he beats the hell out Homicide. Gigantic powerbomb from Kip gets two. Homicide tags out and BG James gets a tag in as well Machette. Tag back to Kip but Konnan gives a beating to him on the outside. Kip gets beaten down until Homicide misses off the top. Hot tag to BG James. He cleans house. Pump handle slam. That’s all.
Winners: The James Gang
Post match beat down on the James is finished as soon as his dad hits the ring. Konnan bails as soon as Bullet Bill stares him down. Christ, I can’t keep up without the commercials.
We go to the back and the silliness with Larry Zbyszko continues in the back. Who’s going to ref tonight? I wonder”¦..
AMW vs Sonjay Dutt and Chris Sabin: Tag Titles Match
Things start out with Sabin and James Storm. Sabin tags out pretty quickly to Dutt selling the ankle angle. Dutt eats a shoulder block, pops up and hits an arm drag. Dutt then hits a crazy ass tilt a whirl hurricanerana and tags Sabin in. The two hit some double team moves on Storm getting a two off a drop kick. Sabin gets Storm into the corner, but Chris Harris pulls out his legs from him and slams the bad ankle into the ring post. Harris tags in and starts to work over the ankle. Harris starts to remove off the soft cast and then moves Sabin into his corner. Sabin fights Harris and Storm off and tries to hop over to Sonjay but gets dropped. Storm gets tagged in and drops a knee off the top to the bad ankle.
Sabin keeps taking shots while the ref sees if he continue. Harris tosses him into the corner and eats an elbow when he charges. Sabin can’t make the tag though. Storm gets the tag and grabs the good ankle. Sabin tries for the enziguiri, misses, but hits the comeback. Hot tag to Sonjay and he comes in like a house of fire.
Sonjay hits a springboard moonsault on both AMW members and the crowd goes crazy. Sonjay gets caught though and is set up for the Catatonic Sonjay counters the Catatonic for a two count. AMW brings in a chair but Sabin is able to hit a one legged dropkick and Dutt hits a tornado DDT for one, two, thr”¦ TWO! Sabin gets dumped and has his ankle taken out on the guard rail. Meanwhile Sonjay tries for a crazy ass corkscrew moonsault off the top. He misses, rolls through, but eats a big superkick. Sonjay then gets set up for the Death Sentence. That’s all she wrote.
Winners: AMW
America’s Most Wanted handcuffs Sonjay. They grab a chair , but Sabin is up and makes the save. AMW bails, and the joke is on Sabin. How does he expect to get Dutt out?
Meanwhile in the back, it’s an interview with Jarrett. He’s interrupted by Monty Brown though and Brown is promised the next title shot. Wow, that was quick and to the point.
Rhyno vs Abyss: Grievously Bodily Harm Title Match
Abyss comes in. Rhyno hits the ring like a house of fire and we go to the outside. Rhyno dumps Abyss over the guard rail. Rhyno moves the rail to try and set up some crazy spot. He reconsiders and we get Rhyno jumping over the top for a double axe handle. We fight back to the ring. Rhyno briefly loses control, takes back over, and we have weapons. The best weapon is the giant ass trophy. Rhyno nails Abyss with a kendo stick. Abyss nails Rhyno a garbage can which causes him to blade a bit early in my humble opinion. Abyss picks up a metal sheet which Rhyno blocks. He nails Abyss and then sets him up with the trophy on top of the family jewels. Rhyno grabs a baseball bat and breaks the trophy over Abyss’ baseballs.
Abyss bails and Rhyno follows him to the floor. Rhyno tries for a suplex on the entrance ramp, but Abyss hits the suplex. Abyss sets up a two by two stack of tables and Abyss tries for a powerbomb through the table. Rhyno blocks and sets up a gore but eats a big boot from Abyss. We move to the back stage where a car is abused by missed baseball bat shots. They go back into the ring and Rhyno send Abyss into the ring post. Rhyno sets up a table in the corner but Abyss uses a staple gun on Rhyno’s forehead twice. Ouch. Abyss brings another table.
Rhyno gets a shot on Abyss and Abyss stumbles over to the table set up in the corner. Rhyno goes for the gore, but eats a chokeslam through the table! 1, 2, NO. Abyss goes and grabs some thumbtacks but Rhyno hits a GORE GORE GORE THROUGH THE TABLE! 1, 2, NO! Rhyno sets up for another gore but James Mitchell hooks Rhyno’s leg. Rhyno goes after him but Abyss follows. We go into the stands and Abyss demolishes the wooden barrier in the bleachers. Abyss grabs a piece of wood and nails Rhyno across the head. Abyss grabs Rhyno and is looking for a chokeslam down on to the stack of tables! Rhyno counters with a kick to the gut and Rhyno hits a shoulderblock sending Abyss down through all four tables! Rhyno follows with an elbow drop. One, two, three! What a great match.
Winner: Rhyno
We go to the back with Samoa Joe. He says that tonight Daniels and AJ aren’t going against all odds. They’re going against him! Joe holds up the towel that AJ threw in. Oooooooo.
We go back to ringside (bleacherside?) and Abyss is up and getting a standing ovation. Promo video for the X-Division Title and here we go!
AJ Styles vs Christopher Daniels vs Samoa Joe: Shit meet fan. Fan meet shit.
Personally I’m pulling for Daniels. Joe hasn’t been defeated in individual matches in eight months. Joe starts off after AJ. Daniels eats a kick from Joe. Joe then gets tossed into Daniels and AJ tosses a hard right into Joe. Back and forth action for a few moments leaves us with Joe and AJ. Joe crushes AJ with a huge front suplex. AJ gets tossed into the corner and Joe follows but he eats a right from Daniels. Daniels gets thrown into AJ by Joe, but does a monkey flip to AJ who gets sent into Joe who catches him, looks like Joe might go for a Styles Clash and then locks on a huge Boston crab.
We get a lot of action that leads with Joe on the outside. AJ tries for a dive at Joe but Daniels knocks him off the apron. Daniels goes for a suicide dive but Joe bitch slaps him as he’s ready to go out, Joe nails him. Again what a match. The action moves back inside and Daniels gets dumped again. AJ charges Joe but gets flipped to the outside landing on Daniels! Joe then hits the ropes and HITS A HUGE SUICIDE DIVE! Wow. Both AJ and Daniels move back into the ring and Daniels is worked on by Samoa Joe.
AJ nails Daniels with a huge clothesline followed up by a gigantic belly to back suplex by Samoa Joe. Daniels is dead! Completely dead. Yet Joe only gets two on him. Joe is dominating this match Joe locks in a great arm bar on Daniels, but Daniels gets to the rope. Joe sets Daniels up for the Muscle Buster but AJ makes the save. Daniels comes off the top taking out AJ. Daniels sets up for a flatliner and Joe helps the cause by nailing a drop kick. Joe and Daniels go at it and Daniels hits a release German suplex. Daniels signals for the Best Moonsault Ever on Joe and HITS IT. One, Two, and Joe kicks out. He calls out for the Angel’s Wings and AJ breaks it up getting a two count. Wow what a match. Quite a bit of action and Joe ends up down and out. AJ gets sent over the top and Daniels sets up with a Death Valley Driver. AJ tries for a leg drop on Joe while he’s up in the DVD but misses. Daniels lands it and Joe is out. AJ and Christopher battle over who gets the pinfall and Joe is up. Daniels gets dumped and AJ gets destroyed with a Muscle Buster. It’s over.
Winner and STILL Champion: Samoa Joe
We get the build for the Team 3-D/Team Canada match and it’s on NEXT.
Team Canada vs Team 3D: A match aboot tables
Team 3D hits the ring like a house of fire and dumps Team Canada like a house of fire. What a bunch of hosers. Action moves back into the ring and it’s Bubba Ray in there with Bobby Roode. He hits a release German and Eric Young comes in but gets destroyed. Tag to D-Von and Bubba Ray takes over on Eric Young. Team 3D is tearing the Canadians a new one. Scotty boy is up on the apron, and is about to eat it but gets saved by Eric Young. That doesn’t slow Brother D-Von down as he hits the ropes, but Roode pulling them down does. They use the steel steps to open up D-Von and he is officially a FACE IN PERIL!
Young and Devine use a series of quick tags and submission moves to wear down D-Von. Eric Young pops on the Camel Clutch, breaks it, and tags in Roode. Roode hits a knee drop from the second rope and Young hits with an elbow drop off the top. They still wear D-Von down and he is bleeding like a pig. D-Von finally hits a low blow followed by an enziguri and makes the tag to Brother Ray. Ray goes up top and hits a huge cross body on both Young and Roode. Team Canada takes over hitting a double flapjack on Brother Ray. Young goes up top but gets crotched when Roode gets tossed into the corner. Superplex by Brother Ray for a massive superplex. The ref is distracted though and Roode comes in with the hockey stick. He misses once but hits on the second try. One, two”¦ Bubba kicks out! Young goes up for a moonsault, misses it, and D-Von is in. 3D! It’s over.
Winners: Team 3D
AMW hits the ring for a beat down. Brother Ray fights them off but gets overwhelmed by Team Canada. The group tries to take over and put D-Von through the table. TRUTH hits the ring and clears house. Eric Young then gets set up on the table and Killings drops a big leg off the top through the table.
We get a pimp for Destination X and we go to the back with Christian Cage. Christian gets huge representation from his peeps! Christian has dreamed about this moment. He also says that Larry Z has left it up in the air. Cage is laying it all on the line tonight. Tonight he finds out if leaving the money in the WWE to become champion was a good idea. Cage says that tonight he finds out if he’s a champion or a midcarder for life. Tonight he’ll take out Jarrett and leave Orlando with the title because THAT’S HOW HE ROLES!
We get the great Christian/Jarrett video. The match is n-e-x-t!
World Title Match: Christian Cage vs Jeff Jarrett
Earl Hebner is the special referee. The announcers bring up Hebner’s role in Montreal. Captain Charisma is IN DA HOUSE! Here comes Jarrett. Earl Hebner gets a mixed reaction. Christian gets some huge chants as he’s introduced. Gail Kim looks as ugly as she’s ever looked tonight. I mean Christ, what truck ran her over. Je double f J a double r e double t gets big boos and he goes after Cage to get into his face. Larry Z gives hand shakes to both men. Hebner checks both men and it is ON!
Bell rings and they start jawing at each other. They lock up. Christian hits two shoulder blocks getting a one count off of both of them. Jarrett gets a few quick punches followed by a big slap. Cage explodes on Jarrett. Cage runs, jumps on the second turnbuckle, fakes a jump causing Jarrett to put his head down, and gets the sunset flip for two. Christian tries for a suplex to the outside, Jarrett lands on the apron, but Christian hits an inverted DDT on the apron. Cage tries a high risk maneuver off the top rope but lands on the guard rail. Jarrett then grabs Cage’s legs and swings him into the guard rail. Ouch.
Jarrett moves Cage to the announcer’s table, and springboards him on to it. He brings Cage back into the ring and is dominating the match now. The ref is distracted and Gail Kim comes off the top and hits a huricanerana. Jarrett pins getting two. They go into transitional action and Cage drops Jarrett. Cage hooks Jarrett in the figure four. Gail Kim pulls Jarrett to the rope and Jarrett is up. Jarrett drops Christian and it’s time for the figure four”¦. Jarrett hooks THE SHARPSHOOTER! Wow, what a f*cking lame reference.
Christian doesn’t tap. He reaches the ropes but then gets pulled back. Christian turns the sharpshooter inside out but Jarrett kicks him into the corner. Earl Heber gets tossed into and his ankle is hurt. He goes down and we have a Stroke off the top rope. Hebner limps over. 1, 2, NO. Cage gets tossed into the ref and Hebner is out cold. UNPRETTIER! A second ref runs down 1, 2, NO. Jarrett attacks the second ref and takes him out. Jarrett gets a chair and Christian drop kicks it right into him. There’s no ref. The crowd counts to 12 before Cage goes after Gail Kim. Christian then eats the guitar as he’s about to hit the Unprettier! Hebner pulls himself over. 1, 2, NO!
Christian is down but not out. Jarrett pulls Hebner up as Gail Kim comes off the top and eats a powerbomb! Jarrett tries for an Unprettier. Cage blocks. Cage tries for a stroke. Jarrett blocks. Jarrett tries for a stroke. Cage blocks. UNPRETTIER!!!! Hebner pulls himself over”¦ 1″¦”¦”¦2″¦”¦”¦.3!!!!!!
Winner and NEW CHAMPION: Christian Cage
Rhyno gives Christian a big hug and the ring is rushed by the fans. What a fantastic, fun, completely overbooked finish. Still, the right man one and this was a fantastic Pay Per View. Good night everyone.
