Certainly not rated PG tonight, lord no, Rated M all the way. Despite the redundancy of this being played so close to The Simpsons, we still wouldn’t have it any other way. Josh Matthews and Steve Romero welcome us to Velocity and we open up as The Dicks are making their entrance. Despite their generic . . erm . . ness, I like these two. And I hope these two make a name for them selves. Albeit, much like Sylvan, they are in desperate need of a manager if they are to make it anywhere behind their current status. Oh and god bless, Brian Kendrick and Paul London aren’t wearing those horrid masks this week. Those were bringing up my lunch.
Opening Contest: The Dicks verses Paul London and Brian Kendrick
Kendrick starting off with today’s D1. Hammer lock by Kendrick who gets taken into the corner by Dick, who elbows Kendrick. Dick with an arm bar, and this Dick turns out to be Chad. So, for those taking note, D1 this week is Chad, D2 is James. Tag out to D2. D2 gets some knees in, as well as a few elbows, before going for a Scoop Slam. Kendrick jumps over D2 and tags in London. Double team hiptoss on D2, before a pair of kicks on a sitting up D2 gets London a two count. D2 takes London into the corner, and goes for an irish whip into the opposite corner, which London gets the better of and begins nailing D2 with kicks. D1 gets a cheap shot in on London and gets a one count. Tag to D1. Some kicks and punches between London and D1 before D1 tags out once more. Choke at the ropes by D1, and with the referee distracted, D2 gets a stomp on the back of London’s head. Tag out to D2. D2 sends London into the corner and nails a running elbow, before putting London in a headlock. London fails to get out of it, with D1 coming in to attack London when he’s about to flip D2 over his head. With the referee sending D1 back to his corner, London flips D2 and gets the tag to Kendrick. Which, of course, being the good guy, the referee doesn’t see. I believe the “Referee Doesn’t See The Good Guy’s Tag” is listed on Page Two of the wrestling encyclopedia of clichés. D2 goes for a suplex, but London drops to his feet and nails a falling necbreaker. Tag out to Kendrick! Elbows to D1, dropkick to D2, dropkick to D1! The Dicks go for a double team clothesline but Kendrick ducks, and gets leapfrogged by London and nails the Dropkick to both Dicks! Let’s call that the Duex Kick, yeah? London and Kendrick channel the Hardy Boys and set up D1 (I think?) in the corner, but D1 moves and Kendrick slams into the turnbuckles, with D1 kicking London in the ribs. D2 grabs Kendrick on the apron and D1 goes for a spear but, as usual lately, it backfires and Kendrick jumps up as D1 slams into D2; D2 flips into the ring and D1 falls out of the ring, interesting. D2 is getting to his feet but London uses him as a step and flips outside of the ring – sideways, with the Shooting Star Press – and lands on D1! Back in the ring, Kendrick with the Sliced Bread Number 2 for the victory!
Winners : Paul London and Brian Kendrick
Both of these teams are REALLY coming through as legitimate tag teams. But, as often with tag teams as of late, the Dicks one week seem to be a melding team, but the next they seem to be just two guys wrestling together. It’s odd. I’d like to see these two feud sometime later when they’ve both come into form as partners, but as it stands we’ve got Brian Kendrick and Paul London to thank for a watchable match. Kendrick and London are, as always, fun to watch. Six out of Ten.
Commercials.
Recap video of Rey Mysterio verses Sylvan from SmackDown. I gave this match 5 / 10, and an extra point for somewhat pushing Sylvan (side note : those points aren’t valid on Saturdays), although Orton coming out in wrestling gear was confusing, since he didn’t wrestle at all. Give these two half an hour and, hopefully, a few weapon shots (i.e. the steel pole dropkick once more) and I think these two could have quite the match at No Way Out. But I can always be wrong.
Commercials.
We’re back to hear Tatanka’s music. Why bring him back to wrestle on Velocity?
Second Contest : Tatanka verses Scott Matthews
Apparently Tatanka has been on a roll since he returned at the Royal Rumble. Yeah, two or so matches, what a roll. Maybe next week he can leave the training wheels and wrestle real matches?! Matthews attacks from behind but Tatanka nails some chops and sends Matthew’s into the corner. We’re about ten chops into the match and Tatanka begins slamming Matthew’s head into the turnbuckle before kicking him. Irish whip into the corner by Tatanka, another one as Matthews stumbles back into a clothesline. BAD hiptoss slash flapjack by Tatanka. Tatanka chops Matthews back down. Scoop slam by Tatanka. Suplex by Tatanka. Matthews gets a low kick and nails some knees and punches, and begins to work the shoulder but Tatanka comes back . . chops. More chops. CLOTHESLINE! Oh my god! Body drop by Tatanka who . . goes up top?! Jumping down with “The Tomahawk Chop”, before nailing the Trails End for the victory.
Winner : Tatanka.
Oh lord what a . . oh god. Zero out of Ten. Actually, screw that, Minus Five. Ugh.
Commercials.
More clips from SmackDown, this time; Bobby Lashley and Chris Benoit verses Fit Finlay verses John Bradshaw Layfield. It’s still a miracle.
Commercials.
Junior’s Match. Aren’t these two the same two that wrestled the other week? I don’t do Juniors Matches, but it was supposed to be a comedy match I suppose. If that’s true, then they’re very stupid. Even Charles Robinson.
Commercials.
The third SmackDown clip today, with the Handicap Match Event. According to Michael Cole, Kurt Angle verses The UnderTaker at No Way Out the greatest Main Event in SmackDown History. And, thinking about it, I’d have to admit it’s darned close to it. Outside of Vengeance 2003.
Main Event : Super Crazy with Psicosis verses Nunzio and Big Vito
Apparently nobody would be surprised if Super Crazy or Psicosis become Cruiser Weight Champion at No Way Out. I would be. I would be shocked, actually. Nunzio trips Crazy to start and locks an odd ankle lock while Crazy tries to kick him off, eventually kicking him off. Nunzio tries to regain the hold, but trips Crazy again and gets a Pinning Bridge, but Crazy uses his legs to drag Nunzio into a pin of his own. Armbar by Nunzio into Hammerlock, Crazy reverses it into a hammerlock but Nunzio runs and drops, sending Crazy outside of the ring. Nice. Crazy on the top rope, jumps down onto Nunzio and nails an arm drag. Nice again. Nunzio is up in the corner and Crazy gets a monkey flip for two. Stiff dropkick by Crazy and Nunzio rolls out of the ring, after some nice swift aerial stuff, Nunzio gets hit with a Baseball slide before Crazy nails a swanton to the outside. Back in the ring Crazy gets a two count. Nunzio rolls back outside and, thanks to Vito, avoids a body press from Crazy. Back in the ring, Nunzio gets a two count. Suplex by Nunzio for another two. Armbar by Nunzio but Crazy punches out. Sleeper hold by Nunzio, but Crazy powers out of it and gets the elbows into the ribs, but Nunzio gets the better of him and knocks him back down. In the corner, Crazy looks to have a comeback, but Nunzio returns the punches and goes for a DDT, but Crazy holds the ropes and doesn’t fall, unlike Nunzio who slams the mat hard. It’s so odd how that only hurts whenever they screw it up. Crazy goes for a springboard Moonsault (not the Lionsault, exactly) but Nunzio gets his knees up. Nunzio slaps Crazy around a bit but Crazy drags him down into a small package for two. Crazy goes up top and jumps off with a sunset flip over Nunzio into pin for another two count. Nunzio with the drop toe hold, before he decides to go up top. Crazy slides out onto the apron and Nunzio looks to adjust himself for an attack to the apron, some punches between the two and Nunzio sets up for a Tornado DDT to the outside, but Crazy drops him on the apron and clotheslines Nunzio back into the ring. Crazy jumps over the top rope and nails the springboard Moonsault onto Nunzio, and gets the Three count.
Winner : Super Crazy.
Simply a great match for Velocity. Ten out of Ten, no questions asked.
So, for Velocity the 18th February;
Paul London and Brian Kendrick verses The Dicks : 6 / 10
Tatanka verses Scott Matthews : Minus Five Points
Super Crazy verses Nunzio: 10 / 10
Velocity This Week: 11 / 30
Well, on the upside, the Tag Match and the Main Event were fun. The Main Event was even pretty high for SmackDown PPV standards. So check out Super Crazy verses Nunzio, but the rest isn’t must see material. Until SmackDown, Ciao Yáll!
