JBL vs. Bobby Lashley
PK: JBL is in a downward spiral, and I don’t see him going over Lashley for any reason…hey if he loses to The Boogeyman, he might as well lose to Matt Striker at this point.
Winner – Lashley
Matthew Michaels: No reason at all for JBL to win here.
Winner – Lashley
Eric Szulczewski: One must analyze the decade that one John Layfield has spent in the employ of Vince McMahon. His first gimmick was absolutely dead-end, but he survived it. Ditto with his second gimmick. His third one was supposed to be dead-end as well, but somehow he got over, first as a bad-ass, then as a funny bad-ass. Then he was given a gimmick that was as much a rip-off of Ted DiBiase as his first was a rip-off of Stan Hansen, and he was expected to fail. Yet somehow he succeeded again, beyond everyone’s wildest dreams, probably including his own. Everything that should have killed him dead didn’t, and he kept falling upward. But, now, they’re taking no chances. They believe that if they feed him to all the newcomers and job him to hell and back, demoting him along the way (the only reason why he’d be in a Number One Contender’s Match for the secondary strap), it’ll do the job once and for all. That will fail, too. He’ll start getting massive face heat which will propel him back to the upper-card on sheer audience response alone. And then, maybe, they will figure it out: the only things surviving after a nuclear holocaust will be cockroaches and John Layfield’s wrestling career.
Winner – Bobby Lashley
Iain Burnside: Let’s see what JBL has been up to the past year… had an incredibly dull feud with DAVE… got blootered and beat the crap out of The Blue Meanie… played second fiddle to Randy Orton on Team Smackdown… fell victim to The Worm Killer incredibly quickly… got stuck with Jillian Hall… Eddie Guerrero must never have felt so far away. Now he gets to lose again, since WWE can’t afford Bob Sapp and finds Monty Brown too confusing. What an age we live in.
Winner – Bobby Lashley
Jed Shaffer: In one corner, we have Bobby Lashley, the Brock Lesner/Ahmed Johnson mutant. In the other, JBL, JTTS. You don’t need the paint-by-numbers kit here.
Winner – Ahmed v2.0
Mark Neeley: JBL has been reduced to putting the young freaks over at this point. First it was Boogeyman at Royal Rumble, now Lashley. I don’t see any chance of JBL getting the upset and, of all people, ending BOBBY’s undefeated streak. Expect something short and sweet, like it was with Boogeyman.
Winner – Lashley
Danny Wallace: I think JBL needs this win badly after his loss to the Boogeyman. But, alas, I see Lashley pinning the once mighty “Wrestling God”.
Winner – Bobby Lashley
Dwayne: This is yet another stupid hole that WWE has booked itself in to. You’ve got Lashley, who’s on his way up the card and really shouldn’t be losing yet.
Across the ring from him, there’s JBL, who’s been doing jobs for quite some time absent his brief program with Matt Hardy that nobody (save for losers
like me) remembers. However, because it looks like we’re building up to a split between Bradshaw and his valet/image consultant/mannequin/whatever the hell she is, I’ll give the win to the Real Deal . . . and I don’t mean the guy who runs Wrestlecrap.
Winner – The REAL DEAL, BOBBY LASHLEY!
Gregory Helms (c) vs. Funaki vs. Paul London vs. Kid Kash vs. Psicosis vs. Brian Kendrick vs. Scotty 2 Hotty vs. Super Crazy vs. Nunzio – WWE Cruiserweight Title
PK: No reason to upset a good thing right now. Helms has been a breath of fresh air in the CW division. I am actually kind of surprised Noble isn’t in the match. Look for one of the faces to have a stronger showing then the others, to set up a WM program. Hopefully we will get Helms/London, but Helms/Kash wouldn’t be too bad either (except for the fact that both are heels).
Winner – Helms
Matthew Michaels: I think they’ll keep it on Helms, to establish him as the heel to beat. Who will eventually unseat him? Not a clue, although it could lead to a good blow off at Mania if someone gets in a good amount of offense but just falls short at NWO.
Winner – Helms
Eric Szulczewski: Usually, when you have a “champ versus everybody” type of match, it’s a sure sign that the champ’s coming out of it intact. However, the Cruiserweight Division seems to be that exception to the rule. They always keep it wide open. So we have to figure out if this is the exception to the exception. Have they tapped out Novocaine’s heat from moving over from Raw and playing bitch-slap with the rest of the division yet? Was the title switch only done to let Kash heal up? Kash will get the title back, but that’ll be in time for One-Night Stand. As for right now, you’d think it’d be foolish to have a guy hold the belt for only a few weeks when there could be so much more done with him as title holder. Two words: Adam Fuckin’ Copeland.
Winner – Oh, boy…I’d say London, except he and Spanky are having too much fun being tag team jobbers. Oh, keep it on Novocaine for now.
Iain Burnside: Woah, woah, woah, Sweet Child O’ Mine, they literally have reached the stage where they can’t be arsed to actually remember the names of the cruiserweights. The Royal Rumble was “Cruiserweight Champion against some other wee blokes” and No Way Out is the same. WrestleMania probably won’t be any different, though they’ll be lucky if that match makes it onto the PPV rather than being reserved for a DVD “extra” or WWE.com “exclusive”. Still, hopefully we will get to see some adequate flipping. It gives me the chance to make “wheeee!” noises whilst watching.
Winner – Gregory Helms
Jed Shaffer: Two Cruiserweight Title clusterf*cks in as many months? Gods, what a selling point!
Winner – Novocaine Helms
Mark Neeley: This desperation to fill the card match is so significant that they didn’t even announce what kind of match it would be. I guess it’s a battle royal like at Royal Rumble, or whatever that was. I see them keeping it on Helms, I guess. Maybe Octagon Cito will sneak in and win it.
Winners – The arena’s hot dog and cotton candy venders. (I had to pull it off somewhere, and since this is SmackDown and there is no diva’s match, the next choice was the cruisers).
Gregory Helms (c) vs. “The Rest of the Cruiserweights” – WWE Cruiserweight Title
Danny Wallace: I simply LOVE Helms. Not in that way. But in a “he’s awesome” kinda way. Anyway, moving on.. I don’t see Helms dropping the strap just yet, because they can use this to further his character by being “unbeatable”. Then, they can bring in another cruiser somewhere down the line, (like a face James Gibson, who for some reason isn’t in this match), or they could use him for an opponent for Rey Mysterio at WrestleMania.
Winner – Gregory Helms
Dwayne: Well, at least the CWs are getting some time on the PPV. Lets look at the bright side of things. Pretty rushed booking here, as Helms probably should have had more time to beat guys in singles matches before he was forced to take on the entire division at once. Anyway, Shane just started his title reign, so it’d be ridiculous to pull it off him a couple of weeks later. He’s no joke champ like edge . . . he’s Gregory Helms, DAMMIT!
Winner – Gregory Helms
MNM vs. Matt Hardy and a Partner of his Choice
PK: All fingers point to Road Warrior Animal to be Matt’s partner. What gets me is that why hasn’t Gymini answer the challenge from MNM? Why is it that they are hell-bent on putting tag team titles on makeshift teams? Regaurdless…anything less then Jeff Hardy will be a disappointment in most marks eyes.
Winners – MNM
Matthew Michaels: Well this will be Matt & Animal, or so it seems (and with Rey’s recent singles push, really what else does Matt have to do?), but MNM isn’t going to lose this. In fact, if they are to give Animal one last title reign, my guess is it will be in his home town of Chicago…
Winner – MNM
Eric Szulczewski: For “partner of his choice”, read “Animal”. Please don’t let this be permanent. I thought that we were finally rid of the sight of a Hardy in make-up.
Winners – MNM
Iain Burnside: Or “Matt Hardy and an Insurance Scam” courtesy of Johnny Ace’s brother. Hardy could easily have been an NWA World Heavyweight Champion by this point. Now he gets to follow in the footsteps of Rocco, Droz and Heidenreich by further tainting the memory of the most iconic tag team in the history of wrestling. Yeah, I have hyperbole on my side. I’ll need whatever I can get to try and keep me awake whilst watching this show. Chances are that I will mainly be relying on the fast-forward button.
Winners – MNM
Jed Shaffer: WWE has never done good with mystery partners. Anyone remember Snuka being the mystery partner at that one Survivor Series (1996, I believe)? Unless it’s Hanky Boy, Matt don’t stand a chance. And somehow, I don’t think it’s Hanky Boy.
Winners – The only real tag team left on Smackdown
Mark Neeley: Will the mystery partner be Jeffykins? Doubt it. It will probably be Road Warrior Animal, to get MNM all worried since LOD 2k2 was the team that they originally lost the titles to. This match is almost as worthless as Matt’s current status in the WWE.
Winners – MNM
Danny Wallace: The word on the web is that that old f*cker Road Warrior Animal will be Hardys’ Partner. Whoopee. Can Hardy’s WWE career sink any lower right now? Teaming with that old rust bucket? Who knows? What I do know, is that the Road Warrior’s might be getting inducted to the WWE Hall of Fame this year, so they might as well use him and give him some more money before he hopefully retires at WM22. I don’t see them winning though.
Winner – MNM
Dwayne: I want to be surprised to see who the Mystery partner is, so I’m not going to do a whole lot of speculation. We’ll just see how things pan out. However, don’t count on a title switch.
Winner – MNM
Booker T (c) vs. Chris Benoit – US Title
PK: The build has been a long time for this one, but I don’t see the blow off just yet. Look for a rematch at WM, with Benoit finally winning the strap back.
Winner – Booker
Matthew Michaels: Just get the belt off of Booker already. I have a feeling he’s got bigger things in store for this PPV anyway.
Winner – Benoit
Eric Szulczewski: When will this end? Dear God, when will this end? Please note that these are two guys who should be fighting for the world title, not the secondary one. Instead, they have to take a back seat to Randy Orton. Vince is going to burn in hell just for this one alone. However, after all this fooferaw, there has to be some payoff. The only question is whether Orton will interfere with the match as payback. Dear God, I hope not. Unless they want to set up the WM match as champion versus champion…no, no, get out of my head, dammit. I have to vote with my heart. It’s the only thing that can keep the bad thoughts away.
Winner – Chris Benoit
Iain Burnside: It is hard to complain about this feud, but then it isn’t particularly easy to lavish it with praise either. The whole thing got massively sidetracked and is now chiefly concerned with killing time until Booker repays his debt to Orton later on. I guess we can pencil in Booker/Orton vs. Benoit/Mysterio for SNME, or at least for a Smackdown main event in the not-too-distant future. As far as the actual US title is concerned, the apparent big blow-off will be Benoit reclaiming it at WrestleMania. That wouldn’t exactly progress things very far, nor would it give us anything different for the one special show of the year. With Ken Kennedy injured, however, the only other options are a massively overrated Lashley, a criminally under-pushed Mysterio, or a strangely unsatisfying Finlay. I guess it has more options than the Intercontinental Title, but it would still be best for everyone if the Money in the Bank match was opened up to both Smackdown and Raw.
Winner – Booker T
Jed Shaffer: After months of this crap, we get a straight match as a blowoff? I’m almost afraid we won’t get the blowoff until ‘Mania, which will depress me to no end if that happens. Please, let me be wrong.
Winner – The five time, five time, five time, five time, five time champion of a company that doesn’t matter anymore …
Mark Neeley: Could we just end this never-ending array of matches already? This is getting bad, and I mean Kane-Edge RAW bad. The only difference is that unlike Kane-Edge, Benoit-Booker are the same matches every time. Now that the Booker injured spot with the US title is finally, finally over, I see them putting the belt back on Benoit to set up other feuds, such as with Finlay.
Winner – Our Lord and Savior
Danny Wallace: Hmm. I see a Finley – Benoit US title match at WrestleMania, so I’m going with a Chris Benoit win. Booker T looks to be playing with The BoogeyMan now anyway. Good for him.
Winner – Chris Benoit
Dwayne: THE GOLD IS COMING BACK TO CHRIS BENIOT BITCHES! Booker still seems to be hurt, so this match needs to be short and sweet. Benoit is almost unstoppable right now, and the angle should really end with him regaining the belt since Booker cheated him out of it in the first place. With nowhere to run and nowhere to hide, it is inevitable the new victim of the “You Tapped Out” chant will be Booker T. Beniot needs to quit getting screwed. Its time for the gold to go back around Chris Beniot’s waist!
Winner – AND NEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW WORLD WRESTLING ENTERTAINMENT UNITED STATES CHAMPION OF THE WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLD, CHRIS BENIOT!
Rey Mysterio vs. Randy Orton – Title Shot at WM
PK: This whole program has been disgusting…and not because of the Eddie Guerrero stuff…that’s hilarious. This match basically renders the whole Royal Rumble pointless, and a bad Rumble at that. I am begging for Mysterio/Angle at WM, but can they possibly be thinking another Undertaker/Orton match????
Winner – Orton
Matthew Michaels: As much as I’m hoping I am wrong here — and really the ONLY good that could come out of using Eddie’s name, and FAMILY, in this storyline (and even that’s a stretch) is if Rey wins against all odds and goes on to have a classic with Angle at Mania — the SD title match at Mania has been Randy’s to lose since back when Batista was champ. Plus, Booker owes Randy a favor, and I see that coming into play here, setting up Booker vs. Rey in a Wrestlemania grudge match (or, if Booker retains, in a match, possibly a three-way with Benoit, for the US strap).
Winner – Randy Orton
Eric Szulczewski: Unless you’ve been living in a cave, you know how this ends. And if you have been living in a cave, 1) how are you connecting to the Net to read this? and 2) you may want to go back to the cave and permanently block the entrance in order to avoid having to watch wresting ever again.
Winner – Randy Orton
Iain Burnside: And in the never-ending quest to make this thing even more uncomfortable, Chavo Guerrero will be at ringside too. Let’s just hope that the “writers” are not twisted enough to have Tim White do a run-in and fail to kill himself. The rumour mill has been churning out notions of an Angle/Orton/Mysterio triple-threat at Mania, which may well be their best option at this point but only if Mysterio wound up winning it (and even then only if his subsequent defences made no mention of Eddie whatsoever). I’ll be unnecessarily generous and assume that this could come to pass. Then it would make sense for Orton to use serious shenanigans to cheat Mysterio out of the title shot here, only for Rey to prove himself worthy of inclusion in the Mania main event in the coming month anyway. After all, there’s a fairly long time in between No Way Out and WrestleMania this year and a big ol’ Saturday Night’s Main Event show to attempt to impress NBC with.
Winner – Randy Orton
Jed Shaffer: If you need to know my thoughts how this should’ve gone down, go back and read my entry in mine and Neeley’s latest View From The Cheap Seats. I have nothing else to add here.
Winner – Vince’s forgotten pet project
Mark Neeley: Double M approached me yesterday about this match. His theory was that Rey would turn heel by bringing in Dominick, saying that he belongs in hell with Eddie ect and lays down with Orton. This brings out Chavito Guerrero, and “there’s your Mania match.” Even so, why would Rey just throw away his WrestleMania title shot? The heel turn won’t happen, but Mysterio will lose.
Winner – Randy Orton
Danny Wallace: I don’t like this angle, mainly because Mysterio & Orton don’t click in the ring that well. I see Mysterio losing, but saying that, so does everybody else. Chavo & Vicky are obviously there to comfort Rey afterwards. Hmm.. A Chavo heel turn after the match? That would rock…
Winner – Randy Orton
Dwayne: First of all, I would like to just say that as someone who knew Eddie Guerrero, I hate this storyline and it pains me to have to suffer through watching this go down. But anyone with a brain knows that Rey Mysterio isn’t main-eventing Wrestlemania, because he’s too small and Vince likes big men. FUCK THE WWE! THEIR GOING TO SCREW REY MYSTERIO RIGHT IN FRONT OF EDDIE GUERRERO’S FAMILY! HOW DISRESPECTFUL IS THAT!!! HOW LOW CAN YOU GO VINCE MCMAHON? Controversy aside, this should be a solid match. If the WWE continued the Booker/Orton/Benoit storyline from last month, common sense would say that Orton uses his favor and has Booker interfere to cost Rey the match. However, I don’t remember the last time the WWE has used common sense.
Winner – Randy Orton
Kurt Angle (c) vs. The Undertaker – World Heavyweight Title
PK: How daring is this? Can they actually push towards an UT/Orton match at WM? God I hope not. On the other side of that, I wouldn’t loathe having to see Orton/Angle, because, while I think the match will be good enough, these two need a bigger build then 6 weeks. I think Mark Henry will probably help the outcome of the outcome of this match, setting up Henry to be UT’s fodder at WM.
Winner – Angle
Matthew Michaels: I actually wouldn’t mind Taker winning here and finally getting the Big Gold Belt around his waist (he’s pretty much the only “major name” of the past decade or so to have NOT won both belts in WCW, WWF, or WWE), but looking ahead a month, Taker vs. Randy has happened way too often, and Taker vs. Rey would be a super-odd matchup since the dead man is barely even a tweener the way he’s been booked over the past year. That being said, this one may not end clean (Taker’s last match with Angle ended in an odd double-pin), so look for whoever WWE is planning on booking against Taker to interfere, helping Kurt keep the strap.
Winner – Kurt Angle
Eric Szulczewski: Kurt Angle is now the only person who can prevent us from the spectacle of yet another UT/Orton match at Wrestlemania. As if we haven’t had enough of that shit over the last year. Everyone’s thinking that if Orton interferes in a match, it’s going to be in the Booker/Benoit match. I think it’ll be here, and there’s a very simple in-character reason for Orton to do so: he couldn’t beat UT at WM last year. No one has been able to beat UT at WM. So there’s no way he wants to do that again. He’d rather face Angle. Maybe that kind of situation might convince some people that Orton has active brain cells.
Winner – All depends how they rule it, but Angle retains the title
Iain Burnside: Oh, joy. What was the last No Way Out title match to mean a damn thing? Yeah, that’s right, him again. There’s no escaping that shadow at all. I’m actually intrigued to see how they book this match. Angle’s being presented as a deadly serious threat like no other time in his professional career, not to mention they’re finally letting him be a face, and yet he is still Emergency Transitional Champion and Taker has still not lost cleanly since before his brother went to dental school. However, both men have been clamouring to work a title match together for a long time now and this is almost certainly their last opportunity to do it. Yet if they can’t make the champion look weak heading into WrestleMania and they just plain can’t make Taker look weak ever and any combination of Orton, Henry, Daivari and MNM are waiting in the wings to run interference… are we heading towards a Jarrett Style Main Event of utter clusterf*ck proportions? In keeping with the theme of the show, all signs point to yes.
Winner – Kurt Angle
Jed Shaffer: Even Angle can’t make this worth my time and effort. I shudder to think what moron is going to come out and save ‘Taker’s heat by costing him the match, cause Angle ain’t beating Undertaker clean. No freakin’ way.
Winner – Fuck Michelle Kwan … this is our REAL American Hero
Mark Neeley: Orton-Taker AGAIN at WrestleMania? I don’t think so.
Winner – Our Olympic Hero
Danny Wallace: This could go two ways. If Angle wins, we get Angle vs. Orton at ‘Mania, a match which nobody really wants to see. On the other hand, If Undertaker wins, we get Orton vs. Taker. Could Orton be the one to end Takers winning streak? No, is the answer. So I say Angle retains. Look for after-match shenanigans involving Mark Henry beating the tar out of The Undertaker, setting up their WrestleMania match.
Winner – Kurt Angle
Dwayne: This is the only match worth the money it costs to buy this pay per view. The match could very well keep No Way Out from being a Worst PPV Of The Year candidate. I don’t want to believe that a Undertaker/Randy Orton WHT Title Match is in the works, so I’ll pick Kurt Angle in a very exciting match. I look for Orton to interfere and cost Taker the match. This won’t be near the quality of some of the matches these two had in 2002, but it should be good.
Winner- Kurt Angle
