The SmarK Rant for WWE Unforgiven 2005


The SmarK Retro Rant for WWE Unforgiven 2005

– Well, this has been sitting on my desk for something like two months now waiting to be typed up, so might as well get to it now.

– Live from Oklahoma City, OK.

– Your hosts are Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler and the Coach. Oh man, this is JR’s last PPV! How sad is that?

– Opening match, Intercontinental title: Carlito v. Ric Flair. They trade headlock to start and Carlito struts, which is never a good move. Flair responds to the taunts with a chop, and Carlito bails. Back in, and it’s more chops in the corner, and Carlito’s offense isn’t particularly effective. Flair goes for the figure-four, but gets shoved out of the ring, where he eats post. Back in, Carlito goes to the work on the injured arm. The modern crowd goes old-school with an old-fashioned “Let’s Go Flair” chant, a strange thing to hear in these days of smarky chants. Backdrop and armbar takedown gets two for Carlito. A second try is blocked by Flair, who comes back with chops. And he goes up, fights off Carlito, and CLOTHESLINES CARLITO OFF THE TOP! Big pop for that one, as he finishes the move for the first time in ages. Being Flair, he immediately gets cocky and goes up again, but Carlito catches him with a dropkick for two this time. Carlito stops to get an apple, however, and Flair punches him, causing him to choke on it. Figure-four finishes, as there’s a sequence you don’t see every day. (Flair d. Carlito, figure-four — submission, 11:48, **1/4) Decent opener, although it was all sympathy heat for Flair.

– Torrie Wilson & Victoria v. Trish Stratus & Ashley. Victoria starts with Trish and they trade wristlocks, which Trish turns into a headscissor takedown. Ashley comes in and does some horrible looking stuff and some needless flips, like RVD with boobs. The evil girls take over as Victoria chinlocks her. I think losing her spunky, backwards cap may have been her downfall. It’s like Samson with better accessorizing. Super-basic tag team formula stuff, as Ashley is basically confined to selling low-impact stuff, and it’s hot tag Trish. She reverses a sideslam into a headscissors, and gets a spinebuster on Victoria, but the ref is distracted. Double takedown and chick kick finish regardless. (Trish & Ashley d. Torrie & Victoria, Trish high kick — pin Victoria, 7:07, *) This was what it was.

– Meanwhile, Flair discovers the miracle of Viagra in a funny skit.

– Big Show v. Snitsky. Oh yeah, THAT’S why I put off watching this show for months. Slugfest to start, which Show wins handily. Snitsky decides to walk, but gets caught and sent back in. However, another escape prompts Show to chase him, and he meets the post. Back in, Snitsky goes after the arm. He counters out of a chokeslam and gets a backdrop suplex, which is pretty impressive. That gets two. Big boot gets two. He stays on the arm with a top wristlock, but Show escapes with a weak spinebuster. Show kips up, kinda, and makes the comeback, and that’s that. (Show d. Snitsky, chokeslam — pin, 6:11, **) Not as horrifying as you’d think, and in fact it was kept so short and basic that it was surprisingly decent.

– Kerwin White v. Shelton Benjamin. Boy, this match got dated in a hurry. Shelton attacks during the sweater-hanging, and takes Kerwin down with a knee to the gut. Slam and seated clothesline follows, but Kerwin dropkicks the knee. Shelton clotheslines him for two, but misses a blind charge. Kerwin goes back to the knee with a clip and a kneecrusher, but Shelton reverses out, so Kerwin uses a Brocklock and then a spinning headscissors for two. Nice touch as Shelton lands on his feet off a monkey flip, but that hurts his knee. Slugfest is won by Shelton, and a neckbreaker gets two. Backdrop and back suplex, and he goes up, but Kerwin crotches him. Superplex follows for two. Kerwin takes him down into a half-crab, but Shelton reverses into a catapult to break. Kerwin grabs his golf club, but walks into the exploder. (Shelton Benjamin d. Kerwin White, exploder — pin, 8:04, **3/4) Fans were disinterested, but got into it.

– Cage match: Edge v. Matt Hardy. They try to ram each other into the cage, unsuccessfully, but Edge makes a run up the cage off a corner whip. Matt brings him down and tries a headlock, then holds on through a back suplex and stays on it. Edge escapes and stomps him down, but Matt WILL NOT DIE. He fights back in the corner and gets a flying clothesline, but Edge blocks the Twist and gets the Edge-O-Matic for two. Another climb attempt is blocked by Matt, but Edge rams him into the cage and follows him down with a missile dropkick. Back suplex and Edge slugs him down. Nice Samoa Joe boot in the corner and a DDT gets two. Edge powerbombs him into the cage, and then into the corner, as Edge is all about the badass offense tonight. Another boot to the head and Matt is loopy, but he WILL NOT DIE. He climbs, but Edge powerbombs him out of the corner. That gets two. Matt bites Edge’s fingers in desperation, so Edge pounds him in the corner, and Matt counters with Snake Eyes. Side Effect gets two. Lita sends the Magic Briefcase in, but Matt ties Edge up in the ropes and f*cks him up good. Catapult in the cage and bulldog on the briefcase, and Matt is on the comeback trail and he’s still not dying and stuff. Edge hits all four walls and starts bleeding. Matt works that cut in nicely sadistic fashion, but goes up and gets knocked off. Edge spears him into the cage to follow up, but Matt WILL NOT DIE. Side Effect brings Edge off the top and that gets two. Lita saves and distracts Matt while Edge crawls for the door, but Matt gets his revenge with a Twist of Fate on her. Edge uses that delay to spear Matt for two. Edge climbs again, but Matt brings him down and follows with a YODELLING LEGDROP OF DEATH off the top of the cage to finish. (Matt Hardy d. Edge, legdrop — pin, 21:35, ****) Sadly, this was the climax of Matt’s comeback, not the beginning of a bigger run.

– RAW tag titles: Hurricane & Rosey v. Lance Cade & Trevor Murdoch. Cade pounds Hurricane down to start, but he comes back and cleans house with armdrags. Murdoch comes in and gets dropkicked for two. The heroes double-team him and Rosey butt-splashes him in the corner for two. Cade comes in and grabs a facelock, while Murdoch hits on Lillian to draw Hurricane over. That results in an ugly-looking DDT off the apron and a dead Hurricane. Rosey continues fighting off Cade with a corner clothesline, but misses another one and Murdoch gets two. Hurricane gets helped out while the challengers continue the punishment, but Rosey comes back. Hurricane tags himself in, unwisely, and it’s quickly over. (Cade & Murdoch d. Hurricane & Rosey, Murdoch lariat — pin Hurricane, 7:39, *1/2) Dull and heatless. After weeks of buildup, Cade and Murdoch lost the belts a month later and were split up off-screen without explanation or followup.

– Chris Masters v. Shawn Michaels. Masters attacks and Masterlocks Shawn during his pre-match promo, which is pretty smart. He releases and tries again, but Shawn slips out and starts chopping. Clothesline puts Masters on the floor and Shawn follows with a pescado. They brawl outside and Shawn grabs a chair, but Masters sends him into the railing. Shawn’s still ornery, fighting off a powerbomb attempt with punches, so Masters powerbombs him into the post instead. That works. Back in, the strategy is obvious for Masters. Legdrop ges two. Shawn only lays down for that move if the money is good enough, brother. He pounds the back and a backdrop gets two. He uses another one as a submission move, but Shawn fights out and tries a crucifix, which almost gets turned into the Masterlock. Shawn escapes before it can happen, so Masters opts for a torture rack instead. Shawn escapes with a sunset flip for two, but gets clotheslined down again. Press slam sets up the Masterlock, but Shawn goes low to prevent it. Slugfest as Shawn comes back with the flying forearm and clotheslines. Shawn goes up with the flying elbow, but Masters ducks the superkick and gets the Masterlock. Shawn pushes off the turnbuckles, but can’t break, so he fights to the ropes to escape. He necksnaps Masters and goes up, but gets caught coming down. However, this time the Masterlock is reversed to the superkick, and it’s over. (Michaels d. Masters, superkick — pin, 17:27, ***1/2) Usual great Shawn v. big man match, as he knows exactly what to do with guys like Masters, being all resilient and avoiding the big moves and stuff.

– RAW World title: John Cena v. Kurt Angle. Angle grabs a headlock, but gets hiptossed out. Back in, Angle takes him down with a hammerlock and works an armbar, but Cena reverses to a headlock. Cena overpowers Angle, and Kurt regroups outside again. Back in, Angle throws some forearms, but misses a charge and gets elbows dropped on him. Cena follows with a sideslam for two. Angle fires off a german suplex, as the crowd starting getting divided. Snap suplex gets two. He goes to the rear chinlock, but Cena gets a sunset flip for two. Angle ends that rally with an overhead belly-to-belly and adds a kneelift. Angle keeps him on the mat with a waistlock into a bodyscissors, but Cena fights out with a DDT. Cena makes his comeback with clotheslines and a suplex for two. FU is reversed to the anklelock, but Cena powers out and gets a spinebuster for two. He dodges Kurt’s charge, but the Angle Slam gets two. Another anklelock, but Cena powers out again and gets the backdrop suplex and five-knuckle shuffle for two. Ref bump and FU, no ref. Angle goes low and KO’s him with the gold medals, then jumps on the ankle with a kneedrop and applies the anklelock. Uncle Eric now joins us and yells at Cena, but gets knocked out of the ring, as the ref recovers and calls for the DQ. (Cena d. Angle, DQ, 17:17, ***1/4) Usual good Cena-Angle match, but not up to the level of previous stuff between them, and the super-weak ending really hurt it.